Woeful Wizards Prisoner of Azkaban Episode Ten Part Two

Movie Length

Opening Montage:

Voice Over: [Pictures of the cast either laughing or frowning] A lot has happened in last night's episode. But who will uncover that dastardly secret: what an animagus is.

Scene 1:

[In the Shrieking Shack. Snape is looking at Lupin and Sirius, who are currently embracing each other whilst staring at Harry and the gang, who are staring aghast at Snape.]

Ron: (s) What's an animagus?

Sirius: (s) I am.

Ron: Right.

Snape: Now, I am at the stage in which I am about to proceed upon in which I am about to ready myself to prepare myself to be ready to uphand a culprit whose name I am yet to mention but rest assured when I mention it will be-

Lupin: Petrificus Totalus!

[Snape falls over.]

Sirius: Still got the (s) reflexes of youth, I see.

Lupin: (spins to Sirius and whispers) … always.

Ron: I still don't… understand.

Hermione: (s) What's not to understand, Ron? Sirius Black is Harry's godfather and a dog, Lupin is a werewolf, and your rat is actually Peter Pettigrew.

Ron: … right.

Harry: Sirius, (s) aren't you going to kill Peter now?

Sirius: (s) Good point, Harry!

[Harry blushes.]

Sirius: Lupin, grab that (s) rat!

[Lupin grabs the rat.]

Sirius: (puts wand to the rat's chest.) Prepare to die, Pete…

Harry: (s) NO!

Sirius: (drops wand) WHAT?

Harry: (turns away to hide his tears of emotion) My father would've wanted (spins back) me to do it.

Lupin: I don't think…

Sirius: (s) I feel like a moonlit stroll.

Harry: Me too.

Hermione: I second that.

Ron: (shrugs) I'm going to lose my leg anyway.

Lupin: (Pauses.) As long as I get to go first.

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 2:

[Draco and the gang are sitting in a classroom, with the rest of the Slytherin students.]

Crabbe: Where's Professor Lupin?

Goyle: Where's Professor Snape?

Draco: (s) Why are we here at night?

Scene 3:

[Lupin, Sirius, Snape, Peter Pettigrew, Harry and the gang are taking a moonlit stroll.]

Harry: (s) What a good idea, Sirius.

Sirius: Why, thank you Harry. I- (s) Peter, you're a man!.

Peter: And now I'm gone!

[Peter runs off, laughing.]

Ron: Snape, (s) you're conscious!

Snape: And now you're all under arrest!

Hermione: Lupin, (s) you're transforming!

Lupin: (howls) AROOOOOO!

Sirius: Not again, man.

Snape: (s) The children!

Lupin: JE DETESTE LES INFANTS!

Ron: What's he (s) doing?

Hermione: He's speaking (s) werewolf.

Lupin: JE SUIS UN PHANTOM.

Hermione (off-screen): MOI AUSSI!

Lupin: Pardon?

Hermione (off-screen): MOI AUSSI!

Lupin: JE VAIS!

[Lupin gallops off.]

Sirius: (clutching chest) My heart!

[Sirius runs off.]

Snape: (s) Finally, I-

Ron: Avada Kedavra!

[Ron's spell misses Snape, hits a tree and a branch falls off and hits Snape, who is knocked out.]

Hermione: (s) Good one!

Harry: [Grabs Hermione's hand] Come on, Hermione, we've got to save Sirius!

Ron: What about (s) me?

Harry: Can it, invalid.

[Harry flicks his wand and Ron collapses to the ground.]

Harry: (s) Let's go save Sirius.

[Dramatic music]

Scene 4:

[Draco and the gang are sitting around, twiddling their thumbs.]

Crabbe: So… what do you want to do?

Goyle: Dunno.

Draco: Let's play (s) Scrabble.

Crabbe and Goyle: (together) … okay.

Scene 5:

[Harry and Hermione are almost upon Sirius, who is kneeling in front of a lake.]

Harry: (rushes up) Sirius, are you (s) okay?

Sirius: They're (s) coming.

Harry: Who, (s) WHO?

[Sirius faints]

Harry: What's going on? (s) What's happening? Sirius? SIRIUS?

Hermione: Harry…

Harry: (spins to face Hermione) What?

[Hermione raises a trembling arm. She points to about thirty goffs all lined up.]

Hermione: (raises arm to forehead) I can't.

[Hermione faints.]

Harry: Expecto- expecto…

[Harry falls to his knees.]

Harry: Too… many.

Dementors: (altogether) oh ahi der vampiuyre yu lok qruit sexcty

Harry: Good… bye… cruel… world…

Harry (off-screen): EXPECTO PATRONUM!

Harry: Wait… to…. Go… Dad…

[Harry faints. Dramatic music.]

Scene 6:

[Draco and the gang are playing Scrabble.]

Draco: 1, 2, 4- that's sixteen for me.

[Pansy bursts in.]

Crabbe: (s) You okay?

Pansy: They're caught him! They've caught (s) Sirius Black!

Goyle: (s) What?

Pansy: Yeah, he's just got out of the hospital wing. And guess who else is in there? That Granger kid and Potter, as well as-

Draco: (s) NO!

[Draco sprints out of the room. Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy all exchange glances, shrug and run after him.]

Scene 7:

[Harry and Hermione are in the hospital wing. Dumbledore is talking with them. Ron is on the bed, unconscious.]

Dumbledore: You know what you have to (s) do, Miss Granger. Or would you like me to (hand movement) interpretive dance it out for you?

Hermione: (seriously) That won't be necessary.

Harry: Maybe some (s) other time, Professor.

Dumbledore: I would (s) like that. It is 12:03, and I am locking the doors at (s) 12:04.

[Dumbldore walks out and shuts the doors.]

Harry: Well, I understood none of that.

Hermione: (s) Shut up and wear this necklace with me.

Harry: Oh, it's not really my colour.

Hermione: (rolls eyes and puts the Time-Turner around the both of them.) Hush. You see, I can (ULTIMATE SWIVEL) travel in time.

Harry: Where's your big blue box then?

Hermione: (fiddling with the Time Turner) What did you say?

Harry: Never mind.

Hermione: And… (turns Time Turner) we're (s) back in time.

Harry: Why is everything (s) black and white?

[For indeed it is.]

Hermione: (s) Because it's the past! Now let's go save Ron- I mean Sirius!

Harry: (s) Right then!

[They rush off to Hagrid's Hut and hide behind it.]

Harry: Hey, Hermione, you know what would be really funny?

Hermione: (distracted) No, what?

Harry: If we (giggles) steal Buckbeak!

Hermione: (s) What?

Harry: Come on!

[They steal Buckbeak.]

Hermione: That was (s) easy.

Harry: Told ya.

Hermione: Here comes Fudge and Dumbledore… (s) Why aren't we leaving?

Harry: (s) Because you told us to.

Hermione: Huh? Oh, right. (shouts) GET OUT OF THERE, YOU NITWITS.

[Past Harry, Hermione and Ron troop out of Hagrid's Hut.]

Harry: What do we do (s) now?

Hermione: Now, we (s) wait.

[Dramatic music]

Scene 8:

[Draco and the gang are sitting in a classroom, with the rest of the Slytherin students.]

Crabbe: Where's Professor Lupin?

Goyle: Where's Professor Snape?

Draco: (s) Why are we here at night? Woah, déjà vu.

Crabbe: (s) Me too.

Goyle: Weird…

Scene 9:

[Harry and Hermione are sitting together, playing tic-tac-toe. Buckbeak is being Buckbeak.]

Hermione: (s) I win again!

Harry: (throws paper on the ground) I don't want to play anymore. (He pouts and crosses his arms.)

Lupin (off-screen): AROOOOO!

Harry: (s) What was that?

Hermione: Crap.

Lupin (off-screen): JE DETESTE LES INFANTS!

Hermione: (to herself) Hang on… (shouts) MOI AUSSI!

Lupin (off-screen): Pardon?

Hermione: (shouts) MOI AUSSI!

Harry: (hits Hermione over the head) You idiot! Now he's (s) coming this way.

Hermione: … right.

[Harry, Hermione and Buckbeak start running away.]

Harry: WAIT! (s) Why aren't we riding Buckbeak?

Hermione: Yeah, Lupin'll probably catch us on foot.

[They climb upon Buckbeak and ride away, landing just beside the lake where Sirius, Harry and Hermione are being attacked by Dementors. They hide behind ]

Harry: Yes! Hermione, (s) I get to see my dead dad!

Hermione: What are you (s) talking about?

Harry: No, wait (s) I am my dad.

Hermione: (s) WHAT?

Harry: (steps out of the bushes) EXPECTO PATRONUM!

[All the Dementor's burst into flames. The flames take the form of a stag.]

Dementors: (in unison) STOPS FLAIMG MEII UE R ALL PREPZ MIIFS SAT IN

[They all disappear.]

Harry: (falls to his knees) VICTORY IS ASSURED!

Hermione: Harry… Sirius.

Harry: … right.

[They hop back on Buckbeak and fly away. Dramatic music.]

Scene 10:

[Draco and the gang are sitting around, twiddling their thumbs.]

Crabbe: So… what do you want to do?

Goyle: Dunno.

Draco: Let's play (s) Scrabble.

Crabbe and Goyle: (together) … okay.

Draco: (s) HOW DID I KNOW THAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT?

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 11:

[Harry, Hermione and Buckbeak are freeing Sirius.]

Sirius: … and remember, always wash behind your ears.

Harry: (s) … always.

Sirius: (welling up with tears) You have so much of your mother in you, Harry.

Harry: (tears rolling down his face) I love you.

Sirius: (s) I lo-

Hermione: (s) I hear voices! Quickly, Sirius!

[Sirius hops onto Buckbeak and soars into the sky. Harry stares at their retreating figures with misty eyes.]

Hermione: (tugs on Harry's arm) Come on, Harry.

Harry: Alright, (s) bossyboots.

[They hurry off to the hospital wing, where Dumbledore is about to lock the doors.]

Dumbledore: (s) Well, children, did you stop Pettigrew from escaping?

Harry: … yes.

Dumbledore: Good. I (s) knew I could count on you.

[Hermione and Harry walk in and go to Ron's bedside.]

Hermione: (s) Do you-

[Snape bursts in, followed by Fudge and Dumbldore.]

Snape: (snatches Harry up by his collar) WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS SIRIUS BLACK?

Harry: Sir, this isn't like you.

Snape: (shakes Harry) I KNOW YOU'VE HIDDEN HIM! HE DESERVES PUNISHMENT! I KNOW WHAT HE DID!

Fudge: (shrugs) Guess we can't do anything. I'm only one wizard, after all.

Snape: (turns to Fudge) THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, FUDGE. YOU'LL PAY.

[Snape storms out.]

Fudge: (huffs) Don't know what's got him so worked up.

Dumbledore: (quietly) He's just suffered great disappointment.

Fudge: Bye then!

[Fudge exits. Dumbledore turns to Harry and the gang.]

Dumbledore: For your efforts, you deserve (s) recognition.

Ron: (apparently now conscious) Like money?

Hermione: Or fame?

Harry: Or parents?

Dumbledore: No. (s) A name. I hereby dub thou…

[Draco and the gang burst in, but remain unseen.]

Dumbledore: … the Golden Trio.

Draco: NO! (He faints, Crabbe and Goyle drag him out.)

Dumbledore: (s) Get some rest, children.

[Dumbledore wafts out.]

Harry: (s) Well, I'm glad everything's sorted.

[Silence]

Ron: (shouts) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT MADE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. IF ANYTHING, I AM MORE CONFUSED THAN USUAL, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.

END OF EPISODE TEN PART TWO

END OF WOEFUL WIZARDS PRISONER OF AZKABAN