Chapter 5: Things we said today
'I don't know. What exactly are we going to discuss?' Cristina asked. Her mind was busy. It felt like it always had done after a night of studying before an exam. This time, however, Cristina was entirely unsure what she was going to pull out of it. It sure as hell wasn't how to perform an appendectomy. Meredith sat a little closer and Cristina was startled to recognise the move she was making. In her teens and even twenties guys had been trying this in diners and movie theatres and she could never observe the move and feel in the moment. It was the move closer, pretend to yawn and then drape your arm over the girl move and it was completely ridiculous to have Meredith put this move on her. It was almost of out of body experience. But contrary to all other times, when she tried hard to refrain from snorting and calling the move maker an idiot, an attempt which usually failed, she liked it. And Meredith didn't copy it exactly; she didn't yawn, she simply put her left arm around Cristina.
'Last night, I know I was drunk and we were only joking, you said we could never date because you couldn't call me darling?' Meredith said and the corner of her mouth almost imperceptibly moved upwards. The remark was framed as a question, but Cristina somehow knew she didn't need to answer. She suddenly felt like touching Meredith's lips, but luckily her self-control regarding touching was much better than her control regarding mocking.
'But when you thought I was sleeping you did call me darling?'
Meredith looked at Cristina's face and her arm continued to rest lightly on Cristina's shoulders. How many times had they touched and hugged and just sat like this over the years? How come that now it felt so alien? And familiar. Cristina was not a fan of these contradictory feelings. Also, Meredith's freckles were adorable; what was up with that? It was one thing to think that Meredith was smoking hot, but adorable? Cute? That was not cool. That was definitely not allowed.
'And you said something about something being just for tonight? And when I kissed you, I think, I'm not sure, but I think you kissed me back?' Meredith continued and this time an answer was required.
'The whole fake drunk thing got a little out of hand?' Cristina offered and the minute she'd said it she regretted it. First of all, huge fail, chicken shit. Second of all, why was there a hesitant question mark at the end there? Meredith could do that, but Cristina stated things; she was sure. Or she had been sure, until now. Again the corner of Meredith's mouth moved, but now it moved downwards and Cristina could feel Meredith's arm slipping away. Cristina's right hand shot out and took Meredith's hand, so she couldn't move away.
'No, that's a lie,' Cristina admitted. Meredith smiled and entwined her fingers with Cristina's, so Cristina was momentarily distracted.
'Yesterday...today, I found out calling you darling was perhaps not as ridiculous as I had thought it would be. It was still ridiculous, but less than anticipated. And I thought I could admit that I was in love with you, just once. And I kissed you back, because I wanted to kiss you back,' Cristina rambled. Nervously, she shifted her gaze from their holding hands to Meredith's face. Meredith smiled and softly kissed her, but when their tongues touched they both started laughing. They let go of each others' hands and sat a little apart, embarrassed.
'This is weird, right?' Meredith asked.
'Really weird,' Cristina responded and they shuffled a bit closer.
'But nice,' Meredith said and Cristina nodded. Cristina reached out and stroked Meredith's cheek and Meredith leaned towards her fingers. It was like a flower turning to the sun. These fingers, that had cut with scalpels, opened bodies and held organs, were now ever so lightly caressing the body of the woman Cristina loved. Suddenly, she stopped.
'Do you, you know, love me?' she asked. Meredith kissed her palm. It tingled in a good way.
'Of course. Like much more than a friend.'
Cristina leaned back, relaxed and Meredith kissed her again. They both parted their lips and waited a beat, seeing whether the other would laugh, before continuing. Cristina was the first to cautiously enter Meredith's mouth and her tongue tickled her friend's gums. Meredith repaid her by swinging one leg over her lap and sitting down on top of her. Meredith's hair was gently brushing Cristina's face, while Cristina placed her hands on Meredith's hips.
'Are we crazy for doing this?' Cristina asked and she realised a moment too late that she had spoken out loud. Meredith flipped her hair back and regarded her from above. The pose was very sexy, Cristina thought. Here they were, Meredith practically straddling her, her hands placed above Cristina's shoulders against the couch, Cristina's hands gripping Meredith's jeans and her mouth glued to Meredith's slender neck.
'Probably,' Meredith admitted as she dipped down again for another kiss. Cristina lifted her lips to receive it. Her hands were already moving up, slipping under Meredith's top, and feeling the smooth muscles underneath her skin. It was hard to think with Meredith's body pressed against hers, but there were some thoughts she could not shut out. What about Derek? What about Zola? Those were important questions and they needed answering, but for right then she would have been better off asking, what about Alex?
'This is so hot.'
Cristina froze and looked at Meredith. All she did was blink rapidly as she looked at the doorway. Composed and dignified, Meredith untangled herself from Cristina and the couch. Cristina turned and discovered Alex leering at them. She sighed and rolled her eyes at Meredith, who appeared more intrigued than annoyed.
'Want to join us?' Meredith asked and Cristina felt as if she had landed in an alternate universe. Either that or she was going insane. Quite possibly both. Instead of looking eager, as Cristina would have expected, Alex only looked frightened. Like a frightened little bunny staring into the headlights of an oncoming truck. It was pretty hilarious, until Alex recovered and stepped forward as if to claim a prize and Meredith collapsed in laughter.
'As if,' Cristina said and she shook her head at him. His wry look of amused disappointment was golden. Meredith had to hold on to Cristina to keep from falling over laughing.
