I'm twelve now and a lot has changed. The way I think, the way I feel, the way I look and much more that I don't feel at liberty to discuss right now. All of these have changed have changed for what I believe, the better. I now longer think I'm alone, I know I'm alone. I no longer feel the urge to be wanted or recognised anymore, I feel the urge to burn them all. I no longer wear tatty rags of orange and blue that the markets sold to me for an overpriced payment, I wear colours more fitting to a becoming shinobi.
I don black sandals and long pants with a shuriken holster on my right thigh. I wear a simple red shirt with one sleeve cut at the elbow and the other cut at the wrist. A black cloth covered my right eye which I had managed to keep a secret. Tis simple and pathetic choice of clothing, I know. But it's all I've got to work with until I can get my hands on the shinobi war battle armor I once saw in one of the academy' history books.
It will be along time before I attain such a thing, I know.
It's just a matter of time
My training has been going well.
I believe that I'm now I would be ranked as a particularly strong gennin when all my states are added up.
But I'm no fool though.
I realise that I'm no match for a chunnin ranked ninja or higher.
Not unless they're incredibly stupid, underestimate me and give me an opening.
Maybe then, but I don't see it happening.
The village is an up rage because according to the academy's shitty ranking system I tie with the uchiha prodigy, sasuke in every subject.
He now sees me as a rival which I honestly loath the idea of.
To have a rival would mean that there is something between us that can be compared on equal footing.
That does not sit well with me.
I refuse to acknowledge those who claim to be my rival.
No one is one same footing as me.
No one!
No one has suffered as I have!
They will never know of the pain that has coursed through my life.
Never!
Though I do pity the one known as sasuke for he has a ditsy fan club that follows him wherever he goes. How annoying that would be.
I hear them in and out of class saying sasuke is so handsome and so cool, while I'm labeled mysterious and a dangerous.
Though I couldn't blame them cause they were right, I was dangerous.
The children of the academy use to pick on me till I dislocated one of their arms.
I still remember to this day the looks on their faces.
It was priceless, probably one of my favourite memories.
They were so shocked that 'Cyclops' suddenly stood up for himself and grabbed one of them and dislocating their arm and saying 'don't fuck with me' before walking off.
Their mothers and fathers flipped when they found out but legally couldn't do anything with out acknowledging the fact that their kids had been giving me hell the past couple of years.
So they did it illegally.
They stormed my dwelling again to teach me the lesson that I was taught before but seemed to have forgotten.
They found an empty room when they got their.
But not completely empty, I made sure of that.
I'm a big fan of irony.
So I couldn't resist repaying them for their last visit when I heard them storming up the flight of stairs that led to the door of my dwelling.
I turned on the gas stove in my one room apartment and left a lighter and a pack of cigarettes on my bed. The cigarettes cost me 500 ryō, double the normal price but it was worth it.
I closed my window after I had hopped out and landed on the air conditioner attached to the wall of the apartment below.
I counted to ten before my idiot triggered trap was sprung.
It's amazing how beautiful and sudden death can be.
The screams, the begging, the confusion, the pain.
The flames brought all of these to me as a musical piece from my apartment above that was pleasant to my ears.
I guess they learnt that smoking kills, eh?
When I was brought before the council I was accused of killing konoha civilians.
I told them that I didn't know what they were talking about because I had been out that day and must have left the gas on.
I fired back my own accusation.
Why were people braking into my dwelling? If they never broke in they never would have lost their lives.
The council had no comeback for this.
If they acknowledged the fact that the men broke into my apartment first then they would have to address the way I've been treated these past twelve years.
I walked out of there with my head held high.
I won.
I killed five men and got away with it.
My first kill, oh how refreshing it as to have that thought radiate through my mind.
All of the parents told their children to stay away from me because I was a murderer.
Not that it bothered me.
It was after all, what I planned to be my last day at the academy.
The gennin graduation exams were being held today.
And I plan on passing.
"For your final exam, you must each create a doppelganger! Wait here until your name is called, then come next door."
I laughed on the inside when the scarred nose teacher said that.
I was expecting something that would challenge me, not basic knowledge that every ninja should have.
But by the looks of those who learn in the same environment as me I'd have to say they didn't.
I sat there with amusement clear on my face as I watched the idiotic masses try to study or practice the doppelganger technique.
Sasuke was cool, calm and collected though . . . I wonder if he'll pass . . . I wonder if I'll be his teammate. That would be great.
I love irony and all of the games it played.
If by some fluke that I'm actually one that pretty boy's squad then I'll use every chance I get to look weaker than him in front of others but stronger when it's just us.
Unlike him I care little for what people thought of me.
They could go and fornicate with a stick for all I cared.
But sasuke, sasuke had a different opinion.
He clings to the old values that I once clung to, trying to prove his worth and existence with others.
I need no other.
I exist and therefore I am, that is all I need to satisfy myself.
Sasuke's idea of strength is image and renown.
While I must admit that it helps but it will get you no where if you follow that path.
I can't wait for how sasuke will react when he sees me drag behind him when we are with witnesses but completely surpass him when we are alone.
It will put his little brooding mind in dilemma.
But I will repay him whether he likes it or not for what he did when I was younger.
I am a man of my word.
I will bring him what he desires.
For if I don't, then my own vow to make them all wish that they never gave me this right eye would be void.
I would exist but I would have no purpose and that is a road I refuse to once again tread.
I notice that my name is finally called out.
Congratulations to who ever gave me a last name that starts with the letter 'u'.
Oh well, guess I better go grace them with my presence.
It's after the gennin graduation exam and I passed with flying colours.
10/10.
The mark that I had grown accustomed to over the years.
I wonder if I had parents would they be proud of me?
"That was quite something in there, naruto."
A voice brought me out of my musings.
Turned out the mizuki wanted to talk.
"I guess" I said as I went to leave the man's company.
"I was pleased that you passed. Though even if you didn't there is always the make up exam."
That quirked my interest.
I believe that it is wise to, before approaching a subject to know all available information. I had studied all aspects and possible challenges the test could have given me.
I had never come across the make up exam though.
"What do you do in this 'make up' exam?" I asked mizuki as his smile turned into a grin.
I slinked through the night as crept towards my destination.
Regardless if I had already passed I can not pass up a chance to try a test that is supposed to be five time harder than the one I did in class.
"Naruto what are you doing?"
Drats! Old man 3rd caught me in the act.
"I wanted to check out your scroll library since the public one wouldn't let me in" I said in the hope that I could sink three birds with one stone.
Birdy number one was having a reason for being here.
The second birdy would eliminate the need to search for the scroll i needed by getting old man 3rd to show me where it was.
The final birdy was a scape goat, if I was caught with the scroll i could claim ignorance.
Old man 3rd always looked like someone had kicked his puppy in front of him whenever I said stuff like that.
And this time was no exception.
Manipulating old man 3rd was as easy as breathing for me.
"Ok then, I'll show you to the hokages personal scroll collection since it's you. But stay away from the scrolls I point out, ok? I don't want you to get into any trouble. You could hurt yourself. Maybe one day you will become hokage if you study enough and make the right choices" the 3rd said as he led me to a room filled with scrolls.
I paid no attention to him as he pointed out which scrolls I could and couldn't touch.
I was looking for the scroll mizuki described to me.
Once old man 3rd leaves I'll use my right eye to find it.
It shouldn't be hard since I've spent six years training myself to use my right eye.
I don't believe I've figured it all out yet, but one day I will.
It's only a matter of time.
Later that night I arrived in a clearing next to a shed that mizuki had told me to meet him and hand over the scroll.
Now normally I'm a patient person, a 'watched water never boils' sort of guy.
But this is ridiculous.
I've been waiting here for thirty minutes for that bastard to show up.
Either he's being held back or he thinks that I'm so weak that I couldn't have possibly completed this stupid task by now.
Well he's wrong. Dead wrong.
I decide that if he going to keep me waiting, that I'll take a look at this scroll he wanted me to take.
It was titled 'The secret manuscript: The scroll of forbidden jutsus".
Jackpot.
So I went inside the hut, got comfortable with my back against the door and wondered if i should scan the entire scroll with my right eye.
It would hurt a like bitch and I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to use my right eye for a week.
It would be good to have a mental blue print of a scroll with every forbidden jutsu the leaf village ever came across in my head to look at when ever I felt like it.
I discovered that little trick when I was told to read the academy's text books.
Boy were they surprised when I said that I had read the entire book and could repeat any part of it at will.
I never proved that, they just took my word for it.
Thank god to, because I don't think I could have done it.
Whenever I try to summon up the image that my right eye had recorded thanks to its photographic memory like abilities I get tired really quickly.
Like it's draining me of my stamina and chakra.
This could be trouble If wanted to recreate the scroll I've just stolen.
After all, if I can read a hundred words with my right eye then copy it down word for word and pass out a minute later, waking up the next day.
Then how long will I be out if I were to read an entire forbidden jutsu scroll?
It could be days, even weeks before I wake up.
Curse this weak pathetic body! Curse it to hell!
I need a new body, one stronger than this one. One that pleases both my mind and my senses.
But to attain a new body would take years and be extremely painful. Plus, where am I going to learn to do that?
Fuck the new body idea, I'll just improve my own. Some training here, some genetic manipulation there and wollah!
There's also the fact that if used my right eye my head would be filled with complicated jutsus that even if I could understand, I'd have to learn and master them.
I'm smart but I'm not that smart.
I'm only a twelve year old gennin, but I've got my whole life to learn and master if i decided to memorize it all.
. . . What to do . . . ?
I guess I'll read a few that catch my eye, but not too many. I want to be awake tomorrow for the squad signings.
These three look good . . . a forbidden sealing jutsu, a forbidden summoning jutsu and . . . a forbidden technique . . . yes . . . yes these will do well . . .
The right eye's sleep!
I can fell it now . . . its dragging me down . . .
The darkness is tugging at my consciousness, trying to claim me . . .
But I will not give in. I refuse to give in.
I will pull through and hold out long enough for me to read all that I need.
Read it all.
And not miss a single thing.
When I woke up I was in the sterile hell known as the konoha hospital.
Apparently my course of action in the woods with that scroll was the cause of my visit here.
I was right, not that that surprises me when I found out that the whole scroll indecent had happened a couple of days ago.
That means its squad assignment day back at the academy. Excellent, no waiting.
Once I was out, I headed to the academy to find out who the unlucky sobs were who would be on the receiving end of my mind games when I found an assembly in the academy quadrangle.
I was surprised that that many people turned up for something as trivial as a gennin squad assigning.
I made my way to the front, taking note that everyone was looking depressed and some where even crying.
Ok, so maybe the little pinky and blondy didn't get in the same squad of the ever so popular sasuke but that was no freaking reason for the whole village to get together and mope.
What a bunch of pussies.
I was going to tell them all to fuck off and that they'd put me through worse but I didn't when I saw what they were crying about.
At the front of the academy, lay in a wooden coffin, the scar nose teacher dressed in white.
This wasn't a squad signing.
This was a funeral.
I slowly approached the coffin to get a better look at the scar nosed teachers body.
It was dead white, so different from the usual tan.
I looked for a name or a cause of death because he was one of the few I would have sparred to be my servant.
I found what I was looking for on a plaque that read:
Name: Iruka Umino
Age: 23
Occupation: Ninja Academy Teacher/Shinobi
Rank: Chunnin
D.O.B: 26/5/1977
D.O.D: 16/1/2000
Here lies the body of Iruka Umino, beloved teacher and friend to all. Iruka was a kind soul who grew up as a class clown before maturing and becoming a fine shinobi. He was a respected and well liked throughout the village. He died a noble death, protecting a scroll of forbidden knowledge from the traitor mizuki. We will mourn the death of this young shinobi and wish that his soul will rest in peace.
Signed: The 3rd hokage
"No way" was all I could whisper, to shocked and full of emotions that I didn't want.
I felt a heavy presence weighing down on my mind, I didn't know why but it was there.
I needed to be alone with my thoughts so I paid my respects to the deceased before leaving the site as quickly as I could.
There would be no squad assigning today.
And even if there was, I wouldn't attend.
There were more pressing matters that required my attention.
The heavy presence that bore down all its weight on my mind was not the death of that teacher.
No, it was something more . . . forbidden.
The jutsus and their descriptions that I had read held too much information for me at this age to handle without a headache.
I hate headaches.
They were worse than the villager's, headaches always seem to find me regardless of my location.
When I arrived at my dwelling I got to work.
My head was pounding and needed relief.
It would get worse if I try to remember anything I've read but if I write one of the jutsus down and get it out of my head, the headache should fuck off for a while before coming back weaker.
At least I hope so, god only knows what I'll do in a bad mood.
Lets see which one to remember and rewrite . . . I think-ouch! Ok, ok! I don't think, I don't think! . . . Fucking headaches! . . . The summoning one will do . . . for now.
I walked into the second apartment I owned that was down the hall from my current one.
I only went there sparingly, there was no need for excessive visits.
If I did that then the village would know that that was where I kept all of my research on my right eye.
I walked through the door and wrinkled my nose at the stench.
It smelled like a cat died in here, which it did.
Who needs fancy and time consuming traps, locks and genjutsus when a simple bad smell will keep unwanted visitors away?
Not that I didn't have any locks, traps or genjutsus placed.
I just put them there to practice my skills of the shinobi arts. Plus it's thanks to them that the now dead cat was rotting in here.
I strolled past the cadaver of the feline to a nearby door that led to the bathroom.
Once I was in the bathroom I looked around at my handy work that I had done at the age of eight.
I had modified the bath and toilet to hold . . . various poisons and fluids that I was concocting here.
I had removed the sink and the wall it was attached to in order to increase the size of my work space, using the crisscross pattern of the support planks and beams in the wall as a place for my research and experiments to sit on.
I looked up at the roof and grinned.
It was covered in all of my notes and ideas for tortures, jutsus and plans that I had wrote down to build off later.
I took a deep breath.
Ah, smells like revenge.
I wasn't much but it was all that I currently needed to satisfy my thirst for knowledge.
Plus I'm yet to push my plans in motion.
I've put out a few tid bits of information into the konoha population that I hope will spark certain events that would be profitable for me.
I expect only two of the seven to succeed but I'll take any freebees that lady luck gives me.
I pull out a blank scroll and a writing utensil from the opened wall and began the headache causing process that will make me all the more of a threat to those I despise.
The forbidden summoning jutsu better be useful or I'm gonna go postal on this village.
I woke up the next day to find myself on the floor of my little laboratory with yet another fucking headache blooming in my mind.
I sat up and waited for it to go away.
It did not, so I told it my personal thoughts and feelings that I had for it with the most colourful language I knew.
After letting the world hear the vocabulary of naughty words that I had built up over the past few years I looked at the clock and realised that the squad assignings would have started at least three hours ago, great.
"God damn mother fucking son of a bitch!" I swore as I bolted through the apartment complex out onto the street.
I ran to the academy in the hopes that my squad would still be there.
And sure enough they were.
I looked to the sky were surely the gods must be smirking at their handy work.
Yes, I'll admit that I had wanted the grumble puss of an uchiha to be my teammate.
But the pink banshee?
I applaud irony, I applaud you and look forward to your next show.
But just because I admire the work doesn't mean I fucking like it!
This sucks, talk about a double edged sword.
Ah, but as sweet irony flowed through my thoughts I realised that I would be able to play two different mind games with them.
One I'll do the whole power play mind game with, weak one moment and strong the next.
The other I'll fuck around with by pretending to be her infatuation and coming onto her before dumping her.
Both of their little heads wont be able to handle it without blowing a fuse in public, I'll make sure of that. Headache be damned! I'm gonna play with my new toys today.
The pink banshee noticed me and filled me in on the situation.
"So naruto, you're finally here? About time! Our sensei could be here at any minute."
So our sensei is late, huh? I guess I'll reward his tardiness with a test to see if he is worthy of being my sensei.
I placed an eraser with a special explosive note on it in the doorway arch between the door and its frame.
The shinobi should be able to spot and dodge the eraser.
But I don't think he'll expect my own brand of explosive note to make its debut.
I walked up to the blue boy to do our usual game.
"Yo Susanne, what's up?"
He scowled at me.
That's what I do you see.
I never address him by his actual name when I'm talking to him in person, I always call him girl names.
Today's girl name was Susanne.
"Shut up dunce."
Wow, I congratulate him on the amount of imagination he put into that one.
It must have taken all of the emo molecules he stored last night to come up with that master piece.
"If I'm a dunce and I tied with you on the academy rankings, then what does that make you Susanne?"
He growled at me.
Yikes, someone slept on the wrong side of the angst pillow.
"Sasuke just ignore naruto. He's just jealous."
Pink banshee just set me up with a nice insult I've wanted to use for a while.
"Yeah, she's right. I am jealous. I mean, how do you get your hair to resemble a duck? You truly are a prodigy Susanne."
He growled at me again, maybe he's de-evolving?
I saw a hand creep its way through the opening that I had left at the door.
This is gonna be good. First he'll probably do some fancy jutsu to dodge the eraser then-
"Umpf! . . . Why was there an eraser up there? . . . Did you guy's put it up there?"
I was not expecting that.
I was expecting a superior shinobi with the battle experience of a true born killer. Someone who would hear a snap of a twig and prepare themselves for an attack. Someone who didn't look like they just got out of bed.
I guess I don't always get what I expect.
"I'm sorry, sensei. I didn't know that naruto did that. Please don't hate us."
What a suck up the pink banshee is.
The goof with the eraser on his head simply stared at her before saying with a kind voice.
"Don't worry, I've only just met you. I don't hate you"
And after the goof said that my special homemade explosive note decided to go off, right on top of his head.
Heh, I bet he hates us now.
Squad seven as I was later told it was called was now up on the roof of the academy.
My so called sensei doesn't seem to like me but that's nothing new.
He leaned on the safety rail of the building as he set things straight.
"Now with the exploding erasers aside I'd like for us to move on" he said with his once silver hair sporting a new hair colour on display, it being pink.
I thought it would be a good idea to fill the explosive note with pink dye because that way if it does meet its mark, not only will it harm the victim but make them easier to find.
I mean, how hard can it be to find someone fluro pink?
"Now I'd like you all to tell us a little about yourselves."
"Like what" the girl asked her fellow pinky.
" . . . you know, the usual . . . your favourite thing . . . what you hate most . . . dreams, ambitions, hobbies, things like that."
"C'mon pinky!" I taunted earning me a glare from the two pink haired sods.
"Give us an example. You go first, show us how it's done."
The pink banshee looked at the older goof which I've decided to nickname . . . bubbles.
"Naruto may be a jerk but he's right . . . after all, you're a complete stranger to us . . . a mystery" the girl said to the recently nicknamed bubbles.
"Oh . . . me? My name is kakashi hatake. I'm the kind of person who doesn't feel like talking about his likes and dislikes. My dreams for the future are none of your business . . . but anyway, I have lots of hobbies . . . "
Wow. Not only does sasuke have an active imagination but so does this guy.
I'm sure that susanne and bubbles will get along fine.
Pinky was leaning towards me whispering something but I wasn't paying attention.
I wonder If it didn't include the word 'sasuke'?
I looked at bubbles who was motioning towards me.
"Now, it's your turn."
"Whatever you say general bubbles" I taunted with a mock salute, earning me another glare from bubbles. Man its fun to play with people's feelings.
I smirked as a quickly formulated a plan to get back at bubbles for the lack of information he gave us on himself.
Two can play at that game.
"My name is a noun, I find my likes enjoyable and my dislikes annoying. My dreams these days seem to take an erotic theme which I assume is because of puberty. And my hobbies are a group of activities that I do in my spare time."
I smirked as my audience glared at me for being a smartass. Which I like to be as often as possible.
Bubbles didn't seem to like my speech, but he didn't bother to ask me to do it again.
"Next."
"My name is sasuke uchiha. There are plenty of things I hate, but I don't see that it matters, considering there is almost nothing I do like. It seems pointless to talk about 'dreams' . . . its just a word . . . "
I really wasn't surprised to hear that. Captain broody pants doesn't like stuff, go figure.
" . . . But what I do have is determination. I plan on restoring my clan. And there's someone I have sworn to-"
"Brood on?" I suggested knowing that I would ruin the dramatic mood he had been building.
He glared at me. "No . . . to kill . . . "
Now that caught my attention. He wants to kill someone, eh? I can help him with that.
I'll find this person he wants to kill and bring him to sasuke.
I have a debt to repay after all.
Bubbles seemed to be in deep thought about something.
Maybe he's trying to fihure out how to get the pink from his hair?
"And finally . . .the young lady . . . " Oh god, kill me now. I now exactly what she's gonna say.
"I am sakura haruno. My favourite thing is . . . well it's not a thing, it's a person. A boy . . . and that boy is . . . uh . . . lets move on to my dream" the pink banshee said before looking at sasuke and squealing like a pig. Heh, she's certainly pink like one.
"I hate . . . naruto . . . !"
Wow, this day is just full of surprises.
Who would have guessed that she hates me?
Maybe it has something do with the fact I replaced her dieting pills with turbo lax. Good old turbo lax.
Bubbles didn't seem impressed with pinky's speech.
"Enough. I believe we all understand one another. Formal training begins tomorrow."
Now he's talking my language. Training. Let the games begin.
"You bubbles!" I shouted. "What will our training exercise be?"
"Look kid, I don't know how you connected me with bubbles but my name is kakashi hatake! Treat others how they treat you."
I glared at him. Bubbles realised his mistake.
I was treating others how they treated me.
Bubbles must have decided to change the subject.
"Our first project involves only the members of this cell. We will be doing survival exercises."
"Man talk about a let down. I had had plenty of those at the academy."
The pink banshee seemed to agree with me.
"I agree with naruto. Our school days were full of survival training."
Bubbles wouldn't budge though.
"But you'll have to survive . . . against me. It won't be your typical practice."
This perked my interest. Not the typical practice, huh? Excellent, finally some real training!
There's only so much I can do in a modified bathroom.
"Well then, what kind of practice will it be?" I ask with anticipation.
Bubbles just sat there and giggled.
The small amount of respect I held for the man just fell.
Bubbles giggling did intrigue the girl though.
"What are you laughing about, master kakashi?"
Master kakashi?
What, she wanna be his bitch or something?
Bubbles just waved his hand s in front of him as though that would get rid of the girls curiosity.
"Oh, nothing. It's just that . . . if I told you, you'd chicken out."
How dare he insult me!
I would run from nothing!
Nothing!
I will push forward!
Through all who stand in the way of my revenge!
Whether it be an ally or an enemy, all shall fall before me!
I growled at kakashi, all of my previous good humor and taunting forgotten.
"WHAT!?" I snapped.
Kakashi stared at me with a look of surprise on his fucking face.
"Of the twenty-seven members of your graduating class, nine will actually be accepted as junior level shinobi. The other eighteen must go back for more training. The test we are about to perform has a 66% rate of failure."
I must be PMS-ing or something.
I don't think I've ever had this many mood swings before.
I was practically bouncing in my seat. Another test after the graduation test? Genius! It will weed out the weak and insignificant. I will get another chance to test myself! And against a jonnin no less!
Good move bubbles, you put me in a good mood! You just saved yourself a lot of pain.
I looked at my teammates to see if they were as excited as I was.
The girl looked like she was depressed and sasuke was just sitting there, staring at bubbles.
Bubbles began to laugh.
"Ha ha ha! See? You're chickening out already! Any way, we'll meet tomorrow morning on the practice field so that I can evaluate each of your skill and weaknesses. Bring all of your ninja tools and weapons. And don't have breakfast beforehand . . . unless you enjoy throwing up. The details of your assignment is in this handout. Memorize it . . . and don't be late!"
The pink banshee decided to remind me why I nicknamed her pink banshee.
"THROW UP! HOW HARD IS THIS EXERCISE GOING TO BE?!"
Damn, all she have to do is pretend to weave hand signs and she's got herself a sonic attack.
Later that night I returned to my little research center to read and hopefully learn the forbidden summoning jutsu.
After I had read the scroll I began to think that irony was paying to much attention to me.
"I DON'T FUCKING HAVE ENOUGH CHAKRA FOR THIS SHITTY SUMMONING JUTSU OF GOD KNOWS WHAT IN A COMBAT SITUATION!" I screamed in frustration.
Fuck, what a waste.
The amount of chakra needed for this wouldn't be possible for me until I'm a chunnin.
If I used it now I'd knock myself out, which on the battlefield was a no no.
"Oh well, I rather have a jutsu I wont need rather than needing a jutsu but not having it."
And so, I spent the rest of the night practicing the necessary hand signs and memorizing all aspects of the jutsu without my right eye.
I don't want any more fucking headaches.
The next day I was considering going postal, I really was.
Our sensei . . . whatever his name is, is late by at least 2 hours and that was a good enough excuse for me.
Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look ay it, the elder goof arrived at the clearing with a smile behind his mask . . . his mask . . . a mask . . . I should get one of those.
"Good morning class!" he chirpily said as he set a clock on a tree stump as set its alarm.
"I've set this alarm to go off at noon. I have here two small bells . . . Your challenge is to steal them from me before the timer sounds" he said as he held out two small golden bells.
"Anyone who fails . . . doesn't get any lunch. Instead, you will be tied to that tree stump, so I can eat your lunch in front of you."
I smiled at the prospect of a challenge.
I had eaten breakfast anyway because I'd thrown up plenty of times from eating the spoiled food at my apartment when I was younger, so the threat of no lunch didn't faze me.
I heard sasuke and the pink one's stomach grumble at the same time as though it was choreographed.
I grinned at sasuke.
"What's the matter gretel? Is your tum tum felling hungy? Hm? Gretel hab a hungy tum tum? Hm?" I teased like a mother talking to it's baby.
I heard him mutter something about dobes or dunces.
He shouldn't talk that way about himself its bad for self esteem.
Our sensei drew in my attention as he continued.
"All you need is just one bell . . . apiece. But since there aren't enough to go around, one of you is definitely headed for the stump . . . and whoever that is will be the first of you to fail. One of you is on your way back to school . . . and disgrace. You may, if you choose, use shuriken. Attack as though you mean to kill or you'll never stand a chance."
The pink banshee didn't like that idea and protested.
"But . . . but that's so dangerous!"
I laughed and watched with glee as the pink bitch and sasuke shivered when they heard me.
"You couldn't even dodge an eraser! I put a freakin explosive tag on it as a prank. How much damage do ya think I'm gonna do when I'm told to come at you like I mean to kill you?"
Sasuke and the girl looked at me with wide eyes at what I had said.
They must have realised that I would kill someone without remorse and laugh about it latter. About time.
"Naruto, while I must say that your not like other gennin you do have a point. You have no regard for others safety, not that I blame you. Sasuke, sakura, I want you to follow naruto's example and try to kill me. One day you must kill so get use to aiming to kill or you won't make it in this world. But that doesn't mean you should become blood thirsty killers who-"
"Less chat, more splat!" I shouted as I threw a kunai with another one of my homemade explosive tags on the handle.
"GO!" he shouted as he dodged the kunai and tool cover in the surrounding foliage, my tag causing less bang and more smoke than the basic explosive tag. The smoke wafted through the clearing for several minutes before revealing that it was empty. We had all taken positions in the training grounds and where waiting for an opening.
The jonnin decided that he had had enough waiting for somebody to make a move after 10 minutes. He went to a clearing with a river running through the middle of it and stepped out into the opening.
"The basis of all shinobi arts is to become invisible . . . eradicate yourself . . . " he said as he slowly walked around and watched the tree line, looking for us I presume.
I lept from my hiding place into the clearing. I saw no reason to hide my presence from the light tint of pink haired man.
"Ok scarecrow!" I shouted. "It's time for the match to begin!"
He stared at me as though I was an idiot, he should take a look in the mirror.
" . . . you may be thinking of the wrong kind of match . . . " he said.
"Really? Cause, the way I heard it. I've gotta get one of those bells, right? If I wait around for you to give me an opening, the timer might run out before I get one. So I'll come right at you! And if any of my teammates sees an opening and gets a bell, then I'll simply take the bell off them instead of you" I shouted as I ran towards him, eager to test myself.
The silver haired man looked at me with a sad look in his eye before looking up at the sky.
"Let me teach you . . . the first shinobi battle skill! Taijutsu: the art of the trained body!" he said as he reached out for what I presumed to be his weapons pouch.
I continued my sprint but altered my course so that I would run behind a tree before coming back at him.
As I gained ground I notice that he had his hand out of his weapons pouch, but all he was holding was that stupid book called 'A Tale Of Nihilism'.
I've read it and it honestly could use some work.
I halted in my tracks and scanned my surroundings to see if he had laid any traps while I was behind the tree.
He looked at me quizzically.
"What? Is something wrong? Didn't you say 'less chat, more splat'?"
I stared at him.
" . . . Ok, where's the weapon you were reaching for?"
"What weapon?"
"The weapon that was in that pouch on your hip! You said you'd teach me taijutsu, taijutsu being hand to hand combat! So you must have pulled out a close combat weapon! Where is it? All I see is that book."
"Of course, it's a book. I've been dying to find out how the story ends. Carry on . . . It shouldn't make a difference in the outcome, considering who I'm up against."
HOW DARE HE?
AND AGAIN AT THAT!
I AM NOT TO BE TAKEN LIKELY!
I AM TO BE FEARED, TO BE AVOIDED, TO BE WORSHIPPED!
I'LL SHOW HIM WHO HE IS UP AGAINST!
I ran at the arrogant bastard and jumped in the air, turning my back on him as I went in to punch him in the chest with my right hand. He blocked my punch with the palm of his right hand without moving or looking at me. I used the momentum I still had with his fist as a point of leverage and went to kick him in the head. He let go of my fist and ducked under my kick without looking up from that stupid book! I landed and rushed at him, intending on pummeling his face with my fist but he disappeared behind me.
He held his hands in the tiger hand sign as he said lazily. "Moving that slowly and showing your back so many times is very poor ninjutsu . . . narutard!"
He thrusted his fingers toward my . . . I'd rather not say as he shouted. "Konohagakure village's most sacred technique! One thousand years of death!"
The jonnin smiled when he saw the look on my face.
But I smiled even more when I melted into tree sap and glued him to the spot.
"Wh-what? What kind of clone is this? Tree sap?"
"Correct my child molestering sensei!" I said as the original me stepped out from behind the tree I passed earlier.
"That is indeed a tree sap clone. As you pointed out before it is slower than the original me due to its physical make up, but I believe that it more than makes up for that with the lovely effect of spraying sticky tree sap everywhere once it has been disposed of. Which right now, I must admit is quite useful."
I approached the trapped shinobi like a predator upon its prey.
"Now that you've underestimated me, I think I'll take those bells" I said as I reached out for my prize.
The jonnin grabbed my wrist and threw me into the nearby lake.
"Its you who has underestimated me, naruto. I'm a jonnin, did you really think tree sap would stop me? I'll say that I was surprised by your clever move but I'm afraid the tree sap is more stretchy than sticky" he said as he pulled himself out of the amber mess.
I landed in the water and I was pissed.
"Damn! How could I be so stupid! That was the first time I had used the tree sap clone on something that had an IQ higher than 20! Why did I not foresee this! No . . . no, I need to calm down. I anger too easily. It's like something inside me that refuses to let its pride be insulted. I need a plan . . . a plan . . . a . . . yes. Yes that will do nicely. That will do very nicely indeed."
I created five water clones using the jutsu I had created a year before. It takes 1.5 times more chakra per clone but it makes them from any material I choose that is nearby.
And with my abnormally large reserves the extra chakra required is not a problem. I set my plan into motion.
All five of my water clones lept out of the water and landed in front of the surprised jonnin as the original me took my time getting out of the water.
"I am kakashi, a jonnin. A frontal assault will get you no wher-" the silver haired jonnin froze when he felt someone wrap there arms around his waist.
"Wh-what? How did you?" he shouted as he looked behind him and saw a naruto.
The naruto smirked and taunted.
"Remember when I was talking about my tree sap clones? When they are disposed of they spray not melt, spray tree sap everywhere. I melted when you molested me and waited for when you had your back turned. Then when you where distracted by my other clones I reformed and trapped you here which distracted you long enough for my clones to reach you."
"What!" the trapped shinobi shouted as he span around to face my water clones that had reached him by the time he turned around.
The closest water clone went for the bells. Kakashi went to punch him away but just before his fist reached my attacking water clone, my tree sap clone tightened his grip and leaned back as he kicked kakashi behind the knee. Making them both fall over backwards. The water clone grabbed the fist that was meant to hit him and landed behind them, pinning kakashi's arm above him. The remaining four water clones worked together to grab the rest of kakashi's limbs.
The last water clone grabbed the bells and headed over to me.
I smirked as I took the bells from the water clone and patted him on the back.
"Good work handsome. I could use a guy like you" I said as the water clone smirked and took a bow.
"Whatever pleases you master."
I walked over to kakashi and looked down on him.
"You underestimated me kakashi . . . if this were a life an death situation you would be in deep shit right now."
Kakashi struggled a bit before looking up at me with that stupid behind the mask smile.
"Nope" he said happily.
I glared at him. I had won. I obtained the stupid bells that he told us to get and yet he had refuses to admit I won. The whole point was to get the bells . . . wasn't it? . . . The point was to get the bells before my teammates . . . my teammates . . . shit.
I glared at the smiling jonnin.
"Teamwork" I growled, not happy that I had failed to see underneath this little tests challenge.
I was narrowed minded and believed everything I was told. If this were a life and death situation it would be my life, not kakashi's that would have been on the line.
Sasuke and the girl came out of the trees, both looking either pissed or depressed that they had failed what they believed to be the requirements to pass this test.
"They haven't worked it out yet . . . " I stated to kakashi.
"Yeah, you're right. To pass this test you need to prove that you can work together. You've already figured that out but they haven't . . . yet. To pass this not only must you realise that teamwork is the key but all three of you aslo need to not fail, surrender or give up in order to pass."
"So in other words . . . you want them to pass as well by realizing the whole 'teamwork' concept, right?"
The masked jonnin looked at me with an eye smile this time, how did he do that?
"Correct."
" . . . You're gonna tie me to the post aren't you?"
"Correct."
"Shit . . . "
I was now tied to the tree stump in between sasuke and the pink haired girl. Kakashi and I had an agreement. If I could get these two bone heads to share their food with me against kakashi's orders then we all pass. If not, well . . . I think I'll go rogue or something.
Kakashi stood over us with his arms crossed while sasuke and the girls stomach growled, mine didn't. It was used to going long periods of time without food.
"Oh, my. Listen to all the little stomachs growl! By the way, you three . . . I have an announcement . . . about this exercise."
Here it comes, the whole dramatic make them sweat while I try my hand at acting scene he planned.
"None of you . . . Need worry about being sent back to the ninja academy."
I saw the relief wash over their faces. I can't wait to see the look they put on when they find out what kakashi has to say.
" . . . You are . . . hopeless. More schooling would be pointless. None of you will ever be shinobi!"
And the shit hits the fan, ha!
Outsmarting kakashi in a fight, good.
Discovering the quirks I need to work out of my personality and techniques, excellent.
The look on their faces when they were told they would never be shinobi, priceless.
