"I must admit, I wasn't expecting Harry to propose to Ginny so out of the blue. He didn't even tell me he was thinking about it," said Ron as he walked through the door of his apartment.
"Yeah," Hermione said distractedly as she hung her jacket on the coat stand. She didn't want to think about Harry, Ginny, or their engagement. While she knew that Harry and Ginny had been in a serious relationship for years, she still didn't see this coming. Maybe I was always hoping that he'd change his mind.
"But I guess that means you'll soon be wearing some ugly bridesmaid dress," said Ron with a laugh. He walked up behind Hermione, wrapped his arms around her waist, and rested his chin on her shoulder. "But no matter what Ginny forces you to wear, you'll always be beautiful to me," said Ron. He kissed her on the cheek.
Hermione took in a deep breath and smiled softly to herself. She always knew this was how things were going to turn out: Harry was going to be with Ginny, and she was going to be with Ron. It was just the way things were always meant to be. She loved Ron, and despite his flaws, she knew that he would do anything for her. He had learned a hard lesson when he left her and Harry all those years ago, and she knew that he would never do anything like that again. But she couldn't get the small voice in the back of her mind to stop wondering if this was not how things were meant to be… if she was really always meant for Harry.
"Are you alright?" asked Ron, sounding concerned.
"Hmm?" said Hermione as she was broken from her thoughts. "Oh. Yes, Ronald, I'm fine," she replied. She turned around to find Ron's eyebrow lifted slightly in suspicion. "I'm just thinking about all of the planning that will need to be done for the wedding," said Hermione. She forced a smile, hoping he wouldn't press her further.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" asked Ron.
"Actually, I think I'm going to head home," replied Hermione.
"But you just got here," Ron said disappointedly. "Why don't you just stay the night?"
"I'm really tired. I think it is best if I just go home," said Hermione. She walked towards him and kissed him softly. "Goodnight," she said with a small smile.
As she turned to leave, Ron grabbed her wrist. "Wait… 'Mione, please stay". Ron's eyes were pleading with her. She knew that he must be hurting since his best friend and little sister are getting married, while he isn't living with his girlfriend. She had been with Ron for about as long as Harry had been with Ginny.
Hermione sighed and looked down at her feet. "Night, Ron," she said quietly. Then she walked out the door and apparated to her apartment.
Hermione entered her flat and set her hung her purse from the coat rack. She walked to the couch and sat down, rubbing her temples. It had been hard for her to pretend like Harry's engagement didn't bother her – now that she was alone, the full stress of the day seemed to hit her like a ton of bricks. How am I going to watch him marry Ginny? How am I going to watch him promise his heart and life to her? Hermione closed her eyes tightly at the thought and tried to push it out of her mind. Harry was moving on with his life and making a lifetime commitment to Ginny. Maybe it was time to stop holding on to that night so many years ago – it definitely seems like Harry has.
Hermione walked to the kitchen and made a cup of tea. She took it to her bedroom, changed into some pajamas, and then made herself comfortable in bed with a book. She needed to focus on something other than what could be.
*********
Harry walked into an extremely large room he did not recognize. There were large windows with purple curtains that looked out onto a well groomed yard. There was a fire roaring in the fireplace and the warmth seemed to call out to him. A large couch was seated in the middle of the room and near the fireplace were two red chairs. He looked around cautiously, wondering what this place was.
"Looking for something?"
Harry quickly turned around to see Hermione, wearing a long satin backless dress. Her hair pulled back and she had pearl earrings and a pearl necklace on. She noticed Harry's surprise and she laughed softly to herself.
"Hermione…" Harry began. "You're… you're absolutely beautiful".
She smiled again. "Are you looking for something?" she asked again.
"What?" Harry asked, clearly confused.
"Well you seem to be looking for something Harry," Hermione said plainly. "But I can't help you if you don't even know what you're looking for".
"What? I… I… What is this place?" Harry asked, finally noticing that he still did not know where he was.
"You tell me"
"What?"
"Tell me where we are. You created this place. So tell me where we are," Hermione said.
"What do you mean I created this place?" Harry asked even more confused. He tried to step towards Hermione but she gently shook her head at him. He stared at her. Confusion, frustration and fear building in his chest.
"Of course you did, Harry. You are clearly looking for something. Assurance? Guidance? Encouragement? Someone to tell you you're doing the right thing?"
"Doing the right thing?" Harry asked, still clearly confused.
"You've never been one to catch on quickly, have you?" Hermione laughed. "Oh Harry… don't you see it? You're getting married and you're scared. You have a brave Gryffindor heart but you are so afraid of hurting someone you love. You are so loyal and protective. Clearly you want someone to reassure you that you're doing the right thing," Hermione finished.
"Am I?" Harry asked, partially ashamed for sounding like such a child. "Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right choice?"
"Some things cannot be answered with the mind. Sometimes, you just have to follow your heart to wherever it leads you. But I can't answer your question, Harry. This is your choice and your choice to make."
"How is this my choice, Hermione? We agreed –"
"You are preparing to promise your heart and soul to Ginny. You need to decide whether you are ready to make that commitment to her. Once you make the commitment, there is no turning back Harry. You must be sure,"
Harry could see a glimpse of pain in Hermione's eyes. She looked away from him as he stared at her more intently. "And you?"
"And me?"
"Why haven't you made that commitment to Ron?"
"I can't make that commitment to Ron," she finished, avoiding Harry's gaze.
"Why not?"
"You've always known why. Please don't make me say it"
"What? What is it?"
"It hurts every time I think about it. Every time I let my thoughts drift to that night. Every time I think of you when I should be thinking of Ron. Every time I pretend I'm good enough. Every time I pretend that everything is perfectly fine. Every time I wonder if we made a promise we couldn't keep," Hermione finished quietly. "It hurts so much,"
Harry tried to reach out to Hermione, but his arms would not move.
"No one can make this choice for you, Harry," said Hermione, stronger now. "This is your choice to make. No matter your decision, I'll always be there for you. I promised you I would never leave, and I never will," Hermione said quietly, still avoiding his gaze.
She walked closer to Harry and barely let her lips touch his right cheek. His body erupted into pins and needles as he felt the satin of her dress across his arm. Her right hand reached down for his and she intertwined her fingers in his. He watched her breasts slowly rise and fall as she took a deep breath in and rested her head on his shoulder.
Harry abruptly woke up. He could feel an arm on his chest and he looked down to see Ginny. He felt disappointment as he realized it was Ginny's arm. It had all been a dream. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and closed his eyes again, trying not to wake Ginny.
But he still didn't have the answer he was looking for.
