1878
Nine figures were gathered around a vehicle that was only fiction in this time. All of them were brimming with weird events and exciting tales that needed to be told.
"I can't believe it! Steven and I are getting married!" Jackie gushed as she looked dreamily up into the sky. Steven glared unhappily behind his shades. He crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes.
"Jackie, weare not getting married. Janice and Stephen are getting married. Not us!" he told everybody. Laurie started to laugh.
"Ha! That's gold. But yours isn't even the best. I'm a hooker!" Laurie said brightly. Red looked at her in dubiously confused disgust.
"And you're happy about that!" he yelled. "You are a dumbass!" Kelso grinned at the good burn. Deputy Kelly had found him after about an hour of being in the cell. He had been yelled at and degraded but Kelso was still absorbed in ways to get Fez back he didn't even notice.
"Ha, well you might be a hooker but I'm the sheriff! I got to arrest Fez! It was awesome…but then he locked me in the cell." Kelso's tone became sad and distant as he reached the end of his statement. How had Fez burned him? Eric rolled his eyes at Kelso.
"You are the King Kelso. You are the King." Donna laughed for a moment but then became rigid as she realized how pissed she was.
"You guys think you have it so bad! I'm Jackie's fricken' maid! What the hell is that about?" she growled. Kitty shrugged her shoulders.
"Maybe God is trying to teach you a lesson. You are awfully lazy." Kitty commented. Donna was offended but decided to blame it on the menopause and let it slide.
"Come on Kitty let's just go. That store of ours has some nice bourbon." Red grabbed on to her arm and pulled her away gently towards the town. Laurie trailed after them; she was not going to hang around her brother and his lame-ass friends. Besides, she had a client at four.
Hyde grinned happily as Laurie, Red, and Kitty disappeared into the town. He pulled out a small brown bag from his back pocket. He had found it as he had left the Cruiser the other day. It was going to have to last for a while but he knew he could manage it.
"Look what I've got," Hyde said as he held up the bag for the gang to see. Kelso's signature doofus smile was soon plastered over his face.
"Hyde I love you man. You're the best."
"The Old West man, the Old West! We get to carry guns around and shoot things without getting into trouble! How awesome is that!" Kelso shouted excitedly. Hyde rolled his eyes at his friend's stupidity.
"Kelso man, you did that back in Point Place. Just because we're 100 years in the past doesn't make it any better."
Eric pointed at Kelso and began to laugh like a manic.
"Ha man you did do that back in Point Place. And you know what else you did? Broke my car you bastard!"
Fez's face is quickly clouded with confusion and then a sparse second of clarity.
"Hey…shouldn't be working on the time machine?"
"Fez hand me that tool," Kelso held out his open hand to Fez. Fez grumbled angrily as he slammed the tool down in his hand.
"You son of a bitch, just because I'm foreign doesn't not mean I am your maid! So I say good day!" He swiveled on his heel and prepared to leave. Hyde, Kelso, and Eric all looked up from the machine that they were trying to fix and called out to him.
"But Fez-" Fez held out his hand and looked at them disgustedly. He really wasn't that pissed off but he had realized that he hadn't done this in a while. He figured it would be a good place to get it in and besides, how many other foreign exchange students get to tell their friends to kiss their ass back in 1878?
"You can kiss my sweet brown ass because I said good day!" he called out to them as he walked away and back into town.
"Can you believe it Donna? Steven and I are finally getting married!" Jackie twirled around Janice's room clutching onto the drawing Mr. Hide had given her. Surprisingly Janice Berkley's bedroom was very similar to Jackie's old one. Everything was pink and fluffy and girly. Jackie felt as if all of her (somewhat ditzy and unrealistic) dreams had come true. It was shocking how all she had to do to have her dreams come true was go back 100 years in time!
Donna shook her head at Jackie's obliviousness. She hated the fact that it really wasn't Jackie and Hyde's wedding but instead some people's that she had never met. Jackie had so desperately wanted to get married to Hyde and now that her wish was finally coming true (sort of) she was ecstatic. In fact Jackie hadn't been this ecstatic since the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders had been singing autographs in the Kenosha Mall. And although Donna didn't want to make Jackie cry, mostly for the sole reason of hating her obnoxious back-handed compliments, she had always been the voice of reason and there was no cause for her to stop now.
"Jackie…technically it's this Janice and Stephen's wedding. Not yours and Hyde's." Donna told Jackie gently. Jackie turned her head and glared bitchly at her friend. She turned her head up haughtily and sent back a burn on Donna.
"And technically Diana, you're my maid. So go downstairs and clean." Donna chuckled but quickly retorted,
"And technically I can kick your ass! So watch it you midget!" Jackie crossed her arms across her chest and scowled at her friend, thinking for a second that she had lost. Then a mischievous and defiant thought came into her head.
"Mother! Diana is acting up again!" Jackie called out loudly as she gave another sneer to her friend.
The residents of Point Place found themselves together again in the backroom of Thomas Price Mercantile. Everyone was gathered around a large barrel of whisky as they discussed the time machine in hushed voices.
"God damn it you kettlehead! If you built the damn thing I expect you to fix it too! And if you don't fix it another thing that'll need fixing is your ass after my foot goes up it!" Red threatened Kelso angrily. Kitty soothingly tried to comfort her husband.
"Oh Red it's not his fault that he's so damn stupid and moronic and just plain dumb!" Kitty's statement soon turned into one of her rarely seen angry rants. "I need a drink!" She called this last statement out as she angrily stomped out of the room and up the stairs in which the Forenom residence was. Red once again sent Kelso a hateful glare.
"Thanks moron. Make me wife upset, trap us back 100 years in the past. Tomorrow we're working on this damn time machine together; I can't have you screwing this up anymore," he told Kelso this as he exited the room after his wife.
Both Hyde and Fez started laughing at Kelso's misfortune. Spending the day with Red would be hell, especially while trying to fix a time machine. With Kelso's luck he would probably blow their hands off.
"Way to piss my parents off Kelso. I have to sleep in the same damn with both of them! And I have to sleep with the devil too!" Eric cried as he pointed towards Laurie.
Laurie smirked at her brother. She had an appointment with one of the bank tellers tonight, so in fact Eric wouldn't have to sleep in the same room with her. But she was going to keep this little bit of information quiet for a little bit.
"Aw little brother don't be so sad. You could be sleeping with you're little maid tramp Donna instead of your wonderful sister!" She smiled brightly at her brother.
Donnas' eyes narrowed at the whore Eric called a sister.
"I'm a tramp? You're a damn hooker!" She screeched at Laurie. Laurie thought for a moment about what her response would be.
"Well at least I'm proud about it!" Laurie gave a little wave as she left to go meet another one of her clients.
She left the whole gang in shock. Eric was wondering what it would be like to not have the village prostitute as a sister, Donna was questioning the amount of STD's Laurie had, Hyde was being puzzled by the question of when Laurie had first done it, Jackie was asking herself if Laurie would pick this up back home, Fez was daydreaming about Laurie's business, and Kelso…well Kelso was hoping he could hire Laurie for later tonight.
Stephen's father interrupted all of these thoughts by coming into the room and clapping Hyde on the back.
"Good news Stephen and Janice! Janice's dress has arrived early so both me and Pamelina have decided to move the wedding up tomorrow! It'll be splendid! And by the way Stephen, you need to come by the bank with me and help me work okay?" the prominent business man said all of this in a rush. Everybody's eyes widened as Jackie screeched in bliss. Hyde was particularly shocked; it's not that he didn't want to marry Jackie. Actually the thought of a wedding between the two of them was becoming more appealing to him each and every day, but he just figured that their wedding day would be in the year…1979 or 1985 or something. When he got married he actually wanted it to be in the present, not the Wild Old West where he was a banker in an itchy wool suit.
"Oh! This is great!" Jackie exulted as she gave her future father-in-law a hug. She was so excited to finally marry Steven. Jackie didn't even care if it was 100 years in the past and wouldn't count when they got back to Point Place; all that mattered was the fact that this wedding would show Steven how great marriage would be for them. Mr. Hide laughed a full belly laugh at his future- daughter-in-law's antics but his laughter quickly turned to anger as he saw Fernado Wilma Vernzae in front of him.
"Fernado Wilma Vernzae! You got away once but you won't now!" Mr. Hide yelled this as he tackled Fez to the ground. "Sherriff Kelly! Help!" he called out as he struggled with Fez. Kelso jumped in and handcuffed Fez quickly. He pulled Fez up from the ground triumphantly.
"Ha! You won't get away this time! Mr. Vernzae!" Kelso declared happily as he smiled a signature Kelso grin. All of the members of the gang inwardly groaned at Kelso's stupidity. Although it wasn't all that shocking to them considering, that well, Kelso was the King.
1978
"Wow! Look at all this stuff!" Sheriff Kelly said this in wonderment as he flipped through the channels on the television. Kat, Fernado, Fredrick, Diana, Stephen, Lori, and Diana all gazed at the T.V. and the photographs that were hung around the room. "It's a box with moving pictures! And everything's in color!" Blue glared at the stupid sheriff. He had it up to here with him today and he felt that it was time to show him where his place was.
"Yeah and my foot's gonna be in color when it kicks your ass!"
AN/ Well it took a really long time to update this but I finally did and it's around 2,000 words. (That's a lot for me… sad I know) It's not beta-ed but I just wanted it out there by the end of June and here it is! So please review and tell me what you think, feedback really helps me write. Thank you to Jeremy Shane and Pandacat1bagillion who reviewed the last chapter. Once again I would really love it if you took the time to review this chapter, it would mean a lot!
