This oneshotkindamaybedrabble is dedicated to livvy (this-is-ignorance) :D
Thank you so much for being such an amazing, and outstanding friend (:
Fallacy.
People only see what they want to see. Everything else is completely irrelevant.
Have you ever wondered what life would be like without death? Where people could live forever, and never be affected by illness―yet everything else would be normal; you wouldn't be able to be physically hurt, just mentally. There'd be no escape. And for most, a world like that would be a wish come true. What about a world completely composed of the opposite―all death, and no life? People would be there one minute, and gone the next. Nothing would last, everything doomed with the unfortunate outcome of death.
Life and death are partners, they go hand in hand―there simply cannot be one without the other. Death is needed for the world to move forward, to acknowledge its mistakes. Life is needed for a chance at forgiveness, for a new beginning.
Why? You are probably asking and thinking as you read this. What is the point of me even mentioning all this? What's the point of even dwelling upon the irrelevant―things you can't change, nor do nothing about. Everything, and everyone has a purpose, just remember that. There is not an open door, without an opportunity, nor is there a lock without its key. Everything always has a purpose.
It's hard for us to imagine a world without life and death, yet it's even harder to imagine a world without love, or taking a step down (for those, like I, who don't believe in such a thing) happiness. Happiness. We all want it. We want to be able to smile just because we feel like it. We also want others to care about us, (it's human nature) we want people to notice those little things—you know, the ones where people can only notice if they look hard enough.
But the thing is, nobody really cares for anyone, but themselves.
/
So after finally (I don't know why it took sixteen years too long, but alas, it's fixed now) realizing that life is even more depressing than death. You find that you are no longer happy, you cannot smile, you cannot act the same. So young, yet you've already been aged by the thoughts of the older, and wiser. So you try something—anything. Just to see if you can prove your assumptions wrong.
/
You cut your hair.
Your friends ―the loyal, obedient though never really nothing more than just mere accessories― gush, squealing about how you even more gorgeous than before. Even when you know, that your jaw-length razor-straight cut was nowhere near flattering, unlike your coveted waist-length-ringlets.
Yet, your new look sparks interest in that of an old flame―remember, the one who dumped you first, then regretted it, asked for you back, and then after a week preceding in breaking it off. Yep, that one.
His muscled frame was leaning against your closed locker door. Derrick looked at you through his thick lashes, saying, and even using his old nickname for you. "You look different Block." You try not to roll your eyes in vain, instead only giving him a nod. You then cooly ask if it's a good different.
-You knew Derricks game, he went after the things he thought were challenges. But you gave him a chance anyway, if you could get a second chance, then so could he-
He threw you a smile, the same smile that used to give you all kinds of fluttering butterflies. Even though his smile was still the same lopsided grin, it nolonger held the same significance―it wasn't yours. He'd changed, like you had, only you went sure if it were for the better.
Though you still agree to his offer of ditching class to get a coffee and catch up.
You had a misconception of hope―hoping that he, of all people could save you.
You are almost your complete self again, smiling, laughing, doing the things that once came naturally, more easily, and even somewhat genuinely.
While you were putting the final touches on your visual arts project, Alicia calls, begging you to come to some midnight party with her, and for some twisted reason―or perhaps a case of twisted, and tormented fate.
You agreed.
/
Alicia ditches you mere minutes after arriving―already having her tongue down some random's throat. Wanting to get away from the mixture of teenagers grinding and the loud-ear-ringing-music, you head in a narrow direction, thinking it lead to the kitchen. Instead, you find a corridor, lined with a four different doors. The loud hip-hop music being nothing but background noise, to something of a way worse variety. You turn away in disgust, heading back the way you came, only to bump into a couple practically ravishing each other in public.
You don't gasp as you realize the couple consists of both Derrick and Alicia. They brush you off, acting like you were another faceless stranger, but you knew better. Yet you didn't care. Instead blaming yourself for being stupid enough to think that he'd cared for.
The only one you can trust in life, will always be yourself.
/
Tired, you only have the will for one last try, so you do something entirely different.
Something that could give away your entire situation.
You wear one of your prettiest dresses, glad for the warmth of the upcoming summer, the skin of your bare arms, would have left you frozen―like an icy-pole during winter.
You join the group at the usual table, and they greet you happily like the oblivious fools they are. You approach the end where Derrick always sits, and he smiles in your direction.
And you smile back, sliding in beside him.
Chewing at your apple, Derrick asks how your weekend was, and you smirk knowingly, giving him a vague answer.
Then, you ask how his went, while you stretch your left hand forward, giving him a glimpse of the freshly scabbed skin that lined the cut across your wrist.
His caramel eyes bore into yours, searching you guess, but his expression giving nothing away. You pull the brownie bit you were reaching for to your mouth, and bite into the sugary treat, just as Derrick's eyes close. You then glance around the table, wondering if anyone had noticed the obvious tension building between you derrick, they don't, of course. Nobody cares. When you turn back to derrick, his eyes are open, and completely indifferent.
His eyes dance over you, and he asks if can take a bite of your brownie, when you dont reply, and then he turned to Josh, striking up a conversation about something irrelevant.
That was it, the last thing you had faith in, the last thing you hoped for. It was the final straw.
Life can end at any given moment, it can end just as quickly if not quicker, than its granted. You can die from practically anything. A tiny little pill, a knife, a rope, water, fire... The possibilities, endless. It merely depends on the individual whether that time would be late in life, like God intended, or earlier.
I really hope this wasn't as crappy, as it was and still is in my mind.
Stupid exams have my head screwed on backwards, I don't how teachers expect us to remember everything.
but livvy I hope you liked it! Or somewhat enjoyed it. Also I hope it was angsty enough, I couldn't edit it as much as would've liked to :/
P.s. Sorry I haven't replied to your pm yet, I had to sneak the internet on just so I could post this. Oh, and if you hated it (please be honest) I have a back up :D (something I found in my science folder)
