Chapter Seven:
When Piper came to his senses again, he was in a room of the massive house he'd never seen before (someplace dark that smelled musty), with only vague memories of moving from the hallway. He was in a sticky, sweaty pile of man, with Nightwing draped over his chest and James under him, giving him a one armed hug. Both of his companions were out…and mostly naked.
Well this was going to be awkward. Since James considered himself straight and all.
Piper tried to edge away without waking either of them up, but since he was the filling of the sandwich (and as it was a sticky sandwich), that wasn't to be. James' reaction was to hug harder, burying his face in Piper's neck and clearly resisting the tug to wakefulness, while Nightwing shifted so that he could see Piper's face.
"Damn. Am I ever going to sleep with you without being drugged?"
"I hope so. I am willing, you know."
"Got that," He said with a grin. "I don't know why Ivy felt the need to-there's someone else in bed with us, isn't there? Not that I'd really call this thing a bed…" They were on an old mattress that smelled like mold, but the mattress smell was mostly overpowered by musk and the sweet fragrance of Ivy's pollen, which was still sticking to their skin, giving the three of them a glittery sheen.
"Yep." Piper shifted a little bit so Nightwing could see the blond plastered to his back. "This is my friend James, and when he wakes up he's going to freak the fuck out. Wee bit homophobic. Mostly it's the annoying but not hateful kind of homophobia that results in bad jokes, but when he's under a lot of stress or he feels like his own masculinity is being questioned he can get nasty."
"Right. Well I think I'd best find my tights…where are we?"
"Dunno, but I'd guess most of our clothes are in the hall. At least you still have your mask." Piper sat up on his elbows and James fell against the mattress with a dull thump. He let out a loud snore, then rolled onto his side and fell back asleep. "I have to say, you're taking this rather well."
"Weirder shit's happened. Besides, I have a tendency to compartmentalize. If I freak out, it's going to be later. Looks like we're in a storage area. I'd guess basement." Nightwing got up and poked his head out the doorway. "Yep, basement, and they do their laundry down here." He went out into the main area of the basement and when he came back he was wearing an obnoxious zebra printed pink sheet like a toga. "I'll be right back with our clothes."
"Kay."
As soon as Nightwing was gone, Piper rolled over and poked James. "I know you're awake."
"I'd really rather not be."
"James, it's okay. You were drugged, it doesn't make you gay."
"…sorry I ruined your date."
"Don't worry about it." He didn't want to say this, because he valued his friendship with James and was sure his true feelings would end said friendship, but actually he couldn't say he was sorry to have had a three way with two gorgeous acrobats. If anything, he was sorry that he couldn't remember it in vivid detail.
Piper touched a hand to his lips and bit back a sigh. From what he did remember…damn but James could kiss. He'd spent rather a lot of time kissing Piper, almost like he'd meant it. Anyway, that's what Piper remembered the most of from this encounter.
He was interrupted from his musings by having his clothes tossed on his lap. James' clothes landed on his chest. "Hallway?" Piper asked.
"Some. Actually, most of James' were in the kitchen, and your underpants were on the back doorknob." Nightwing was fully dressed already. He tossed them each a wet cloth, then sat down at the end of the mattress and waited for his companions to be presentable again.
James glared at the both of them. "You made me gay."
Piper buried his face in his hands and tried not to scream. "We didn't make you gay James, you were under the influence of a powerful aphrodisiac! It doesn't count! Your sexuality is still based on however you feel."
"No Hart, you don't get it. I've been trying not to be turned on by this shit for years because, well…it's just not cool. But now that I've got parts of what we just did burned into my mind I don't think my denial's going to function ever again." James turned to look at Nightwing. "You are god damn amazing in bed."
"Why thank you." Nightwing grinned. "From what I remember, you're not so bad yourself."
Piper gaped at them. "Wait, you're not accusing us of turning you gay as part of a homophobic and paranoid rant, you actually mean it?"
"Well yeah. I dunno…" James ran a hand through his hair, looking uncomfortable, but certainly rational.
Then he grabbed Piper, and kissed him with a tenderness Piper had never suspected him capable of. This time, there was no doubt in Piper's mind James meant it. "I kinda fell in love with you awhile ago. I'm just having a hard time dealing with the part where that means I'm gay."
"Hey hey whoa hey, wait a second." Nightwing touched Piper's shoulder, and he reluctantly turned from the startlingly serious blue eyes holding him in place to look at the whited out lenses of a domino mask. "Hartley, I thought we were going to start something." Nightwing turned a quick glare on James before regarding Piper with a mix of desperation and fondness. "I really like you…and I'm completely comfortable with how that means I'm bisexual."
"Yeah, well I've known him longer, and no one knows him better. You guys are practically strangers so you're just responding to sex," James said triumphantly. "There's no way you've got the connection me and Hart have, so there."
"We may still be getting to know each other, but Piper's not exactly a stranger to me," Nightwing returned. "It's been a few years, but we used to bump into each other all the time at the Flash's," Here Nightwing switched focus from James back to Piper, "And I spent one of his parties flirting it up with you for pretty much the whole night before I realized you were with that architect."
Piper blinked at him. "I would have remembered that. I had such a crush on you back then-"
"It was in my civilian identity. He's friends with Wally too." Nightwing sent another glare James' way . "And considering we asked each other out first, I think I have a pretty decent stake in this. Plus I'm not currently dating Catwoman."
James grabbed Piper's hand, pleading with him with his eyes. "I do care about Selina, but I love you. I'll dump her in a second if there's any chance of you returning my feelings. Come on Piper, you've gotta feel this too. We've been through too much together."
"Hartley, please, we've barely spent any time feeding the chemistry we both feel," Nightwing said, taking Piper's other hand.
"I…I…can't honestly believe this is happening," Piper finally exclaimed, pulling back from the both of them. "I was having a dry spell! What the-where were the gorgeous charming acrobats before?"
"We're here now, so could you kindly pick?" James asked. "Long time friend who loves you like crazy or skanky Bat-brat who really is just crazy?"
"Mm, because the man who's finally admitting to himself that he's actually attracted to men after decades barricading himself in the closet, hurting you with homophobic barbs in the process, really sounds like a winner to me," Nightwing returned. They both glared at each other.
Piper jumped up and started walking towards the doorway. "I really need to sleep on this one, so I'm gonna…not be here for a little while." He threw an apologetic look over his shoulder. "S-sorry."
"Take all the time you need," Nightwing and James said together, then resumed trying to kill each other with their eyes.
"This is the last warning you're gonna get Jai! If you don't shut off that game and go to bed, tomorrow morning I'm giving every video game you have to Bart!"
"But Dad, I'm soooo close to leveling up."
"I don't care! Go to bed! You were supposed to be in bed over an hour ago!"
"Can't I play to a save point?"
Wally smacked a hand to his forehead. The last time he'd naively agreed to the seemingly reasonably request, unaware that the next save point was over an hour of gameplay away. "If you don't shut that thing off and go to sleep I'll-I'll…I'll call Batman!"
"No you won't, you're too scared of him," Jai said dismissively. Which was true. Wally was one of the many full grown men afraid of Bruce when he was rocking the cowl. The fact that that threat failed to work on his eight year old meant Jai West was either ridiculously brave or a sociopath.
"Go to bed, or I promise you right now, I'll call Batman and he'll grapple you to the bed!" 'Don't-call-my-bluff-don't-call-my-bluff-don't-call-my-bluff-'
"Sure Dad. Whatever you say," Jai responded dully, now almost fully absorbed in his video game.
"Okay, I'm going to get my JL communicator, so I can call Batman…" Wally threatened, which had no visible effect on Jai.
Dammit, Irey had gone to bed right at nine. Brushed her teeth, put on her PJs, and given Wally a kiss goodnight, all without complaint. How was Irey so good at bedtime and Jai so terrible? They were twins! They'd always had the same rules!
Wally decided to go down to the kitchen to regroup, and did a double-take when he found Bruce standing by the fridge in full costume. He was looking at the various family photos, badly drawn crayon pictures, and souvenir magnets that had accumulated on the surface.
"Oh my God, it's like Beetlejuice. Say your name too many times and you show up!"
Bruce looked at him inquisitively.
"Er…nevermind. Hey, I was just using you as an empty threat to get my son to go to bed. While you're here, d'ya mind poking your head in and giving him a mild threatening?"
"I do this to scare criminals, not children."
"Jai's been acting like a brat all day. He's done things that are the kid version of criminal, like convincing his sister she doesn't have a soul because she's a ginger. Does that count?"
"Is something wrong?"
"Not really. Linda's away visiting family, and I'm starting to realize that the kids don't see me as a disciplinarian. They think they can get away with more…and it's kinda working."
"Ah. Fine, I'll be right back."
Bruce went upstairs, and a moment later there was a startled cry of "Holy cow, he really called you!" Shortly thereafter, Bruce returned.
"He's in bed, and he promised to clean his room tomorrow. You're welcome."
"Thanks, I totally owe you."
"If that's the case, I could actually use a few favors."
'Crap.' "Okay, what's up?"
Bruce handed him an envelope of heavy cream cardstock. "I'm having a surprise birthday party for my son. As you're the only person I know with living children Damian's age, I'd like you and your family to attend."
Oh. That wasn't so bad. In fact, a birthday party at a billionaire's house was probably even fun (Bruce may have been scary as hell, but he faked the billionaire playboy thing really well-he was totally capable of pretending to be fun). "Cool, yeah, we'd love to. So wait, why's it a surprise party? The kids kinda expect to have parties at this age."
Bruce ignored him. "I'd also like you to tell me everything you know about the Pied Piper."
"Piper?" Wally repeated, startled. "Sorry Bruce, I kinda fell outta touch with him, what with how crazy things have been. I'm not sure if I can help you."
"I'm sure you can. A past history will be fine, now talk."
"Is he in trouble?" Wally distinctly did not like the expression on Bruce's face at his query. He liked the answer even less.
"Not yet."
"So let me get this straight…you drugged my boyfriend, forcing him to have sex with two other men against his will, and you think I want to watch a video of the results?"
"Your eyes are on the screen," Harley pointed out.
Selina scowled. "And neither of you are at all bothered by the fact that we've known one of the men in question since he was a child? That we essentially watched him grow up?"
"With how developed those abs are? Not in the least," Ivy returned. "And Harley does have a point. You are watching. You may as well sit down and quit judging us."
It was just so hard to look away. The movie was really hot…
Still feeling conflicted, Selina sat down next to Harley and helped herself to some chips.
"Way to go Kitty!" Harley smiled approvingly, then looked back at the screen. "Hey Red, rewind willya? I missed how they got Stripes' pants on the light fixture!"
"Excessive zeal and flexible toes," Ivy answered dryly, refusing to rewind. "That is one lithe man you've gotten Selina. It's a shame we can't all make use of James' redeeming attributes, since we all have to put up with the rest of him."
Selina scowled. "If you respected my relationship with James, you wouldn't have made him have a three way with Hartley and the ex-boy wonder! Honestly, why bother caring about monogamy at this stage?"
"So does that mean we can borrow him for a night?" Harley asked excitedly.
Selina yanked her by the pigtail so that Harley was receiving the full strength of her glare. "Keep your hands off my man if you don't want your rooms filled with the stuffing of a thousand decapitated stuffed animals and forty gallons of herbicide respectively."
"Ow-ow-ow! Okay, geeze!"
Selina got up and stalked towards the door. "Oh, and make me a copy of that video."
Ivy smirked. "You got it sister."
As Len was standing by the bag pick up at the Gotham airport, he once again questioned the wisdom of hopping a plane to meet a former friend (whose friendship with him had spectacularly ended when the man had sicced the Feds on him) for a blind date with a woman he'd been reluctant to identify. This was James Jesse after all. The original Trickster, the biggest non-Speedster pain in the ass Len had ever met. Even if they weren't on each other's shit lists, the trip might have been a bad idea.
But, well…Angie retired with the clap (Len, miraculously, was clean) so it had been awhile even since the last date he had paid for.
So he collected his bag of hazardous materials that had been disguised by some gadgets he'd won off of McCullouch in a poker game, caught a cab, and went to the address Jesse had given him for what was sure to be a memorable night.
