Disclaimer: Mediator … Meg Cabot … nuff said.

A/N: I hoped you liked the last chapter and my little cliffie.

Before I let you get to the drama and mess that is Suze's life I want to take the time to thank those that have reviewed. (Not that it's a lot, but still)

Thanks to those who have read this fic.

OK, enough of this … on with it.


Chapter 8

Suze POV

When I saw Julian walking toward me I panicked.

What was I going to say to him? What was he going to say to me? What are my chances for running away?

I did want to talk to him. I really did. But I also wanted to wait until I sorted out my feelings.

I was way too confused to think straight.

Julian. Jesse. Jesse. Julian.

You would think this would be an easy decision since they were in the same body.

Wrong.

Maybe it would be easier if Jesse was in another body.

Of course it would, because then Julian wouldn't be here. I thought.

My heart clenched at the thought.

OK. That was a sign that I wanted Julian around. I knew I had feelings for Julian, feelings that had nothing to do with Jesse. I felt it when we kissed. That had nothing to do with Jesse.

I was aware that every second I stood here arguing with myself, Julian got closer and I had no chance of running away. I looked at Julian, who was now two feet away.

I took a deep breath as he came to a stop about a foot in front of me.

"Hey." Julian said.

"Hi." I answered breathlessly. Yeah, my impressive vocabulary chose that exact moment to leave me.

"I didn't think you'd actually wait for me." Julian whispered.

"Neither did I. To be honest I was just going to walk away."

"Why didn't you?"

"Frankly, I don't know Julian."

"Yeah, this is confusing. I've tried to sort though it all and try and find some justifications, but I keep coming up empty."

"What are you talking about? Justifications for what?"

"How I feel about you. I don't know if you feel anything for me, but I do. You probably think I'm stupid, having feelings for someone I just met, but I do and I can't help it."

I shook my head at him.

He was unbelievable. Here he was, saying he had feelings for me, when he accepted a date from Kelly. No matter what I feel for him it won't change the fact that he hurt me.

Yeah, him having feelings for someone he just met is not why I think he's stupid.

"So why the date with Kelly? If you care for me like you claim you do why'd you tell her yes?"

Julian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I want to explain, but I want you to promise that you'll listen. Promise you won't … interrupt and you'll hear me out."

"Only if you promise that everything you are going to tell me is the truth and not some excuse you made up."

"I promise. I will tell you the truth."

"Then I promise to listen."

"OK. When we were kissing yesterday it felt … right. At least it felt that way to me. When … when we were kissing I realized I liked you. I like just being with you, even if we're not kissing. I …" Julian paused.

He was saying the things I wanted to hear. He feels the same way I do. But I wanted him to explain about Kelly.

He must have seen that in my eyes. "I guess I should get to the point. Well, when we were sitting on the steps, talking, I couldn't help but like how easy it was for us to talk. Then you mentioned Jesse. I thought, OK, I can brush it off. I really thought I could Suze, but I watched your eyes when you talked about him. I could see the love in them. I know that you were in love with Jesse, OK? I understood that. But we had been kissing only minutes before, and I couldn't help but think that you'd never look like that when you were talking about me. I could've dealt with that. The way you defended him is what hurt. I mean, I had just realized how much I liked you and you were defending some guy who, by your own admission, only saw you as a friend."

I wanted to defend Jesse again. I wanted to tell Julian that Jesse loved me, but I promised not to interrupt.

"Not only did you say he only saw you as a friend, but you said he'd been gone for two months. He's gone, yet I can still tell you love him and you miss him. I understood at that moment that, no matter what, I'd be second to him. And that hurt. So I did the first stupid thing that came to my mind. I lied." He stopped and looked at me, most likely gauging my reaction.

What? He lied? About what? Did he lie about Kelly? I felt my jaw tighten. "What?" I asked.

"Kelly did ask me out, but I told her no … because of you. That little kiss I had given before was all I was thinking about." He said.

"You lied?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I wanted to make you feel some of the hurt you had made me feel. I know that's childish, but …"

He was cut off by my hand coming in contact with his cheek. I'm not a big slapper, but I couldn't think of what to do. Slapping him was the first action that came to me

I had been upset and crying because he wanted to get back at me for hurt him. His hurt was nothing compared to mine.

"I can't believe you." I said. "You lied to me!"

"I know, and I am really sorry. Please just tell me if there's someway to fix this. I can't stop thinking about you, it's like you've invaded my mind."

I looked away, biting my lip. I tried to fight the tears that welled in my eyes. "Just once I want to fall in love and not have it hurt in the end." I whispered.

Julian grabbed my chin and turned my face toward his. "Who says it has to end? Just give me another chance. I don't … I don't want to lose you."

I moved my chin from his touch. "You've already lost me Julian."

Julian shook his head. "No, Suze, please don't say that. Please."

"I just did, Julian. I let you explain. You apologized, but I'm not going to accept. I can't forgive you, for hurting me. You have no idea how bad you hurt me. It's more than what you felt, it's worse." I shook my head. "God, Julian. Don't you know that it is possible for a person to be in love with two people."

Julian's eyes widened. "Love? What? What … what do you mean?"

"It doesn't matter. It's too late." I said and turned to leave. I walked away slowly, and I hoped he'd stop me.

But he didn't.

He didn't call out for me. He didn't grab my arm to stop me. He just let me walk away.


Julian POV

I watched Suze walk away from me and that was the worst thing ever. I tried to make myself move or talk but I couldn't.

I just fucking let her walk away.

I was still trying to comprehend what she had told me.

"Don't you know that it is possible for a person to be in love with two people." She had said.

Was she in love with me? Is that even possible?

I know it's possible for her to fall in love with me. What I meant was, is it possible for her to be in love with me so soon?

More importantly, was I in love with her?

I think I am. And I realized it the moment she said I had lost her.

"Fuck." I whispered and leaned my head against the building. I ran a hand through my hair as I headed to my next class.

I had to get Suze to forgive me, I loved her. Yeah, I loved her. I needed her. I wanted her.

I had to fix it and I would ... no matter what.


A/N: OK, now Suze knows the truth and I'm a little mad at her for not forgiving Julian, but well ... that's just how I wrote it.

Any way, did you not find Julian's confession so ... awesome? Don't you just love him? Oh and how about the fact that he managed to confess without cussing.

Any way, any way, so you can see that Julian's determined to get Suze back. Will she forgive him? You'll have to wait and see.