The End Of Innocence – Original Airdate – September 22, 2005

Disclaimer: Italics are Josh's words!

Sorry this took so long – The lack of reviews didn't help with my motivation. Thanks to all of you who took the time to leave me a review.

Sandy didn't think he really knew what stress was until this past week came into existence. Sure, he felt stress before, but never like this. Sometimes his job stressed him out, his father-in-law constantly did even in death, but Ryan was trumping it all.

When Ryan and Seth came home from the carnival, he actually felt his chest constrict was the pressure he was causing on himself. The news that Ryan punched the Dean of Discipline traveled from his ears into his blood stream which started to boil and then settled uncomfortably in his chest.

Adding to his problems with Ryan, he was trying his very best not to let Kirsten down by letting The Newport Group fall to pieces. He wanted to make sure it was up and running when she decided to return to work. Once she returned home, she didn't want to put her under any type of stress. He wanted her homecoming to be enticing not reluctant.

On top of all of these other factors was Jimmy Cooper. He couldn't help but still be annoyed at Jimmy for what happened between them a few weeks ago. He always knew deep down Jimmy was coward, but never would he think he would put a child's well being at risk. Because of him not standing up to Julie, Ryan almost went back to jail.

Now he started bugging him about when Caleb's will was going to be read. He couldn't imagine why he would come all the way to his house to ask him such a question, since financially, he should have been fine. He left Newport with two and a half million dollars in his pocket thanks to Sandy and the restaurant. He didn't have to energy to think too deep into that murky water.

It didn't take long for Sandy to find out that they could read Caleb's will at either Sandy or Kirsten's discretion. He knew this was fully in his hands. He and Kirsten spoke about dealing with Caleb's estate and she clearly didn't want to have anything to do with it.

Mr. Frankel told Sandy that the recently widowed Mrs. Cooper Nichol was really pressuring him about it for some time now. He also told Sandy that he was happy to seal all this business up. Yes, something was definitely going on with Jimmy and Julie, not that it was any secret that Julie married Caleb for his money.

He decided to visit Kirsten and tell her the news in person. He was going to call first, but decided to surprise her. Kirsten loved surprises, plus he knew it would totally piss Charlotte off. He still felt extremely uneasy about her presence in their lives.

"Honey, what are you doing here?" She was definitely surprised he came to visit her.

Sandy accepted her embrace and once again wished she was home.

"Not that it isn't great to see you!" She added in letting him know it was always okay for him to visit.

"Oh, it's official business I'm afraid. They're reading Caleb's will on Friday." Kirsten broke eye contact and suddenly looked at the floor. "What's wrong?" He could read her like a book.

She just wanted to be honest with him. "It's just, I've worked so hard to put my dad behind me and..." She hesitated almost afraid to express her next thought. "Do I have' to decide right now? Can I think about it?"

"Of course, yeah, whatever you need to get better." He knew it was a little bit aof a dig, but he just hated the fact that she was living there. It was his way of saying that he accepted that as well, as long as she was getting better. Sandy Cohen wasn't a man who held back often so he spoke again. "I got to tell you though, at Suriak, you seemed a lot more positive." He thought that was an obvious statement.

Apparently so did Kirsten. She didn't disagree with him. "Reality is a little more complicated than they tell you at Suriak."

He felt the need to challenge her, although a part of him knew he probably shouldn't. He was just so aggravated. "Says who? Charlotte?"

"I've seen her on the verge of relapse Sandy. She has these stories about how you think you've hit bottom and then you find a new low to sink to."

He hated that Charlotte was scaring her. She was suppose to be helping her. "Oh honey, it sounds like she's trying to scare you."

"She's just being honest." She knew Sandy wasn't truly accepting of her being there and she really wished he would just drop it. "Sandy?" She was begging him.

He could never deny her anything. "Alright. Let me know what you want to do about the will."

Kirsten smiled, loving that she still had some sort of power over him. "Ok."

Sandy woke the next day feeling a little bit more positive. Seeing Kirsten always did that to him. She gave him such an energy that only made him wish for probably the millionth time that she was home.

It was only a few hours later when the stress in his life came flushing back. Ryan paid him a visit at his office and asked him something he certainly didn't expect. He never thought Ryan would ask for anything this monumental, but here he was looking so defenseless and weak. Having Marissa live with them was not something he was prepared to answer without the approval of Kirsten. It was her house too, not that she lived there at the present time. All these thoughts were swirling around in his head while Ryan waited for him to respond.

He tried to put himself in Ryan's shoes. If Kirsten was about to move three thousand miles away and they would no longer be able to see each other, he would do anything in his power stop it from happening. That was all Ryan was asking of him.

After hinting to Ryan that it would be okay, he wanted to hear Kirsten's voice. He didn't want her slip any further than the eighty miles she was already away from him.

He loved hearing her voice and the fact that he was going to see her Friday made his day. He and Kirsten were going to get some alone time outside of Suriak, outside of Charlotte's house and in Newport. He couldn't help, but ask. "Is there any chance you might want to stay, after that?" He meant after the will, but he had no idea what he was really asking. Did she want to stay after the will for dinner? Did she want to stay after the will for the night? Did she want to stay with him forever?

Her response was not what he was hoping for. "Let's see how it goes."

Friday finally arrived and he couldn't wait to see Kirsten. He knew seeing her would help lift the heavy weight off his shoulders, but it was too late. He knew he had to make some changes for everyone's sake. He never lost his patience with his family and he did it today.

"Listen I'm going to see your mom in a few hours. Is there anything you want me to pass along?" Sandy said to both his sons before exiting the kitchen.

"Could you ask her if she's ever coming home?" Seth asked sadly.

Sandy tried to rationalize what has been going on in his own head for the past few weeks. "If we push to hard and it doesn't work out, we'll only have ourselves to blame."

"Well maybe if we don't push at all, we'll never see her again." Seth snapped.

As Sandy started walking away, he tuned around, anger spread across his features. "You know the situation is a little too complicated for those snide comments." He felt his blood boil that Seth was questioning his actions. Truthfully, it was because he was questioning them everyday.

Sandy decided to meet Kirsten outside The Newport Group. He didn't want her to walk into that building alone and face all her former employees. He didn't want her to face her father's ghost all alone either. He decided to get there early to make sure she didn't beat him there. He sat on the front steps and waited for her car to pull up.

Once the black Lincoln Town Car pulled in front, he quickly hopped to his feet, his heart lightly thumping in his chest. Once she got out, he wordlessly wrapped his arms around her. He didn't say anything, just reveled in each other's embrace. They rarely needed words, but this time Sandy promised himself not to bring up her staying. He was sticking to his original theory of not pushing her too hard. He hoped it would work.

"Are you ready to go in?" He asked as he pulled back to look her in the eyes.

"Ready as I'll ever be." She smiled reassuring. She slipped her hand into his, willing him to take the lead, which he did so naturally.

Once they made there way outside Caleb's old office, Kirsten tugged on Sandy's hand, signaling for him to stop walking. Once Sandy turned around he noticed the frightened look on her face. "What's the matter?" He asked, suddenly worried that this was going to be a huge set back.

"I don't know." She started. "I just...can you believe I feel terrible that the last thing I said to him were terrible words?"

"Kirsten, your father loved you no matter what you said to him. He even grew fond of me and you hardly ever heard the terrible things we said to each other. He is much more forgiving than either of us ever really gave him credit for." He cupped her face. "He loved you unconditionally. That is one positive thing he had going for him in my book. Don't doubt that now because he is gone." He said softly.

She tried to take in the weight of his words and slowly a smile started to spread across her face. "Thank you."

He moved his hands from her face and grabbed her hand. "Let's get this over with, okay?"

The will reading didn't go what Sandy would have called good. Quite the opposite occurred. Not only was Caleb broke and severely in debt, Jimmy was acting quite mysterious to the news, Julie was in shock and Kirsten ran away from him. She could deal with the financial situation her father managed to put them in, but it was that letter.

Mr. Frankel handed her a letter from Caleb that she was too afraid to open. He chased after her, but her strong-will mind was already made up. She ranted about Charlotte being right and how she should have never have came there today. Sandy wished she didn't mean it.

She was guessing to what Caleb had wrote to her. Sandy again wished she was reading too deep into it and that she was wrong. His father-in-law was a lot of things, but he really didn't believe that Caleb's last parting words to his daughter would be mean ones.

It wasn't until that moment when he watched her car drive off that he fully understood the depth of her insecurities. She truly was lost in her own existing world. He thought he would be enough to pull her through, but now he wasn't so sure.

The level of stress and the weight on his shoulders resumed at full force. There are not too many times in his life where he could pinpoint the feeling of being scared, but this was definitely one of them. At first he let her go, just trying to make sense of what actually happened. After about two hours he started to call her cell phone. One call turned into what felt like a million. He stared at the screen of his cell phone hoping his eyes held the power to have the call connect.

It went to voicemail every single time.

Kirsten sat in the back of the car just having the driver escort her around aimlessly. She thought about the letter from her father and the hurt that the ink spread across the paper. She thought about Sandy and how she just took off on him even though she knew he was clearly worried. She knew he was hurt, but she wanted to take out her shock and surprise out on someone and unfortunately he was the one that was there. That thought only made her feel worse about herself.

Finally she thought about where the night would take her. It wasn't back to Charlotte's and it wasn't back to Sandy who was calling incessantly. She just didn't have the energy to deal with him right at that moment. The only person she felt sorry for right now was herself. It brought her back to how she felt last year when Sandy abandoned her and Carter followed.

Those thoughts brought her to a liquor store somewhere on the outskirts of Newport. The bright florescent lights stung her eyes as she entered the cold store. She knew exactly what she wanted and found the clear liquid. It was like spotting her best friend in a crowd of strangers.

The glass bottle never felt so good and familiar in her hand, but her mind was somewhere else. It kept telling her that she worked so hard. Don't do this. It will be just be for one night, the other side argued. No one will ever know. The release would feel so good. You will know. That is the only person that matters.

Her mind kept flopping back and forth as her body went through the motions of renting a seedy hotel room. Her phone kept ringing, but she really needed to fight this battle on her own. She decided to keep the bottle at a distance, staring at it to find the answers to all her problems.

This went on all night, but questioning whether to drink was not her main concern anymore. She kept wondering how she got to where she was. She was scared. Scared to see how easy it was to slip up. Scared that she didn't take into consideration anyone in her family. Scared that Suriak was officially behind her and she was going to have to face this battle for the rest of her life.

The sun started to rise and Sandy still remained in the same position he was in the entire night. He sat at the table in their bedroom, staring out at the ocean wondering if Kirsten was okay. He held onto his cell wishing it to ring, but something so much better happened.

"I'm home." Kirsten announced as she walked through their double bedroom doors.

"Oh thank god you're alright." Sandy said getting up and walking toward her. He kissed her softly, making sure she was really standing there in their bedroom. Kirsten pulled back first and embraced him in a hug.

"I'm so sorry I scared you. I think I even scared myself." She never knew what it meant to scare yourself straight, but that is how she described what happen to her last night.

"Where were you?" He delicately asked, hoping for a truthful answer.

"At a sleazy motel with a bottle of vodka, but I didn't drink."

Sandy looked at her wishing she wasn't so honest this time, but relief soon followed.

"Oh Sandy I'm sick of hiding from my life." She smiled widely hoping he understood what she was saying.

"I want to live it again." After last night, she knew she was ready. She could have easily drank herself into an oblivion, but chose not to. She was stronger than she thought and it wasn't because of Suriak and it certainly wasn't because of Charlotte. It was because of her family.

Sandy understood and made sure she understood that he would always be by her side. "If things get messy, we'll clean them up together."

Kirsten pulls the unopened letter from her back pocket and looks at Sandy. "Can't do this without you."

"I'm right here."

Sandy knew Caleb would never be intentionally hurtful to Kirsten, especially in death. Kirsten started to sob uncontrollably when she realized that it was an apology. She felt like she waited forever to hear those words from her father. She didn't even know why she was crying, but it probably had to do with the rollercoaster of emotions she was experiencing on the past twenty-four hours.

Sandy kneeled in front of her to hold her in a more comforting position. Once her breathing became more regular, he pulled back to see her face. "Are you okay?"

She just nodded, taking a few more deep breaths.

"Are you sure there is no apology in there for me?" Sandy tried to make a joke and fortunately it worked. Kirsten smiled a real genuine smile that he felt was missing for months.

Kirsten leaned in and kissed him again, moving into a standing position and pulling Sandy up with her. He broke with kiss and spoke softly. "I can't believe you are really here right now."

He leaned in and kissed her again, opening his mouth and searching for whatever she was willing to offer.

He could feel the tightening in his pants and was slightly embarrassed by this. He felt like he was twenty-two and the prospect of having sex with the most beautiful woman in the world was right on the horizon.

Kirsten felt it too. She knew where this was going and had to stop. She pulled away from the kiss, but leaned into him, resting her forehead against his. "I'm sorry."

Sandy didn't know why she stopped, but maybe it had to do with the emotional state she was in a few minutes earlier. He was completely wrong.

"It's just ..." She struggled with what to say. "I feel really dirty right now and I don't want it to be like that. I need to shower and clean myself up. I promise that we can continue this later."

Sandy recovered easily, knowing that they waited this long, he could wait a few more hours. He would do anything for her now that she was home. Nothing else matter other than that. "Why don't you go shower and get dressed. I will make a food-shopping list and we can go to lunch and hit the grocery store. The boys should be home by the time we get back.

She smiled sweetly, loving how easy he made everything. "I love you Sandy."

"Thank you for coming home." He simply said back.

They spent the day together like they were newlyweds. Sandy kept thinking that Seth was going to have to get used to them like this. They held hands constantly, he opened doors, they kissed when they thought no one was watching and most importantly, they laughed. It was something both us them had missed.

They only had a few bags of groceries to carry in when they arrived back home. Sandy saw the Range Rover in the driveway and knew the boys were home. He was so excited for them to see his surprise.

He walked in the house and saw both of them right in the foyer. Then Kirsten came in behind him and he decided to step aside and witness the magic of their family.

"Hey guys." Kirsten said softly, almost unsure of herself or what their reactions would be.

Ryan couldn't keep the huge smile from spreading across his face. Seth just stared in disbelief.

"Hey." Ryan spoke up first making his way over to her and giving her a hug. She was so glad that was his initial reaction.

"Good to see you." She said almost choked up.

"Good to see you."

Seth starts to make his way over to her. "Are you really home?" He still didn't believe it.

"Yeah, and I'm not going anywhere ever again." She said trying to hold back the tears.

"I missed you." Seth said sincerely.

"Well I missed you too." Kirsten hugged Seth so tight to make him believe it was true. She was finally home.

Sandy just watched his family reunited and he felt a sense of pride that was indescribable. "Anyone hungry?" He called trying to resume things as normal.

Seth immediately followed suit. "I'm starving."

"I am." Ryan said. "I could eat."

"I could eat too." Kirsten spoke up, playing their game.

"Alright, let's go eat."

"What did you guys get?" Seth said as they all made their way into the kitchen, taking their usual places around the kitchen island. Sandy couldn't help but smile, knowing that now this felt like home.

Kirsten decided to continue on. "So, your grandpa's broke."

"Ryan an Marissa don't go to school anymore." Seth revealed.

"Uh Jimmy Cooper just sailed out of town again." Ryan countered.

"I got two months of detention." Seth spoke as Kirsten looked over at him surprised. There was so much to catch up on.

Sandy decided to throw in his own joke. "That's the great thing about this place. Nothing ever happens."

They spent the entire day just catching up with one another. Of course not everything was revealed. Sandy informed the boys that Kirsten didn't know of what went on over the summer. He didn't want to ruin these precious moments with such a serious and at the same time devastating conversation. That time would come, but not now. Sandy was enjoying this too much. He was enjoying watching Kirsten in their home taking her place exactly where she left off.

The boys were reluctant to leave the house that night. They knew it was a big deal that their mom was home, but they were teenagers and had plans with Summer and Marissa. Seth didn't want to think too deep into it, but he could tell that neither of his parents minded that they were going out.

They were still sitting in the living room when the boys left. Kirsten watched how happy they were and was relieved that her going to Suriak didn't create any permanent damage to their emotional state.

She was lost in her own thoughts when Sandy let out a huge yawn. She looked over at him and smiled sympathetically. "Sandy, you must be exhausted."

He nodded. "I didn't get much sleep last night." That was an understatement. He didn't sleep at all. He sat in that chair wondering where she was for hours.

"I figured. I'm sorry."

"Having you here negates all of the tiredness in the world."

She got up from her spot on the couch and put her hand out to his. He grabbed it and got off the couch himself. "I'm tired too. Let's go to bed. It's been a long couple of days." Another understatement, Sandy thought.

Sandy wrapped an arm around her waist as they made their way to their bedroom. Neither one of them spoke a word, afraid to mention what was on their minds. What was going to happen behind these doors tonight?

Once they crossed into their room, Sandy closed the door behind them. That wasn't anything unusual. They always slept with the door closed, but Kirsten felt so self-conscious when he did it tonight. He walked past her and toward the bathroom. He pulled off his shirt in one fluid motion, not breaking his stride. When he couldn't feel her presence next to him he stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her.

She had not moved from her spot by the door. She couldn't seem to move her feet. It was her bedroom, but she almost felt like a stranger in it. She didn't know what she was supposed to do, and then he took his shirt off. She hadn't seen him bare chested in months. He definitely was much more toned than the last time she had this privilege. Although it was a turn on, she took it with a grain of salt. She knew he must have done a lot of surfing while she was gone. He always said it cleared his head and she was the one that must have clouded his brain.

Little did she know, the boys played a big part in his surfing habit.

He slowly made his way back over to her, trying to read what she was thinking. "Are you okay?"

She just nodded, her eyes staring over his body.

Sandy pushed her a little further. "You know, just because we are here...like this..." He was trying to explain what was on his mind as well. "...doesn't mean we have to..."

Her eyes finally met his and she smiled again. "I'm so nervous. Isn't that weird?" She moved her hands to his chest, slowly and almost scared. "I mean, we've done this like a million times and right now I feel like it's our first."

Sandy took her hands in his and as always lightened the situation. "If I remember our first time correctly, you definitely were not this timid."

She was going to joke back and say it was because she was drunk, but she didn't know if it was appropriate to joke about alcohol anymore.

He knew what she was going to say, and wanted to wash all those thoughts from her mind. "I'm so happy you're home. I know I keep saying it, but I feel like you really have no idea what it was like here without you."

He leaned in and kissed her softly and she immediately returned the kiss. He played with the hem of her shirt, not sure of his next move.

She pulled back slowly and her eyes met his, excited that this was going to finally happen. "You know, I missed you too. I missed being here. I missed this."

He moved his eyes to where his hands were, wondering if he should make the first bold move. He started to lift her shirt ever so slightly before making eye contact again. "Yes?"

She smiled at his sweetness. "Yes." She loved that he was so concerned about her.

That was the answer he was hoping for and wanted to make sure he heard her right. "Yeah?"

She laughed at this. "Definitely." She said before moving in to kiss him deeply.

Every move was deliberate and every motion was analyzed. It was more special than their first night together.