B is for Balthazar
Unlike most of his fellow angels, Balthazar was actually quite a fan of human pop culture. He liked television, particularly shows such as, "UFO Hunting: True Footage Revealed", where he could sit with a grin plastered on his face in front of the TV and occasionally interject a comment along the lines of, "Oh! Oh! There I am! There I am!"
He could find endless hours of entertainment from this particular media source, but as much as he enjoyed these programs, he preferred funny cat videos.
One day, he spent an hour choking on what was an almost unhealthy amount of laughter, only to be interrupted by Castiel, who thought he was in distress.
"Balthazar! What's wrong? Are you incapacitated?" He asked, his forehead creased slightly in anxiety.
Balthazar could barely breathe, let alone form a coherent sentence, but he gave it his best. Which was to say, not very much. "It was…*gasp*…a cat…*gasp*…playing a piano!"
"Animals do not play musical instruments. I feel you have been misled to believe this by a highly ignorant human." Replied Castiel cynically.
But not even his friend's lack of humour could smother his buzz, and Balthazar happily guffawed under the critical gaze of Cas, who watched him with something akin to disgust.
Indeed, there were many incidents in which Balthazar felt almost magnetized by a form of human entertainment that didn't involve the majority of a town crowding around a jailhouse to watch a man being hanged. He found comedy in these things, and often felt that if he had been born in his vessel's body, he wouldn't have suffered a terrible life.
Many angels found it revolting that human's main form of amusement was watching other humans get hurt on "the you tube", but he understood this, as well. After all, when Michael got set on fire? Hilarious. When Raphael exploded Cas? He chuckled after Castiel had been brought back to life. When Michael stepped on Lucifer, all those years ago, and humans made sculptures of it? He had to sit down, he was laughing so hard. Michael had scowled at the artistic interpretation, but did comment with something along the lines of, "He shouldn't have been lying down there anyways…"
So yes, Balthazar understood the majority of these comic situations, and why people watched them. The only thing he never understood about their culture, however, was a recreational sport that the youths of the most recent generation were partaking in.
Skateboarding.
In every video he had watched on "the you tube", one of the members of the of this sport often hurt themselves as their friends taped it. They broke multiple bones in their bodies, and then had to go to the hospital, which resulted in casts. Which was perfectly fine to watch, or do if you were an angel that could heal yourself, but to voluntarily injure oneself? Balthazar needed to confront a professional.
"Sam, I require your assistance," Balthazar exclaimed loudly, walking in on a research session in which even Castiel was flipping rapidly through a book.
Everyone in the room jumped, looking up in shock at Balthazar's presence when they didn't have to summon him. "Oh, don't look so surprised," he drawled lazily, "I work more than just on-calls."
"What are you doing here, Balthazar?" asked Dean, his jaw ticking in annoyance.
"It's a good thing that Castiel has no taste, Dean, as I already stated my reason for being here." He said with a smirk, gesturing wildly. "I require Sam's aid."
"Why Sam?" He growled, having shrugged off Balthazar's playful comment.
"Well, I have awfully high expectations, darling, and I'm afraid you can't reach them." He smiled coyly at Sam. "Now chop chop, my small giant, I need you to explain an aspect of human culture to me."
"Human culture?" asked Dean. "I can explain that just as well as he can!"
"Hmm, not so much. Your understanding of culture is quite limited to the seventies, which I find shocking considering the fact you were born after the era."
"All right, all right," said Sam, his hands raised in surrender. "I'm sure I'll be back in five minutes or so, guys."
"Remember to pack your rape whistle, Sam!" Dean said with a cocky smile. "And maybe some pepper spray, too."
But before Sam had the chance to respond with something equally witty, Balthazar grabbed gently on his wrist and pulled him into a whorl of time and space, which lasted only for a half second before Sam found himself staring at what looked to be a skate park in California.
"Why are we here?" asked Sam, looking at the slightly shorter angel with curiosity.
"These particular humans," Balthazar said, waving his hand dismissively towards the group of skateboarders, "perform tricks—or at least, attempt to—on these boards recreationally."
"And?" asked Sam.
"Just…watch." said Balthazar, and sure enough, within Sam's first minute of gazing, a dark haired boy who had spent longer on his hair than he had on his homework flipped off his board gracelessly and smacked his head on the metal railing.
"All that proves, Balthazar, is that emo hair is not a good substitute for a helmet." He said, looking sceptically at the angel.
"But why? Why do they partake in this activity that injures them and often leaves them unsatisfied?"
"Why do we keep summoning you?"
"I'd say that hurt, but you probably can't hear it from all the way up there."
"I wonder what deep fried angel wings taste like?"
"Probably nowhere near as tasty as human thighs."
"I've never eaten angel before."
"Really? I've eaten multiple humans."
Sam looked grossed out.
"What? It was a rough break-up."
"Do you really want to know why humans skateboard, Balthazar?"
"Yes."
"They love the risk, okay? It's all about the risk. It gives them an adrenaline rush. More often than not, these kids feel most alive when they're inches away from death. That's why they don't mind if they get hurt, if they break every bone in their bodies; they feel like they're flying." Sam looks thoughtful, but something akin to a smile twitches on his lips.
"Did you ever skateboard, then?"
"Nah, but I hunted demons."
"Touché."
OoOoO
READ HERE:
Chapter two is doonne! Thanks for the reviews, ladies and anonymous gents, your praise makes my day.
Special thanks to Aluminumtastesfine who reviewed anonymously, and remusandsnapelover; both their comments made me smile and happy to be back to fanfiction!
So…Balthazar or Gabriel for Sam? If Balthazar gets out voted, I'll pair him up with an OMC, because he's hilarious and easy. To write. Not to sleep with. I've tried both, and have found I'm much more successful with the former.
Thanks!
LeahxLeah
