Woeful Wizards Prisoner of Azkaban Episode Five
Scene 1:
[Harry is watching the other students walk off to Hogsmeade. He takes out a knife.]
Harry: (s) I'm so depressed. (Holds knife up to wrist) Should I?
[Fred and George appear]
Harry: (spins around and hides knife behind him) Oh… hi.
Fred: What on earth was that?
Harry: (s)… nothing.
George: Never mind. We have a trick up our hat.
Harry: (ecstatic) Really?
Fred: We know that you've being feeling blue.
George: So here is a gift, from us to you.
[They take out the Marauder's Map and give it to Harry]
Harry: (s)… What is this (turns over in hands) magic?
Fred and George: (together) A map. The Marauder's Map.
Harry: (becomes teary) I'll cherish it (s)… forever.
Scene 2:
[Draco and the gang are strolling towards Hogsmeade, chatting)
Draco: But, Granny Smiths are slightly tangier however Pink Ladies have this-
[Draco continues to walk on ahead. Crabbe and Goyle hang back.]
Goyle: What is he talking about?
Crabbe: (s) I… I don't know.
Scene 3:
[Harry and the gang are in the Three Broomsticks. Harry is being "invisible".]
Hermione: This is (s) weird…
Ron: Yeah. I can't see your eyes, Harry. (s) Your mother's eyes.
Harry: Hush (s) Someone's coming.
[Nothing happens]
Hermione: Well, it is a public space Harry, you can't just-
[Fudge, McGonagall and Fudge come in. Dramatic music.]
McGonagall: Let's sit here.
[They do so]
Ron: (gasps) It's a Professor! (s) Outside school!
[Ron faints]
Hagrid: But what on Earth has been achieved pertaining to the capture and incarceration of Sirius Black?
Fudge: (Scottish) Dunno. Aye suppose yea knows he's been out and about in these parts, aye? And he was James Potter's best friend. 'Tis correct, Minerva?
McGonagall: I don't know, kilt man.
Hagrid: (bangs table with fist) I deny any prior knowledge to this.
McGonagall: I'm thirsty.
Fudge: Aye, we all know that Black is responsible for tae Potter's death. He is tae one who turned him into You-Know-Who. In fact, if it weren't for Peter Pettigrew I doubt we'd had him in the first place.
McGonagall: Barkeep. BARKEEP!
Hagrid: But surely, that's all there is to this despairing tale.
Fudge: Ach, nay. (spits on ground) Sirius is Harry's godfather.
Harry: (Leaps up) NO! (runs out of the pub)
Fudge: What was that, ach?
McGonagall: Who cares? I want a drink.
Scene 4:
[Draco and the gang are in Zonko's. Draco is still talking about apples.]
Draco: But then, right, the apple rolled on the floor! Get it?
Crabbe: (confused) Huh? What was that?
Goyle: Draco, we've got to (s) talk.
Draco: (s) Talk? About what?
Crabbe: We (s) know.
Draco: Know?
Goyle: Yes. We know about your (s) obsession.
Draco: (angrily) I don't have an obsession! You don't know anything!
Crabbe: (s) But can't you see that it's hurting the people who love you?
Draco: (shouting) I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT. I JUST DON'T WANT TO! (runs out of store)
Crabbe: (through tears and s to Goyle) What do we do now?
Goyle: (stares out into middle distance) We wait.
[Dramatic music]
Scene 5:
[Harry is standing, "invisible" facing the castle. Hermione and Ron are running up to him]
Ron: (turns around in a circle) Harry? HARRY?
Hermione: (reaches out and takes off the Cloak) Harry, are you okay?
[Harry does nothing, but continues to stare at the castle.]
Hermione: Look, Harry, this changes (lowers voice) nothing.
Harry: (angry s) YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. WITHOUT BLACK, I WOULD HAVE PARENTS. WITHOUT BLACK, I WOULD HAVE A PROPER HOME. WITHOUT BLACK, I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY. (s away and whispers) Everything I've ever known is a lie.
Ron: (s) But, Harry, what about us?
Harry: (looks at both Ron and Hermione and pauses) You are nothing compared to them. Nothing.
[Harry runs off. Hermione starts to cry. Ron looks torn, but comforts Hermione]
Ron: Hey Hermione?
Hermione: (through tears) What?
Ron: What's an animagus?
Scene 6:
[Draco is outside the Shrieking Shack. Crabbe and Goyle are standing a little way back]
Crabbe: What's (s) happening?
Goyle: I think he's going through (s) withdrawal.
[Suddenly, Draco collapses]
Crabbe: (rushes forward and kneels besides Draco's body) MUFFINTOP!
Goyle: (s) Quickly! CPR!
Crabbe: If you insist… (leans towards Draco's mouth)
Goyle: Um… I meant (s) wizard CPR.
Crabbe: … right. (Pause) So did I.
Goyle: Revivus amigos!
[Draco opens his eyes, spluttering]
Crabbe: Draco, (s) are you okay?
Draco: No. (stands up) No, I'm not.
Goyle: (s) What is it, Draco?
Draco: My name is Draco Malfoy and…
Crabbe: (s) You can do it, Draco!
Draco: I am a shopaholic.
[Crabbe looks at Goyle. Goyle looks at Crabbe.]
Goyle: Close enough.
[Dramatic music]
Scene 7:
[In the Gryffindor common room. Hermione and Ron are chilling by the fire]
Ron: (s) Well?
Hermione: Huh?
[Harry comes down, wearing grunge clothes and eyeliner]
Hermione: Harry?
Harry: (s to Hermione and stares intensely at her for a few intense seconds) Yes?
Hermione: Are you… are you feeling better?
Harry: (stares into middle distance) I shall never get rid of the pain right… here (touches his chest)
[Pause]
Ron: (confused) Where'd you get the eyeliner from?
Harry: Borrowed it off Neville.
[Pause]
Hermione: Let's go see Hagrid.
Ron: Cool.
Harry: Yeah, I'm good with that.
Scene 8:
[Draco is writing a letter. Crabbe and Goyle are supervising]
Draco: How does this sound? (clears throat) "Dear sires, I am writing to inform you that I have cancelled my subscription to your various catalogues, as it is detrimental to my health and to those around me. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy". Well?
Crabbe: You should tell them more about your personal (s) struggles.
Draco: Excellent idea (starts writing)
Goyle: You know what?
Crabbe: (s) What?
Goyle: (takes Draco's and Crabbe's hands) We're going to be just fine.
[Inspirational music]
Scene 9:
[Harry and the gang are all sitting in Hagrid's hut. Hagrid is crying silently]
Hermione: What is (s) it, Hagrid?
Hagrid: It's…
Harry: Sirius Black?
Hagrid: No. The…
Hermione: Ministry has fallen and Scrimgeour is dead?
Hagrid: Not at all!
Ron: (turns to Hermione) Who's Scrimgeour?
Hermione: (confused) I… I don't know.
Hagrid: (stands up) IT'S BUCKBEAK.
[Everyone swivels to Hagrid]
Hagrid: He's being put to death.
[Harry gasps. Ron faints. Hermione starts to cry. Hagrid sits back down. Dramatic music]
END OF EPISODE FIVE
