Woeful Wizards Prisoner of Azkaban Episode Five

Scene 1:

[Harry is watching the other students walk off to Hogsmeade. He takes out a knife.]

Harry: (s) I'm so depressed. (Holds knife up to wrist) Should I?

[Fred and George appear]

Harry: (spins around and hides knife behind him) Oh… hi.

Fred: What on earth was that?

Harry: (s)… nothing.

George: Never mind. We have a trick up our hat.

Harry: (ecstatic) Really?

Fred: We know that you've being feeling blue.

George: So here is a gift, from us to you.

[They take out the Marauder's Map and give it to Harry]

Harry: (s)… What is this (turns over in hands) magic?

Fred and George: (together) A map. The Marauder's Map.

Harry: (becomes teary) I'll cherish it (s)… forever.

Scene 2:

[Draco and the gang are strolling towards Hogsmeade, chatting)

Draco: But, Granny Smiths are slightly tangier however Pink Ladies have this-

[Draco continues to walk on ahead. Crabbe and Goyle hang back.]

Goyle: What is he talking about?

Crabbe: (s) I… I don't know.
Scene 3:

[Harry and the gang are in the Three Broomsticks. Harry is being "invisible".]

Hermione: This is (s) weird…

Ron: Yeah. I can't see your eyes, Harry. (s) Your mother's eyes.

Harry: Hush (s) Someone's coming.

[Nothing happens]

Hermione: Well, it is a public space Harry, you can't just-

[Fudge, McGonagall and Fudge come in. Dramatic music.]

McGonagall: Let's sit here.

[They do so]

Ron: (gasps) It's a Professor! (s) Outside school!

[Ron faints]

Hagrid: But what on Earth has been achieved pertaining to the capture and incarceration of Sirius Black?

Fudge: (Scottish) Dunno. Aye suppose yea knows he's been out and about in these parts, aye? And he was James Potter's best friend. 'Tis correct, Minerva?

McGonagall: I don't know, kilt man.

Hagrid: (bangs table with fist) I deny any prior knowledge to this.

McGonagall: I'm thirsty.

Fudge: Aye, we all know that Black is responsible for tae Potter's death. He is tae one who turned him into You-Know-Who. In fact, if it weren't for Peter Pettigrew I doubt we'd had him in the first place.

McGonagall: Barkeep. BARKEEP!

Hagrid: But surely, that's all there is to this despairing tale.

Fudge: Ach, nay. (spits on ground) Sirius is Harry's godfather.

Harry: (Leaps up) NO! (runs out of the pub)
Fudge: What was that, ach?

McGonagall: Who cares? I want a drink.

Scene 4:

[Draco and the gang are in Zonko's. Draco is still talking about apples.]

Draco: But then, right, the apple rolled on the floor! Get it?

Crabbe: (confused) Huh? What was that?

Goyle: Draco, we've got to (s) talk.

Draco: (s) Talk? About what?

Crabbe: We (s) know.

Draco: Know?

Goyle: Yes. We know about your (s) obsession.

Draco: (angrily) I don't have an obsession! You don't know anything!

Crabbe: (s) But can't you see that it's hurting the people who love you?

Draco: (shouting) I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT. I JUST DON'T WANT TO! (runs out of store)

Crabbe: (through tears and s to Goyle) What do we do now?

Goyle: (stares out into middle distance) We wait.
[Dramatic music]

Scene 5:

[Harry is standing, "invisible" facing the castle. Hermione and Ron are running up to him]

Ron: (turns around in a circle) Harry? HARRY?

Hermione: (reaches out and takes off the Cloak) Harry, are you okay?

[Harry does nothing, but continues to stare at the castle.]

Hermione: Look, Harry, this changes (lowers voice) nothing.

Harry: (angry s) YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. WITHOUT BLACK, I WOULD HAVE PARENTS. WITHOUT BLACK, I WOULD HAVE A PROPER HOME. WITHOUT BLACK, I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY. (s away and whispers) Everything I've ever known is a lie.

Ron: (s) But, Harry, what about us?

Harry: (looks at both Ron and Hermione and pauses) You are nothing compared to them. Nothing.

[Harry runs off. Hermione starts to cry. Ron looks torn, but comforts Hermione]

Ron: Hey Hermione?

Hermione: (through tears) What?

Ron: What's an animagus?

Scene 6:

[Draco is outside the Shrieking Shack. Crabbe and Goyle are standing a little way back]

Crabbe: What's (s) happening?

Goyle: I think he's going through (s) withdrawal.

[Suddenly, Draco collapses]

Crabbe: (rushes forward and kneels besides Draco's body) MUFFINTOP!

Goyle: (s) Quickly! CPR!

Crabbe: If you insist… (leans towards Draco's mouth)

Goyle: Um… I meant (s) wizard CPR.

Crabbe: … right. (Pause) So did I.

Goyle: Revivus amigos!

[Draco opens his eyes, spluttering]

Crabbe: Draco, (s) are you okay?

Draco: No. (stands up) No, I'm not.

Goyle: (s) What is it, Draco?

Draco: My name is Draco Malfoy and…

Crabbe: (s) You can do it, Draco!

Draco: I am a shopaholic.

[Crabbe looks at Goyle. Goyle looks at Crabbe.]

Goyle: Close enough.

[Dramatic music]

Scene 7:

[In the Gryffindor common room. Hermione and Ron are chilling by the fire]

Ron: (s) Well?

Hermione: Huh?

[Harry comes down, wearing grunge clothes and eyeliner]

Hermione: Harry?

Harry: (s to Hermione and stares intensely at her for a few intense seconds) Yes?

Hermione: Are you… are you feeling better?

Harry: (stares into middle distance) I shall never get rid of the pain right… here (touches his chest)

[Pause]

Ron: (confused) Where'd you get the eyeliner from?

Harry: Borrowed it off Neville.

[Pause]

Hermione: Let's go see Hagrid.

Ron: Cool.

Harry: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Scene 8:

[Draco is writing a letter. Crabbe and Goyle are supervising]

Draco: How does this sound? (clears throat) "Dear sires, I am writing to inform you that I have cancelled my subscription to your various catalogues, as it is detrimental to my health and to those around me. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy". Well?

Crabbe: You should tell them more about your personal (s) struggles.

Draco: Excellent idea (starts writing)

Goyle: You know what?

Crabbe: (s) What?

Goyle: (takes Draco's and Crabbe's hands) We're going to be just fine.

[Inspirational music]

Scene 9:

[Harry and the gang are all sitting in Hagrid's hut. Hagrid is crying silently]

Hermione: What is (s) it, Hagrid?

Hagrid: It's…

Harry: Sirius Black?

Hagrid: No. The…

Hermione: Ministry has fallen and Scrimgeour is dead?

Hagrid: Not at all!

Ron: (turns to Hermione) Who's Scrimgeour?

Hermione: (confused) I… I don't know.

Hagrid: (stands up) IT'S BUCKBEAK.

[Everyone swivels to Hagrid]

Hagrid: He's being put to death.

[Harry gasps. Ron faints. Hermione starts to cry. Hagrid sits back down. Dramatic music]

END OF EPISODE FIVE