Chapter 2
Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out, you're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's white
We fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up
You're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out, you're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's white
We fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
Hot and Cold by Katy Perry
Exhausted, Anders entered the clinic and threw himself down on the bed. They had just come back after saving a templar from the clutches of a blood mage. He couldn't believe that he had actually saved a templar, but when he saw the torture and pain that had been inflicted on the man, there was no way he could stand by and do nothing. Anders had been a little surprised that Hawke had brought Fenris along for the mission. She tended to avoid involving the elf in anything that involved mages; a wise decision on her part, since Fenris hated everything to do with magic.
She had avoided him for over a month since he'd told her that had no future together.
He had only seen her once in that time, and that was when she had been too badly injured to heal herself, during a Sharps ambush. Varric and Isabela had managed to get her to Varric's room at the Hanged Man, while Fenris had run to get him. For a man that hated magic, Fenris sure as hell found it useful when it could heal a woman he obviously had feelings for.
That realization had sent a strong current of jealously through Anders' body and he thought back to that terrifying moment when he was afraid he would lose her entirely...
Anders had run into Varric's room and saw the unconscious, bloody form of Tisha, his heart nearly stopped. He rushed over to her and raised his hands as he examined her injuries.
"What the hell are you waiting for mage? Heal her!" Fenris demanded.
"If I can pinpoint the specific areas that need to be healed, I can heal her faster than if I cast a general healing spell. So why don't you just back off, Elf, and let me do my job." Anders snarled.
"Calm down Blondie, we don't need you to go all Blue Eyed Glowy Man on us." Varric said, a little over exaggerated.
Anders could feel Justice's anxiety at seeing the extent of Tisha's injuries. Justice was angry and felt that they should have been there to prevent this. If they had, she wouldn't have been so severely injured.
"If I remember correctly, Justice, it was you that though that we needed to distance ourselves from her," Anders snapped at the spirit.
"In a perfect world, we would have never met this beautiful apostate, but since she has come into our lives you have been happier, which makes me happier. As big of a distraction as she is, her abrupt departure has made both of us even more distracted," Justice admitted.
"Well, that is mighty big of you to admit," Anders responded sarcastically.
"She can further our cause Anders, if you could learn to rein in your feelings for her," Justice stated.
Once Anders was able to locate the source of the internal bleeding, he began to cast healing spells; within a few minutes she opened her sparkling green eyes and smiled at him. His heart soared that she seemed genuinely happy to see him.
"Anders?" she asked, in surprise.
"Fenris came to the clinic to get me. I'm grateful that he did and I'm glad I came. Your injuries were extensive," Anders said as he tried to control the excitement in his voice.
She gently touched his hand. "Thank you for coming. I know the last time we saw each other we didn't part on the best of terms."
"Hmmm, well that explains why Blondie hasn't been with us on those last two jobs," Varric commented.
"Leave it to Varric to point out the blatantly obvious," Fenris remarked bitterly.
"And leave it to the jealous elf to always have something to say," Varric retorted.
"Could you two stop bickering for five minutes? You sound like an old married couple." Tisha looked at Fenris and Varric before finally looking at him. "Thank you for saving me, I know it can't have been easy for you."
Anders was now truly embarrassed. "Well, I certainly wasn't going to let you bleed out, just because we had a difference of opinion," Anders replied as nonchalantly as he could manage, even though his heart was beating out of his chest.
Tisha giggled, "Well I'm glad to hear that. Thank you for coming."
"He did! When did that happen?" Isabela exclaimed as every one's jaw dropped in shock. "Oh you weren't talking about that kind of coming."
Anders faced turned a deep shade of red, but Tisha just grinned. "That's the Isabela I know and love, always aware of the up and downs of those around her."
Now, as he laid in bed completely exhausted, he thought about all that had transpired on this latest mission and he had to wonder if she was trying to make him jealous on purpose. Tisha was a notorious flirt; she teased and flirted with everyone to put them at ease so that they let their guard down in her presence. Bloody hell, that would mean that all of those time that she had flirted with him meant nothing. A grin slid across his when he realized that also meant that she hadn't meant a damn word to Fenris either.
It made more sense when he remembered when Tisha had finally asked for his help once more and they had returned from a mission to the Wounded Coast. He had nearly choked to death when she had casually asked the elf about his tattoos.
"Fenris," Tisha cooed.
"Yes," the elf grunted.
"Your tattoos are lyrium, correct?"
Fenris nodded.
"So if I licked them would I get high?" Tisha asked.
Anders choked and coughed causing Tisha to giggle.
"What?" Fenris exclaimed.
"As a mage, if I licked you all over would I get high?" Tisha asked with feigned innocence. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Anders face had turned red.
"Ooo, I'd like to see that," Isabela purred.
"Aaah… well, I'm not s-sure," Fenris stuttered.
"We could always give it a try and find out?" Tisha teased.
"Or better yet, can we double team him?" Isabela cooed.
"Aaah… ummm…" Fenris was at a complete loss for words.
"Your a mage, lyrium doesn't effect you that way," Anders countered.
"Sssh, he doesn't know that," Tisha hissed.
"Isabela and Hawke, stop teasing the poor elf. Keep talking like that and you'll have him polishing the Blade of Mercy all night long," Varric chuckled.
The friendly banter had continued the rest of the night and it was as if the entire break your heart incident had never happened. Two days later she had arrived at his clinic to ask him to aid her in the investigation of several missing templars.
However, if that was her way of putting Fenris at ease it had completely backfired. Anders had never seen the elf so flustered; which only reinforced his belief that the ex-slave had a crush on her. At least he hoped it was a crush and nothing more.
Then the thought struck him like a lightning bolt. "What if it wasn't a crush, what if he had developed actual feelings for her and during the month that they had been apart, what if Tisha had developed feelings for the elf too." He could kind of see the attraction if you were into brooding elves who were so thin they looked malnourished and had an obsession with magical fisting... "No, he didn't even want to think about Fenris and Tisha like that... At all. LA LA LA LA,"he sang in his head trying to clear his thoughts from that horrid visual.
Then he heard Justice's voice loud, clear and as implacable as ever, "Remember you are only her friend."
He sighed and knew the spirit was right.
"If this is going to work, you have to keep your relationship with her strictly platonic, no matter how charismatic she is. I admit, I find her attractive as well but we... you can never act on those desires. If you cross that line with her, we are doomed and we would condemn her too," the spirit continued, insistent.
Anders started to protest but Justice just carried on, determination in his tone. "You know from the time I spent in the body of Kristoff, shared his memories, that I understand the true nature of love. Love is giving, self sacrificing, unconditional and ultimately selfish. If you allow yourself to fall in love with her, there would be no turning back. I can keep you focused on the task at hand but I can't stop her from being a casualty of our war."
xxXxx
They all stumbled into the Hanged Man after undertaking the very grisly job of finding an obnoxious man's missing wife. After discovering that all that remained of poor Ninette was her severed hand, everyone had been in agreement that they needed a stiff drink. Justice wasn't thrilled with the idea, but he conceded that this mission had been particularly difficult, and gave Anders his consent for some much needed relaxation, Justice reminded him to remain in control of himself.
Nora walked over to them and Varric ordered a pitcher of ale for the table while Isabela ordered a round of whiskey for everyone. Anders felt Justice's anxiety about the hard liquor. He worried that it would make Anders too relaxed, that he would let down his guard, but Anders reassured him that everything would be fine.
Once the drinks had been delivered, Varric raised his whiskey glass and everyone followed him, "Cheers to you and cheers to me, the best of friends we'll always be. But just in case we disagree, to the Dark City with you and cheers to me."
The group yelled out, "Cheers!" Except for Isabela who exclaimed, "Is that the best you've got?"
Before anyone took a sip of their whiskey, they all looked at Isabela and then at Varric. His eyes furrowed, "Are you really insulting my toast?"
"Yes Varric, I am. I know you have a better toast in you than that lame one." Isabela taunted.
Varric cocked an eyebrow, "Fine, but Bianca cover your ears darling." Varric raised his glass again and cleared his throat, "Here's to honor - Get on her, Stay on her, And if you can't cum in her, Cum on her."
This time everyone yelled, "Cheers." and drank their shot.
"I don't understand what that means," Merrill stated.
"It's an Antivan toast, Kitten." Isabela replied.
"Oh, well then here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon," Merrill said.
"What?" Isabela and Anders said in unison.
"That's Orlesian toast," Merrill replied.
Everyone doubled over with laughter.
"What? Did I misunderstand again?" Merrill complained.
In unison every one exclaimed, "Yes!" As they continued to laugh.
Without anyone but Varric noticing, Isabela ordered another round of whiskey for the table.
He leaned over and whispered, but Anders could still make out most of the exchange. "Are you trying to... Tisha drunk so that you can take... or Blondie?"
"Well, if I thought... man enough... can't pull the trigger, I will." Isabela whispered back.
"Rivaini, you're good," Varric said.
Isabela winked at the dwarf, "When I'm good, I'm very good and when I'm bad, I'm even better."
Varric roared with laughter while Anders' blood boiled. He didn't know what infuriated him more, Isabela trying to get Tisha drunk so that she could sleep with her, or that they didn't think he was man enough to act on his feelings for her. There was a time when his manhood would have never been called into question, now he was being viewed as a eunuch. It was that last thought that infuriated him most of all. How on the Maker's world did he give that impression to anyone... He was just trying to save both him and Tisha from further heartbreak, but now he was being seen as less manly or cowardly for not telling her how he felt? Or like Isabela, just using her to have a good time?
When Nora set down the next round of drinks, Anders didn't even wait for the toast. He grabbed the glass of whiskey and drank it in one. The whiskey burned on the way down, but the warmth of the liquor quickly spread through his body relaxing him a little more. He wanted to just close his eyes and go to sleep, but when Tisha stood to give the toast, his attention was completely focused on her.
She raised her glass and grinned at all the men that were her companions. "Here's to the men in my life, Maker bless them! You are the worst of my sins, I confess them! In loving you all; both great or small, so here's to my boys! Maker bless them!"
Isabela, Merrill and Aveline yelled their cheers the loudest. Tisha winked at Anders and then sat down beside him. She smiled at him.
"I liked your toast," he said.
"Thanks, I wanted to prove to Isabela that a good toast didn't have to be a dirty one," Tisha said.
"Well, I don't know if she will agree, but I thought it was great." Anders replied, feeling completely relaxed.
She rested her hand on his leg and he felt his heart race at the warmth of her touch. "I'm glad you came out with us tonight, Anders. It's nice to see you without blood on your face or completely drained after a day of healing."
"Blood on my face? If you noticed that first, then it must be quite appealing."
"That's not all I find appealing," she giggled like a chantry sister on her way to get laid.
She had the cutest laugh, and Anders had to use every ounce of strength to keep from pulling her into his arms and kissing her.
"Well, as we discussed before, I believe my appealing bits are off limits as yours are to me," Anders said.
She scooted closer to him, any closer and she would be in his lap. The thought of her in his lap made his groin tighten with desire. She leaned in so that no one else could hear her, "And which of my bits do you find most appealing?"
"Would it be too bold to say all of them?"
She smiled that beautiful smile of hers, "Good Ser, I do believe you aren't bold enough."
"How bold would you like me to be, my Lady?"
Anders saw her eyes flare with desire causing his groin to tighten even more. Thank the Maker he was wearing a lose robe.
"Hmm, bold enough to take me home and have your way with me," she cooed through veiled lashes. Her warm breath washed over him, sending shivers down his spine.
Anders pictured her spread out on his bed, her luscious body eager for him to take her, taste her and be with her every way possible. He could only imagine the feel of her skin, the taste of her soft lips, her scent. Fuck, what was he doing. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about her like this.
He looked into her hopeful eyes. Damn, he didn't want to hurt her again. He had just gotten her back in his life and here he was fucking it up again. "Tisha," he said slowly as he tried to formulate the right words, but before he could say anything more she placed a finger over his lips.
"Ssssh," she purred. "I'm sorry Anders. It is I that was too bold and presumptuous. I know that you only see me as a friend. I've had a little too much to drink and I should never have thrown myself at you like that."
She leaned in, kissed his cheek, then she stood up and walked over to Merrill and Aveline. As he watched her walk away and an ache coursed through him.
"Looks like you missed your chance again, Blondie. Isabela won't make that mistake," Varric murmured next to him.
"I didn't miss my chance. I let her go for her own good. If Tisha wants Isabela, I'm not going to stand in her way, but somehow I didn't get the feeling that it was the pirate wench she wanted to bed." Anders said confidently.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night Blondie. That maybe true for now, but a person can only handle so much rejection before they seek comfort in the arms of another. It's obvious that you care about her as deeply as she cares about you. I don't understand why you are fighting this." Varric replied.
"Have you seen me do the blue glowy thing? I'm not the most stable person to be in her life." Anders countered.
"Yeah, but I get the impression that crazy is a real turn on for her." Varric chuckled.
"She does give off that impression, doesn't she?"
"Hell Anders, I don't know if you noticed, but she's a little crazy herself. Have you paid attention to the way she fights? Most mages stay back, she is right up there with us... now that's crazy," Varric answered and then took another sip of his ale before he continued. "Look Blondie, all I'm saying is that life is too short not to seize opportunities like this one. I don't think you will ever meet another girl as uniquely wonderful as our Hawke. Don't waste it."
"You don't understand Varric, I'm too dangerous for her. No good can come from it, I'll not only break her heart but will also ruin her life, I can't do that."
"Blondie, you're the one that doesn't understand. Your a danger to her whether you are with her romantically or not. Just knowing you, associating with you is a danger to her and could potentially ruin her life. And if you don't think it breaks her heart every time you reject her, then you're lying to yourself. She isn't some naive girl, she knows the risks and she still wants you. She is choosing you."
Anders just stared at the dwarf, completely speechless. He had no rebuttal for his points. Anders shook his head in defeat. He looked across the table at her as she laughed casually with her companions, Maker only knew how badly he wanted her, but just because she knew and understood the risks didn't mean he was willing to risk placing her in that kind of danger. If anything happened to her because of him, he would never be able to forgive himself.
Tisha went to stand up, lost her balance and fell into Isabela's lap.
"Well, hello sweet thing, I finally have you where I want you," Isabela cooed as she ran her hand up Tisha's thigh.
"You could have just asked, your lap is comfortable... and bouncy!"
"Bouncy? I have something better you can bounce on precious." Isabela purred.
Anders felt the jealousy begin to surge again. He would not allow Isabela to take advantage of her while she was drunk. If Tisha was sober and decided she wanted to bed the smutty pirate that was different, but not after all the alcohol that she had consumed. He stood up, walked over to them, took Tisha's hand and pulled her off Isabela's lap and straight into his arms. She stumbled again, but he grabbed her by the waist to steady her.
"I think you've had a little to much to drink. It might be time to call it a night. Let me walk you home," Anders said.
Anger flared in her eyes as she pushed him away from her. Once she gained her own balance, she leaned into him and hissed in a low voice that only he could hear, "I don't get you Anders. One minute you're hot the next you're cold. One minute your robe is pitching a tent with desire for me and then the next minute your pushing me away. You send more mixed messages than the fucking Chantry. I can't take it any more."
He pulled her back to him and whispered back, "I'm sorry Tish, really..."
"What did you call me?"
"Huh? Aaah, Tish." Anders replied completely confused as he watched her expression change from one of anger to one of pain. She pulled away from him and ran out of the Hanged Man. Anders grabbed his staff and went after her.
He caught up to her by the time she had made it half way to her house. Damn she was quick. He grabbed her arm to stop her. "Tisha, what the hell was that about?"
Tears were freely flowing down her checks. He reached up, wiped them away and as he did so she leaned her face into the palm of his hand. He loved the feel of her soft velvety skin against his rough callous hands. "Tell me, what does that name mean to you?" he said gently.
Anders led her to a nearby bench and she took that time to compose herself. "Everyone in my family calls me Lettie. It's short for Letitia, everyone except for my father. He called me Tish for as long as I can remember and no one has called me that since he died. Hearing you say that name just caught me off guard and I had this flood of memories wash over me, it was overwhelming."
Anders now cupped her face in both of his hands as he tried to comfort her. "I'm so sorry, Tisha. If I had known I would have never called you that. I promise I will never do that again."
She smiled sadly at him. "No, I actually liked hearing you say my father's pet name for me. I wouldn't want anyone else to call me that, but it just sounded right coming from you."
He ran his thumb across her cheek as he wiped away a stray tear. Her request had completely humbled him and moved him to a point where he could hardly speak. "I would be honored to call you Tish," he said as he pulled her into his arms and lovingly embraced her. At that very moment he realized that he was in love with her and even if their relationship never went beyond the bonds of friendship, he would give his life to protect her and keep her safe.
After a few minutes he heard the soft sounds of her breathing, "Tish?" he said gently - nothing. He looked down and smiled, between the exhaustion from the earlier battle, the alcohol and the emotional tidal wave, she had fallen asleep. He scooped her up into his arms and carried her home.
Carver greeted them at the door with a scowl on his face. "Is this how you are going to treat my sister, mage? Get her drunk and then carry her home unconscious so you can take advantage of her?"
"What! Have you ever been laid in your life Carver? If I was going to take advantage of her do you think I would bring her home so that her mother, brother and uncle could watch? You really need to grow up a little and stop being so self-centered," Anders retorted incredulously.
Carver held out his arms, Anders gently handed the surly warrior his sister, the man glowered at him. "Next time, do you think you could manage to bring her home awake and with the ability to walk? At least that's what the elf does."
Carver's words had hit their mark as Anders felt his stomach tighten and almost retch from the jealousy and resentment that swept over him. Anders stumbled back as if he had been punched, but managed to mutter, "I'll do my best."
A/N - Thank you to everyone that has added this story to their alert and favs lists. We are so glad that you like our story. Also a big shout out to those that took the time to drop a line in our box and share your thoughts with us.
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