Woeful Wizards Prisoner of Azkaban Episode Ten Part Two
Movie Length
Opening Montage:
Voice Over: [Pictures of the cast either laughing or frowning] A lot has happened in last night's episode. But who will uncover that dastardly secret: what an animagus is.
Scene 1:
[In the Shrieking Shack. Snape is looking at Lupin and Sirius, who are currently embracing each other whilst staring at Harry and the gang, who are staring aghast at Snape.]
Ron: (s) What's an animagus?
Sirius: (s) I am.
Ron: Right.
Snape: Now, I am at the stage in which I am about to proceed upon in which I am about to ready myself to prepare myself to be ready to uphand a culprit whose name I am yet to mention but rest assured when I mention it will be-
Lupin: Petrificus Totalus!
[Snape falls over.]
Sirius: Still got the (s) reflexes of youth, I see.
Lupin: (spins to Sirius and whispers) … always.
Ron: I still don't… understand.
Hermione: (s) What's not to understand, Ron? Sirius Black is Harry's godfather and a dog, Lupin is a werewolf, and your rat is actually Peter Pettigrew.
Ron: … right.
Harry: Sirius, (s) aren't you going to kill Peter now?
Sirius: (s) Good point, Harry!
[Harry blushes.]
Sirius: Lupin, grab that (s) rat!
[Lupin grabs the rat.]
Sirius: (puts wand to the rat's chest.) Prepare to die, Pete…
Harry: (s) NO!
Sirius: (drops wand) WHAT?
Harry: (turns away to hide his tears of emotion) My father would've wanted (spins back) me to do it.
Lupin: I don't think…
Sirius: (s) I feel like a moonlit stroll.
Harry: Me too.
Hermione: I second that.
Ron: (shrugs) I'm going to lose my leg anyway.
Lupin: (Pauses.) As long as I get to go first.
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 2:
[Draco and the gang are sitting in a classroom, with the rest of the Slytherin students.]
Crabbe: Where's Professor Lupin?
Goyle: Where's Professor Snape?
Draco: (s) Why are we here at night?
Scene 3:
[Lupin, Sirius, Snape, Peter Pettigrew, Harry and the gang are taking a moonlit stroll.]
Harry: (s) What a good idea, Sirius.
Sirius: Why, thank you Harry. I- (s) Peter, you're a man!.
Peter: And now I'm gone!
[Peter runs off, laughing.]
Ron: Snape, (s) you're conscious!
Snape: And now you're all under arrest!
Hermione: Lupin, (s) you're transforming!
Lupin: (howls) AROOOOOO!
Sirius: Not again, man.
Snape: (s) The children!
Lupin: JE DETESTE LES INFANTS!
Ron: What's he (s) doing?
Hermione: He's speaking (s) werewolf.
Lupin: JE SUIS UN PHANTOM.
Hermione (off-screen): MOI AUSSI!
Lupin: Pardon?
Hermione (off-screen): MOI AUSSI!
Lupin: JE VAIS!
[Lupin gallops off.]
Sirius: (clutching chest) My heart!
[Sirius runs off.]
Snape: (s) Finally, I-
Ron: Avada Kedavra!
[Ron's spell misses Snape, hits a tree and a branch falls off and hits Snape, who is knocked out.]
Hermione: (s) Good one!
Harry: [Grabs Hermione's hand] Come on, Hermione, we've got to save Sirius!
Ron: What about (s) me?
Harry: Can it, invalid.
[Harry flicks his wand and Ron collapses to the ground.]
Harry: (s) Let's go save Sirius.
[Dramatic music]
Scene 4:
[Draco and the gang are sitting around, twiddling their thumbs.]
Crabbe: So… what do you want to do?
Goyle: Dunno.
Draco: Let's play (s) Scrabble.
Crabbe and Goyle: (together) … okay.
Scene 5:
[Harry and Hermione are almost upon Sirius, who is kneeling in front of a lake.]
Harry: (rushes up) Sirius, are you (s) okay?
Sirius: They're (s) coming.
Harry: Who, (s) WHO?
[Sirius faints]
Harry: What's going on? (s) What's happening? Sirius? SIRIUS?
Hermione: Harry…
Harry: (spins to face Hermione) What?
[Hermione raises a trembling arm. She points to about thirty goffs all lined up.]
Hermione: (raises arm to forehead) I can't.
[Hermione faints.]
Harry: Expecto- expecto…
[Harry falls to his knees.]
Harry: Too… many.
Dementors: (altogether) oh ahi der vampiuyre yu lok qruit sexcty
Harry: Good… bye… cruel… world…
Harry (off-screen): EXPECTO PATRONUM!
Harry: Wait… to…. Go… Dad…
[Harry faints. Dramatic music.]
Scene 6:
[Draco and the gang are playing Scrabble.]
Draco: 1, 2, 4- that's sixteen for me.
[Pansy bursts in.]
Crabbe: (s) You okay?
Pansy: They're caught him! They've caught (s) Sirius Black!
Goyle: (s) What?
Pansy: Yeah, he's just got out of the hospital wing. And guess who else is in there? That Granger kid and Potter, as well as-
Draco: (s) NO!
[Draco sprints out of the room. Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy all exchange glances, shrug and run after him.]
Scene 7:
[Harry and Hermione are in the hospital wing. Dumbledore is talking with them. Ron is on the bed, unconscious.]
Dumbledore: You know what you have to (s) do, Miss Granger. Or would you like me to (hand movement) interpretive dance it out for you?
Hermione: (seriously) That won't be necessary.
Harry: Maybe some (s) other time, Professor.
Dumbledore: I would (s) like that. It is 12:03, and I am locking the doors at (s) 12:04.
[Dumbldore walks out and shuts the doors.]
Harry: Well, I understood none of that.
Hermione: (s) Shut up and wear this necklace with me.
Harry: Oh, it's not really my colour.
Hermione: (rolls eyes and puts the Time-Turner around the both of them.) Hush. You see, I can (ULTIMATE SWIVEL) travel in time.
Harry: Where's your big blue box then?
Hermione: (fiddling with the Time Turner) What did you say?
Harry: Never mind.
Hermione: And… (turns Time Turner) we're (s) back in time.
Harry: Why is everything (s) black and white?
[For indeed it is.]
Hermione: (s) Because it's the past! Now let's go save Ron- I mean Sirius!
Harry: (s) Right then!
[They rush off to Hagrid's Hut and hide behind it.]
Harry: Hey, Hermione, you know what would be really funny?
Hermione: (distracted) No, what?
Harry: If we (giggles) steal Buckbeak!
Hermione: (s) What?
Harry: Come on!
[They steal Buckbeak.]
Hermione: That was (s) easy.
Harry: Told ya.
Hermione: Here comes Fudge and Dumbledore… (s) Why aren't we leaving?
Harry: (s) Because you told us to.
Hermione: Huh? Oh, right. (shouts) GET OUT OF THERE, YOU NITWITS.
[Past Harry, Hermione and Ron troop out of Hagrid's Hut.]
Harry: What do we do (s) now?
Hermione: Now, we (s) wait.
[Dramatic music]
Scene 8:
[Draco and the gang are sitting in a classroom, with the rest of the Slytherin students.]
Crabbe: Where's Professor Lupin?
Goyle: Where's Professor Snape?
Draco: (s) Why are we here at night? Woah, déjà vu.
Crabbe: (s) Me too.
Goyle: Weird…
Scene 9:
[Harry and Hermione are sitting together, playing tic-tac-toe. Buckbeak is being Buckbeak.]
Hermione: (s) I win again!
Harry: (throws paper on the ground) I don't want to play anymore. (He pouts and crosses his arms.)
Lupin (off-screen): AROOOOO!
Harry: (s) What was that?
Hermione: Crap.
Lupin (off-screen): JE DETESTE LES INFANTS!
Hermione: (to herself) Hang on… (shouts) MOI AUSSI!
Lupin (off-screen): Pardon?
Hermione: (shouts) MOI AUSSI!
Harry: (hits Hermione over the head) You idiot! Now he's (s) coming this way.
Hermione: … right.
[Harry, Hermione and Buckbeak start running away.]
Harry: WAIT! (s) Why aren't we riding Buckbeak?
Hermione: Yeah, Lupin'll probably catch us on foot.
[They climb upon Buckbeak and ride away, landing just beside the lake where Sirius, Harry and Hermione are being attacked by Dementors. They hide behind ]
Harry: Yes! Hermione, (s) I get to see my dead dad!
Hermione: What are you (s) talking about?
Harry: No, wait (s) I am my dad.
Hermione: (s) WHAT?
Harry: (steps out of the bushes) EXPECTO PATRONUM!
[All the Dementor's burst into flames. The flames take the form of a stag.]
Dementors: (in unison) STOPS FLAIMG MEII UE R ALL PREPZ MIIFS SAT IN
[They all disappear.]
Harry: (falls to his knees) VICTORY IS ASSURED!
Hermione: Harry… Sirius.
Harry: … right.
[They hop back on Buckbeak and fly away. Dramatic music.]
Scene 10:
[Draco and the gang are sitting around, twiddling their thumbs.]
Crabbe: So… what do you want to do?
Goyle: Dunno.
Draco: Let's play (s) Scrabble.
Crabbe and Goyle: (together) … okay.
Draco: (s) HOW DID I KNOW THAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT?
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 11:
[Harry, Hermione and Buckbeak are freeing Sirius.]
Sirius: … and remember, always wash behind your ears.
Harry: (s) … always.
Sirius: (welling up with tears) You have so much of your mother in you, Harry.
Harry: (tears rolling down his face) I love you.
Sirius: (s) I lo-
Hermione: (s) I hear voices! Quickly, Sirius!
[Sirius hops onto Buckbeak and soars into the sky. Harry stares at their retreating figures with misty eyes.]
Hermione: (tugs on Harry's arm) Come on, Harry.
Harry: Alright, (s) bossyboots.
[They hurry off to the hospital wing, where Dumbledore is about to lock the doors.]
Dumbledore: (s) Well, children, did you stop Pettigrew from escaping?
Harry: … yes.
Dumbledore: Good. I (s) knew I could count on you.
[Hermione and Harry walk in and go to Ron's bedside.]
Hermione: (s) Do you-
[Snape bursts in, followed by Fudge and Dumbldore.]
Snape: (snatches Harry up by his collar) WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS SIRIUS BLACK?
Harry: Sir, this isn't like you.
Snape: (shakes Harry) I KNOW YOU'VE HIDDEN HIM! HE DESERVES PUNISHMENT! I KNOW WHAT HE DID!
Fudge: (shrugs) Guess we can't do anything. I'm only one wizard, after all.
Snape: (turns to Fudge) THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, FUDGE. YOU'LL PAY.
[Snape storms out.]
Fudge: (huffs) Don't know what's got him so worked up.
Dumbledore: (quietly) He's just suffered great disappointment.
Fudge: Bye then!
[Fudge exits. Dumbledore turns to Harry and the gang.]
Dumbledore: For your efforts, you deserve (s) recognition.
Ron: (apparently now conscious) Like money?
Hermione: Or fame?
Harry: Or parents?
Dumbledore: No. (s) A name. I hereby dub thou…
[Draco and the gang burst in, but remain unseen.]
Dumbledore: … the Golden Trio.
Draco: NO! (He faints, Crabbe and Goyle drag him out.)
Dumbledore: (s) Get some rest, children.
[Dumbledore wafts out.]
Harry: (s) Well, I'm glad everything's sorted.
[Silence]
Ron: (shouts) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT MADE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. IF ANYTHING, I AM MORE CONFUSED THAN USUAL, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
END OF EPISODE TEN PART TWO
END OF WOEFUL WIZARDS PRISONER OF AZKABAN
