Shepard honestly hated it when his crew gave their opinions, because their opinions just got them knee deep in even more shit. And he thought the Collectors were bad, when the real blight of the galaxy was hiding away on his ship. Right now, Tali, Legion, Grunt, Miranda, and Garrus were all arguing over what to do with the two new Geth units. Legion, Grunt and Garrus were all for keeping them, thinking they'd make exciting new additions to the crew. Tali and Miranda were opposed; Tali opposed it because she still didn't trust Geth. Miranda opposed it because… she just didn't like to break Cerberus code, and taking on more than two AI units was breaking the code. EDI was the first, and she was alright. She couldn't tamper with the systems at all, but two freely roaming units might end up messing with the systems.
Under the circumstances, Isala gave Shepard both Deimos, and Phobos, as everyone had taken to calling it. Even though Deimos wasn't really Isala's to give away in the first place, Deimos insisted on going with Phobos, saying that she "wanted to ensure standard repairs, maintenance, and care".
"I'm telling you, taking these two on is a terrible idea." Miranda said, pacing back and forth.
"Then what should we do with them?" Garrus asked, leaning against a crate in the cargo bay.
"Well… I know a guy who can dissect a Geth like no other." Tali remarked.
"Tali, the same rules that apply to Mordin apply to you. No dissecting crew-members." Shepard interrupted.
Mordin poked his head into the room. "Do not worry Tali, I'm trying to get a petition together to change that rule." Mordin grinned, and went back to the lab.
"Right, that was creepy, never-mind." Tali shook her head.
"Shepard, what do you think?" Grunt asked.
"I think everyone should shut up, calm down, shake hand s with our new crew members, and enjoy the shore leave you all just got." Shepard replied, walking out of the room.
Miranda was somewhat angry at Shepard, but he was in charge. Tali, forgot completely about it after a few minutes. Legion greeted his two new fellow units in what you could call a Geth "language", rapid clicking, beeping, and other mildly annoying noises. Deimos went off to the Med Bay, where she decided to spend most of her free time helping Doc Chakwas. Legion returned to his post. However, that left the undesirable task of repairing and rerouting Phobos' memory core. He had to be linked to EDI or Shepard's Omni-Tool, and Tali was the only one who knew how to do such things. Well, Deimos might've known more than she let on, but she denied it every time.
Phobos was heavily damaged from his intense combat experience with his own kind, but no major damage was done. Just chunks of metal missing from his outer layers of armor, and in the worst case, a few gashes in his internal systems. But that could easily be corrected by any knowledgeable engineer. Hell, even EDI, if you gave her control of the proper soldering equipment, could easily repair the damages.
With a bit of finesse and an Omni-Tool, Mordin repaired the damage to Phobos' inner workings. From then on, Garrus, Grunt, Tali (because she was volunteered by Grunt, and Shepard liked the idea), Mordin, Samara, Kasumi, and Ms. Kelly Chambers worked on bringing Phobos to an acceptable standard (or level of crazy, as Joker called it). They also received a bit of direction from the ever-watching EDI. The main two things they worked on were; repairing Phobos' armor and trying fix his personality, or at least get him to stop saying "Running program" before every sentence. Shepard sat helplessly as his crew argued.
"I'm telling you, we should give him the Turian mindset. He'll be as strong-willed as I am." Garrus suggested, pacing back and forth.
"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? So we could have another angry Turian Merc running around trying to kill every ne'er-do-well we find? I don't think so." Tali replied, shaking her head.
"I thought he was stealing her credit chit, how was I supposed to know he was her son? And I apologized at the hospital!" Garrus snapped.
"Everyone, knock it off! Geez, you all sound like a bunch of angry toddlers arguing over a candy bar." Kasumi interrupted.
"If I might suggest something…" EDI began.
"Us? Toddlers? What about you? You freak out whenever someone asks you where and when you sleep." Tali said, eying Kasumi from across the room.
"No I don't!"
"You stabbed one of the engineers for asking!" Garrus added in.
Kasumi didn't answer. She wasn't even going to acknowledge that with a response. She did however, put on her pout face, stamp her feet, cross her arms, and looked away. Tali sighed.
"Who's the toddler now?" Tali murmured.
"I believe the Justicar Code would benefit this being greatly." Samara said, breaking the silence.
"Maybe we should all compromise?" Kelly suggested.
"This hunk of metal would kick some ass if we threw Krogan in there." Grunt remarked.
"Might I suggest that we…" EDI began, again.
"Perhaps Salarian Special Tasks training could be programmed?" Mordin interrupted.
EDI produced a loud, scratching sound. Everyone in the briefing room covered their ears. After the sound was complete, EDI paused for a moment.
"If I may continue uninterrupted… Might I suggest that we implant small portions of each species personalities to even out the entire crew?" EDI finally finished.
"She's right you know. Just a bit of crazy from all of you would be fun." Joker chuckled over the intercom.
An hour and a half later, Phobos stepped out of the elevator, good as new. He had a spit-shine new set of armor, with Tech donated by Mordin from tidbits he found off of the Collector tissue samples. His inner core was readjusted to compensate for being on a crew, and his internal systems were linked with EDI's, mostly so Tali could get him off of her back. But he still referred to her as "Creator". Phobos downloaded a small portion of each crewmember's profile. But Shepard made a major mistake when he left Grunt get an hour alone with the Geth.
When Shepard returned to the cargo bay, he found Grunt and Phobos head-butting each other. And Phobos' armor was modified ever so slightly, so where his antenna stood originally, was a large shoulder pad. The antenna was relocated to his other shoulder.
"What did you do?" Shepard asked, face palming.
"I made this thing better. I gave it more Krogan juices baby. Check it out!" Grunt replied.
Shepard peered around Grunt, to see Phobos standing in the corner of the room, and hearing the sound of running liquids. There was a pool of a dark brown liquid below him, with a solid stream coming from Phobos' lower portion. Tali walked in a few moments later. She sighed.
"Damnit. I didn't think that they were this life-like… Sorry Shepard. I meant to tell you, but this model and Deimos… as it likes to be called, are both ancient models. They were designed to be much like an organic… they actually drink oil…. Unfortunately, they have to dispose of it regularly too. By doing that. They need to 'drink' a can of oil every day or they start to overheat." Tali explained.
"You mean these things can piss?" Shepard asked. Tali nodded. "How?"
"Well… that one, since it's supposed to be a 'male', it has a metal rod that is hidden under the crotch plate. The other one… well, you know…" Tali began to blush under her helmet.
"Phobos has a penis, and Deimos has a vagina?"
Tali blushed even more, and nodded.
"FUUUUUUUUUU"
