Woeful Wizards Prisoner of Azkaban Episode Eight
Scene 1:
[Harry and Ron are having tea with Hagrid]
Ron: How are you (s) feeling, Hagrid?
Hagrid: I dare say that I have felt better.
Harry: Yeah. (s) Listen, Hagrid, how's Buckbeak going?
Hagrid: Methinks that he is not yet aware of his doomed fate, so I implore you not to make him aware.
Harry: Right, right.
[They all take an awkward sip of tea]
Hagrid: Lend me your ears.
[Harry and Ron lean forward.]
Hagrid: Hermione has often come to my hut to assist me in the quest to find a pardon for Buckbeak. She is awfully upset that you have excluded her from your various gatherings.
Ron: (s and angrily) Her cat ate my rat!
Hagrid: That may be so, but the cat acted as all cats are inclined to act. You cannot, and will not blame Hermione for that.
Ron: (taken aback) Oh.
Hagrid: And Harry, stop calling her fat.
Harry: (frowns) … okay.
[Triumphant music]
Scene 2:
[Draco and the gang are sitting sulkily around the Slytherin dormitories]
Draco: (s) Well that was a waste of time.
Goyle: Really? (s) It was fun while it lasted.
Crabbe: (happily) Yeah, being a woman is fun.
Draco: But what did we (s) earn from it?
Goyle: Detention?
Draco: (sneeringly) And circle gets the square.
Crabbe: You're awful (s) tense, Draco. You know what'll cheer you up?
Draco: (frowning in a confused way) Drugs?
Crabbe: NO! (s) SHOPPING!
[Crabbe skips off]
Draco: What? (s) But I…
Goyle: Hush. Let's (s) indulge him.
[Dramatic music]
Scene 3:
[At breakfast in the Great Hall. Harry and Ron are sitting together. Hermione is off to the side.]
Harry: But it definitely is faster than any other broom.
[Ron says nothing]
Harry: Ron? RON!
Ron: Sorry. (s) It's just, she keeps on looking at us so.
Harry: (icily) She's no business of ours, Ron.
Ron: I suppose… (s) But what about what Hagrid said?
Harry: (s) Do you doubt my word?
Ron: (immeadiately) Never.
Harry: (s)… good.
[They each eat their food without breaking eye contact with each other.]
Scene 4:
[Harry and Ron are just outside the Shrieking Shack. Harry is "invisible".]
Ron: (whistles) Wow.
Harry: I wonder if it's (s) locked?
Ron: What's an animagus?
[Draco and the gang come in, evidently just after some hardcore shopping]
Draco: You were right (s) Crabbe. I do feel better.
Goyle: Hey, (points to Ron) look who's here.
Draco: Great. (rubs hands together and s) Some entertainment.
[Ron turns around and notices Draco.]
Ron: (s) Malfoy.
Draco: (s) Weasley.
Harry: (to himself) How dare he insult my friend like that!
[Harry goes off screen momentarily]
Crabbe: Oi, Draco.
Draco: (s) What?
Crabbe: Good one.
[Draco blushes and Harry reappears carrying a sword.]
Draco: (turns to Ron) As I was saying, you are-
Harry: (booming voice) YOU SHALL NO LONGER SULLY THE GINGER'S HONOUR!
[Harry ensues to attack Draco and the gang. Goyle and then Crabbe fall, each spurting a great deal of blood]
Draco: (s) Show yourself, fiend!
[Draco lunges, just misses Harry and accidentally pulls off the cloak.]
Harry: Oh no! (Raises hands to face) My identity has been revealed!
Draco: (looking up at Harry) Harry?
Harry: (s) I must flee!
[Harry flees. Crabbe and Goyle both apparently continue to die. Ron hesitates, then runs away as well. Draco collapses into sobs. Dramatic music]
Scene 5:
[Hermione is in the library, reading a book at a table. Neville comes up to her.]
Neville: 'sup.
Hermione: (glares at Neville) OH MY MERLIN NEVILLE. CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
Neville: (shrugs and takes out a cigarette) Eh.
Hermione: FINE. (Shuts book with a slam and gets up) HERE'S MY VAMPIRE ESSAY. (Drops a piece of paper on the desk) NOW GO AWAY.
[Hermione stalks off.]
Neville: (Looks at completed essay) Sweet. (Starts smoking.)
Scene 6:
[Harry is in Snape's office. Snape is standing there, looking bored.]
Snape: So, Malfoy said he saw you at Hogsmeade.
Harry: (s) I DENY IT!
Snape: Malfoy also says that you have slaughtered his friends.
Harry: (s) I DENY IT!
Snape: You're so like your father.
Harry: (looks shocked and then angry) How dare you…
Snape: But where did you get the Zonko's products?
[Ron bursts in. Applause.]
Ron: (s) I got them for him!
Snape: Huh. But what about this? (Holds up the Marauder's Map.)
Harry: (shrugs) How am I supposed to know?
Snape: (points wand at Map) Reveal your secrets!
[Close up to Map. On it says; "You smell".]
Snape: Why, I never! (shouts) LUPIN!
Lupin: (offscreen) WHAT?
Snape: COME HERE.
Lupin: (offscreen) OKAY. (Lupin enters after a pause) Yes, Snape?
Snape: (holding up Map) What is this?
Lupin: (stares at it for a moment, then snatches it from Snape) I don't know, but it's mine now.
Snape: (shrugs) Fine.
[Snape exits]
Harry: (s) Wow.
Ron: That was so (s) intense.
Lupin: Harry. Come here. Ginger, leave.
[Ron exits]
Lupin: Listen, Harry, be careful. This is a dangerous piece of parchment. Sirius Black might get it.
Harry: Who?
[Dramatic music]
Scene 6:
[Draco is in the hospital wing, staring at both Crabbe and Goyle's sleeping figures. Note: They are obviously breathing]
Draco: (sobbing) I can't believe my two best friends in the whole world are dead.
[Pomfrey walks in]
Pomfrey: (points at Crabbe and Goyle) THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY ALIVE.
[Pomfrey walks off.]
Crabbe: (stirring) Draco?
Draco: (rushes forward to hold Crabbe's hand) Yes?
Crabbe: I… I just want you to (weak s) know…
Draco: (crying) What?
Crabbe: If I go the chance to do it over, I would have done it again. All the mess ups, everything.
Draco: (As Crabbe starts to fall asleep again and crying) So would I, Vincent, so would I.
Scene 7:
[Harry and Ron are walking down a corridor]
Harry: And it's even more comfortable than my old broom.
[Hermione rushes up to them.]
Harry: (s) What is it, chubby?
Hermione: (crying) It's… it's…
Ron: (worried) Sirius Black?
Harry: (equally as worried) Draco?
Hermione: No, it's Buckbeak. (s) He's been sentenced to death.
[Hermione bursts into more tears and flings her arms around Ron]
Hermione: I'm so sorry about Scabbers.
Ron: That's… that's okay. (awkwardly strokes Hermione's back)
Harry: (s) Wow. (Pause in which all can be heard is Hermione's sobbing) I'm going to leave.
[Harry goes away. Ron continues to hold a now inconsolable Hermione. Dramatic music]
END OF EPISODE EIGHT
