AN: Well fans, this is my first time dipping into True Blood fandom, let me know what you think! I promise I have not abandoned my other WIP's, I am just still facing a bit of writer's block on their particular plots. I don't know if this will become more than a one shot, it truly depends on the reviews and possible suggestions y'all might have? I've thought about carrying this train of thought over into the things Sookie and Jason face upon returning to Bon Temps. Delving into Sookie realizing that Bill's blood has just as much influence as Eric's has had -difference being that Eric hasn't tasted her, yet. And yes some dialogue is taken from episodes, slightly twisted to suit my purposes. I don't own True Blood or it's characters... Though, don't we all wish we owned Eric? mmmm... yummy immortal viking..
Death Always Changes Things
Chapter One
Her heart breaks for Eric, standing at the top of the stairs as she watches the moment between Eric and Godric. She watches him sink to his knees, weeping as he pleads in a language she does not understand. It is his tone and the sobs that tell her he is pleading, the broken expression on Godric's face, that lets her in to the amount of pain they're both experiencing. She cannot explain, even to herself, why she longs to go to him now. A large part of her longing to wrap her arms around him and take away his pain, a feeling he would sense from her were his own not so over powering. She takes his hand briefly, offering the only comfort she can for the moment. "I'll stay with him, as long as it takes."
You'll care for him, Eric? The concept seems utterly foreign to her. Take care of Eric Northman? Is such a thing even possibly? Is it conceivably necessary? Her response doesn't even register in her own ears, the feeble excuse of Eric's temperament, but she frowns as Godric takes that responsibility unto himself. Yet, part of her had expected as much of him. In the short time she has known Godric, and of him, since the plan for his rescue began to unfold, she had known that their relationship would be like this. Somehow, she had known that Eric's relationship with his maker is beyond anything she can fully conceive, and yet something she is all too familiar with.
The words spoken between them were not important. At least, not as important as the words they are not speaking. As with all vampires she has encountered, she cannot hear Godric's thoughts, yet they are written more plainly across his alabaster features as the sun slowly begins to rise behind him. She can feel the love Godric has for Eric pouring off of him in waves, and it is this, coupled with the end that is only moments away for him, has tears spilling down her cheeks. To keep the subject off of his child she inquires about the death he is waiting for. "Are you very afraid?"
"No, I am full of joy!" The smile that alights his deathly, pale features is childlike in nature.
She looks down, only slightly, trying to pull together some sense of composure as she takes a half step towards him. She listens as he remarks upon the oddity of a human being with him in comfort at the end, the fact she cries human tears for him. It never occurs to her that everything she is feeling for him now, Eric is experiencing in excess. It has yet to cross her mind that he is enduring not only his own personal pain at the loss that is moments away from taking place, but every emotion that ripples through her as she waits with Godric. "A human with me at the end, crying human tears, for me? Two thousand years, and I can still be surprised. In this, I see God." He reaches up, his hand ghosting against her cheek as his gaze dances towards the rising sun, then to the stairs where Eric had exited a short time before. "Don't be too hard on him. He will reveal his true reasons for the deceit, miss Stackhouse. Be open to it." He places a feather light kiss to her forehead, turning half way towards the rising sun, watching as the sky changes before them –something he hasn't seen in centuries.
She watches as the sky turns from a faded gold and pale blue, to the brilliant crimson and burnt sienna of the dawn, as Godric turns from her and walks towards the edge of the roof. He discards his shirt, letting it flutter to the ground behind him, as his body becomes engulfed by brilliant blue flames. Her hand flies to her mouth, resting against her parted lips as her tears spill silently down her tanned cheeks still. She utters a soft goodbye before there is nothing left of the ancient vampire, the one to give her a new perspective on vampires as a whole and especially a specific, manipulative, Viking vampire.
She stands on the roof of the Hotel Carmilla for near half an hour, until the sun has fully risen, before she descends the stairs and quietly closes the door at the bottom of them. She pauses for a moment, taking in the sight of the empty hall, before making her decision. She isn't entirely sure she can explain to herself, or Bill later, why she does not return to the room she shares with him now. She assumes he is dead for the day, will remain unaware of the time it takes for her to return to the room, if she returns, before sunset. Instead, she finds herself outside Eric's room.
The door to his room is cracked open, a golden glow spilling out into the hall, it appears to her almost as if he had been waiting for her to come to him. As if he had known, even before the made the choice.
She steps slowly, cautiously, into his room, approaching him silently only to be startled by the sound of his voice. "Godric's gone." It isn't a question, not even really a statement, but more a final broken cry. The startling red rivers that curve along his porcelain cheek and against his marbled chest tell her he's been crying, alone, while she spent those last moments with his maker.
"I'm so sorry, Eric." She says, in no more than a whispered sigh as she closes the remaining distance between them. Tentatively she reaches up, warm tan fingertips alighting against his stained cheek before sliding down beneath his chin. Gently she attempts to tilt his face up to meet his gaze with her own, knowing that if he does not wish it to happen there will be nothing she can physically do to change it. So, she is surprised when there is no resistance. She finds she is even more shocked by the way her heart feels as if it is shattering when she finally sees those startling blue eyes –red rimmed in bloody tears. What do you say to someone like Eric in a moment like this? She's nothing more than a human. She can't even begin to understand the bond Eric has now lost with Godric's passing.
He cannot fathom why, maybe it is the overwhelming grief, but he leans his cheek into the warmth of her simple touch. His blue eyes searching hers, locked in place and he feels as if he is drowning in her eyes. It is as if he is drowning in not just the emotions she's feeling but the compassion that's radiating off of her –for him. It is something he can't comprehend. In the thousand years he's been around, he's never felt anything like this. He has never experienced the things he is now with anyone else, save for maybe Godric. Yet, he knows even it is not the same. He feels a sob chocking him, he fights it, trying not to let it overtake him. Eric closes his eyes suddenly, the delusional belief that he will be able to regain control if he's not staring up at her, the face of the only person who feels as if she may hold even a sliver of the same depth of affection for him that Godric had.
Though she cannot feel his emotions in the same way that he can feel hers, she's spent enough time grieving to understand this act –shutting ones-self down, putting up a wall. The fingertips which had frozen beneath his chin, the moment he allowed her to lift his gaze and meet her own, moves against his right cheek. Her left hand joins her right, curling against his left cheek as she cradles his face between her small, warm, hands. Sookie's thumbs brush softly against the drying tracks of blood along his cheeks as she leans her face towards his. She presses her warm, silken, lips against both of his closed eyes, then the drying tears against his skin before pressing a final kiss to his forehead, speaking softly against his skin. "It's okay to mourn him, Eric. There's no shame in it. I know I can't truly understand the pain you're feeling, the loss of your maker, but I do know a little of loss. I know I'm no more than a lowly human to you, but I can be strong for you in this, if you'll let me. Or, I can go get Pam." It is not until she says the words does she realize the gravity of the moment. The fact that she had found him here alone, that his child had likely already turned in for the day, that his grief has only been shared with her. She had been the one to see him pleading with Godric before he was commanded to leave.
Her words, the mention of Pam and the status of her own mortal coil, causes his eyes to snap open again. His hands move to cover hers against his cheeks in a movement that is instantaneous. "Don't go." Is the first of his words, a plea similar to the one he had made to Godric, though he hopes for a less painful reaction to it this time around. He does not allow himself the time, right now, to question why he would plead with her to stay. He simply chooses to selfishly beg it of her, and he can feel his, long dead, heart constricting with the possibility that her shocked expression and silence is the predecessor to the rejection of his plea –what he deserves for manipulating her earlier in the evening. "Please," He adds a second plea amidst her silence. He removes his hands from hers, resting them against her hips as he tries, more gently than he's ever done anything in a thousand years, to pull her body closer to him.
"Okay," She finally squeaks out when she feels his hands against her hips. Her own hands move from his cheeks, one arm wrapping around his shoulders, her other hand cradling the back of his head as she pulls his face to rest against her flat stomach. She hugs him against her as the sobs, like those she'd witnessed from a distance on the roof, begin to shake his entire body. "I don't completely understand the depth of what was between you, it's nothing like what I saw between Bill and Lorena, or you and Pam… But, I know that he loved you, and I can see why." The last few words are hardly more than a breath, something that even his vampiric hearing would have lost, if he wasn't currently pressed into her stomach.
That seems to pull him from the sobs, at least for the moment. He pulls back just enough that he can look up at her again, shimmering blue eyes searching her face as he speaks, his voice shaking and accented more thickly than she's heard from him before. "Why, Sookie? After… With all that I have done to you, put you through. Why did you come? Why did you stay with him?" He cannot help questioning it, after his trickery after the explosion. Sure, he'd done it with reason, but none of which she knows yet or is likely to grasp.
"Oh, I'm still ticked at you over that, but I've seen, these last few days, that you are more than that. There is more to you, Eric Northman, than the snobby, underhanded, manipulative –than the vampire you've shown me before. When Godric went missing I started to see you differently, I just didn't want to admit it. Then, in the last few minutes I spent with Godric, I started to see you through him." She doesn't mention that it felt as if she was standing with his father as he died, as if he were Eric's father and he was asking her to take care of him after he is gone. After all, she's not naïve enough to think that Godric's death will completely change Eric. She's utterly certain that only tonight will be different, or today technically. "You should have someone here with you. Make no mistake, I am not here out of pity or obligation. I choose to be here as long as you'll let me in."
He smiles, slightly, instead of the smirk her usually carries as a near constant expression. It's the first genuine smile he's ever shown another being outside of Godric from the moment he was turned. The next words pass his lips in soft sincerity, utterly shocking to them both, "Thank you, Sookie." He lets his forehead come to rest on her stomach again, arms wrapping around her waist as he pulls her body tighter to his own. The sound of her heart is oddly comforting, and for the moment his walls remain down –he remains vulnerable to her.
Her fingers sift through his hair in a silent, soothing gesture as he holds onto her. It is the only movement she makes for over an hour, before the silent spell is broken by the cry of the cell phone she'd forgotten in the pocket of her sundress.
She pulls from him with an apologetic expression as she answers it, "Hello?" It hadn't occurred to her to check the caller ID, but then she didn't entirely disentangle herself from Eric either. She keeps her hand in his hair, as his tired body rests against her stomach again, only slightly paying mind to her conversation. "Yes, Jason. I'm fine."
"Are you with Bill?" Eric could hear her brother asking on the other end of the line. Vampire hearing often came in handy for such things, hearing both sides of a conversation.
"Bill?" She pauses, feeling as if she'd forgotten him on some level, the moment she entered Eric's room. "No, I'm not. I haven't seen Bill since last night. I followed Eric and Godric just before sunrise and…"
"Oh, Sook… No, you know, never mind. Just, um, be careful, okay?"
"After everything recently, are you seriously still on about -?"
"What? No, Sook, I actually just called to tell you that I talked to Bill last night. I know I can't make up for everything, but I want to try. I'll not stand in the way of someone who loves you, as long as you're happy. Just, don't shut me out, okay?"
She can feel the tears filling her eyes, part of her feeling as if she's betraying Bill by still being with Eric as Jason reminds her that Bill loves her. At least, well, he does… Right? She shakes her head slightly, trying to ignore the confusion for now. "Thanks, Jason. Listen, I need to go for now. I'll come by your room and see you later though, all right? I still need to figure out the arrangements for getting home."
"Just, get some sleep. We'll figure everything else out together after Bill wakes up or something."
"All right, and Jason?" She pauses for a breath, closing her eyes against her tears for a moment. "I love you."
"I love you too, Sookie." As soon as she closes the phone she slides it back into her pocket, taking a deep breath to settle her own emotions and return to offering comfort to the Viking vampire still clinging to her. She'd felt him stiffen when they were discussing Bill, but he seems relaxed now.
She slides her hand from his hair, curling it against the side of his face as she tilts his head to look up at her. "Come with me?" She watches, amazed again as he does nothing more than nod in silent agreement and stand up in front of her as she takes a step back to give him room.
Sookie leads Eric into the bathroom across from his bed, motioning for him to sit down on the edge of the enormous tub as she grabs a wash cloth from a rack on the wall. She turns on the faucet, running warm water in the sink since it seemed as if her own warm skin brought comfort.
He watches her, brows creasing together in confusion at her actions. His eyes never leave her as she closes the distance between them. Eric flinches in surprise, when she touches the cloth to his chest first, whipping away the bloody tears that are already drying on his alabaster skin. It is as if he is frozen, encased in marble, as she cleans every trace of his tears from his skin with the lightest touch. He cannot help but wonder if she thinks him fragile now, in this moment at the very least.
When she is done she rinses the cloth out in the sink, hanging it back up to dry, expecting Eric to go back to bed and sleep for the day. Instead, when she turns around she finds he is still on the edge of the tub, still frozen in place. She cocks her head to the side, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Shouldn't you sleep now?" She doesn't really know what happens to a vampire, should they stay awake during the day, as Bill has never once done so in her presence.
He looks down, swallowing and taking a deep, un-needed, breath –the actions strangely almost too human for him. To be this open, this vulnerable, in the presence of anyone, human or otherwise, is uncharacteristic of him. Yet, he finds he cannot help himself. He's already asked her to stay once, and now he finds the desire to beg her to remain until sunset.
He remembers, a distant thought, that she's recently lost someone, someone important to her. No, it isn't the same, by any stretch of the imagination, but it is the closest that he wagers a human could truly understand the pain and loss he's experiencing now. "How can I?" He chances a look up at her. "How did you sleep after a great loss?"
The question catches her off guard, eyes widening as she takes a half step back. A shuddering breath passes her lips as she tries to find her composure again, tries to figure out how to put it into words. "I didn't… At first. There…" She pauses, looking down at her hands as she shakes her head. She changes her course, choosing to leave out the fact it hurt too much to sleep, that she couldn't seem to rest alone, until Layfatte gave her drugs, of course.
"What did you do?" He knows that for a human to stay awake is nothing compared to what a vampire endures, should they miss a day of sleep. He stands, closing the distance between them again in the blink of an eye. His hand alights upon her cheek, sliding down her jaw with a feather soft touch before he cups her chin and tilts her head up, finding solace in her eyes as he awaits her answer.
She releases a nervous laugh as she looks into his startling blue eyes. "I let Layfatte give me valium." She feels him stiffen, just a little, at the mention of her friend's name. Yet, the fact he had kept him chained in the basement for weeks doesn't cross her mind just now as it does his.
"Where was Bill?"
"At his place, during the day at least." She looks at him more intensely now, trying to piece together his odd bit of curiosity. Why is he trying to figure out how she had handled the moments after Gran's death? She decides to try and offer him as much understanding and solace in words as she can. "I would have given anything to have someone hold me, when Gran died, to tell me the lies I needed to hear. But, Bill couldn't do that." She shrugs off the words, as if it doesn't matter that she hadn't gotten what she needed when she'd needed it, regardless of the multitude of reasons things were as they were. She turns her head then, pressing a kiss to the palm of Eric's hand.
He changes the topic, slightly, as he brushes his fingertips along her bottom lip after the chaste kiss she places on his palm. "Let's mourn or losses together, Sookie. If you will permit me, I will hold you today as you hold me. We will tell no one, if you prefer it kept a secret." After all, he couldn't care less if Bill were to know that he is providing his girl with the support she has needed as she gives him what he needs. In truth, he is too amazed that he has allowed himself to be so vulnerable, in front of a human no less!
She nods, not trusting her voice at the moment, as she follows him back to his bed. She crawls in beside him, facing each other as she wraps her arms around him. Her fingers brush over his cheek softly, she can see the tears forming his eyes before they slip down his porcelain cheek again. She wipes them away before letting her hand rest against his cheek, molding itself perfectly against his marbled skin.
He felt the dampness on his skin, before seeing the crimson hue marring her flawless skin. He knows it has only just begun, the pain seeming as though it's burning him from the inside out. He sits up, pulling her with him and surprised by the lack of hesitation on her part. He tugs gently at the fabric of her dress, lifting the light weight fabric up over her head and exposing her skin to him, leaving her in only her undergarments. His fingers trace against her skin softly; from her neck, down along her collar bone, then to the space between her breasts. His hand moves back up, no intention of taking advantage of the bond he created with her earlier on, the manipulation to try and level the field between himself and Bill. He is simply finding comfort in the things which make her human, the things that draw him to her in a way he has never been drawn to another.
They lie down once more as he guides her onto her back. He can feel her apprehension, her fear that he is about to take advantage of the lust his blood has created in her and their mutual vulnerability. But, to the surprise of them both, he doesn't. He wraps his arms firmly around her, his cheek coming to rest between her breasts, his ear directly over her beating heart as his grip tightens. His arms cling to her as if she is the only thing holding him to this world now that his maker is gone.
She can feel the silent sobs wracking his body, her arms hesitantly wrapping around him before they tighten against him. Sookie's fingers dance across the flawless expanse of his back, nails grazing his marble skin as she whispers words she hope will bring him comfort. "He really loved you, Eric, and he cared about you. He'll always be a part of you, never truly gone, you know?" She takes a breath, kissing the top of his head as she runs her fingers down the side of his blood stained face before grazing her nails up and down his spine. In this moment, she feels something she's never felt with anyone, even Bill. She remembers Bill's words, vaguely, how Eric's blood would make her feel attracted to him. Yet, would it not have been the same thing when she had Bill's blood? It occurs to her, oddly in this comfortable moment, that all Eric has really done is level the playing field. He has given her a chance to figure out how much of what she feels towards either vampire is real, or something a result of the blood shared amongst them.
As if he can hear her thoughts, Eric looks up at her, tilting his head so as not to remove it from her warm skin and beating heart. "Would you be here now had I not tricked you into tasting my blood, Sookie? Would you have still been with Godric?" Pam had warned him away from Sookie from the start, and the more time he spends with her like this, the more he truly thinks he understands his child's warning. It isn't her blood that draws them in, it's her.
She answers him without hesitation, "Yes. I would have followed you both to the roof, even if you hadn't tricked me. Your blood, what of it that flows in me now, has nothing to do with the choices I have made since. I could see the choice Godric made before he voiced it, as soon as you knew it. I could see the pain his intentions were causing you, and as much of a jerk as you may usually be, Eric, it didn't make my empathy or my desire to ease your pain any less." She places her fingers against his lips when he looks as though he's going to interrupt her. She continues with a tired smile. "I think Godric knew it too. He knew you'd need me, even if I didn't think at the time that you'd allow it. He knew different."
"You came because he told you to?"
"No, his words simply gave me hope, that's all. Eric, don't you feel it?" She questions him, remembering what Bill had told her about being able to feel her emotions, sense her, the first time he tasted her blood. She knows Eric should be able to feel her sincerity, should he have any doubts.
"I don't know… I can't… I can't make sense of it. I don't understand the things I'm feeling, from you or myself. It's infuriating."
She can't help giggling at that, to see a vampire like Eric so agitated by something so utterly human, to see him with the same human confusion. She shifts, pulling the sheet and comforter over them, tucking it against his body and her own, cocooning their bodies together. "You need to rest now." Her fingers brushing away the blood that's coming from his nose now instead of his eyes with the edge of the sheet.
"I must ask you to promise me something, Sookie." He pauses, waiting until her gaze meets his own, sapphire eyes pleading and commanding all at once. "Do not leave before I wake, promise me."
"I'll be here." She brushes her fingertips down over his eyes, seeming to pull his lids closed with the feather light touch, like her Gran used to do for her when she was young. She waits until she feels him go completely still, as if he has died in her arms, finally allowing the day to take him, before she falls asleep herself.
