Thx once again to surferdude for beta-reading this to me. Someone mentioned this isn't the way Callen would react if he ever found out he was going to a dad, well no NOT NOW but back then this is the way he reacted before he was with NCIS. (besides it's fanFICTION)

Chapter 5

Everything out in the open

Ziva heard the knock on her door and went to get it. She opened it and held her breath. He looked good. Damn, he looked more than good. Ok, girl, get it together. This is the man that left you when you were six months pregnant, that didn't even contact you when his own son was born, or even when his own son had died. She felt the anger rise. Damn him for looking so good.

She didn't say anything, but walked back into the room, indicating that Callen should come in.

'I ordered room service. Something with chicken, if that's okay,' she told him.She switched to Hebrew, knowing he would understand it. She would be better at expressing herself in her native tongue.

'Sure,' he said in English.

Both people in the room remained silent. Neither one of them knew how to start with the pain. Neither one of them was ever really that good in expressing any kind of feelings.

'So…..' Callen started. 'I never left because of anything you did.' Ziva looked up, her anger once again rising. She spat the next words to him.

'And how was I to know that? You never even bothered to contact me. Not when our son was born, nor when he died. For a long time, I blamed myself, thinking about what I could have done to make you stay, maybe I should have terminated the pregnancy. And then when Zach died, I felt I was being punished for even thinking that,' she said.

Anger took over and Ziva felt she needed to calm herself or else this would be one big mistake even before it began. She took deep breaths and regained control again.

'What happened?' Callen asked.

'One day I was feeding him when I noticed his eyes kept rolling back into his head. It only lasted a few seconds, but I knew something was terribly wrong. When I took him to the hospital the same day, all kinds of test were done on him and when they were finally done, they told me he had a brain tumor,' she told him, sadly remembering that horrible day.

Callen sank down in the one sofa of the hotel room. 'I let you down,' he stated simply.

'Yes, you did. We needed you, but after you didn't respond to the letter, I figured you didn't want to have anything to do with me or him.'

There was a knock on the door. The food had arrived. Ziva silently watched as the food was rolled in. Callen tipped the waiter and closed the door when it was all done.

They silently sat down and started to eat, each in their own world.

'I wasn't ready for you; I wasn't ready for all of it. Your love for me was so pure it scared me,' G. admitted a little while later.

'Why?' she asked him, confused.

'I didn't want to lose you. So I figured I might as well leave before you realized you didn't want me. Just like everyone else in my life has done. That this time, I was going to be one that did the abandoning,' he said, his words not really helping their situation, but needing to be said anyway.

'You sure as hell picked a hell of time,' she said, angrily.

'Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I feel guilty? I should have been there, I should have been at you side. It's not something I am very proud of, you know,' he defended.

Callen dropped his fork and started pacing around the hotel room. 'When I got your second letter, I didn't dare to open it. I was so ashamed of my actions, that I figured you were better off without me. I know now what a colossal mistake that was. I was so afraid you might turn your back on me if I showed up, so I figured I'd make it a clean cut.'

'So our son was nothing more than something to make a clean cut from?' Ziva asked him, hurt by what he'd said.

This time Ziva didn't do anything to keep her anger at bay. How dare he to make this into something he could walk away from. Family is for life, whether you like it or not. Just take a look at her and her father. She didn't want him near her ever again, but still she kept the door open to contact from a distance because after all, he was family. You can't walk away from family, even if you sometimes want to. You can distance yourself, but walking out on them was impossible. Sometimes family love can be though and force you to make hard decisions, but family is for life. But she realized something. Callen never had a family; he never knew anything about family relationships. He never knew that, no matter how twisted and sick the relationship got, it still was somewhat of a relationship.

She calmed down. She finally realized Callen never had known what family means and when she had gotten pregnant, it had just meant another reason for Callen to be afraid she might leave him like all the others in his life had done. This epiphany didn't mean she wasn't still angry with him, it just meant she understood his reasoning for leaving a little more. She sighed. Why hadn't he talked about it when this all occurred? It would have saved everyone all the trouble now.

Callen returned to the table and started to finish his diner. Ziva kept staring at him, she understood it now. She still didn't like the decision he had made at the time and she was still angry about it, but in some sick little weird way, she understood.

'You named him Zach?' G. asked after a while of silence.

'Zachary Callen David,' she told him.

'A strong name,' Callen commented, liking the name she'd picked, happy part of his own was in there.

Silence ensued. Two people sitting at one table together, but yet they were lifetimes apart.

Ziva zoned out for a little bit, remembering Zach's cute little giggle. He always made her smile when she had heard that. She began to speak as she was reminiscing.

'Yes, he was a strong little man. No matter how much they pocked and prodded him, he always had a smile on his face. He had the cutest little giggle,' she told G.

Ziva got up. She rummaged through her belongings and came back with her wallet.

She picked out a photo and handed it to Callen. He stared at it. For the first time, he saw his son. It was a beautiful boy, curly black hair and a somewhat darker complexion.

'Can I keep this?' he asked her, not taking his eyes off of his son.

'No, it's my favorite. I'll make a copy and send it to you by mail, but this one is mine.' She quickly grabbed the photo, as if Callen was going to steal it away from her. Callen realized that maybe she understood a little bit why he left, but he also realized she wasn't about to forgive or forget. That would take a lifetime.

TBC….

AN;I had a hard time writing this at specially the part about family. You don't get to choose your family, you may like them (my family gets along just fine but like every family you have your moments) or you may have problems, but no matter what even if you 'hate' them they are still family. I hope I did not insult anyone, it is not what I wanted and I hope that I have tried to explain what family means. In good and bad times family is not something you pick and choose.