Disclaimer: I own nothing; I bow down to JK and her amazing talent.
Note To The Readers: I wanted to take a minute and just express how much it means to me that you guys seem to like my story so much! And I love getting reviews; they make me happy and make me want to write and post more. Sorry that this one is a little shorter than the other chapters. Don't worry though; I've got an outline for the next six chapters!
Hermione had been right of course, breakfast at the Burrow was even better than dinner, though he got more than a few questioning looks when everyone realized that Hermione wasn't there. He had made up a quick excuse that she had something that she wanted to get finished for work and had left late last night. He was pretty sure that no one believed him but was grateful that no one called him out on it. Teddy, a fairly calm and fun loving little boy cried when Remus said their goodbyes, it took a promise that they would come back for a visit before he settled down though the tears kept coming.
It wasn't until after they had gotten home and Andromeda had come over to look after Teddy that Remus was able to get back to work. He was hoping for something hands on, meetings, a bit of travel but the only thing that waited for him when he got to the office was paperwork. He had been more than happy to accept the job offer but it was this part that he hated to most, he was reminded why allot of students hated busy work. As for Remus it gave him way too much time to think.
He sank back into his chair his quill forgotten on his desk, it was well after lunch time and he hadn't even made a dent in his stack of papers. He ran his hands along his face and winced when he caressed his cheek a little too hard. It still stung, Hermione smack had been a surprise, one that he never would have expected and if the look on her face was any indication she hadn't either. He cursed himself, he hadn't meant to call her a whore, the word had slipped out before he could even think about it. He had been so angry he couldn't stop himself.
One minute everything was going so well, they were talking completely comfortable with each other, each only slightly impaired by the firewhiskey, but still more or less clear headed. Then his hand was on her cheek and they were kissing. It had been delicious, she tasted of firewhiskey and her cheesecake and he couldn't have imagined a better taste ever. And the feel of her underneath him, Merlin, even just thinking about it now affected him. He shifted in his seat trying to relieve his growing tension.
But then he had buried his face in her hair, expecting to inhale that delicious scent that was pure Hermione, but had been assaulted instead by a masculine smell. Something that he should have noticed earlier and it only took him a minute to remember where he had smelled it before, that day at her house, when he had seen that boy walking out of her bedroom.
You should have flattened him when you had the chance.
She wouldn't have liked that either and I thought it was a onetime thing.
The only scent that should surround her like that is yours.
I don't have a claim on her.
You would if you would just give in to what you want. What we both know you want to.
"Remus." At the sound of someone calling his name he was snapped out of his inner sparring and looked up to see Kingsley standing at his door. He straightened up and made to stand but Kingsley waved his hand. "Stay seated my friend; I just wanted to check on those files." As he spoke he eyed Remus' desk and saw the exact files he was speaking of. Remus winced but nodded.
"I'm sorry sir, I've been distracted, I'll have them on your desk by the end of the day." He felt horrible that he hadn't gotten his work done and irritated that he had let himself get distracted so easily.
"That's fine. Remus my friend are you feeling alright?" Kingsley leaned against the door frame and eyed him carefully. "Was it a rough transformation?" Remus was about to tell him no, but then he realized that it was partially true and easier to explain that what was really going on in his personal life.
"You could say that" he said with a nod but not wanting to go into any more detail he offered up some other information. "Did you hear that Harry finally asked Miss Weasley to marry him?" Kingsley laughed and nodded his head.
"That was all the Auror department could talk about this morning. " Remus smiled at that but couldn't find it in himself to laugh, he was still angry about what happened last night, and not just the fact that she had been with someone else but how he had reacted to it.
"…better get going, I'll see you later." He looked up in time to see Kingsley turn and head from his office. He hadn't even heard what he had said, and hoped it wasn't anything important.
I'm too old for this; I'm too old for her.
Stupid Human, Dora wasn't too young for us, what's a few more years.
Remus sat back in his chair again and sighed; as much as the idea appealed to him he couldn't bring himself to admit that he wanted more from her, though apparently he was more than alright with stealing a kiss when the opportunity arose. He growled in frustration and leaned back over his desk reaching for his quill. What he needed to do was focus on work, and that's what he intended to do.
Three nonstop days of working and still Hermione couldn't get that one word out of her head; he had called her a whore. Even now sitting at her desk she could still feel herself getting increasingly angry as she relived that part of the conversation and broke the quill that she had been holding in her hand. She let out a cry of frustration and stood up from her desk. She was supposed to have Monday and Tuesday off, but she had come in anyway and now she was even further ahead on everything. She grabbed her purse from the floor and headed out of her office.
"Alice, I'm leaving, if you guys need anything just Floo me at home okay?" She didn't stop as she walked through the small office and headed out to the lobby of the Ministry glad that there was a fireplace free and she walked straight in and then came out in her living room.
She flung her purse on her desk as she made her way to her bedroom stripping off her work clothes and leaving them unceremoniously in a pile on the floor, changing into a pair of sleep pants and a tank top, so what if it was 3 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. She needed a break from work, but she still needed to make sure that she had something to occupy her thoughts, if she spent one more moment thinking about the argument she and Remus had had Sunday evening, she wouldn't be held accountable for her actions.
After making a quick phone call leaving a message for Dean to come over if he had any free time today, she settled in on her sofa after picking out a movie that wasn't a romance, she decided to go with a classic, Jurassic Park. It was perfect, loud noises and people dying; hopefully it would do just the trick. She curled up into a small ball wrapped in a blanket focusing on the screen, though the last thing she really remembered seeing was near the beginning when they get to see the Dinosaurs for the first time.
She woke up to the sound of a T-Rex roaring and when she opened her eyes she saw that the movie was over. She frowned and went to move but realized that she hardly could because she had been in the same position for over an hour.
"I haven't seen this movie in ages." She jerked up and looked over to see Dean sitting on the sofa with her; she took a deep breath and laughed lightly.
"When did you get here?" She asked finally sitting up and stretching.
"About 40 minutes ago, can I borrow it; I only got to see the last bit." She nodded and then shifted her position and tucked herself against his side and rested her head on his shoulder. He rested his arm over hers and rested his chin on top of her head.
"What's going on?" He asked. She figured that he would since her message had gone something like this: Hey Dean, it's Hermione, I don't know if you are working right now or not, or if you can get a way for a little bit. Things are complicated and I could really use someone to talk to, but I don't want to bother you either. Ugh, If you want to come over my Floo is open…
"Everything got really complicated really fast." She said with a sigh.
"Does this have anything to do with Professor Lupin?" She chuckled a bit, finding it funny that people still called him that sometimes.
"What makes you think it has anything to do with Remus?" She looked up at him when she felt his chest rumbled slightly. He looked amused almost.
"Well if the look he gave me the other morning was any indication, he's got a thing for you and really didn't like that I had been with you."
"Was it that obvious?" she asked sitting up straight, but pulling her legs underneath her as she moved so that she was facing him.
"It was to me, and now I am sure that you have feelings for him too." Hermione watched him carefully a guilty expression on her face and then she just unloaded everything on him, starting from their first shared kiss and pretty much everything after that.
"I just couldn't believe that he would call me that, I mean can you believe it, me a whore?" She said feeling more angry and upset than she had before, but this time she didn't fight back the tears, she let them well up and fall down her cheeks.
"He was just upset, granted he still shouldn't have called you that, but I suppose I can understand. If there was a girl I liked, but was too scared to approach was sharing herself with someone else, it would really bother me." She looked at him and sighed, she was still confused.
"But why is he so scared? He's known me forever, and it feels right when we close, better than anything else I've ever felt before." She winced, "Sorry."
He held a hand up and waved it "You don't need to apologize, I think it's good that you've found that, I'm just sorry it's not working out so well for you right now." He must have seen the questioning look on her face because then he added, "I'm not harboring any secret feelings for you I promise. We are friends, no matter what benefits we share, and I'll be there for you if you need me." It felt good to hear that though she didn't feel as relieved as she should, but she was sure it had something to do with what she was about to say,
"I've been giving it allot of thought, and if I want to fix things with Remus and hope for a chance with him, we can't keep sleeping with each other." She watched him carefully waiting for the look of disappointment to spread across his face. He took a minute and then nodded.
"Okay, but we can still hang out right?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
"Of course" Hermione said smiling for the first time since they started talking as she reached out and hugged him. "I still want to be friends." She said as she pulled back.
"Good, though I'll admit that I'm going to miss the sex part," She laughed when she saw the look on his face, it was somewhat serious yet playful at the same time.
"Me too," she said honestly, "But I think it's the only way. It probably wasn't fair of me to put you in that position when I had real feelings for someone else." Her eyes widened and again she felt as though she had out her foot in her mouth. "Sorr..."
"Don't!" He said clapping his hand over her mouth chuckling. "I know what you mean, no more apologies. Now we just have to figure out what you are going to do."
"What I'm going to do?"
"Yeah, how is Hermione Granger going to get her man?"
"That's a really good question, and for once I'm not sure I have the answer." She said with a frown as she shrugged her shoulders, "Got any ideas?"
"Are you sure she isn't going to care if we come over?"
"Harry, I told her we would come over Friday night and she offered to make dinner, she isn't going to care." Ginny pulled her shirt over her head and then ran her hands through her hair. The couple had been spending most of their time together, and since Harry was currently staying at Grimmauld Place with Ron, it gave them both a chance to spend some real alone time together.
"Has she said anything to you?" Harry asked pulling his pants on and then his glasses.
"Not a word, and if we are going to find out what happened we are going to have to be subtle about it." Ginny knew that if they wanted to know what really happened between Remus and Hermione they would have to ease into the topic. "You can't just come right out and ask her about it."
"Well I'll leave that to you then; I'll just sit back and take it all in."
"You guys are late" Hermione said as she walked out of her kitchen to see two of her best friends come in through the Floo. She looked at them for a moment and grinned, they both looked a little flushed and she figured they had a fun reason for being late. "But I suppose I can let it slide. Come on, dinner's on the table."
"Gods it smells good in here." Harry said as they got into the kitchen "Did you make this?" He asked as he took a seat after pulling out Ginny's chair.
"No, I ordered in from that Italian place a couple blocks over from The Leakey Cauldron." Hermione said, "Wine?" Ginny shook her head but Harry nodded.
"So we wanted to come over and let you know that we have set a date." Hermione almost choked on her pasta.
"Already?" she asked.
"Yeah we didn't want to wait too long, anyway, it's going to be New Years Eve."
"But that's only two months away." They couldn't be serious, two months was almost no time at all, and they were probably just joking with her.
"Yeah, but we've talked with Molly and we are going to do it in the backyard just like Bill and Fleur only smaller, just friends and family." Harry smiled, in fact he just beamed. He couldn't have looked happier.
"Yeah and be ready for a silver dress because that's what I've got in mind, and lots of candles" Ginny added, "You and Luna are going to looks great."
They spent the next two hours talking about wedding stuff. Harry was going to have Ron be his best man and Remus as his second groomsmen, and so on Ginny's side that left Hermione as her maid of honor and Luna as her second bridesmaid. Molly had offered to make the food of course, and it seemed that everyone else in the family had offered their help if it was needed. The only big question that Ginny had for her was about the Invitations. She wanted something homemade yet antique looking, and since no one knew more spells than Hermione she had asked her to help.
Before they left that night, Hermione had a mock up of what she wanted her invitation to look like and then offered to send them all out. "Just send me a list of everyone that's invited and I will get them out soon." She said as Ginny practically bounced in her chair. Harry watched her with this loving look on her face. Hermione looked from one to the other and wondered if what they had was out there for everyone. Why couldn't she have that?
"So we should probably get together with Luna and go looking for dresses soon, how about next weekend?"
"Sounds good to me, are the guys going to go get dress robes or will you do the tux thing Harry?" She hadn't even thought about that, which way he would go.
"Dress robes and I can see if we can get the guys together while the girls are out."
" See everything is coming together, it's going to be great." Ginny got that starry look in her eyes and Hermione couldn't help but smile at her.
"We should probably get going, your Mum will want to see a copy of the invitation and then we can let her know to send the list to Hermione." Ginny nodded but didn't make a move to leave the table and Harry lifted an eyebrow at her.
"Hermione, what really happened the other night?" If Harry had been drinking something he would have choked for sure.
"Subtle" he muttered looking over at his fiancé.
"What do you mean?"
"What happened between you and Remus? It had to have been pretty bad since you didn't stay over." Hermione sighed and shook her head.
"We exchanged some words, allot of them not very pleasant, and I just left."
"Well what did you guys say, what happened?"
"I'm not going to give you any details." Hermione said shaking head "We have some things to figure out, and until then I'm going to just keep it to myself." Ginny was about to argue but Harry spoke.
"Fair enough, just know that we are here for you if you need us." He stood up and held a hand out for Ginny. Hermione walked them to the Floo and watched as they disappeared and then headed into the kitchen to clean up, her thoughts drifting to Remus and if maybe one day he would look at her the way Harry looked at Ginny.
"'ight Mum" Teddy said reaching up toward his mothers picture, Remus smiled, glad that he had gotten into this habit; it was something that he had worried about after the war and Dora's death. Teddy turned around and gave his father a hug as well before he sank down into his bed and under his covers waiting for the story that he had been having read to him every night. Remus was starting to get tired of reading the three little pigs night after night, but Teddy loved it so what was he to do? As per usual though, they didn't get to the end of the story before he fell asleep.
He left Teddy's room waving his wand making sure all the lights were out and the doors were locked before he traveled the short distance down the hall to his bedroom. He didn't know if it was a bad thing or not, but he still had everything just the way Dora had left it on her bedside table. He glanced down at his own bedside table at his picture of Dora and sighed.
"What should I do?" He asked unbuttoning the top button of his shirt while slipping his shoes off of his feet. He sat back on the bed and wondered what this conversation would be like if she were here to help.
"What should I do?"
"You should be happy."
"But how do I just forget about you and our marriage and move on?"
"No one wants you to forget about me or our marriage, not me and least of all Hermione. She understands."
"She's too young for me."
"Remus, honestly you said that same thing about me and look how well that turned out."
"She's allot younger than you though, people wouldn't like it."
"She's not going to care, she's one of the most sincere and honest people I ever met. She cares for you, all you have to do is let her."
"And then there's the whole Werewolf thing, how would she handle that?"
"Possibly like she's been handling it since she was 13 years old?"
"It will be different, you know what I mean."
"It might take some time, but she won't hold that against you, and knowing Hermione she probably already knows what happens around the full moon ."
"I still love you."
"I love you too, but I'm gone, and it's alright for you to open your heart to someone else. I want you and Teddy to be happy. She's wonderful with both of you."
Remus was pretty sure that's exactly how the conversation would have gone, he would throw out every excuse he could think of, the same ones he had used with her, and she would tell him why they didn't matter. He would ignore her points and move onto the next one until he got to the last one, the most important one. He still loved her. It was hard to deal with that fact, and was it alright to embrace feelings for someone else when you still loved your dead wife? And was still loving your dead wife the same as being in love with her? And would there be room for Hermione that way? Would he have enough left to give her everything she deserved.
"How do I let myself have what I want?" He muttered to himself as he closed his eyes and drifted off into an unease sleep, his mind still trying to figure out how to let himself let her in.
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