Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own The Mediator or any of the characters *sigh*. They belong to the awesome Meg Cabot. Although, like every other girl, I wish I owned Jesse.
A/N: This takes place, as you probably can tell, after Darkest Hour/Young Blood. Jesse moved on and Suze is alone.
My life had been absolute hell since the day Jesse moved on. I mean, it was bound to happen and I had tried so hard not to let myself fall for him.
But I did.
I fell so hard.
I know it is completely my fault for falling for a ghost. I just thought, maybe, he had been hanging around all these years because he was supposed to meet me. I thought he was supposed to be with me.
But I was wrong.
I had brought him back from the spectral plane, where he had been sent after Jack Slater exorcised him, thinking everything would be alright.
It hadn't bothered me that I probably would've spent my life pining away for him. Truthfully, I hadn't cared. So long as I got to have him in my life.
Everything wasn't alright.
After I read the article in the Sunday paper, the one CeeCee had written about Jesse's murder, I went back to my room.
Jesse had been there. Sitting on the window seat like he always did. But something seemed wrong. He looked less opaque than usual.
I knew what was happening before he even looked at me. I started crying, I couldn't really help it.
Jesse, ever the gentleman that he was, walked over to me. He had asked me what was wrong. Clearly he didn't realize what was happening.
I shook my head and grabbed his hand. Crying even harder when I could barely take it.
I held it up for him to see.
"Nombre de Dios." He had whispered.
I looked up into his dark, mesmerizing eyes. I wanted to apologize, because it had been my fault. I had CeeCee write that story. Jesse had promised me that the mystery of his death was not why he was still here.
I knew that was a lie, but I had believed him.
But I couldn't be angry at myself. My anger flared toward Jesse. "You promised." I had accused. I wanted to yell, and scream, and hit him.
"I'm sorry querida." He had whispered, he voice growing more and more faint.
I could barely see him. He was nothing but a shimmer of light. And then I felt a slight pressure on my lips.
"Te amo." Was the last thing I heard him whisper.
It was a few weeks later when I found out what he had said. "I love you."
He had loved me. And I never got the chance to tell him how I felt. He would never know how much I love him.
Now here I was, like I had predicted, pining away for him. Only he was never coming back to me.
I was going to spend the rest of my life alone, all because I let myself fall for a ghost. I had known better, but you can never help who you fall in love with.
Although in this case, I wish I could've.
It had been almost two months since then, school was going to start tomorrow. My life would go back to normal, with the exception for Jesse's absence. That, and the fact that I hadn't slept all that well since I saved Jesse.
The nightmares I had of the hallway…and Paul Slater, were seriously depleting my sleep. And when I wasn't dreaming of that I was constantly seeing Jesse.
So you can see why my life was absolute hell.
I sat, on my window seat, staring at the sun setting into the ocean. I was basically wallowing in self-pity, I admit it.
I sighed when I heard the thump on the porch roof. Spike slinked trough the window and walked up to me.
He butted his head against my hand. I tried, and failed, to pet him and not think about Jesse. Spike, aside from me and Father Dominic, missed Jesse terribly. Of course Father Dom tried very hard not to show exactly how much Jesse's moving on affected him. He kept to his form, saying it was only a matter of time and that Jesse was in a better place.
Sometimes I wanted to throttle him for lack of sympathy. Other times I want to beg him to tell how to get over it. I knew how he had gotten over his falling in love with a ghost. He became a priest.
And I was destined to become a nun.
It was as I was thinking of was to accessorize a habit, you know those things nuns wear, that I saw a subtle glow in my peripheral vision.
"Hey, kiddo." My dad said from beside me.
"Hey, dad." I sighed.
My dad sat down on the seat next to me. "Suze." He sighed.
I knew that tone. "Don't start, dad." I said.
"Susie, you know he's…"
"Don't start with the 'he's in a better place' crap. Okay? I know. It doesn't make it hurt less." I said and soon I was crying into my dad's chest. My tears spilling on to his shirt that read: HOMEPORT,MENEMSHA ,FRESH SEAFOOD ALL YEAR ROUND
I pulled back, embarrassed. I hated crying, which I had been doing a lot of since Jesse left.
"I'm sorry." I sniffled.
"Suze, I know you loved him."
"I still love him." I muttered. "And he loved me."
"I understand that, but you have to know it never would've worked. It's better that he moved on. Otherwise he would've spent the rest of eternity hanging around. Watching you get old. Watching you die. It's better this way."
"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped.
There was a knock on my door. "Suze?" David, my youngest step-brother, known to me as Doc, called through my door.
I watched as my dad dematerialized. "Come in." I called.
The door cracked open. "Were you talking to…someone?" Doc is the only person in my family who knows, somewhat, about my ability to see and speak to ghosts.
It was with his help that I learned about how Jesse was murdered. Now I wish I hadn't found out.
"Yeah." I said.
The tips of Doc's sticky-outty ears flamed red. He was always a little uncomfortable when he came into my room. He really had no reason to be scared now. It wasn't haunted anymore. "Are you…alone?" He asked.
"Yeah. What do you need David?" I asked.
"Oh, dinner's ready." He said.
I nodded and headed downstairs.
My presence at dinner was mandatory. Andy, my step-father, had a thing about family's eating together. Even when I wasn't in the mood to be around people, I had to make an appearance.
I kept my eyes down all throughout dinner. I tried not to make it obvious that something was bothering me. I did an excellent job, seeing as no one noticed I was always quiet or on the verge of tears.
My older step-brother Sleepy, known to everyone else as Jake, talked about starting college. Dopey, my step-brother Brad, blabbered on about how junior year was going to be bitchin'.
After dinner I went back to my room and got my stuff ready to school. I showered and changed in the bathroom, a custom that I had picked up while Jesse was here. It was a habit I couldn't break.
I didn't dream about the hallway or Paul or even Jesse. Instead I dreamt about someone else. It wasn't technically a dream, I just got a brief glimpse of someone, someone I didn't know.
I woke up the next morning and slowly got ready to start my junior year at Junipero Serra Mission Academy. Normally, it was something I would look forward to. I would get to flaunt my new wardrobe I had acquired, courtesy of the summer job I had at the Pebble Beach Hotel and Golf Resort. Sadly, I couldn't find the right amount of enthusiasm as I thought of how jealous the girls at school would be.
I was quiet throughout the entire ride to school. I tuned out Dopey as he started blabbing, once again, about how bitchin' this year would be.
Once at school, I proceeded to try and not draw attention to myself. I wanted to stay invisible for awhile, until I stopped grieving.
I stood in line as Assembly started. Basically Assembly was this: they made everybody stand outside in these lines separated by sex, boys on one side, girls on the other for fifteen minutes before school officially starts, so they can take attendance and read announcements and stuff.
It bored me.
Before I made my way to first period a novice came up to me and handed a note. I was waiting for this. I knew Father Dominic would want to see me. I sighed and headed to his office.
The receptionist made me wait outside Father Dom's office. That was just my luck. I get called to the principal's office on the first day back from summer vacation, I was blowing off first period, and then I had to wait. For Christ's sakes, I was called to come see Father Dom.
I shouldn't have to wait.
I stood up. I walked right passed the receptionist, who was calling my name, and walked right into Father Dom's office.
I know, I've never been patient.
To say Father Dom looked surprised to see me burst into his office would be an understatement. I think I almost gave him a heart attack.
"I…oh my…Susannah." Father Dom stammered.
"You wanted to see me, Father D?" I asked.
"I…er…yes, but as you can see I am busy at the moment." Father Dominic said.
It was at that moment that I saw someone sitting on the chair in front of his desk. I rolled my eyes. "Sorry." I muttered.
"I will be with you in a moment Susannah. Please wait outside." Father Dominic said.
"Fine." I said and turned around. I walked back to the waiting area mumbling about how I shouldn't have to wait. I glared at the floor as I sat and waited.
The door to Father Dom's office opened. "Susannah, you may come in." Father D said.
I heaved myself out of the chair, had the person in Father Dom's office already left?
When I walked in I realized that the person was still in there. "Prepare yourself, Susannah." Father Dom whispered as I passed into the office.
I looked at him questioningly and sat down at the other chair. I glanced quickly the other person, a guy. I didn't want to stare so I looked at Father D as he sat behind his desk.
"Susannah, I want you to meet Julian Diego. Julian, this is Susannah Simon." Father Dom said.
I glared at Father Dom and turned to Julian. "Nice to m…" I trailed off when I looked at Julian.
I noticed his eyes right away. The dark, intelligent eyes.
My jaw sagged.
I knew those eyes.
Jesse's eyes.
A/N: This is my first Fanfic. Please review, if you want to know how this turns out. Be honest in your reviews.
