A/N: As promised, adventures in the past of Soul Society! I own nothing, and the last chapter was more Rurouni Kenshin... Still thanks to my wonderful reviewers!
"Umm... . I'm a shinigami. yeah. Bye!"
As Renji opened the Senkaimon and prepared to head to soul society, he looked back. Seeing Saito trying to stab him again, he sped up and ran through the gate. Which turned out to be a good thing, since the next time he looked back, the cleaner was trying to eat him.
Renji sped through the gate at the other end, realizing belatedly that something must have been different, since the gate opened about 100 metres in the air. Either that, or Urahara had done something again. Yeah, that was more likely. Goddamned hat-wearing bastard...
Ten seconds later, Renji's private wishes for revenge were fulfilled, as he landed squarely on the head of said hat-wearing bastard.
"Fucker! Send me back before I kick your ass!" As Renji realized who he had landed on, past-Urahara was treated to a continuation of his unpleasant surprise as the seemingly random person on his head began to beat the shit out of him.
"Um, excuse me? I'm afraid I don't know what you are talking about, Abarai-san?"
"You sent me baack in time you fucking- wait. How do you know my name? I'm from 120 years in the future."
"Well, I'm not sure. I'm afflicted with selective omnipotency. It's a rather rare mental disorder, but I've found it quite useful."
"Selecta-what now?"
"I see, Abarai-san. You must be from the 11th division. That blank look tells me all I need to know!"
Renji mumbled incoherently.
"I'm sorry, Abarai-san? I didn't quite catch that."
"I got kicked out of the 11th, okay? Jeez."
"OUT OF THE WAY, YOU STUPID PINEAPPLE BALDY!" Renji looked around in shock, only to catch a glimpse of blonde pigtails, then a sandal in his face.
"Wait, she's a... What the HELL? What's a Vizard doing here?"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING NAMES, ASSHOLE?" was Hiyori's explosive reply.
"Umm, nobody?" Said Renji, meekly. This girl was seriously scary. "Nobody at all, ma'am."
"Hello, Hiyori-san! What do you need?" Urahara's bright reply to the girl took Renji by surprise. Urahara knew her?
"Goddamned Mayuri is trying to boss me again! Explain to him who's the Lieutenant, and who is the Third Seat. AGAIN! Or I'm going to make you pay me more."
"Hai, hai. I'll get right on it." Renji didn't even want to know what Urahara, a Vizard, and Mayuri were like in a division together, and so he decided to run for it. Whether Urahara was the only one who ould send him home, or not, Renji did not care at this point. So he left, his feet taking him automatically where he would have normally gone.
The mansion was a large one, a sprawling complex crawling with servants, and when a Shinigami came to the door asking for Kuchiki-Taichou, they let him right in. Leading him to Byakuya's office, they respectfully knocked on the door, and waited for the aristocratic captain to grant him entrance. Finally, Renji walked into Byakuya's office, realized where he was, sweat-dropped, and passed out.
The black faded slowly to light, and Renji saw the sky above him. "You! Lowly Shinigami, how dare you interrupt my grandfather! Your insolence knows no bounds!" Renji thought he must have been dreaming the tine jump, because that voice definitely belonged to HIS Kuchiki-taichou. 'Thank god,' the thought to himself, and rolled over in his bed. Wait, bed? He was lying on grass. How was he on grass? Had Matsumoto played another prank on him again? She had been going slightly crazy recently, and it wouldn't be the first time a Captain or Lieutenant had found her in their futon. Before Gin had turned traitor and left, it happened to him about once a week... Oh well.
"Get up, trash. You interrupted my meeting with Grandfather, and I want to know why!"
Wait. This couldn't be HIS Kuchiki-taichou, because HIS Kuchiki-taichou had a monotone. This person most definitely did NOT have a monotone. In fact, if Renji turned to look at him... yup. There it was. A big fat vein popping out of the kid's forehead. Renji gaped; this was what Byakuya was like a a kid? What a brat! It was at this point that the benefits of time-travel: REVENGE!
"You need to shut up, brat. The difference in out power is like that of a dog howling at the moon. You cannot hope to overcome the difference in our power," Renji said, in a deep and impressive tone. The little Byakuya just stared.
"That was such a dumb line, I don't even know how to answer it. Are you, like, gay or something?" Renji tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle his laughter.
"No, but I've always wondered if you were. So tell me, are you?" Little Byakuya turned, and started whispering to himself.
"Gee, thanks mister! Now I can beat the shit out of you, and maybe get back at that cat-bitch, too!" The 'gee thanks mister' would have been funny, if Byakuya hadn't had a look of murderous, dark glee on his face.
"Huh?" Renji was still confused, and , at this point, more than a little scared. "What are you talking about?"
"Senbonzakura doesn't like you. So he's loaning me Bankai. Said something about never having liked you, and how he would help me if I promised to castrate you."
"Oh, shit. Senbonzakura must also have selecta-something disorder! Bankai! Hihio Zabimaru!"
"You ain't got nothin, punk!" yelled Byakuya, leaving Renji still more bewildered.
"Why are you so damned OOC? This is ridiculous! I never thought I'd miss the monotone." This caused Byakuya to drop his sword, and Renji to pale and apologize. It was too late, though. "I'm SORRY!"
While Byakuya did not manage to castrate Renji, he did manage to scare him enough that he was once again wiling to brave the 12th division in hopes of getting home. He cautiously limped up to the building, and knocked on Urahara's office door.
"Um, Urahara-taichou sir? I'm sorry about earlier. Can you please send me home now?" came an uncharacteristically meek voice.
"Hmm?" Renji peeked inside, and wished he hadn't. Urahara was in a corner, making out with Yoruichi. Noisily. It looked like he was eating her face, in fact.
"Gaack!" Renji fell over, and knew no more. The last thing he knew was a voice:
"Yeah, I guess we oughtta send him home. He'll just cause problems here."
Right as he blacked out, Renji remembered one important fact: He'd forgotten to tell anyone about the fact that Aizen was a treacherous, evil bastard. 'Oops...hehe'
A/N: well, I promised I'd get it out tonight, so here it is. Just for the info, Renji will be back to the future next chapter. And the only reason Renji didn't actually get castrated is because Urza's Avenger, my co-author, told me I couldn't. Sigh...
And, yes. Byakuya is OOC. But we've only seen him once as a kid, and he was an obnoxious little dick. Even Ukitake had a bad word to say about him, and that takes a lot. And yes, I think he went gay after Hisana died. What else explains him?
