Downstairs, things weren't going quite as smoothly as Harley's imagination would have her believe.

"So…"

"So…"

"Yep."

"Um…"

"Uh…"

After a few minutes of this awkwardness, Piper thought of something substantive to say. "You're really Nightwing, right? Not the, um, scowly and glare-y one?"

He did answer with a scowl, but there was some amusement there too. "Thanks for not calling me the not-so-scary Batman. God, I hope that doesn't stick."

"I don't think Harley has that much influence in the villain community. Oh, oh! So you know, I'm not actually a super villain."

"Piper, the Keystone Flash is my best friend. I know."

"Well he doesn't."

"Touche. That's him being thick though. Look…about the other night-"

"We don't, um, need to talk about that, do we?" Piper asked, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"I think we should. Catwoman said you were bothered by what happened. Maybe I'm missing something here, but that doesn't quite fit with giving me your number. Piper? Are you okay?"

"Sorry, it's just…a bit weird talking to you when you're wearing that." He'd kind of been picturing Nightwing when he'd asked Selina to hand off his number, having had a bit of a crush on the younger hero for years. Keeping polite eye contact with the Batman cowl was difficult. The mental associations with Nightwing and Batman were pretty different creatures.

Batman laughed, which was kind of a surreal sight. "The suit is designed to intimidate, don't worry about it. I just, well, I can't show up here without a mask. Or a cowl, in this case."

Piper chewed his lip. "That's probably going to be an issue, isn't it? I don't have a secret identity. I'm not used to thinking about these things."

"Hm. Okay, I've got an idea. Meet me tomorrow night on the corner of Adams and O'Neil, let's say ten-ish?"

"I can do that."

"Great." He flashed a smile that was all Nightwing, and Piper responded with a less-than-suave giddy expression. "Oh, uh…one more thing. Can you give me your number again?"

"Sure." Piper searched out another scrap of paper and a pen. "Why?"

"Oh, Batman confiscated it. Piper, are you okay?"

He'd just tripped over a footstool and was rubbing his shin. "Fine! Absolutely fine. Yeah, so Batman has my number? The scary one?"

"Y-yes. Uh…sorry."

"It's okay! I don't mind at all. It's fine!" It really wasn't. "I'm going to stop talking now." Which was for the best. His voice had taken on a kindergarten-teacheresque quality for some ungodly reason.

"Okay. Well, see you tomorrow night, I guess."

"Y-yeah. Sounds good."

Batman started walking towards the door, Piper awkwardly following after to see him out. When they got to the door Batman hesitated for a moment.

'Please don't ask me any weird questions, please don't ask me any weird questions,' Piper repeated as an inner mantra. He was surprised then when Batman pulled him close for a kiss. Piper's eyes widened in shock and then fluttered shut.

But damn, that boy could kiss.

When he pulled back, Batman was smirking again. "It looks like we're on the same page then."

"H-huh?"

"I asked you on a date," Batman clarified.

Oh, right. The phone number could just have been about a hookup. Dazedly, Piper nodded. "Right, yeah, a date."

"Bye Hartley. I'm looking forward to tomorrow."

"Bye."


Bruce studied the computer screen for a moment before recording his notes. "Moon bounces appear to be the preferred attraction in parties held at the home by a wide margin. Pony rides also popular, but do not appear to be either age or gender appropriate for subject."

The moon bounce seemed like a safe bet, but he still couldn't tell if Damian would like it. Well, maybe the guests would use it.

Damn, that was another obstacle. He was having a difficult time figuring out who to invite to this thing.

Bruce tapped his fingers against the console for a moment, thinking. He decided a consulting opinion was necessary.

Fine, he'd call the Kryptonian.

It was interesting, he thought, that whenever he needed Clark's help with something to do with human relationships, he mentally referred to him as the Kryptonian. Because the alien actually understood human relationships better than he did.

It's not that he was bitter, just...amused. In an intellectual sort of way.

Just for fun, he made things sound urgent. Clark was in the Cave in under a minute, in full costume, looking around wildly for danger (no doubt using multiple types of vision).

Clark finally scowled. "I was having dinner with Conner and Ma."

"Sorry," Bruce said, not sounding it at all. "I do need help though."

"Is that a youtube video of a pony ride?" Clark asked, looking at the computer monitor. Bruce hastily closed the window.

"Ignore that. I need your help planning a birthday party for my son. You had a relatively normal upbringing. What do eleven year olds do at birthdays besides presents and cake?"

"Not pony rides," Clark said with a smile.

"I'd already ruled that out."

"Okay, good. Let's see…when I turned eleven we just invited some friends from school over to the farm. Ma baked a cake and cooked a nice dinner, Pa gave us full use of the stereo-"

"Who'd you invite?"

"My friends," Clark repeated.

Bruce considered. "And if the child doesn't have friends?"

Clark gaped at him. "Are you serious? Please tell me you're joking."

"Well, I haven't observed any friendly behavior from Damian. He likes Dick well enough, but that seems to be about it."

"Don't you think that's kind of sad?"

"No," Bruce said. "When I was his age, I only really talked to Alfred-"

"You were traumatized though! And you probably should have been in grief counseling…but we don't need to talk about that. We should talk about Damian," Clark said. Bruce glared at him a moment longer before accepting the return to their original subject.

"Damian's had little opportunity for socialization thus far. The party's an attempt to correct that. And you're not being nearly as helpful as I'd expected."

"Sorry, sorry."

Bruce pulled up the file with his tentative guest list. It read as follows:

Me

Dick

Alfred

Tim (?)

West family (age appropriate children)

The Kryptonian and guest

Teen Titans (age appropriate?)

"Does Black Canary still have that adoptive child?" Bruce asked.

"Ollie set Sin up with a safe foster family before the wedding. You don't remember that? Dinah was really upset at first," Clark reminded him.

Bruce rubbed at his eyes. He was seriously looking at the possibility of hosting a birthday party with almost no young people at it. "There really should be more children in our social circle."

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do about that," Clark answered. Never mind the fact that there hadn't exactly been a dearth of children in the super hero community, it was just a matter of finding surviving children…

"Leave the sarcasm for the less cheerful Clark."

He sighed. "Did Damian mention anything about who he wanted at the party? The kids do often make their own guest lists you know."

"Damian didn't want a party. This is a surprise project."

"Oh, Bruce…this might not be such a good idea."

Bruce answered with a steely glare. "He's getting a birthday party. I'm going to provide at least one normal childhood experience to counter all the emotional damage his mother burdened him with."

"Okay, okay. So let's just put the guest list on the backburner for now and think about activities instead. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking about having a moon bounce…"


While Ivy was on her way home from work, she passed by a florist. Normally she forcibly ignored those death merchants. Buying potted plants, she could get behind. Something beautiful you could nurture as a symbol of your affection, that made sense. But flowers that were actively dying? Really, what did that say about love?

Still though, Harley, like most people, thought of them as a romantic gesture. And Harley was in need of an emotional pick-me-up, lest her mood lead her down another dark path of regrettable choices.

Ivy came much closer to buying a bouquet of flowers than she ever had before, but she still couldn't bring herself to do it.

There were other stores in the neighborhood. Something else was bound to be romantic.


Selina walked into the living room with a mug of coffee and a contented smile on her face. She was in a fantastic mood, up until she spied Harley sitting on the sofa, avidly reading something on an open laptop and typing a response. That was almost never a good thing.

Harley was so distracted by her online activity that she didn't even notice Selina standing behind the couch reading over her shoulder until she commented. "You're setting up an online dating profile?"

"You and Ivy said that I can't be trusted to pick out my own dates, so I found a solution. This site says they only hook you up with the most compatible-"

"Harley, if they're actually compatible with you, that's still worrying."

"Oh yeah…"

Selina sat down across from her and took a sip of her coffee. "Why are you looking for a date anyway? I'd thought you and Ivy had rekindled your relationship."

Harley laughed. "Ivy's great and all, but she's just a gal-pal that I have sex with. It's not the same thing as being in love."

"Oh, I see."

"What about you and Stripes?" Harley asked.

Selina frowned. "What about us? What do you mean?"

"Well are ya really dating him or what? The rest of us are curious."

"Ivy barely noticed him move in. I don't think anyone else cares," Selina said, then started, noticing how much Harley really did seem to care. Hm, she really was getting fixated over this relationship thing. Maybe she'd ask James if he had any straight friends he could set Harley up with.

"You didn't answer my question Kitty," Harley pointed out.

Selina took another sip of coffee as a stall, because really, she couldn't answer the question, even for herself. She liked James well enough, but her heart was elsewhere and they both knew it. However, they also both knew where his was...and that was probably going to be a problem somewhere down the line.

And there sat Harley, impatiently awaiting an answer. Selina decided she was best off diverting Harley to another subject. "Hey Harl, would you be interested in doubling sometime with me and James?"

At first Selina couldn't tell if her distraction had worked, since Harley went quiet and her eyes widened. Then she exploded into a loud squeal of delight, endangering her laptop as she flung it off her lap to bounce over to Selina and give her a tight squeeze of a hug.