Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is copyrighted by its respective owners, of which I am not one.
When Kaoru awoke the next morning, the spot on the futon behind her was cold, indicating Kenshin had been gone for quite a while. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Kaoru forced her unresponsive body up; she had slept terribly throughout the night and she knew her eyes would show it.
The air was chilly as Kaoru stepped outside to see if Kenshin was there. Seeing no one around, she took a moment to enjoy the morning. Clear skies spanned the heavens, providing the perfect backdrop against dozens of birds as they migrated towards warmer weather. Various chirps and rustling sounds punctuated the air as other creatures stirred from their beds to begin the day. But despite the other creatures, the lack of human presence was palpable and Kaoru had never felt more alone up at Hiko's mountain.
Shaking off the feeling of isolation, Kaoru got to work. Pumping more water into a bucket, she performed her morning ablutions and refilled the bucket to use for cooking. Back inside, Kaoru coaxed the fire into a decent blaze once more to help ward off the chill as well as to prepare for breakfast. But there was still no sign of Kenshin even as the sun climbed higher into the horizon and Kaoru wondered where he went. Surely he wouldn't have tracked her down all these years and then leave her alone here, would he? Perhaps he had abandoned her after all.
But as soon as those thoughts entered her mind, Kaoru chased them away. Kenshin was not the kind of man to abandon anybody, much less her. No matter how angry he was with her, she knew he would never leave her alone. Not when he knew that was her greatest fear.
Kaoru winced at the irony of her thoughts. She wanted to be left alone yet she didn't want to be alone. Sometimes she wondered about her state of mind.
She needed to keep herself busy. Kaoru took what was left over from yesterday's dinner and reheated it over the fire. She poked through several cupboards to see if there was anything else she could use for breakfast. Kaoru wasn't surprised when she found nothing; after all, Kenshin had been gone a long time and he would know better than to keep food around that would mold over in his absence.
What Kaoru did find, however, was a large stash of sake bottles stored neatly in the largest cupboard. Most were untouched, though a few empty bottles were left. She wondered if Hiko had drank them, or if Kenshin did.
Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard footsteps behind her. Kaoru glanced backwards, expecting Kenshin and half hoping he would have some more food with him. But she wasn't prepared for the visitors he had brought with him.
"Kaoru!"
A lump rose in her throat as two men hurried towards her, one with a relieved, lopsided grin on his face and the other with a ferocious glare tinged with worry. Trying to fight back tears, Kaoru rose to her feet in time to be engulfed in a hug from two different directions. They squeezed her so tightly she felt her air circulation cutting off.
"Enough, you two," Kenshin drawled from the door just as spots began swimming in her vision.
The pressure stopped abruptly and Kaoru choked back half laughter and half a sob as she sucked in much-needed air. "Sano, Yahiko," she whispered. Her vision blurred for the second time in two days. Her emotions were teetering back and forth so much Kaoru's head started to hurt.
"We're so glad you're all right," Sano babbled. "I think my heart just about stopped when Aoshi sent word that they finally found you."
And over his words, Yahiko chimed in, "You nearly killed us all with worry, you know. Typical Busu, just thinking about herself!"
A steady stream of tears slipped down her face as Kaoru looked her two friends over. It looked like Sano hadn't changed, although his face seemed more tired and there was an extra worry line or two creasing his face. Still, he wore his familiar white 'aku' gi and the ridiculous red headband was still tied around his forehead and he seemed as strong as ever.
But Yahiko had changed the most. He had grown into a young man while Kaoru had gone. He was now as tall as she was, and his features had lost much of his baby fat, leaving in its place the face of a man who had already seen too much in his short lifetime. He wore a deep red gi and white hakama, a near mirror of Kenshin's old clothes. A sword – a real one, not just a bokken – hung at his side, resting against his left hip as if it belonged there. And although his jagged hair cut hadn't changed from two years ago, it fit his grown up features much better, accentuating a masculine bone structure that his face only hinted at before. His dark eyes, rimmed with a mixture of concern and anger, shimmered with unshed tears. But Yahiko held them back, perhaps now too old to let out his feelings as he had always done before.
"Hey now, don't turn on the water display." Sano awkwardly tried to wipe some of the tears off Kaoru's face. "It's the first time we've seen you in a few years, and we want to check that you took good care of yourself."
Grateful for the concern, Kaoru dried her eyes with the sleeve of her gi. "I'm fine," she said, her voice cracking. "I'm fine. And you two?"
"We're okay," Sano assured her. "We're … hell, Jou-chan, it's just good to see you again." And he hugged her tightly again.
"Yeah, we've done okay," Yahiko said gruffly. "No thanks to you, either." He glared at her but Kaoru saw relief lurking in the depths of his eyes. "I hope you had a good reason for running off like that."
"Yahiko," Kenshin said warningly and the youth shut up. Kaoru just stared at teen in shock. She hadn't realized how deep her former student's voice had become, but it wasn't the same tenor it used to be. Yet another change she had missed.
"But you gotta know you scared us to death, Jou-chan," Sano said. He flashed Kenshin a quick glance. "When we realized you were gone, we thought something had happened at first."
"And that note didn't help any," Yahiko said accusingly.
Kaoru dropped her gaze to the floor. Although both Sano and Yahiko were being far more understanding than she had hoped for, their words cut deep into her heart. She knew that her absence would cause an uproar, but she hadn't realized how much. Nor did she realize how much they were affected by it. Yahiko almost, but not quite, couldn't mask the pain he felt.
And Kaoru suddenly realized why. Yahiko had been as much an orphan as she had been, and perhaps worse. Left alone to fend for himself at an extremely young age, and being used by the yakuza before finding a home with Kaoru and Kenshin, the teenager would have been far more sensitive to her leaving.
How could she have been so stupid and blind? Kaoru hated herself more than ever for the pain she had caused her friends. Yet it was too late. There was no going back now.
Apparently sensing her inner turmoil, Sano cleared his throat. "But we're glad you're back and safe, Jou-chan. Really. It's been rough without you and we were worried some jerk would have taken advantage of you or hurt you in some way. But we shouldn't have been worried about that, eh?" He nudged and winked at her.
Kaoru threw Sano a grateful look and offered him a tremulous smile. "No," she whispered.
Even Yahiko attempted to assuage her guilt. "Come on, no teacher of mine would ever let some two-bit thief take advantage of her. The Ghost Swordsman did a pretty decent job cleaning up the roads, too."
So her friends had known about her thinly veiled disguise. Kaoru figured it wouldn't have fooled anyone close to her, which was why it was so easy for Misao to trap her. All they had to do was recognize which path she frequented and it would have been simple to find her.
Though now Kaoru wondered if she had hoped for discovery all along. After all, she mainly stayed around the Tokyo prefecture and only took a fair amount of effort to disguise the route she traveled. She had used the excuse that she was most familiar with the area, but had she truly wanted to be left alone, Kaoru would have stayed far away from Tokyo.
"Yeah, nice alias you took on, Jou-chan. But couldn't you have been more creative with your nickname?" Sano teased her.
"It wasn't my idea," she said wryly. "I think someone used it and it caught on."
"Something less ostentatious would have helped slow down your popularity some," Yahiko agreed. "But people like a catchy name. It lends an air of mystery."
"As much as I hate to break up this discussion, maybe we should turn our attention to more important matters," Kenshin said sardonically. Throughout the reunion, he had stayed close to the door as he watched their interaction. Kaoru noticed that his impassive mask, which she was beginning to associate with the embittered Kenshin, stayed firmly in place without regard to the teasing and laughter. "We can catch up and play nice later."
At that, Sano's face darkened. "Kenshin," he began.
"It is better that she knows the results of her actions, and the sooner the better," he said curtly.
"Know what?" Kaoru asked, confused.
At that, all three men looked at her. Finally, Sano heaved a sigh and waved his hand. "Let's sit down, Jou-chan, and we'll catch up."
They settled around the low wooden table, unease gripping Kaoru's stomach in its tight clench. She stared at Yahiko and Sano, waiting for them to speak.
Neither one wanted to start, she could tell. They glanced at each other a few times, arguing silently, until Sano finally exhaled. "All right, well, here goes. You may not like this, Jou-chan, but it's the best that we could do.
"Because you've been missing for so long, your property was considered legally abandoned a while back. And because Yahiko was still underage at the time, I bought the dojo. So … technically it's mine now." He flashed a crooked smile that tried to be both reassuring and amused. "Imagine me, owner of the dojo that teaches a kendo method I don't really know about. So I did the best I could, and made Yahiko assistant master."
Kaoru stared at Sano as he spoke, her mind swirling with confusion and anxiety. She hadn't even thought that far ahead as to what would happen to her dojo once she left. Her father's dojo and her home!
"So, uh, we both live there now," Sano continued more warily as he caught the flash of pained emotion in her eyes. "And we've got a pretty good following now, actually. I expanded the dojo's specialty to add kempo, and Aoshi gave me some good hints on how to teach the kids. Yahiko takes care of the kendo side, of course. But uh …" He glanced at Yahiko.
The teenager took over, reluctantly. "I'm not exactly teaching them the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. I never learned everything up to the level of assistant master, and you know how I started implementing a combination of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu along with what you've taught me. So I guess I just started teaching my own style."
"I … see," Kaoru said after a long moment. They had fallen silent and stared at her anxiously, as if hoping she wouldn't be too angry with them.
But Kaoru didn't know how to feel. The familiar numbness stole over her and her brain tried to sort things out in logical sense. Of course they did what they had to do to keep the dojo going; closing it down would have hurt more. But the legacy of her father's sword style was no longer being taught and she no longer had a home to go back to.
Had anything remained the same as she had left it? Were all these sudden changes divine retribution for running away from her friends? Kaoru suddenly felt as though she was suffocating and stood abruptly, jostling the table from her jerky movements. "I need some air," she mumbled and turned, stumbling out of the hut without really seeing where she was going. She needed time alone to come to terms with what she had just learned.
Kaoru vaguely heard Yahiko's concerned questions but didn't stop to hear him. She made her way down the gentle slope of the hill and followed a path deeper into the woods, concentrating simply on not tripping over anything and breathing in and out. Anything more and she would scream and breakdown.
After a while, she stopped meandering and sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree. Kaoru hadn't realized her hands were shaking until she looked down at them. Making a fist to keep them still, she closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh scent of nature. Everything was utterly still except for the occasional twitter of birds circling above her.
Kaoru didn't know how long she sat there, curiously blank. If Aoshi had been around, perhaps he would approve how she almost became one with nature. She needed to order her thoughts and sort everything out and time to digest all the changes that had occurred.
Kenshin had obviously known about Sano and Yahiko taking over the dojo so he brought her to Hiko's cottage. Perhaps that was another one of his merciful gestures to her; she could deal with change but it would take time and Kenshin knew her, sometimes far better than Kaoru thought she knew herself. And losing her father's legacy was most definitely a blow she hadn't expected as a result of her actions.
Suddenly running away seemed like the stupidest thing she could have ever done. Kaoru knew there would be deep regrets when she left her friends, but she obviously didn't think everything through. And she hadn't realized the extent of repercussions. Nothing was the same anymore. Not her relationship with Kenshin and others, and now she was homeless.
Kaoru tried to think about this newest piece of information in the most logical manner. She couldn't just think about herself. What about Sano and Yahiko and the life they had built after she left? They looked well and appeared far more successful than she had ever been. She and the others had spent the majority of time either chasing after Kenshin or chasing after someone with Kenshin … and she was most definitely not the business man Kamiya Koshijirou had been. After Kaoru left and Kenshin began searching for her, Sano finally must have had the time to begin rebuilding the dojo and giving it the attention it deserved.
Kaoru knew she could ask Sano to give the dojo back to her but how could she? Despite the shock of the news, Kaoru could easily tell his pride in reviving the dojo back to its former glory. And although it no longer taught the same martial arts, at least it hadn't vanished quite completely.
And, in the end, this was probably Sano's first venture into a legitimate business that didn't include gambling or roughhousing. If he had become so successful in this honest business, who was she to force him to give it all up?
Yahiko, too, seemed to have grown up from all this. Being named assistant master finally gave him the maturity to complement the youthful confidence and feisty manner he had always displayed. And to think he created his own ryu! Kaoru knew she hurt him by leaving but he appeared to have adapted well to the current situation.
Sighing, Kaoru kicked the ground some, unearthing a stone that plinked several feet away. She couldn't ask for the dojo back from Sano. Perhaps not even if he offered it back to her.
To Kaoru's surprise, the light began to dim in the forest and she suddenly realized she had been sitting there and thinking for hours. She didn't regret the time; she finally felt calmer and more adjusted to the changes she learned about. Kaoru didn't think it was the last of the surprises in store for her, but at least she had time to digest everything and regain some sort of her equilibrium.
Kaoru reluctantly returned to the hut, slowly finding her way out of the forest. She didn't particularly want to see or talk to anyone but she knew that if Kenshin had to look for her again, things would get much worse. Besides, Kaoru had left the sakabatou back in the hut and she wouldn't leave without it.
Her dread grew as she slowly entered the house, expecting twin voices to pepper her with concerned questions and other words she didn't particularly want to hear. Kaoru didn't want their pity, either. She would rather have their anger than pity.
To her surprise, Kenshin was alone in the hut as she entered. He was at the fireplace, tending to a bubbling pot that smelled vaguely of beef. "They left," he said in response to her searching eyes. "I told them to go to the Aoiya and return tomorrow."
Kaoru wasn't sure if she wanted to thank Kenshin or demand what right he had to throw her friends out. But she guessed they were also his friends, and he hadn't run away from them. So she shut her mouth, nodded, and got the dinnerware out.
They ate in complete silence, Kenshin brooding in his own thoughts, whatever they were. That suited Kaoru just fine, though she roused enough wry humor to note that they certainly did fit well together. The moody couple, she thought sardonically.
Once the dinner dishes were cleaned, Kenshin went outside to sit and stare some more in front of the stone kiln. Kaoru watched him for a moment, wondering what was on his mind. She desperately wanted him to demand answers from her so she wouldn't have the strain between them any longer. But he hadn't asked yet and she certainly wasn't going to bring it up.
But that wasn't her only worry. Kaoru still didn't know how to feel about the news that her childhood home was gone as well as her father's legacy. She had fought so hard to keep going, even when the dojo had reached down to one student and it seemed like things couldn't get any worse. Losing it was something she hadn't anticipated, though she probably should have.
She still wasn't any closer to resolving her feelings on either situation when Kenshin came in and they got ready for bed. Kaoru didn't protest but meekly went to the futon where Kenshin was. Though she did finally manage to fall sleep after several hours of laying there, her rest was riddled with worries and concerns she had no answers to.
Sano and Yahiko were back early the next day, bringing in two large packages neatly wrapped up. Kaoru, who had woken up as broody as the master of the house, tensed as they entered with cheery greetings. To her relief, they didn't bring up last night, especially as Kenshin shot them a warning look as he tended to the fire.
Apparently, they understood as neither men mentioned yesterday. Instead, they focused on the one thing that always brought them together, whether it was silly misunderstandings or the Juppongatana: food.
"Omasu and Okon insisted we take you breakfast," Yahiko said, dropping one on the table. Kaoru's eyebrows rose as she heard the heavy thud; as usual, the two women had overdone it.
"They also said to come and visit as soon as you're able," Sano added. "Whew! Carrying this thing up without being able to eat something on the way was torture …"
Kaoru appreciated them striving to appear normal but it made her feel worse. Still, she knew they were only trying to help, and perhaps to make up for what happened yesterday. So she just smiled, even if it was a little strained. "Well, I'm glad you've got more self-control now, Sano."
Yahiko snorted. "I also threatened him so don't think he's changed that drastically."
"Hey! That's no way to speak to your employer!" Sano retorted, reaching out to cuff the teenager on his head.
But Yahiko ducked out the way and waved his hand in dismissal; obviously, it was an idle threat. "Whatever. Come on, let's eat, I'm starving."
As they sat down together to eat for the first time in a very long time, both Sano and Yahiko tried to keep up the cheery conversation. But Kaoru couldn't keep the façade up even though she tried to keep the smile on her face. And Kenshin said nothing the entire meal, not even looking at his two friends. Eventually the conversation died down until and Sano and Yahiko glanced at each other worriedly.
When breakfast ended, Kaoru imagined everyone was relieved from the uncomfortable tension. As she went outside to wash the dishes, she overheard Sano and Yahiko talking to Kenshin in low voices, trying to keep her from hearing the conversation. But with the door open, she heard every word they said.
"What the hell did you say to her, Kenshin?" Sano demanded. "She looks like someone went inside her head and gave her a beating!"
"That's not Kaoru," Yahiko added hotly. "That's not even a ghost of Kaoru."
"I know she hurt you badly when she ran away but she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment," Sano said. "You're better than that, don't make her suffer like this!"
Kaoru sighed, wondering if this was how everyone treated Kenshin the first time they realized she was missing. Misao had mentioned people may have blamed him for her disappearance, and it wasn't fair. Certainly Kenshin had been a large reason as to why she left, but it wasn't because he had said or done anything. At least, not lately. In fact, he had been more than merciful considering the deep hurt she felt emanating from him. Kaoru set the plate she was washing back into the soapy tub and stood up, intending to set her friends straight on that issue.
But Kenshin's response froze her step in mid-air. He said coolly, "Whatever is said between us is none of your business. Don't interfere in this, either of you. I will do what I think is right."
"You can't honestly expect us to stand aside while you abuse her like that," Sano retorted. "Jou-chan's been through a lot already and we won't let you hurt her anymore."
"So you both think that I caused her to leave? You should have said so from the very beginning." Kenshin's tone became even more frigid and clipped. Kaoru shivered as she heard him, imagining his eyes starting to glow a deep gold.
"We don't know what happened," Yahiko put in, being more diplomatic than Kaoru would had given him credit for. "But I think we all agree we shouldn't give her more reason to run again. This weird atmosphere has to stop, which means we need to be patient with her until she wants to tell us what went wrong."
"She won't run again. She knows better than that. Don't you, Kaoru?"
It took a moment for Kaoru to realize the silky toned question was directed at her and she jerked back reflexively. She didn't realize she had inched closer to hear the conversation better until she was practically standing in the doorway. Now, as all three men looked at her, she took a deep breath. "Sano, Yahiko," she said firmly, "thank you for your concern, but Kenshin didn't do anything."
Sano didn't look convinced and folded his arms across his chest in stubborn disbelief and Yahiko blinked. "He didn't?"
Kaoru took one step inside the house. "No, he didn't," she said. "We just need time to work some things out." Her heart throbbed as she added more softly, "I think … I think it's best that you two don't come back until we're able to come to some sort of conclusion on this issue."
Sano's arms fell to his side as his jaw dropped open in disbelief. "What?"
Even Yahiko first looked startled, then hurt. "I don't understand. What's going on?"
Kaoru sighed again and covered her face with her hand. She had made a complete mess of things and now she was hurting the people she loved most all over again. She wondered if she could ever make it up to them.
But she also knew she was doing the right thing. Kaoru had to sort things out with Kenshin first before she could face her friends. She owed Kenshin that much. So Kaoru only murmured with her head bent, "Please trust me on this."
The silence stretched between them for what seemed like years until Sano threw his hands up. "Whatever, okay fine. I get it. We're not wanted here. I can take a hint. Come on, Yahiko." He stomped out, brushing past Kaoru without even looking at her.
Yahiko hesitated and looked between Kaoru and Kenshin. At last he sighed in resignation. "Forgive him, you know how temperamental he is. He'll get over it once everything is explained." He paused before adding, "And that will happen, yes?"
Kaoru met his sober dark eyes and nodded silently. Apparently satisfied with the answer, Yahiko headed out the door, reaching out to squeeze her arm briefly in a reassuring gesture before he, too, left, closing the door gently behind him.
Kaoru stared after them for a long moment. The ache of loneliness she experienced while traveling on her own the past two years came back in full force. She knew they loved her and she them, yet she had torn them all apart with her actions. It was friend against friend against friend. Sano's anger was completely justified and Kaoru wondered if even a lifetime would be enough time to rebuild that trust between everyone again.
But she couldn't think about that now. Slowly, Kaoru turned back to give her full attention to the man in front of her. He watched her quietly, arms crossed at his chest, the golden eyes flashing with the same bitterness and hurt reflected in Sano's and Yahiko's expression. But this was much worse. Kaoru realized that she had not only hurt Kenshin, but hurt him in the way only she could. She hurt him deeply because he allowed himself to be so affected by her and her alone. Even his friends had turned against him, and all because of her actions.
Taking a deep breath to steady her jangling nerves, Kaoru said shakily, "I guess we should talk."
Kenshin said nothing and she hated that he appeared so frigidly calm when she felt almost ready to jump out of her skin. Unsure of where to start, Kaoru asked softly, "Does everyone blame you for my leaving? I know Misao wasn't too sure. What about Megumi?"
"I have not seen her for a while," he said stiffly. "She chose to remain in Tokyo."
"Oh." Now Kaoru wished she hadn't brought the subject up. She and Megumi had their ups and downs, but of all her friends, she thought the doctor would have supported Kenshin unconditionally. Her supposition appeared to be incorrect and the tension seemed to increase, if possible. I think I'm beginning to get used to all the silent pressure, Kaoru thought wearily.
She had no idea what to say or how to begin at all. Should she try to explain why she left? Her reasons seemed so selfish now and perhaps even ridiculous. Kaoru wasn't even sure if anyone else would understand it.
A voice suddenly shattered the stilted air between them. "Battousai! We know you're inside! Come on out and face us!"
Startled at the strange voice, Kaoru turned her ear towards the door and realized that there was more than just one person out there, if the muttering drones were any indication. "What in the … who's out there?" Bewildered, she looked over at Kenshin to see if he knew what was going on.
Kenshin didn't answer but stood, a feral snarl on his lips. And, if Kaoru still knew how to read him, a hint of satisfaction appeared to shine from the bright gold eyes. "Kenshin?" she asked tentatively then yelped as several heavy thuds pelted the front door. She held her arm up in an unconscious gesture of protection while Kenshin automatically moved between her and the door. "Kenshin?" she asked again, more urgently.
"Stay back," he growled. Striding over to his replacement sword, he unsheathed the dull weapon as he headed for the door and flung it open, heedless of the rocks thrown at the hut.
Hating the way he ignored her question and told her to stay back as if she was a child in need of protection, Kaoru reached out for the sakabatou and ran after him.
She skidded to a halt just behind him, gaping at the scene in front of her. Fifty or sixty men, and even a few women, armed with various weapons, were arrayed before them at the base of the hill, muttering angrily amongst themselves. Three men appeared vaguely familiar and were at the forefront of the mob scene, glaring at Kenshin. From their body language, Kaoru recognized they were looking for a fight.
And so was Kenshin, Kaoru noted, glancing at the rigid figure facing the disgruntled group. His chi appeared ready to go into battle, no matter that most of them appeared to be civilians and no match for Kenshin. Yet the sheer number of people worried Kaoru. Kenshin was good, but could be possible take down so many without getting hurt. And why were these people here anyway?
One of the men in the front, a stout and bearded figure finally spoke, the sneer evident in his voice. "So you come out, Battousai. You need to pay for your crimes!"
"Which one?" Kenshin asked with a self-deprecating smile.
His response apparently threw the man off guard for a moment but he recovered quickly. Pointing a butcher knife in his direction, Beard Man said angrily, "The one where you pay for the murder of the Ghost Swordsman!"
And Kaoru suddenly remembered why three of the men seemed so familiar; they were at the teahouse when Kenshin had made his big announcement. She wanted to slap a hand to her head. This was about her so-called death? If Kenshin had kept his mouth shut, eventually the Ghost Swordsman would have become the stuff of legends. But the moment that a red-head with a cross-shaped scar on his cheek announced he had killed the Swordsman, she became a martyr to the common folk!
"Of all the stupid reasons to fight," Kaoru muttered to herself before stomping forward to clear this entire situation up.
Only Kenshin's arm shot out and stopped her from moving. "Stay where you are," he ordered without looking at her.
His expectation of her obeisance infuriated Kaoru even more. "Don't tell me what to do," she snapped back. "This is just a misunderstanding. They'll understand once I explain …"
"You will explain nothing," Kenshin said evenly, even keeping his eyes off the three men. A cruel smile lifted the corner of his lips in a completely foreign expression Kaoru had never seen on his face before. "Let them come."
Kaoru stared at Kenshin as if he had suddenly sprouted another head. Since when did Kenshin start welcoming fights instead of doing his best to avoid them? But from the look on his face, she realized that he was just itching for a fight. And the mob, picking up on his eagerness, appeared just as ready as he was. "Kenshin!"
And then, as one, the mob surged forward with a battle cry, waving the pitchforks and shovels threateningly. "For the Ghost Swordsman!" someone cried.
Helpless, Kaoru watched as they climbed the hill to attack Kenshin, or her, or both. She couldn't raise a weapon against them, not against innocent people. It went against everything she believed in. Beside her, she felt Kenshin tense in readiness.
But before the masses could take more than a handful of steps, a shockingly loud boom erupted like the sound of firecrackers, causing Kaoru to flinch at the sudden noise. The mob stopped as well, confused and looking around for the source.
"Everybody, lower your weapons," an authoritative voice ordered. Several blue-gray uniformed men appeared from the woods to take up position at the bottom of the hill with pistols trained on the mob. "This is a police order by order of the Meiji government. Lay down your arms and be prepared to be taken into custody."
Kaoru stared at the officers who seemed to have shown up out of nowhere. She glanced at Kenshin quickly and realized he was just as he confused as she was. So he hadn't planned this either. The dull thud of equipment dropping to the ground brought her eyes back to the mob, who complied hastily in light of the Western weapons trained on them. Only Beard Man stepped forward and shouted, "I demand that Battousai be arrested! He should be charged with murder!"
"Quiet." A tall man with several epaulets gleaming on his uniform strode forward. "I will decide who will be charged with anything after hearing the full story. But for now, all of you are under arrest for unlawful riot gathering with the intent to commit a crime and trespassing."
"But he's Battousai!" the man cried out. "He killed the Swordsman!"
"The Ghost Swordsman is nothing but an old woman's tale," the officer scoffed. "Go quietly or face further charges." Apparently the threat was enough and Beard Man backed down. Satisfied, the official nodded to the police soldiers. "Gather them together and take them away."
In quick order, the police lined the now-docile crowd and herded them away, presumably towards the city. None of the policemen looked at Kaoru or Kenshin and left just as silently as they came.
"What just happened here?" Karou wondered out loud, more than slightly frustrated. "What are you going to do with them?"
The tall officer finally turned his attention to them, eyes narrowed. "Take them into the station and eventually let them go," he replied. "You two were lucky someone noticed a large group of discontent farmers heading in this direction and thought to alert the police."
"Lucky," Kenshin said shortly.
The official didn't seem happy either but Kaoru wasn't sure if it was because of the mob or Kenshin's attitude . "There's still a sword ban in effect, in case you forgot," he told them curtly before he left after his men.
Kaoru took a deep breath, realizing how fast her heart was beating and how grateful she was for the police to intervene when they did. Kenshin might not have had a problem with fighting civilians, but she certainly did. She opened her mouth to ask the red-head what he was thinking when she heard yet another voice.
"Battousai. I should have known it was you causing all this trouble," drawled a strangely familiar tone.
Kaoru's eyes widened and she whirled around to face the voice. "Saitou!"
Saitou Hajime's eyes flickered over to Kaoru, appearing completely unsurprised at her presence. "And no are no less culpable, Kamiya Kaoru. Or should I just call you the 'Ghost Swordsman'?" he added sarcastically
Sputtering, Kaoru asked, "You knew?"
He hadn't changed one bit. Saitou still looked every inch the imposing police officer Kaoru remembered, from his stern, unwavering expression down to his crisp, pristine uniform and the gleaming sword at his hip. Although everyone else seemed to have grown older, Saitou still looked exactly the same. She wouldn't be surprised if everyone had gray hair thirty years from now and he still looked ageless.
Saitou snorted in derision. "I am not blind or stupid, woman. Of course I knew. Who wouldn't figure it out after seeing you flash that very recognizable sakabatou all over the province?"
Kaoru flushed at the slight jeer in his tone. "I did not 'flash' the sakabatou around!"
Ignoring her indignant protest, Saitou turned to face Kenshin. "And Battousai, I should arrest you for disturbing the peace. Inciting a mob is a crime. If you're looking for a fight, go do it on someone else's watch."
"They came looking for him!" Kaoru cut in. "He didn't know they would take him so seriously!"
Barely sparing her a glance, Saitou took out a cigarette and lit it with a practiced gesture. "I'm warning you, Battousai. I am the law in this area and if you want to live here in peace, I suggest you control yourself, and your strange, pitiful notion of revenge. Do not make me come back here again, or I will have no mercy next time."
Kenshin, strangely silent, merely met Saitou's gaze for a long moment before jerking his head in acknowledgment. He sheathed his sword and stalked back inside the hut.
Flabbergasted at Kenshin's strange behavior, Kaoru watched him disappear inside before turning to Saitou. But the police officer had already walked away, leaving only the faint smell of a burning cigarette and a thin trail of smoke in his wake.
Uncertain as to what just happened, Kaoru stood there at a loss until she headed back to the hut herself, automatically leaning the sakabatou in its usual place. She then watched Kenshin squat down and use a stick to poke at the fire moodily. "What did Saitou mean about you looking for a fight? Did you really want to fight an entire mob by yourself?"
The only response was a grunt and Kenshin reaching over to add more wood to the fire.
A hint of annoyance began to creep up Kaoru's face and she put her hands on her hips. "What is going on, Himura Kenshin?" she demanded, feeling very much like her old self rebuking a hapless rurouni. "Is Saitou right? All you wanted to do was take your anger out on innocent people?"
Kenshin finally looked at her before glancing away. "I only told them the truth. If they couldn't handle it, that's their problem, not mine," he muttered.
"You're the only who provoked them in the first place!" Karou cried. "First you told them you killed the Ghost Swordsman and then you practically challenged them into attacking you simultaneously!"
Embittered gold eyes flickered in her direction. "They didn't have to agree."
Kaoru wanted to slap her hand to her forehead. He just didn't get it. "They wouldn't have if you hadn't acted so aggressively!"
Kenshin arose suddenly, anger flaring from him like a sudden burst of heat. "And do you think I should have let them keep thinking that the Ghost Swordsman was alive and well? That she would still be around to rescue them? I told them the truth, and they needed to hear that their precious savior wouldn't be back!"
The anger from Kenshin's words hit her like a punch to the stomach. Karou finally understood what Saitou had been saying. Kenshin wasn't angry at those people; he was angry at her. No, not even at her. "You hated the fact that I was the Ghost Swordsman," she murmured, more to herself than him.
His lips twisted into a snarl. "The Ghost Swordsman should never have existed."
Kaoru stared at Kenshin for a long moment. She didn't understand the bitterness behind his words. "What do you mean?"
Kenshin shot her a hard look and refused to say anything. She sensed the roiling fury under his skin. Whatever his problem was with her former alias, Kaoru could tell it affected him greatly. So she tried again. "Why don't you like the fact that I was the Ghost Swordsman?" she asked more gently.
But instead of subduing his anger, Kenshin's gold eyes flashed such hot ire Kaoru almost took a step back while reaching for the sakabatou in defense. "Do you think I want to hear about what you did while you were gone?" he hissed. He stalked forward and she backpedaled away from him until she hit the wall, mesmerized by the cold heat his eyes alone radiated. Trapping her in between his arms, Kenshin leaned forward until his breath curled on her cheek and she could feel every word before he spoke them. "Do you think it was easy for me to hear everything you did, putting yourself in danger and risking your life for people, while I was nowhere near by to help you? Did you think that I would be fine with hearing what you were doing while I searched for two long years to find you? Did you?"
Kaoru, wide-eyed at his raw confession, opened her mouth to answer but Kenshin suddenly tore himself away from her and stomped to the other side of the room where he sagged against the wall, his back towards her. "Kenshin," she whispered.
"The Ghost Swordsman's very existence showed that I was not enough for you, Kaoru," Kenshin murmured. "Even worse, I wasn't a part of your life during that time." Almost wearily, as if his anger was spent, he lifted his head up to her. "How do you expect me to feel about that?"
Silence ensued, stretching between them through the length of the hut. Kaoru stood there, looking at Kenshin who refused to look at her any longer. "I … don't know what to say," she said finally. "I didn't mean to turn it into a big thing but I thought – well, I thought I should help people, just like you helped them in your wanderings."
Kenshin's hollow laughter sounded anything but humorous. "I did that to atone for my past sins, Kaoru. I had killed so many that a hundred years of doing 'good' wouldn't be sufficient enough to remove the stain on my soul." He glanced at her, violet leaking back into his eyes. He suddenly looked like a tired man who had carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. "And I would have thought you of all people would have realized it was also my way of running away from the present. A wanderer without a home or friends isn't truly alive. You taught me that."
More silence ensued until Kaoru thought she would suffocate from the heaviness in the air. "I didn't realize," she finally said softly.
"You're right, you didn't," Kenshin agreed. "You didn't understand that the life you had was everything I was looking for. Even Sanosuke and Yahiko knew and felt it themselves." His bitter, hollow laughter caused a surge of guilt inside of Kaoru. "So how can the very woman who was determined to save us all not even recognize the precious gift she was given?"
Hanging her head in shame, Kaoru blinked back tears that had gathered in front of her vision. "I don't know," she whispered. "I just thought …"
"You thought what?" Kenshin prompted after a long pause. "Tell me, Kaoru, what were you thinking?"
The thin edge of desperation and loathing colored Kenshin's words, and Kaoru knew she had to bare it all. She couldn't hide her feelings any longer, if at least to make him understand where she was coming from. "I was afraid I was losing myself," she whispered, glad her hair was covering her face. "I was becoming so dependent on you. After all this time together, I realized one day that … I'm not the same person I used to be. I was so much stronger and then I felt I wasn't. If you left, Kenshin, or if something happened to you …" Her voice broke and she choked back a sob. It took a moment to get herself back in control. "I realized that I became nothing without you."
"Is it so bad to love me, then?" Kenshin's voice was flat. "You seem to think that it has made you weak."
"No," Kaoru cried, jerking her head up to look at him. "That's not what I meant. But Kenshin, you're changing me. You're making me into someone that I'm not."
"What am I doing that is so wrong?" he demanded. "What have I done to you that makes you think this is my fault?"
Kaoru shook her head furiously. "You don't understand, Kenshin. Before I met you, I was independent. I was alone so I had to make all the decisions. I hated it and I wished every night that I would find someone who would help me, just like my father did when I was young. And when you showed up and did just that, I was so happy. I finally found someone whom I could depend on. You made me feel safe for the first time in a long time and I loved you for it.
"But … something happened. While I still wanted someone to watch over me and make me feel secure, I also began to realize that I needed someone to acknowledge me as an equal, a partner. I'm a woman, yes, but I'm an intelligent, capable woman who doesn't want to be overtaken by a dominant personality." Kaoru sighed heavily and raked a hand through her hair. "You were taking me over, Kenshin. Unintentional or not, I was becoming not your partner, but a shadow beside you. I was becoming weak and I despised the person I was becoming. I couldn't live with myself if I lost myself to you."
"I never treated you as if you were unimportant," Kenshin retorted.
"No, you didn't, which made me feel worse," Kaoru said tiredly. "You treated me as if I were a precious jewel, a woman whom you cherished and adored, like a doll. Never as your partner. Never as someone whom you respected as a fighter and a survivor."
Kenshin opened his mouth but closed it abruptly. He didn't say anything for a while and Kaoru let him think. She sagged against the wall and took a deep breath. This conversation was by far the hardest but at least it was all out in the open now. She didn't feel burden-free by any means, but at least she had finally spoken what was on her mind.
"I am who I am, Kaoru," Kenshin finally said. "I want to protect you, your innocence from the evils of this world. That is how I've always thought of you. I cannot change that desire."
Kaoru closed her eyes and nodded. "I understand. But I hope you also realize Kenshin, that I can't live in that bubble anymore. Not now, and not ever again."
The oppressive silence grew between them and Kaoru braved her eyes open to see Kenshin staring at her with the intensity that bordered on uncomfortable. He was trying to see if she meant it, Kaoru realized. If there was any way for things to go back the way they were. The way he wanted it to be.
And as much as Kaoru wished it otherwise, she knew she couldn't live an existence as his shadow anymore. She had her own plans and dreams. They had always included Kenshin, but not at the expense of losing her sense of identity. Something akin to regret filled Kenshin's eyes as he realized her resolve and Kaoru knew hers held much of the same. They would both miss the closeness they once shared, but it seemed as though it was too high of a price for either of them to pay.
They lapsed into silence for a while from opposite sides of the house, staring at each other until Kaoru finally stirred and took a deep breath. "So where do we go from here?" she asked softly.
"I don't know," he said frankly.
Kaoru nodded. Even if they were to become friends again, it would take months, even years, for Kenshin to trust her for a second time. Still, she had hope that not all was lost; for the first time since they had spoken, Kenshin didn't sound angry and bitter anymore. But it was time to move on again and let time heal the wounds she had exposed from her actions. Kaoru said briskly, "I'll ask Misao if I can stay at the Aoiya for a while. I'm sure Sano and Yahiko don't need an old busybody like me interrupting their dojo business." The words tasted bittersweet in her mouth but there was no use regretting the past two years. It sounded as though they were doing well and she had no intention of burdening them.
Kenshin said nothing and Kaoru decided there really was nothing left to say to each other, given neither was willing to budge on this issue. She decided to let Kenshin to set the pace of rebuilding their relationship and seek her out when he was ready. If he ever was ready.
Straightening up, Kaoru reached out for the sakabatou but hesitated just before her fingers connected with the familiar, worn hilt. Yearning overcame her but Kaoru drew back. She had always known the sword was borrowed and never hers. It had been a constant companion during her days on the road and she was grateful for the comfort it had offered. But that chapter of her life ended and she needed to start anew.
Feeling Kenshin's eyes still watching her, Kaoru straightened and offered him one last small smile. "I'll see you around, Kenshin." She took the few steps outside of Hiko's – no, Kenshin's cottage – and out of his life.
But even with the brave front she put up, Kaoru didn't know what she would do next. Her whole life had been built around the Kamiya Kasshiin Ryu but now even that was gone. Perhaps she could ask Sano to continue practicing her craft there. Or even work at the Aoiya. Not as a cook of course; Misao had tasted enough of her cooking to know Kaoru's talent lay elsewhere. But she could wash dishes or even wait on the diners.
The heaviness of leaving Kenshin without a promise to see each other again lingered like a great weight but Kaoru tried to shake it off. Whatever she had with Kenshin was now in his hands. In the meantime, she had to make amends with her other friends and was determined not to commit any further acts that would hurt them. She was no longer a little girl or even a young woman anymore; she was twenty years old and mature enough to think beyond just herself.
Still, taking step by step away from Kenshin wasn't as easy as it had been two years ago. Kaoru sighed, raking a hand through her hair in frustration. She had a feeling she would be angry at herself for a long time to come.
She was almost at the foot out of the mountain when a heavy weight suddenly tackled her from behind. Kaoru grunted in surprise as she staggered forward before catching her balance. A tight vise squeezed her, trapping her arms to her side. For a second, Kaoru wondered what sort of attack this was when she realized who it was.
Kenshin held her from behind, laying his head on the flat of her back. He said nothing, but kept his eyes tightly shut.
Kaoru caught her breath as she twisted around to see him. Memories rushed to the forefront from years back, back when she had begged Kenshin not to leave for Kyoto. The fireflies had been out in full force and she had held him among the dancing light as if her life depended on it. But even then, Kaoru knew she had lost him.
Now, their positions were reversed.
"Don't go." Kenshin finally spoke, his voice hoarse as if he hadn't used it in years. "Don't go. I thought I could watch you walk away but I can't."
Kaoru's breath caught as tears welled up in her eyes at his words. She felt his thin frame shudder with pent up emotion, far more than she had ever seen him express before. Choking back a sob, Kaoru had to clear her throat before she spoke. "I won't," she whispered. The heaviness in her heart lifted and she felt lighter than she had in years. She closed her eyes and reveled in his familiar warmth, the comforting smell of ginger and pine. Her arms were beginning to grow numb from the vise-like grip around her, but Kaoru didn't care. Kenshin still wanted her and that was all that mattered.
AN: The epilogue to tie up the loose ends will be up sometime in the next couple of weeks. I just thought I had better post the rest of the story because a year is quite long enough for a short WIP to stay incomplete. Further editing will also be done so if there are any mistakes in the meantime, please feel free to point them out. Thanks for everyone's patience in the meantime.
