A/N: (Adele365) This chapter is by my co-author, so the following is his author's note. I added some bits in italics, but mostly it's all his.

Hello!

This is Urza's Avenger! The co-author that you have never met before this chapter! But, since I came up with, and wrote, this chapter, you get an author's note from me instead! Hooray!

Anyway, you can probably expect me to be showing up some more in the future, as I actually have time to help write now. (Which is good, because I have two jobs now and I don't have as much time...)

All other points aside, here is something you should know: I do not expect anyone to ever get every single character reference that I have place in this chapter. I went a bit overboard, so, I will post a guide later on telling you who just the people in this chapter are. (Yeah... even I didn't get them all.)

If you can correctly identify everyone in here, and their respective source material, that means that you spend as much time as I do reading books, manga, fan fiction, and watching anime. That would scare me a bit. Even Adele365 shouldn't be able to identify all of these people. If you can, I'll send you a cake or something. (make that two...)

Oh, and StrictlySomething and EspeonSilverfire2. I appreciate our two constant reviewers. (Ditto!)

And the new guy (girl), FallenAngel6595 we like you too. Yeah! Three reviewers, Baby!

Okay. Ignore all of that. Here is the story! (or at least the chapter)

By the way, we still don't own anything. Hell, some of this is even from other fanfics (individual disclaimers for those at the end)


Do you feel as if you lack something?

Do you feel like the author his forgotten about you?

Do you need something new to increase you score in the character popularity contests?

You need lessons in Badassity!

Classes starting now!

District 49, southeast corner of This Way and That Way

Renji stared at the strange ad posted outside the seventh division barracks. He stared at it some more. And for about another hour, he continued to stare at it.

Eventually, Renji realized that this ad was meant for him. He knew he lacked something! And he was pretty sure that Kubo had forgotten about him. In fact, he knew he hadn't shown up in over a hundred chapters!


Renji was sneaking through the 49th district incognito, which really just meant that he had undone his hair tie and put on civilian clothes. Oh, and he had a pair of contraband sunglasses that he had snuck past his captain. Really, just about anyone could still recognize him because of his tattoo-eyebrows, but Renji thought that his disguise was genus. It wasn't, but no one bothered to tell him.

He silently entered the building at the corner of This Way and That Way, and took a seat among the various cast of characters that had arrived in an attempt to increase their self-confidence.

Renji didn't recognize anyone; which he thought was a good thing. No one had shown up yet to run the seminar, and Renji suddenly realized that he had no idea who ran this thing. He hoped it wouldn't be his captain.

"Psst, Renji!"

"What?"

"Behind you, Renji!"

"Huh...wait, is that you, Izuru?"

Izuru's disguise was no less ingenious that Renji's all he had done was put his hair into a ponytail, and moved his front flop to the other side.

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be filling out Gin's old paperwork?"

"I could ask the same question..."

At that point, they halted their conversation, as what appeared to be the instructors walked in through the far door.

The first one was armed to the teeth. He wore a dark grey cloak over his outfit, but, honestly, nobody noticed the clothes. The visible armaments of the man were impressive, to say the least. He had seventeen throwing knives, three wakizashi, five tanto, thirty-six poisoned darts, four daggers with poison, six without, two short swords, a throwing axe, and a black bladed broadsword strapped across his back. The man wasn't very large, but had the musculature that gave Renji the impression that he could give Zaraki, or at least Ikkaku, a run for his money.

The other man was more familiar. It took a minute for Renji to place the man, but that faded blue police uniform was unmistakable. It was the stabby-guy from his last time-traveling adventure! Renji lowered his head, and hoped to god (which one? And does he even have a god?) that the man didn't recognize him. At least he was armed with only one katana, unlike the other guy.

The first man waited for the group to notice his presence, and then he spoke up.

"You may call me Master Tulii. I am here for one thing. I am going to teach you how to be Badass (you could hear the capital letter). I assume that you are all useless and incompetent, and that is why you are here. Actually, I am here for a second reason. The author decided to include me, even though I don't even belong to the associated mangaverse..."

"The first step to being Badass is being good at something. We will take Mr. Hajime here as an example." He motioned to his assistant. "Mr. Hajime only knows one sword technique, but he was one of the most feared swordsmen in Japan. Proceed, Mr. Hajime."

Hajime did just that. He stabbed a hole through the wall, and as the rubble fell from the blast, most of the class clapped and otherwise was in awe. Only Renji and Izuru were immune to the destruction.

"I have seen that before..."

"Captain Gin could stab things too..."


The class continued, and there were some enlightening points, but Renji soon realized he was in a beginner class. He know how to become Badass, but he lacked the ability at his current skill level. But, the building soon came crashing down (quite literally) when the superiors of the useless and incompetent arrived on the scene.

The first interruption was most unexpected. The front door flew out of the frame, and hit several of the attendees in the audience.

"Yamazaki! What the hell are you doing?" He stepped forward, and withdrew a young man from the crowd, throwing him over his shoulder.

Several men wearing the same black and gold dress uniform stormed in after him with swords drawn. One of them stopped, and whispered in the yelling one's ear.

"Sir, you forgot the script!"

"Oh, right... This is a raid! We are the Shinsengumi!"

Hajime dropped his cigarette on stage, and calmly spoke. "Hey, that's my line."

The commanding officered turned and looked at the stage. "Is that you, Hajime?"

"Toshi?"

"Don't call me-"

BOOM!

The east wall of the building had just exploded.

"Hijikata-san? Hijikata-san? Are you still alive?"

"Yes I am, You Invertebrate!"

"Was that Okita?"

"Yes..."


After the mad policeman blew a hole in the side of the building with a bazooka, things just went to hell in a hand basket. Master "Tulii" just grabbed the closest disposable bystander, slit his throat, and escaped.

At that point, a samurai with naturally wavy silver hair, the eyes of a dead fish, and a wooden sword walked down the street shouting, "Zura! Zura! Where are you?" We won't ask why. It was probably an exceptionally furry plot bunny.

But, the random monk that had been sitting in the corner of the classroom suddenly stood up, threw off his hat, and declared to the world, "It's not Zura! It's Katsura!"

Needless to say, this attracted the attention of the Shinsengumi. Okita reloaded his bazooka and fired a shell at the not-really-a-monk-more-of-a-terrorist. Of course, he missed just enough that Katsura was not critically wounded, cause we can't have characters dying in the story.

Anyway, the rest of the Shinsengumi charged after Katsura with their swords, and he was joined by his partner Elizabeth in his regular flight to freedom.

Now that the mad swordsmen were all gone, the rest of the attendees tried to escape the grounds. Most were not very lucky.


A blonde man smoking a cigarette wheeled himself away from the building as fast as possible. (Yes, he was in a wheelchair. Isn't it obvious from the verb usage?) But, he came to a stop in the alley, when a dark haired man in a familiar blue uniform walked up in front of him.

"Havoc. What are you doing?"

"Nothing sir!"

"Don't give me that kind of excuse. If this happens again, I will melt you to your wheelchair. Understand?"

"Y-Yes Sir!"


A grey haired teenager was fleeing the scene, and, as he pushed his glasses up, he wished that his master would not find him.

Wish not granted.

"Kukukukuku... Kabuto, you know I don't appreciate betrayal. Kukuku..."

-Gulp-

"Kukukuku... You do realize that you will now have to play twister with me when we return to the secret lair. Kukukuku..."*


A young martial artist jumped down from a third story window, and landed perfectly on top of a young man in a blue kimono with a wooden sword.

"Ah, so you finally realize your ineptitude? Eh, Kuno?"

"Fool! I am Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furikan High! I am not Inept!"

"Right... just keep telling yourself that... Oh! Hey there, P-chan!"


It was now three minutes into the incident, and a couple walked down the street, and suddenly stopped when they realized the were in the middle of what looked like the aftermath of a terrorist attack. Actually, that wasn't very far from the truth. There had been a terrorist, but he hadn't caused most of the problems...

They both had silvery-blond hair, and the same silver eyes. Strangely enough, the man's hair reached past his shoulders, and the woman had less than three inches of hair. Oh well... Hippies. What can you do?

The man was also carrying a baby that wasn't his, but his neighbor had to go to a Tupperware party, and she had dropped the baby on him. Again. For God's sake! He was a flesh eating immortal monster and he was stuck babysitting. Again. Okay... Maybe he isn't a hippie.

But they both watched in fascination as another woman with silver hair and silver eyes ran past. She had a long braid, and ears that looked like she was some demented Lord of the Rings fan. She was also wielding a six-foot claymore one handed.

"Rambo!" she screamed as she plowed straight through a group of disposable bystanders, and continued directly through a wall, bringing the building down behind her.

"Why is Ophelia here?"

"You know, that's a good question. But, we are leaving right now before we get arrested for simply knowing her."

"I completely agree with you."**


Captain Zaraki was stealthily watching the entire scene from the top of one of the few standing buildings. Actually, Zaraki doesn't do stealth. Really, it was just that he hadn't tried to disembowel anyone yet, and the people on the ground were more concerned with those who were.

Particularly, they were concerned with the golden trio of destruction. Most people don't survive very long when Sougo Okita, Roy Mustang, and Ophelia decide to level a city.

But, anyway, Zaraki was deeply immersed in thought. No, wait, that's wrong. Zaraki never immerses himself in thought. He was simply voicing the first idea that came to mind.

"I need to get that girl for our division. She is just perfect for our squad. And besides, I need a fourth seat."

The pink haired wonder on his shoulder took this opportunity to speak up. "That's a great idea, Kenny!"


A young girl with dark green hair put up in the most obscure hairstyle ever, was also fleeing the scene.

"Oh my God! There are crazy Elevens back there destroying everything!"

She looked like she was about to faint.

But, she was saved (sort of) when a (different) man with wavy silver hair and a lab coat walked up behind her.

"Nina, why were you attending a seminar for incompetent people? You built your first WMD at age sixteen in the basement of you high school!"


A elderly, but not ancient, woman in a flowing green robe, and a matching pointy hat, walk in through the commotion, and grabbed a young redhead by the ear, and continued dragging him behind her as she left the premises.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Weasley."


"Izuru, what are you doing?"

"AH! C-Captain G-Gin! W-What are y-you d-d-doing here!" (wasn't he supposed to be with Aizen in Hueco Mundo?)

"Nothing, just heard the commotion, and thought I come would see what's going on."

"You think this is just a 'commotion'?"

Gin watched the activities of the other foolish souls present, and finally made up his mind when a gout of flame erupted from a group of disposable bystanders.

"No, it's more of a conflagration"


Renji had escaped! He was currently running across the rooftops at top speed, hoping to flee the area before his captain learned of the commotion. Actually, it was more of a conflagration, cause that one dude with a bazooka was still blowing things up, and that guy from last time was incinerating anything that could be considered evidence. And the crazy chick with a broadsword. Yeah... Together, they had leveled three city blocks in about five and a half minutes.

But, Renji stopped as he heard footsteps behind him, and heard the exact words he had not wanted to hear.

"Shire, Senbonzakura."


*credit to OmniStrife, of Youtube. Go watch Fun with the Akatsuki.


**credit for this whole section goes to UsefulOxymoron, of Fan Fiction, and he story Life Sucks. The setting for the characters does, at least. And the fact that Ophelia knows who Rambo is. Isn't that a scary thought...

A/N: (Adele365) ...Like I said, even I don't get all of these. Most of them, but still... Also, UA's out of town... I'm gonna put what I can on my profile in the list, and get him to fill me in on the ones I don't know when he gets back...