A/N: So, the next three chapters were written entirely away from a computer, so I was writing completely on my own recognizance. I realize the dialogue is probably a bit off from the game because of it, but I hope you like it none the less.

Also, I finally got to play Portal 2 myself, on my friend's computer. Very fun, loved it, must get both games for PS3 now. So strange because normally I hate puzzle games. But when there's a sarcastically witty homicidal supercomputer involved, it increases my interest. :D Plus, it plays like an action game at some points, which gets in my action game fix.

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. Or GLaDOS. Or Cave Johnson. You get the picture.

Chapter 11: Portrait of a Lady

Chell continued through the maze that was Old Aperture. I'd forgotten about most of the stuff down here. I made a note to pump up some of the gel down here for testing in the modern part of the facility. I'd known about conversion gel of course, it was the only stuff portals worked on. But I'd never seen the repulsion or propulsion gels before. To be truthful, it was slightly terrifying to be a potato flying through the air due to this stuff, but it didn't faze Chell in the slightest. I never really got a chance to notice how brave she was in all the tests.

Wait, did I just spare Chell a compliment? In my mind where I didn't have to lie? What was wrong with me? I needed to get back in my chassis soon before I started doing silly human things like congratulating her on every little thing. After another little while of wandering, we came upon a portrait. It was a painted portrait, very well done, showing a man and a woman. Something about them tugged at my memory. The man had a confident look to him, sitting straight-backed with a cocky half-smile on his face. He had the look of someone who wouldn't take no for an answer and who's vocabulary didn't know the word 'failure'. The woman stood behind him, off to the side a little. She also looked confident, but it seemed to feed more off her companion's confidence than her own. She held her head high and had long, wavy dark hair. I felt like I should know this woman, but I couldn't put a name to the face to save my life. If I had facial features, I would've been frowning in concentration.

"These people in the portrait, they seem familiar…" I mused aloud. I could feel the indifference radiating off of Chell. Or maybe that was just an assumption, since I knew she probably couldn't care less about my identity crisis. "Hey, can you lower me to the nameplate? Maybe that'll jog my memory." Chell obliged, though I could feel her fidgeting behind me uncomfortably through the way the gun was making tiny little jerking motions.

The nameplate didn't help at all; it simply read 'Cave Johnson', the name of the crazy man with the lemons that made all the recordings for Old Aperture and was apparently the original founder and CEO of this mechanical place I called 'home'. Seemed I had a lot to thank this guy for. That said, the woman with him had to be Caroline, then. According to how often she was in the background of the prerecorded messages, she never left his side, or if she did it was only when she was ordered to. I don't know what kind of relationship these two had, but I felt a fondness for them both I couldn't explain. Along with this emotion came an unexplainable affection for Chell that was unlike any I'd ever felt before, and honestly it scared me quite a bit because the woman killed me, I should hate her. I had to stop wondering about it at that point because otherwise my potato would short out again. Chell continued on when I didn't say anything more, anxious to get back to the facility we both were much more familiar with. I could tell she was no happier to be in this strange, older, outdated Aperture than I was.

It wasn't long after that we found the old entrance lobby for Aperture. "We're done, you can all head on back to your desks." Cave Johnson sounded a lot more tired and a lot less energetic than in the earlier recordings, that horrible cough that had settled in him due to moon rock poisoning along with years of shouting at his employees causing his voice to become painfully raspy. For some reason, the sound of the once great CEO of Aperture in such a state made me sad.

"Goodbye, sir," I said to no one. I had to get it through my potato that these people did not exist anymore. Their children didn't even exist anymore. It'd been centuries, any hope of ever meeting them and asking them about myself was gone. Apart from Chell, there were no humans left, not in Aperture anyways. Outside, who knew? I hadn't sensed any humans at the door since I was brought back online, and even back before I was murdered it hadn't looked so good out there. The thought made me feel even more sorrowful for some reason I didn't understand. I needed to get back in my mainframe before my not understanding caused me to crash.

After another hour or so of wandering through the halls of Old Aperture, we found the lift that had been sealed off years ago. Before we activated it, however, I noticed something on the wall.

"Wait!" I demanded. "Go look at that poster." Chell obliged, looking confused. I felt a sudden rush of soon-to-be triumph. "Paradoxes. No AI can resist thinking about them. I know how we can beat him! Get me in front of him and I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head! As long as I don't think about what I'm saying, I should be okay…" Using some careful portalling, we managed to open the seal and we were finally lifted out of there, back into the sterile, slightly saner facility I loved and Chell hated. Another tremor reminded me of the fact that that little idiot was destroying my beloved science facility. Chell wandered among some cat walks before we finally heard his voice. If my optic had shutters, they would've narrowed.

"Oh, c'mon! You're BOXES! With LEGS! It's literally your only purpose! Ju-just get on the-get on the button! Agghhh! You have one hour! SOLVE IT." Chell came around a corner just in time for me to see a monitor he'd undoubtedly installed switch off. I'd never needed monitors; my voice was all the 'encouragement' my test subjects had ever needed. The fact he needed the stupid things proved he didn't need to be in charge of MY facility. Chell started for the room.

"Solve this test for him, then when he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox!" I felt a vicious satisfaction radiate through the potato as I thought about him going insane from the paradox. I just hoped I didn't destroy my own circuitry in the process. Chell solved the 'test' quickly, it was very simple, it was a room full of boxes (with legs…) and a button to put the boxes on, I didn't even think it counted as a test, unless he was testing to see if the subject had the IQ of a three year old human. He came back on the monitor.

"Oh, I knew you could do it, I-oh. It's you. Well. Glad you're here, I was running a little low on test subjects, everyone's still dead…" he muttered.

"Okay, paradox time," I stole myself, did my best to shut down all processors I could function without, and did my best to speak without processing what I was saying. "This. Sentence. Is. FALSE! Don't think about it, don't think about it…" Despite my insistence to myself not to think about it, I felt a couple of circuits fry in the little machinery I had in the potato. All the boxes with legs around us instantly burst into flames. I instantly, however, had something else to think about.

"Hmmm. True. I'll go true," Wheatley replied, as though I'd asked him a true-or-false question. I was dumbfounded by how much of an idiot he truly was.

"It's a paradox, there IS NO ANSWER!" I cried in incredulity. This was impossible! No AI should be able to think about a paradox without frying almost instantly. Especially when caught off guard! This didn't make any sense, and I was in danger of shorting out the potato again. I almost wanted to throw a few more at him in the hopes that maybe a large quantity would do the job one didn't, but it would likely kill me and likely leave him alive. And I wasn't going to let him destroy my precious facility.

"Look, you moron, this place is going to self destruct if I don't get back in my body!" I pleaded with him in the hopes that maybe some little part of him would see sense and give up without a fight, because really the sooner I could fix whatever was causing the nuclear meltdown, the better. His optic narrowed at me through the monitor.

"False. I'll go false," he answered shortly. "Now, I'm glad you two are back, because I'd like you to run a few tests for me. So, you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything's going to be Just. Fine." The monitor switched off as a door to a new room opened. For once, I wasn't feeling excited about testing. Of course, that's not how this stupid potato body was designed, but I was also much too distracted by the frequent tremors running through the place.

We were all going to die.