Disclaimer: Things I don't own: Mediator, a car, a laptop, an iPod, and my sanity. Things I do own: My dinosaur of a computer, my pain in the ass cat, a cheap MP3 player, and a stuffed bear I've had since I was six.
A/N: So I hope you liked chapter 11. Sorry it's taken me forever to post this. Real life sucks, that's all I have to say.
Alright the A/N at the end of this chapter is going to have a very important message, so please read it.
Well I would make this a/n as long as I usually do, but I'm not really in the mood.
I won't keep you waiting anymore. Here's chapter 12
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Chapter 12
Suze POV
"You are so busted." Dopey said.
Oh. My. God! I thought. "Oh, my God." I breathed.
I looked from Dopey to Julian and then down to my legs, which were still wrapped around Julian's waist.
I immediately unlocked my legs from around him and dropped my feet back to the ground. Julian made sure I was standing upright before he backed away from me.
"What are you doing here Dope–I mean Brad?" I asked and tried to keep my voice flat.
"I was looking for you so I could get the keys back." Dopey said.
"Why? So what if I keep the keys till the end of the day, we leave at the same time anyway." I said.
"I had to make sure you didn't take off." Dopey said.
"Well, shouldn't you be in class?" I asked.
"Shouldn't you?" He said.
I shook my head, not a Dopey but at myself, I had totally walked into that one. I looked over at Julian and the look he was giving me clearly said 'He has a point'.
"I'm kinda glad I came out here. That way I can tell mom and dad that you were making out in the parking lot when you should've been in class." Dopey said with a smug look on his face.
Mom? My mom. She's my mom. Whoa I sounded like a spoiled child.
"You can't Dope–I mean Brad. You owe me." I stated with a smile.
"I owe you for what?" Dopey asked.
"I never ratted on you for sneaking to Kelly's pool party." I said with a triumphant smile.
"You can't use that one anymore, it's been too long. Besides I should tell because you've punched me." Dopey said.
I heard Julian snicker and then he started coughing. "You did tell and I got an extra week added to the grounding I had already had." I stated.
Ok, I was getting a little panicky. If I couldn't stop Dopey from telling I'd most likely get grounded.
"Is that your argument? You might want to find a better one. You know, maybe I should save this one and use my other weapon against you." Dopey said with a vindictive smile.
"What other weapon?" I asked.
"I could tell them about the guy you used to sneak into your room." Dopey said.
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Julian POV
Fucking Brad.
Just when my make out/up session with Suze was getting good he shows up and ruins everything.
Cock blocker.
OK, so watching the confrontation between Suze and Brad was funny.
First: what's with Suze and the whole 'Dope–I mean Brad' thing? I need to ask her about that. And how come Brad didn't catch it? I mean seriously, how slow is he? She's said it like twice now.
Second: why did Brad say 'mom and dad'? Isn't he Suze's step-brother?
Third: I can't believe that Suze actually punched Brad. That is just hilarious. I wonder where she punched him and most of all why?
And fourth: … what the hell did Brad just say? Did he just say that Suze used to sneak a guy into her room?
"What?" Suze and I asked at the same time.
"Yeah, I know you used to sneak some guy named Jesse in to your room." Brad said.
No. Fucking. Way. Why would Suze have been sneaking Jesse in to her room if they weren't …? Fucking shit, she lied to me.
I looked at her; well actually I was glaring at her. I guess she felt my eyes on her because she looked over at me. She opened her mouth to say something, but I stopped her by shaking my head.
"I don't want to know." I said and started walking away. I really wanted to say 'I don't want to hear it.'
"Thanks Brad." Suze said. I heard the jingle of keys. "Julian!" She called after me.
I just kept walking toward my car. There was still about an hour of school left but whatever.
I felt Suze grab my upper arm. "Julian, stop."
I yanked my arm away and walked to the door of my car. But Suze wouldn't let up. She positioned herself between me and the car door. "Will you stop and listen to me?" She asked.
"I don't want to hear it." I said looking over her head.
"Please." She begged. "Please Julian; it's not what you think."
"Whatever Suze." I said. I could feel my chest tightening and I was trying to keep my breathing under control. I couldn't believe that just learning that Suze lied to me was doing this to me.
Suze put her hand on my face and I tried to not let it distract me. "Julian, look at me." She whispered.
"I can't." I whispered back to her.
"Julian, please."
I sighed and looked at her. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, but I couldn't find it in me to be sorry about making her cry again.
I'll give it to her though; she'd make a good actress.
I noticed that her jaw clenched. "Don't look at me like that." She growled through her teeth.
"You just asked me to look at you." I snapped.
"Yes, but I don't want you looking at me like that."
"Like what?"
"You're looking at me like you don't trust me anymore. Like if just looking at me is making you sick. You're looking at me like … like you think I'm some kind of … hoe."
I didn't deny it. That is probably how it looked. "How do you want me to look at you?" I asked.
"I want you to look at me like you were earlier, before Brad interrupted. Look at me like you care about me, like you were when you said you wanted to be with me." I said. Her voice was wavering and full of emotion and her eyes were brimming with tears.
"I was looking at you like that because I did trust you; I didn't know you used to sneak Jesse into your room. I was looking at you like that because I …" I trailed off not wanting to say it.
"You were what? Julian, please tell me."
"I was falling for you."
"'Was'? You were falling for me?"
"Yeah. Stupid me, huh? I actually believed you when you said you wanted me. And when you said Jesse was just a friend."
"I do want you. And Jesse was just a friend. I wasn't lying about that."
"Then why did you used to sneak him into your room."
Suze sighed and I was prepared for her to lie to me again.
"I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want anyone to know."
"Didn't want anyone to know what? That you and Jesse used to hook up in your room?" I cringed internally at that thought. I didn't want to think about Suze being with anyone else.
Don't be such a hypocrite; you've been with other girls. My inner voice stated.
Girl. I corrected. One girl.
"Jesse and I never 'hooked up'. I never had sex with Jesse. I never even kissed Jesse. Do you want to know why?" She asked.
"Was he gay?" I asked.
Suze shook her head. "No. He was not gay."
"Then why were you sneaking him into your room? What were you doing if not hooking up?" I asked.
"I didn't have to sneak him in." she said.
What did she mean she didn't have to sneak him in? She must've seen the confused and questioning look on my face.
"He was staying in my room." She said.
My eyes widened. "He was living with you?!" I said quite loudly.
"No. Julian, you're not listening to me." She said with a panicked look in her eyes.
"You just said he was living in your room."
"I said he was staying in my room."
"Same fucking difference." I barked. My irritation was reaching its zenith.
Suze groaned in frustration. "Jesse was not living in my room. He wasn't living anywhere."
"What the hell does that mean? What do you mean he wasn't living … what? Was he a ghost?" I asked jokingly. There was no way Suze could've fallen in love with a ghost, it was like … mediation rule number one.
I waited for Suze to groan or sigh in frustration and tell me I was wrong. Except she just looked at me.
Oh shit.
"Jesse was a ghost?" I asked.
"Yes." Suze answered in a hushed whisper.
He was a ghost. I was freaking out over Suze being in love with him, and he was a fucking ghost.
"You fell in love with a ghost?" I asked. I tried to keep my face even, but I felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.
"This is why I didn't want to tell you, or anybody." Suze snapped. "I knew you wouldn't understand." She moved away from my car and tried to walk away.
"Wait Suze. Don't go." I said grabbing her hand. "I just … I find it stupid."
Suze gasped. Her mouth hung open for a second before she snapped it shut and tightened her jaw.
What did I say? I thought back over my sentence.
Oh crap.
"No Suze, I didn't mean it that way. I meant it in reference to me." I said.
Suze Just glared at me.
"I find it stupid that I'm flipping out over you being in love with Jesse." I stopped to think about something she said. "When you said he 'moved' you meant that…"
Suze nodded. "He moved on. Two months ago."
"So you really meant it when you said he wouldn't come back and steal you away?"
Suze smiled slightly. "Yes. But you need to understand that I still love him. He was the first guy I fell in love with, granted he wasn't alive. And he was my first friend when I moved here. Even though he's gone he still means a lot to me." She said. "Can you understand that?"
"Yeah, I can."
"I'm glad you understand. Now, if I ask you to do something for me will you do it?"
"As long as it's nothing drastic."
"Can you please give me some time to straighten things out?"
"What do you need to sort out? I accept that you still love Jesse, I'm fine with it … honest." I said.
My inner voice spoke up, yeah, only because he can't come back. It said.
Of course, I thought back.
"I get that. But I don't want to get into a … deeper relationship with you until I'm certain I can put 100% into it. It's bad enough that you have to share my heart, I want to be sure I'm ready for a relationship." She said.
I sighed. "Yeah I can give you time."
"Julian, I'm not asking you to … wait for me, because I honestly don't know how long this will take. If you want to …" Suze took a deep breath, steeling herself to finish her sentence, "if you want to go out with anyone else I'll understand. As long as it's not Kelly."
Whoa, she was giving me permission to date other girls.
I smiled down at her. "I don't want anyone else. Just you. So, I can, and will, wait.
"I can't ask you to do that. I don't know how long …"
I stopped her by placing my lips on hers. It was just a brief kiss, much like the first one I gave her. "I can wait forever." I whispered against her lips.
Suze's lips pulled into a smile. "Hopefully you won't have to." She said.
I was about to say something when all of a sudden the sound of people talking filled the air.
I looked down at my watch. "Damn, it's already the end of the day." I muttered.
"What?" Suze asked.
"Yeah, school's out."
"We were out here of two hours?" Suze asked. When I nodded she breathed, "no way."
"Well," I leaned in to nuzzle Suze's neck, "time does fly when you're having fun." I whispered and smiled at the memory of Suze and I by the wall.
Suze laughed breathlessly. "Shut up." She said and ducked her head down.
I gave her a small kiss on her neck, which earned me a small moan from Suze, and pulled to look back at her. She was looking down. I lifted her chin so she was looking at me. "Do you want a ride home?"
Suze smiled a bit. "As much as I would like to say yes, I can't."
"Why? Is it because you want time to think?"
"No, I have to spend the entire ride home begging Dope–I mean Brad not to say anything about what he saw."
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"The 'Dope–I mean Brad' thing."
"Oh." She said with a laugh. "I'll explain it sometime."
"You know, you could explain it now if you let me give you a ride home." I tried to reason.
"I can't. You know, you're far to tempting for my own good."
"What?" I laughed.
"I lose my head when I'm with you. It's hard for me to think."
"Ha, and I thought it was just me. You do the same thing to me too."
"Really?"
I nodded.
"Well that's good to know." She said.
Students were starting to spill into the parking lot.
"I got to go. If I can't stop Brad, I'll end up grounded for life."
"Why?"
"Skipping class is like a … major offense. Not to mention making out in the parking lot, I can't forget that."
"I smiled. "Neither can I."
Suze smiled and kept talking. "Oh yeah, and I threw the keys in Brad's face."
"You threw them in his face?" I asked before I started laughing.
"Yeah, I was pissed because I thought I lost you for good."
"I'm in far too deep to walk away for good." I said as I ran my thumb across her bottom lip.
"Me too." She whispered.
I looked over Suze's shoulder and saw Brad walking toward the Land Rover. "You better go." I said.
"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow." She said.
"I'll call you later."
"It's better if you don't. I might be grounded." She said with a frown and an eye roll.
"Alright." I sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye." Suze said and started to walk away. She stopped and turned back to me. Without warning she pulled me into a mind–blowing kiss.
It was amazing, but it didn't last long. She pulled away and I was expecting her to say goodbye again. Instead she just walked away, like I had done the first time.
Touché.
That was when I realized that she had never actually said she forgave me. I'm pretty sure she did but I was still going to finish my plan.
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Suze POV
I kissed Julian with everything I had. That kiss had to keep me satisfied until God knows when … most likely tomorrow.
And as much as I wanted to stay there with him, I had to pull away.
I did the same thing to him that he did to me. After the kiss I walked away, and I praised myself for it.
Ha ha, I got him back. I thought as I made my way to the Land Rover.
I climbed in and glared at Dopey. "What do I need to do to get you to keep your mouth shut?" I asked.
"You know how mom and dad are going out of town next Friday?" Dopey asked.
I didn't like where it was going. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yes." I said.
"I'm planning on throwing a party. If you keep your mouth shut about that I'll keep mine shut about your … lunchtime activities."
"Fine," I said "but if you so much as let it slip about what you saw I'll rat you out in a heartbeat. Got it?"
"Deal. You better keep your mouth shut too David." Dopey said.
I almost forgot about Doc in the backseat.
"Ok, but you do realize that this is bound to end badly." Doc said.
"No, it won't …" Dopey started talking and I tuned him out.
I had a lot to think about.
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Dopey had kept his promise and kept his mouth shut about me and Julian.
It was after dinner when I was walking up the stairs that someone knocked on the door.
I ignored it as Doc ran to answer it. I had just reached the landing when Doc yelled for me.
I groaned and turned to head back down the stairs.
Halfway down I saw who was there.
Julian was standing at the front door.
I practically ran down the rest of the stairs. When I reached Julian I smiled up at him. "I told you that I needed time to think, Julian. What are you doing here?" I asked.
He half smiled. "Think about what Querida?" He asked.
I felt my eyes widen and my jaw fell open. "Jesse?" I asked.
Of course it's Jesse, idiot. Julian doesn't call you Querida. I thought.
"Yes." Jesse said.
"Wha … how …" I shook my head. "Let's … uh let's talk outside. Okay?"I said and walked to the door.
Jesse opened the door before I could reach it. I smiled as I walked passed him and onto the porch. I heard the door click shut and I turned to face Jesse.
Well, technically I was looking at Julian. It was so hard for me to be talking to Jesse and be looking at Julian. I just tried to picture Jesse standing in front of me, instead of Julian.
"How did you get here?" I asked.
"I drove." Jesse said.
"You drove? You know how to drive?"
"Susannah, I've been around for a while. I most definitely know how to drive."
"But how? You were a ghost."
"I did not sit idly by eating bonbons for the 150 years I was a ghost. I did make a few observations now and then."
"Oh, okay. Whose car … did you steal Julian's car?"
Jesse laughed. "Querida, who do I look like?" He asked.
"Julian." I answered.
"Exactly, people will assume I'm Julian. So I didn't steal the car."
"Oh, that makes sense I guess. I guess. So, what are you doing here?"
"Do you not want me here?"
"It's not that, Jesse. I just … have you … is this you second time coming forward or have there been other times?" I asked.
"The second. The first time I came out was that other time I talked to you. Most time I get close enough that I can feel what Julian is doing."
Oh, my god. That's what I was afraid of. Please don't let him have felt what Julian and I were doing earlier.
"Really? Like what?"
"Well he had been really upset for a few days, but now he seems rather happy."
I couldn't help but smile. Was I the reason Julian was happy? My smile fell as a thought came to me. "Can Julian feel what's going on right now?"
"No. The last time he was confused because he could not recall what happened. I think when I come forward it causes lapses in his memories."
I nodded. "How long do you have?"
"I do not know. But I think I should get ready to go back to Julian's house. I wouldn't want him to come back while I'm driving."
"Yeah, that might freak him out a bit." I agreed.
"Goodnight Susannah." Jesse said and started walking down the porch steps.
I had to tell him how I felt; I might not get a chance for a while. "Jesse, wait." I called.
"Yes, Querida?" He asked.
"I need to tell you something." I started.
Jesse smiled. "I already know that you kissed Julian." He said.
I felt my jaw sag. "I … uh … you … he …" I stammered.
"It's okay Susannah. You can't help it if you . . . well, don't feel the same way about me as I do about you." Jesse said with a sad smile.
I furiously blinked back the tears that built up at his sentence. "What? Jesse that's not true. Yes, I have feelings for Julian. Yes, I have kissed him. But I – I've been in love with you for months Jesse. When you moved on I thought I'd never see you again, and it hurt. Especially because of what you told me before you were gone." I took a deep breath. "I thought I'd never get a chance to tell you that … I love you." I finished and looked up at Jesse.
He smiled. "I love you too, Querida." Jesse said and reached out to touch my face.
I felt a small shock when his fingers touched my skin. It wasn't as intense as the shock I got when Julian touched me, but it was there. When he touched me it was like I could see Jesse standing in front of me.
Jesse put his other hand on my face and leaned toward me.
And then he kissed me.
On the lips.
Jesse's kiss was very tender and loving. Not passionate and wild like Julian's were. I wouldn't be able to tell you which one of them was the better kisser because they both felt the same. They both made my stomach flutter and tighten. And they both radiated love.
For me.
Jesse pulled away and he smiled at me again. He was smiling but the said "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" I asked.
"I do not think kissing you was a good idea."
"Why?"
I knew why it wasn't a good idea for me. It made me feel like I was cheating on Julian. Although if I was being technical I was cheating on Julian with … Julian, because I was kissing 'Julian'.
"Because of Julian." Jesse said.
"He knows how I feel about you." I said.
"But he thinks I'm gone."
I sighed because he was right. "Should I tell him about you being in his body?"
"I think you should wait a while, Querida. You do not know what telling him could do. And make sure you speak to Father Dominic first."
"OK, I guess you should go."
Jesse nodded. He grabbed my chin between his thumb and index finger, like he had done before, and lifted my face toward his. He gave me a light kiss. "Goodnight Querida." He said and he walked down the porch stairs.
"Goodnight Jesse." I whispered when I heard him drive away.
Great, I'm more confused now than ever.
What am I going to do?
I sighed and turned to head inside. Sorting out my stuff wasn't going to be easy now. It just got a whole lot harder.
Would it have been easier if I hadn't told Jesse how I felt? Should I have kept it to myself?
No.
I was right to tell Jesse. I had wanted to tell him how I felt for a long time. I felt better now that he knew, and he didn't seem to really mind the fact that I'm dating Julian, so to speak.
Shouldn't Jesse have minded? I mean, after all he is in love with me. Should he be alright with me being with Julian? He did get jealous when Tad had kissed me. He didn't seem to like Paul either … well that was probably due to the fact that Paul had tried to kill me, technically speaking.
So why was Jesse mad or jealous over Julian?
These question plagued me as I tried to go to sleep.
Now here I was, sitting at my lunch table with CeeCee and Adam. I hadn't talked to Julian at all. I saw him in class, but we didn't get to talk. He didn't send me any notes either, but he also looked like he was focusing really hard on something so I didn't bother him. He was probably giving me time to think.
Now he was walking over to my table.
I watched Julian walk over to were I sat. I wasn't quite ready to talk to him yet. I know we talked after he gave me that CD yesterday, but I was still wasn't done sorting my stuff out.
But watching him walk toward me made my heart flutter.
What was this guy doing to me? And this was because of him, not Jesse, I was sure about that.
"Suze." Julian said when he approached my table.
CeeCee and Adam were looking back and forth between Julian and me.
"Hey." I said. Wow, where did all my vocabulary go?
"I wanted to know if you sorted your stuff out." Julian asked.
I sighed, but I wanted to laugh. Julian had no patience. "Julian … I …" I shook my head slightly. I didn't want to talk about this in front of my friends.
To my surprise Julian smiled. "So that's a no."
"Um … I …" I shrugged.
"Okay." Julian said.
I watched in awe as Julian climbed on top of the lunch table. What was he doing? Was he trying to get in trouble? Had he always worn Converse?
"What are you …?" I started to ask.
I felt everyone staring over at us.
What was he doing?
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Julian POV
Dear God, please let this work.
I realize that I'm acting like a whipped fucker, but I am.
I took a peek around at everyone. They were staring at me, whispering. I'm pretty sure they were wondering what the hell I was doing standing on a lunch table.
Even Suze was looking at me like I had lost my mind. Just to make things clear I hadn't lost my mind, it was overrun by Suze.
I took a deep breath and prayed one more time.
"Everybody listen up!" I said loudly.
Yes, I was going to grovel for Suze's forgiveness while I had an audience.
I looked down at Suze; she was looking at me with shock, awe, and something else that I couldn't quite place.
"I am the biggest idiot on the planet." I might as well start with the truth. "I screwed things up with the most amazing girl I have ever met. I need her. And I need her to forgive me. I'm begging you," I looked down at Suze "Suze, please forgive me. I was an idiot for lying to you. I was an idiot for getting jealous. You had every right to call me an asshole and hang up on me and slap me, ok? I deserved it. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?"
Suze blinked at me and right when she opened her mouth Sister Ernestine approached the table.
"Mr. Diego, would you mind getting off of the table?" Sister Ernestine asked.
Suze was biting her lip trying not to laugh. I'll take that as a good sign.
I jumped off the table.
"I'll escort you to Father Dominic's office." Sister Ernestine said.
I shrugged and followed her. I risked one last look at Suze. She looked up at me. We stared at each other and then she smiled at me.
That's definitely a good sign.
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A/N: *squeals over Julian standing on the table*
Ok I know I took forever to post this chapter. I hope my scene with Jesse was ok, for some reason I just couldn't get his … voice right.
And now for my important message … I am going to put this fic on hiatus.
Don't hate me. I just want to finish writing it out, before I end up changing the plot more than I already have. I'll be able to finish this fic sooner by putting it on hiatus.
This fic will stay rated M, the summary said it might change, but it won't. Don't worry it's nothing too … graphic.
So once again, don't hate me for putting it on hiatus.
Review, I'll finish this fic and take it off hiatus faster.
