A/N: THIS was the one I wanted to be more morose and shit than I could make it! GAH! What is WRONG with me lately? Grrr! Anywho, same deal as chapter one, a letter to John.
Disclamer: Still don't own SPN. Sadly.
Warnings: Umh… Spoilers for My Time of Dying and All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1
Dad,
I never really got to tell you how much you meant to me. Too girly, I guess. I mean, in our family, emotions aren't something we can afford to have. I got that. Still do, but… I need to tell you how much I miss you. It's father's day today and Lisa just called her dad. Ben smiled so wide when he talked to his grandpa- it was like he didn't mind that he didn't have a dad.
But I know I still feel that sharp pang of guilt whenever I think of you. Whenever I think of your last day. You saved me and I couldn't ever thank you or curse you for that. No, I'm not here to make you feel like shit. I'm… trying to tell you that you were the best father anyone could ever ask for. You loved us and protected us even when you thought you were close to breaking.
I saw those pages in the journal where you were close to the edge. I tore them out so Sammy couldn't see you like that. I don't know why I did that but I did. I just… I love you dad. Always have, always will. Sammy's stubborn and he doesn't know that you were softer when mom was alive. Not that you guys never fought but when you did you always managed to make it alright.
Love you dad.
Happy father's day.
~Dean
