In Which there is an Otaku, and the Fourth Wall is cracked.
A/N: this chapter is dumb. I admit it. So no flaming it for it's stupidity. In case you haven't realized, this entire story is nothing but crack humor.
Disclaimer: Until I really DO own something, I will continue to own nothing.
Renji was back in the real world. After being mocked and thwarted in Karakura town and Soul Society, he decided to take his search for sunglasses to a larger city. He was on his way back to Urahara Shoten, but decided to take a walk to enjoy his new shades. They were the same pair he had been trying for, and finally he had them. Nothing could stop him this time.
As he walked along, Renji realized that he hadn't paid attention to where he was, because when he looked around, he noticed that he was in a VERY expensive neighborhood. Around him were the types of homes and shops he supposed Kuchiki-taichou had grown up around, but the strangest thing was the TV crew in the street, complete with weather machines and a director's chair, which had a bossy-looking girl in a yellow dress occupying it. Every few seconds, she would yell out at her "actors," a group of strange *shudder* bishounen *shudder* wearing some sort of school uniform.
"Honey-sempai! You aren't being mean enough!" she suddenly screamed. Renji looked over, amused and confused, and saw that she had been shouting in the direction of a tall, tough looking high schooler, and his companion, who looked like an elementary schooler but was wearing the same uniform. He was holding a large stuffed bunny, and sobbing. Renji thought that the tall man, apparently called "Honey-sempai," had already been mean enough. Then, the tiny one looked up. "I'm sorry, Renge-chan, it's just not in me! I can't be mean anymore!"
Renji, realizing what was going on, snickered. The girl looked over, then screamed again. She yanked off his sunglasses and squealed, "RENJI-SAMAAAA!"
'WHAT THE FUCK? Renji-SAMA? What is going on here? And how did she know his name?' Renji's confusion swiftly grew, until he was standing in the street, gaping like a fish at the yellow thing that had glomped him.
"I know it's you, Renji-sama from Bleach!" the girl squealed, apparently trying not to faint. Renji checked, but he wasn't releasing any reiatsu, so she must be passing out on her own. He then delivered an intelligent and witty response, in the great rhetorical style of the Eleventh Division.
"...Huh?"
A tall, dark haired boy with glasses came over, and tried to clear the situation up. "I'm sorry, sir. Renge here is our resident otaku. If she's bothering you, I will try to make her stop. She's a bit much once she gets going, though."
"Ota-what?"
"Otaku. You must look similar to a character from a game or something. I do, and she thinks she's engaged to me. It's rather aggravating, and to be honest, I'm glad to see her pounce on someone else for a change."
"Oh. Okay. Thanks for explaining. I'm gonna... leave now...?" Renji attempted to back away from the obviously insane party when suddenly, roses bloomed around him and the air filled with sparkles. Another boy, this one blond, came... prancing... up. there really wasn't another word for what he was doing.
"Oh my, a peasant! Haruhi! One of your brethren has become lost in our world of wealth! Oh, sir peasant, are you starving? do you need clothes and food? I have some ramen, I know you peasants like that!" He then sparkled again as flower petals flew through the air. Wondering where the spontaneous flora (of course he didn't phrase it this way) had come from, he suddenly shuddered, looking for Kuchiki-taichou or his reiatsu. But no, the petals were coming from the blonde boy. Did all rich people have this power? Or was god trying to play tricks on him? Whaaat? Renji ran away from the strange group, and didn't stop running until he fell down a flight of stairs and his gigai was knocked out.
Renji awoke back at Urahara Shoten, with a worried Rukia and an amused Urahara staring down at him. "What happened? I was dreaming in shojo technicolor and I got attacked by something called an "otaku."
"Gomen, Abarai-san! I accidentally sent you to the wrong real world. I'm not sure how, but I am rather interested in what you found there. Otaku? Hmm..." Urahara's apology was slightly dampened by the fact that at first, he was trying not to laugh, and at the end, had dissolved into muttered musings about "fourth walls" and alternate universes. Renji accepted this, at least he was back, and decided with a shrug to ignore it. All's well that ends well, he supposed, though he would be having nightmares about rich high schoolers and flower petals for a while.
It was only when he returned to Soul Society that he realized: His sunglasses had been stolen by the crazy girl. He sweatdropped, then faceplanted on to the ground right in front of Byakuya. Who told him in an even flatter voice than usual, that he had betrayed his captain's orders and tried to get sunglasses again. Byakuya then proceeded to give Renji even more reasons to have nightmares about flower petals, but Renji was so depressed about the glasses and losing another month's pay that he didn't even care anymore...
A/N: sorry if they're sort of OOC. I don't read as much shojo. Fear the Flower Petals!
