Forgotten love chapter 5
Clare's POV
"But I love you too!"
I was in complete shock. I wished for him to say that for years. "I regret it you know…you know I regret ever doing that to you Clare and it kills me to see you alone and without me" and that's when I saw it. Something in his eyes that made me teary.
How was I supposed to feel about an ex of mine that I truly do love? Was he playing mind games with me? He really is a hard person to figure out; even when I was with him I didn't really know him the best. You see Eli is a complicated person. Eli can be fine one day and then dump you on your graduation night the next. He was so complicated, but that was what I loved about him; not knowing what was going to happen next. The adrenaline pumping in my veins every time we did something out of the norm. When I lost my virginity to him; I felt ALIVE! It was lust, pain, and millions of other beautiful words to describe it but the most important thing was LOVE! He assured me that everything was going to be ok and that he would not make me do anything I didn't want to do. I was in love and I trusted him. Lucky for me I was a stupid naïve and I thought it was 'forever' clearly I have been proven wrong.
"Eli you are getting married next month!" I yelled at him.
"I know; that's why I came here to tell you that after the wedding I will be out of your life and I won't burden you anymore" He said that and let go of my hand.
"Alright then, Eli you can leave now; please" I said it bluntly I didn't want to show my feeling especially in front of him.
Eli got up smiled lightly at me then grabbed his coat and walked out my door.
I sat there watching Eli walk out my door. I sat there for a second then that's when it hit me! The main question that I've been asking him for a while now that he never answered. He would always and somehow manage to answer to block it off on all of our conversations. I think he told me why he did it, but it never felt like the real reason why he did.
I got up and looked out the door to see Eli heading over to his car. I yelled after him. He couldn't hear me the freakin' rain and thunder was covering my soft voice. I yelled his name again "ELI!" even louder, but again the thunder roared and you couldn't hear me. So I made the decision to just run after him; in the middle of a thunderstorm with no shoes on and only wearing a T- shirt and a pair and jeans. I ran across my lawn and I yelled his name "ELI!" again; this time he had heard me and turned around. Eli looked behind him and his eyes widened. "CLARE! What are you doing out here?" He questioned.
I stopped in front of him and took a breather. "I need to know" I had stopped in the middle of my sentence to catch my breath. "I need to know why you broke up with me."
Eli looked me straight in the eyes and said "Clare geez you know why..."
"No you didn't Eli; I want to know the real truth why you broke up with me!"
Eli looked away from my face and looked to the side and then looked down to the ground. "Clare if I tell you why, you wouldn't ever speak to me ever again."
"Eli have gone six years without speaking to you; I think I can go for the rest of my life." Even though I said that I really didn't mean it. I secretly can't live without him I will always need him. Whenever I drank coffee I reminded me of Eli. Eli had this smell on him that had the scent of coffee; even now I smell it still.
"Clare… please don't make me tell you."
"Eli just tell me so that at least I can really know Eli can you please tell me!" I begged him, I really wanted to know and he wasn't budging.
Then out of the bloom he said it. "Because….Clare…because I got Krista pregnant!"
Did he just really say that? I was so angry and the thunder wasn't helping at all. My moods were made up and everything towards Eli came out.
I slapped him on the face.
Eli looked at me shocked then he muttered "I deserve that"
"The hell you do!" I yelled then ran back to my apartment and slammed my door behind me.
When I shut the door I leaned my back on the door and slid down to the ground and completely broke down. How could he do that to me?
I would understand kissing another girl if he was drunk, but hook up with her and get her pregnant was just plain stupid! I thought he really loved me. I thought a lot of things were real, but they were lies, lies that I lived on for six years! Six years I was always hoping to get back with him and make it be all 'okay' but in reality Eli had already started a family and everything. Eli is perfect; he is perfect from his worst mistake and it kills me for that reason.
The worst mistake that I can think of is ever being involved with him; ever letting him take me on that date and most of all letting him take away the only gift I can never get back. That gift was for true love and I thought it was his right to take away my virginity because I was in love; well it was for me at least. For him it was probably his first time ever taking away girl's virginity. I was only a piece of ass for him; nothing.
I regret it too. I regret ever letting Eli in my life and worst of all letting him in my heart. All people can do is when they are in your heart is love it or break it; Eli smashed mine into millions of pieces.
I went to sleep that night with a truly broken heart. I thought I was broken hearted six years ago, but this one is even worse. The feeling is worse; feeling like an idiot is beyond repair. Eli made me feel in some sort, dirty. It made me feel like Eli shared my body with another girl. What Eli and I had was sacred and now it's lost.
I just really hope I can get over the ordeal to live life and worry about love.
I woke up in my morning with a severe headache and my nose was stuffed to the max. My body was freezing; I had a very bad pain in my chest. I willingly got up from my bed and wobbled over to the bath room. I took one look at myself in the mirror and I was as pale as snow. I was sick, and I was pretty sure have the flu. Just great! Can this week get any better? I just found out last night that my ex-boyfriend lied to me for six years and broke my heart even more and now this! Well this has to be my week! What's next…my mother dying? My life really sucks!
Well I hope you guys like the chapter? Review and tell me what you guys think! Please (: I know update every little bit and im so sorry, im just a busy person and I hope you guys can forgive me?
I met Luke Bilyk on Friday on April 8, 2011! He was in my city Dallas and he went to the mall and I saw him! It was really sweet meeting him! He's a nice person and Flora too (his mom) The picture with him will be on my profile as soon as I upload it! (: xoxo
-Hope M :P
