Chapter 6: In Which there is Time Travel... Or drugs.
A/N: Yeah... So that last chapter was yet another bit of weirdness. The membership of the Inter-Universal Ecchi Society is as follows: Bleach- Kyoraku and Kon, Naruto- Jiraya and Kakashi, Rosario+Vampire- Morioka Ginei, Negima- Negi and... somebody. I don't actually read Negima, my co-author wrote that part. I'll ask him. Or if you know, review and let me know. I'm not really willing to read Negima unless I get a lot more bored than I am now. (Like how bored I was when I read Rosario. That was a... unique... experience, one that I do not recommend unless you should be a member of the IUES...)
PS: Some characters from this next chapter are Anime-exclusive (I won't say which anime yet, of course!), though there is a manga for the story. The scene is also adapted from a real scene in the anime. (which, like Bleach, I do not own! duh.)
Renji was scarred, both figuratively and literally. His latest beating from his taichou had been accented by wallops from Nanao-fukutaichou's rather heavy book. What the hell was up with that book, anyway? Was it, like, her zanpakuto or something? Whatever it was, Renji still had a headache. It was Kyoraku-taichou's fault, anyways. Renji wasn't the one who had go them both drunk. Or was he? He was still kind of fuzzy on that, and the lumps on his head weren't helping his hangover any. Then he stopped feeling sorry for himself, and looked around confusedly.
The last thing Renji remembered was the fourth division. But now, somehow, he was standing on a dirt road in what looked to be old Japan. Had he been thrown back in time, or just given way too many drugs? Or both? But a small, cheerful cry suddenly made Renji stop caring.
"Ken-chan! Ken-chan!" The voice of a little girl, gleefully screaming for "Ken-chan," had Renji's survival instincts on high alert. He hid behind a barrel, looking around cautiously for Yachiru and her giant, battle-frenzied companion. Instead, he felt a bit of a prat, as the little girl and her companion came into view.
It was NOT Yachiru and Kenpachi, but an amusingly similar sight.
Walking down the street was a swordsman in a pink and white kimono, with a tiny girl-child hanging from his shoulder as a second, slightly older girl walked next to him. Rather than a scarred, insane giant, however, the swordsman was short, with long red hair tied back in a ponytail. Unlike Renji's, this man's ponytail did not stick up, but rather fell down to the center of his back. As the girls clung to him, giggling, he laughed, tickling them until the smaller fell off his shoulder, catching herself and swinging from his hair.
"Orororororooo!" The swordsman let out a ridiculous sound of surprise and pain. He reached back and caught the toddler, swinging her off of his hair and back into her arms, then suddenly set her down, his eyes narrowing at the same time as Renji tensed himself. As the man turned, Renji saw a pronounced red scar on his cheek, in the shape of a large X.
Stalking down the street was a small group of what Renji assumed were policemen. Like the red-haired swordsman, they carried swords, though their swords, and their clothing, was western style rather than Japanese.
"So, you dare to wear a sword in this Meiji era? In front of us sword-bearing policemen? Ha, what a fool this little boy is!" The leader of the group pulled out his sword, pointing it at the older girl-child. "You will pay for your insolence, you damned samurai wannabe! The little girls can watch you bleed!"
Suddenly, the very air changed. The swordsman narrowed his eyes, and his face hardened. "Please let these girls be, if you will." It was not a question, despite the polite phrasing. It was an order. Renji could tell just from the face and voice that this man had killed before. The leader of the police group, apparently, was not so smart.
"Ken-nii-san! What's wrong?" The tiny girl tugged on the swordsman's pants. He looked down, and his face softened immediately. He looked to the older girl.
"Take your sister away from here, if you will."
As the girls ran, Renji decided he liked this red-haired swordsman, and came out of the shadows to help. He figured, since this was obviously a dream, the people here would be able to see him. As it was, he guessed right (though they could really only see him because Urahara had given him a gigai - little did Renji know that it wasn't a dream, but yet another prank). He adjusted the sunglasses on his forehead (yet more proof in his mind that it had to be a dream), and walked to the center of the street next to the other redhead.
"Yo, want some help with these fools?" Renji believed that the swordsman could handle himself, but there were about six of his opponents, and all looked like they were just itching to draw their sabres and attack.
The shorter man looked at Renji, as if evaluating him, then nodded. "I would appreciate it, if you will. I have to take care of Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan, that I do."
"So what are you waiting for? Take them home!"
"I thank you, that I do. If you wish, come see me at the Kamiya dojo, that you can." With that, the swordsman turned and carried the children, now subdued and scared, away. Renji turned back to the police group.
"Ha! You think you can stand a chance against us, veterans of Satsuma?" Renji's response was to draw Zabimaru.
"I will stand against anyone who threatens hum- i mean children. You're as bad as a hollow! Unforgivable! You won't stand a chance against ME!" Renji held Zabimaru in the ready stance, and the policemen grinned as one.
"Self-defense established. Go!" They all drew their swords at once, and rushed at Renji, who wanted to laugh at their pathetic attack. He had fought low-level hollows with more skill than this! He deflected their blows easily, and moved to attack, but was soon (though still too late) stopped by the scarred samurai he had stepped in to help.
"Defeat them, you can, but they don't need to die. Try to kill them, and I will stop you too, that I will." The man's eyes were not angry, but determined. Renji saw no reason to kill the now unconscious policemen, and put down his sword with a grin, shrugging. All of the policemen behind the other man fell to the ground, having been whacked by Zabimaru's hilt. Not one of them had touched his blade, as evidenced by the scene's utter lack of blood.
"I don't like to kill humans anyway. It goes against my principles as a shin- I mean samurai." Renji decided that revealing the fact that he was a Shinigami might not be a good idea, because he was starting to think that this might not be a dream after all. Unless Unohana had given him some heavy drugs, Renji didn't have the brains or imagination to think this stuff up himself.
"You carry a sword in the Meiji era, but do not kill? You are like me, that you are. I am a Rurouni, a wanderer. For now, I stay here. Do you have a place to stay?" The scarred man looked at the policemen, impressed despite himself.
"Um... No. I am... not from around here." Renji didn't know how much he could safely say, since he was apparently in the human world, in a different time. Or stoned. He still wasn't quite sure which.
"Oh no, your strange headpiece is broken, that it is." The Rurouni picked up Renji's sunglasses, which had fallen off during his brief fight with the policemen and been stepped on.
"Oh, shit. Not again! WHY DOES GOD HATE MEEE!" One redheaded samurai screamed to the heavens in frustration, while the other looked on, amused and confused.
"Oro?"
The pair walked away, not noticing the whispers spreading like ripples behind them. "What? He's as good as the Battousai! Just like when Kenshin-san fought the sword police before, not one died!"
"It's the police's fault, anyway. They must have been new. I hear they all have orders to leave Kenshin-san alone..."
As Renji walked, he exercised his brain more than he ever had, trying to figure out what had just happened. He recognized the name Battousai, but only from a history book he had read while posing at Ichigo's school. He hadn't read enough to make this up, though, so he finally eliminated the drug-induced dream idea. He must have been the butt of one of Urahara's jokes again, or perhaps a guinea pig for some kind of time travel device. Now the only problem was, how to get home?
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
Urahara snickered evilly, telling an irate Byakuya that, no, he had no clue where his fukutaichou was, but no, he didn't think Renji was buying sunglasses again, and yes, he was sure. Finally, the stoic captain left, losing all of his trademark composure and running like hell when he heard Yoruichi's voice from the front of the shop...
A/N: Kukuku... Time travel is just too much fun. This is going to take more than one chapter... Please review!
