Chapter 8:

Selina was sitting on the couch in the living room wearing baggy sweats and eating ice-cream from the carton, watching the video of the boys' threesome on her laptop and feeling more disturbed than turned on this time. Despite the frenzy from the sex pollen, there was an unmistakable tenderness in James' demeanor regarding Piper. She was starting to feel threatened, and that troubled her.

She was not that emotionally invested in James, dammit.

Harley skipped into the room, miraculous considering the Jimmy Choo heels she was wearing with her trampy red cocktail dress. She abruptly stopped when she spotted Selina on the couch.

"Hey lazybones, get ready! We're s'posed ta be leaving soon! You're not wearing that to the restaurant, right?"

"Harley, we're not still going on the date."

"Why not?" Harley asked, looking crestfallen.

"Because I haven't seen James since Ivy essentially raped him. I doubt he's up for it."

"But-but…STRIPES!" Harley yelled. "ARE YOU TOO TRAUMATIZED FOR THE DATE?"

"Nope." James appeared in the doorway, looking like sex on legs in a blue suit that (mostly) didn't clash with his yellow tie. "I'm ready when you are Pussycat."

Selina gaped at him. Something about men in suits…she couldn't help being a little turned on.

"Kitty…get moving!" Harley whined.

"Alright, alright!" Selina finally unfroze. She shut the laptop and ran off to get dressed.

"So hiya Stripes. You're looking dreamy tonight," Harley trilled.

"Why thank you. You look nice too. So…is Ivy less pissy about this double date thing yet?"

Harley laughed. "Don't worry, she's not gonna come after you again. I had a talk with her about it, and I think I almost convinced her I'm okay to date without getting fixated again."

"Alright, cool."

"So who'd ja fix me up with? What's he like?" Harley asked eagerly.

It was moments like this that made James Jesse grateful for his years as the Trickster. If he were just an ordinary conman, he might not be able to mask his discomfort in such situations (then again, if he were just an ordinary conman he probably wouldn't be in these situations).

It's not that he thought he was doing something wrong, fixing Harley up with Len. He genuinely liked Len, despite the Rogues War and how complicated things had gotten thereafter. Even though he was a crook, Len did have a set of morals that he (mostly) stuck to, much like Piper and Trickster when they'd been villains. Basically, Len was a much nicer person than he let on, and James was one of few people who'd noticed.

And to his great surprise, James had warmed up to Harley immensely in the time he'd been living with the Sirens. The girl generally meant well, she liked to keep things interesting (she liked video games)….she just had terrible, terrible judgment.

He didn't think there was much of a chance of the two crooks hitting it off though. In fact, there was a good chance they'd get pissy and take it out on him. All this was a pro for Piper. He'd never once asked James to do something this awkward.

But Selina had boobs, and boobs counted for a lot…

"Stripes, you okay?" Harley asked, bringing him back to the present. "I asked about my date and you zoned out on me."

"Sorry Harley. Lingering after effects from Ivy's prank. It gave me a lot to think about. Uh, right, your date. Yeah, I called a guy I used to work with when I lived in Central-"

"Oooh, was it the Weather Wizard? He's cute!"

"He is?"

"Yeah! Oh-oh! But don't one of them Rogues guys have a sexy accent? Is it him?"

"Sexy accent? You can't mean Boomer-"

"No, not him. He's a creep! Hmph. I thought one of them…"

"Oh, wait. Mirror Master's Scottish. You mean him?" James asked.

"Yeah, Mirror guy!"

"Sorry, I don't really know the new guy. I was friends with the old one." And he'd be all kinds of creatively murdered if he invited McCullouch anywhere near Piper.

"Oh. Well it's not the cute one, and it's not the guy with the accent…" Harley frowned. "Please tell me it ain't the diet Mr. Freeze with the stupid glasses."

"Uh…"

Harley turned the pout-of-doom on him.

"Hello? Is anybody here? Jesse?" Len's gruff voice reached them from the front hall.

"You didn't even try!" Harley yelled.

"Hey, come on! I actually tried really hard! Len's a good guy, I promise!"

"Well I guess a promise from the diet Mr. J ain't worth much either!"

"Hey, I am not diet Joker!"

Harley stormed out of the room, intending to head upstairs and lock herself in her room. However, to do so she had to pass through the front hall. And when she passed through the front hall she caught sight of Len standing in the hall looking confused, wearing a nice suit with no vestiges of his supervillain costume present, and holding a bouquet of roses.

In the absence of the parka and glasses, Captain Cold registered as a tall, stocky guy who cleaned up rather well. With the roses and the suit, he was almost even handsome.

Harley froze, staring fixedly at the flowers. "Are those for me?" She asked in a breathy squeak.

Len shifted his gaze from her cleavage and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I think so. You're the friend waiting for a date, right?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, that's me! And-and they're real roses and they don't shoot poison or acid or nothing, they're just pretty, right?"

"Yep. I thought you were supposed to bring dames flowers. Did I do something wrong?"

Harley grabbed the bouquet from him, inhaled deeply, and then let out an ecstatic squeal. "No, ya did it just right!" She attached herself to his side, moving his arm around her and fluttered her lashes at him in a manner she probably believed to be charming. "Harley Quinn, pleased ta meet you."

"Uh…likewise. Len Snart."

"Hey Kitty! Are you almost done yet!" Harley yelled up the stairs. Len rubbed at his ear, but didn't pull away from his bubbly companion.

James emerged from the living room and jogged up the stairs. "Let me go check on Selina. Hey Len, hope you had a good flight. See you in a bit-"

Len managed a bit of a glare before James was out of sight, but he kept his expression polite when he turned back to face Harley. "So kid, don'tcha wanna get those in water?"

"Hm? Oh, no, I'm not gonna leave these things around. Ivy'd get all steamed and then one of us might end up poisoned, or choked with thorny vines or something. She don't like people cutting flowers up. I'll just hold 'em for awhile. People don't give me flowers that are safe anymore."

"Wait a minute, Poison Ivy lives here too? Sheesh, Jesse coulda warned me that the crazy broad who kills people for harming plants was here before I showed up with friggin' flowers."

"It's okay! If Ivy gets all huffy, I'll tell her to leave you alone."

James came back down with Selina on his arm. She was wearing a skimpy black dress and looking very nice considering she'd gotten ready in under ten minutes. "Ready to go?" She asked.

"Oh Kitty, you look wonderful! This is gonna be the best night ever, c'mon!" She dragged Len out the door, and with some amusement, the other couple followed after.


Piper was sitting on his bed in the guest room, using a laptop to scroll through some old pictures on facebook. Wally hadn't ever unfriended him, so he was still able to access the albums 'old stuff' and 'parties'. Obviously, since Wally's identity was secret again, he only had pictures of civilians up, but that was what Piper wanted…

"There!" He exclaimed, stopping at a picture of Wally half-hugging a tan brunette man with the not-so-scary Batman's charming smile.

"Oh my God, that's Richard Grayson. Does that make Batman…?"

No. Batman couldn't be Bruce Wayne. Piper had met the vapid billionaire playboy more than once through rich kid society events.

He decided to keep looking.


"Hey Dude, you busy?"

"Not at the moment, but-" The line went dead. Sighing, Dick set his cell on the dresser and went to the front door. Because if that happened when you were on the phone with a speedster…

Sure enough, there were knocks before Dick got to the door. "Hi Wally."

"Hey Dick." With a burst of light, Wally went from wearing his Flash costume to street clothes. They went into the living room and sat down.

"So what's up?"

"Two things," Wally said. "First, we were invited to Damian's party. Any advice on buying the tiny terror a present?"

Dick thought for a moment. "What he really wants is a shuriken set. He's been whining endlessly about how batarangs handle clumsily in comparison. However…"

"Yeah, so not showing up with shurikens at a civilian shindig. What else?"

"Uh…clothes?"

"For real? What kind of kid wants clothes?"

"He's a weird kid. He likes designer labels though, so don't cheap out."

Wally sighed. "I bet I can't afford what he likes. What about books? You were a weird kid and you always liked books."

Dick nodded. "That's probably safe. Get him the Art of War and the Dao de Jing. Give him something to think about."

"Kay. I'm gonna need you to write those down for me."

Dick got up and grabbed a paper and pen. "So what else is up?"

"Uh…Bruce was asking me for info about Piper. Dick? You okay?"

He'd almost broken the pen in half. "Fine. Any reason?"

"He didn't tell me. But um…I saw this viral video online and I think I might know what he's getting at." Wally looked damned uncomfortable.

Scowling, Dick tossed the scrap of paper with the book names at Wally, got his laptop, and sat back down on the couch. He did a search on 'Nightwing Trickster Pied Piper' and man did he get results. "Oh God. Half the Justice League alumni probably saw this by now."

"And they've told the other half," Wally agreed.

Dick glared at him. "Not helping."

"Sorry, sorry."

"It was Ivy's sex pollen," Dick said weakly.

"Yeah, uh…but why were you around that many super villains at once?" Wally asked.

"Piper's not a super villain."

Wally frowned. "He did used to be a really good guy, yeah, but…I dunno, he changed after his parents died. He wasn't the same after that."

Dick gave him a disgusted look that screamed 'would you expect him to be?'

"No, really Wally, he's not a super villain."

"He killed Bart and Inertia."

"No he didn't."

Wally scowled. "Look, I didn't want to believe it either, okay, he was one of my best friends, but it happened."

"I know he was there when they were killed by the other Rogues," Dick said. "But I don't believe for a second that Hartley helped. Frankly, I'm surprised you do. And I was hanging around with him because I'm trying to date him."

Wally gaped at him. "You wanna date Hartley? It's not just because he's a red head, is it?"

Dick was tempted to face palm. Although truth be told, Piper being a red head certainly didn't hurt.

"I'm trying to date him because I like him. I've liked him since I met him, back at that Christmas party you threw but never showed up to forever ago. Unfortunately, we've never been single at the same time till now."

"Oh. Well I guess I can kinda see it. You're both nerds, so…what? Are you saying you're not a nerd?"

"Look, just tell me what you told Bruce."

"I told him about how I got to know Piper when we were living in New York, and that I helped him reform, but he did most of that himself. And we were besties, and that he's the Godfather of my daughter, and that things had gotten complicated and personal, and I wasn't telling him anything else no matter how hard he glared."

"And he let up?"

"Kinda. He said he could take it from there."

"Swell." Dick let out another sigh, and shut down the laptop. "Kay, I've got my own intel question. What can you tell me about Piper's friendship with Trickster?"

Wally looked at him blankly. "Look, I know James got all gay with you because of Ivy's pollen, but he's actually straight. He's got a kid and everything. I know their bromance seems really homoerotic, but trust me, you have no competition from Trickster."

"God Wally, you really are that naïve, aren't you?"