Disclaimer: Meyer owns Twilight, not me (although on a side note, I've read that she gave all Twilight fanfics her blessing, so it's all good).
Packing was not difficult.
Of course, had Leah Clearwater been any other girl, she would have needed at least one large suitcase for an endless amount of jeans, shorts, tops, shoes, beauty products, blow dryers, socks, bras, and so on. Because two weeks was a considerable amount of time, and you required quite a few items for that.
Only thing was, she was Leah. A wolf, with a brother who was also a wolf, meaning that a) money was tight and b) she only had cheap things because they would get torn sooner or later anyway. Before… it she had been a relatively normal, happy, fashionable young person, but why bother anymore?
She packed her few items in a reasonably small duffle bag. It almost hurt her to see how much extra room she had.
When she saw her mother's bag, though, she saw that it was considerably smaller. Okay, her mother would be back in La Push days before her, what with all the vampire issues they were having right now, but still.
Leah often felt sorry for her mother. It wasn't her fault the family was poor, but she still had to live with it.
Well, her mother seemed happy enough.
Often, she wondered how much money Natalia had. Obviously quite a bit, considering she lived in New York, but her aunt probably wasn't rich. Leah didn't ask why Natalia never gave them any money because it made perfect sense to her that Sue would never go so far as to ask for some from her own sister.
Still, she had to ask herself if Natalia would be embarrassed by her torn and dirty clothing, or by her sister's poverty. She wondered if it would bother Justin – should she, of course, meet Justin during her visit. Then again, of course she would.
The flight was tomorrow. For days, Sue had been all giggly and chatty and generally thrilled at everything. It made her daughter want to puke. This was not the mother she knew – this was some freaky teenage girl about to meet her idol.
Oh God.
A thought struck Leah. Was Natalia Sue's idol? Did her mother secretly wish she was a successful New Yorker with a nice, steady boyfriend? Was that the kind of thing her mom wanted?
Leah had always, always assumed Sue was perfectly happy as a tribe woman. But if she wasn't, then…
Oh God. Oh God.
She would never see her mother the same way. Ever. How could she have missed this? How in hell could she have overseen that her mother had long given up her dream of living a relaxed life in a big city, with enough money to go around and no supernatural creatures to deal with on a daily basis? How could her mother play her role so well that nobody noticed a damn thing?
For a short while, Leah was almost in shock. Then, as the day passed on, she couldn't help but think about her new knowledge whenever she saw her mom.
During dinner, she couldn't help but stare at Sue's face. I know you're unhappy, she'd think, I know you never envisioned your life like this.
This isn't exactly my dream, either. And my future…it wasn't supposed to be like this. Are you like me? Do you want out?
Maybe not anymore. Maybe you've given up on it, told yourself that you're middle-aged now and this is your life. Maybe you're afraid of what will happen if you just picked up and moved to California.
They'd certainly think of you differently.
And your life will never change if you didn't go away, so you've given up. You wanted it, didn't you? You wanted a loving husband and sweet kids and a house in a city. What went wrong? How did you end up here? Okay, wrong word choice. How come you never left La Push? Natalia left, but you stayed here and started a family here. And then you heard about the free, wonderful life that Natalia was living and all you could think was, 'I should have had that too. I want that'.
For the first time in her life, Leah Clearwater felt sorry for her mother. It pained her to know that her mom had been a situation much different that hers, but the basics were the same. Sue Clearwater had wanted nothing more than to go somewhere, anywhere away from La Push, but something was holding her back.
Will I end up like my mother, faking my own happiness? she asked herself. I sure as hell don't want to. Why me? Is this going to turn into some tradition for the Clearwater women – will we all yearn to get out but never end up actually doing anything?
Please don't let it be like that.
The next morning was travel day. With their tiny bags packed, Leah and Sue were driven to the Seattle airport by a somewhat reluctant Jake, who was probably only thinking of Bella (A/N: We're somewhere in the middle of Eclipse). It didn't matter, though; Leah was still brooding over her mom and Sue herself was distracted as well. It was strange, all those days Sue had been giddy with excitement, but now she was quiet and thoughtful. Maybe she's thinking about the old days, thought Leah. Maybe she's remembering who she used to be so many years ago, when she was still young and free-spirited and imagined a future very different from the one that she ended up with.
Their arrival at the airport distracted her. She was very surprised when Sue mastered the check-in and security with ease. How often had her mom actually done this before? Damn! How little did Leah know about Sue?
Leah only got more and more frustrated with herself as the day went on. She was accusing herself of being an ignorant, self-obsessed daughter. By the time they boarded, she was sick of hating herself and picked up a book she had brought along, Silver Lining by a certain Zoe Katrin Rumey (A/N: Made up the book and author myself). It was a worn, tattered copy she had owned for ages but never read, probably because ever since the wolf thing she didn't do stuff like read anymore.
Just like she didn't do school anymore.
Didn't do college and career plans anymore.
Didn't do love and dating anymore.
Didn't do girly things like shopping anymore.
Didn't do the whole happy person thing anymore.
Damn, when she looked at it like that…life was looking awfully bleak for her. Maybe it really was time for the next Tragedy Haircut. She imagined herself with a pixie cut for a moment or two. It would only make her look more like the guy wolves, but who cared?
Like she had ever fit in with them, anyway.
Not that she wanted to, of course.
She remembered the awkward day when she had told Sam, and essentially the rest of the pack, about the New York thing. That had been months ago. Leah recalled her mother telling her how she had bought the tickets…telling her that she, Leah, would have to gently teach this to Sam, because, well, he was pretty much her boss and also prone to over-reacting.
Sue had known how stupid Sam could be with things like that, and she had decided not to utter a word about the trip to anybody before Leah had told the alpha. Sure, she had talked about maybe seeing her sister again a few times with other moms, but that wasn't definite yet.
Leah had been brooding about it when she went to the grocery store to pick some stuff up. How was she going to do this? Why did she have to do this? Annoyed with herself for turning one little talk with Sam into a huge problem, she was about to go in when she heard a voice behind her.
Billy Black's voice.
"So, Leah, how are you?" he asked in a way that immediately made her suspicious.
Still, she managed to turn around and greet him with a decent facial expression. "I'm fine, thanks, you?" she asked, slightly on edge because she suspected that he wanted to have some kind of deep discussion with her.
She was right. "Good as I can be," he responded, carefully eyeing her before going on. "Something going on with you and your mother? I'm getting these strange vibes."
Damn Billy and his vibe-feeling-tendencies. She should have predicted this.
"We're fine," she said in a gruff, unpleasant voice. She felt very uneasy, as if Billy knew more than he was letting on…what the hell, he was probably somehow informed already.
Uncomfortable, she tried to inconspicuously change the subject. "Where's Jake? I don't think he should be leaving out here all alone. No offence, of course."
"None taken. He's in there right now," he said, pointed to the store. "I'm just waiting for him to come back."
When she saw that glint in his eyes that meant he had noticed her not so delicate subject change, she excused herself and darted into the store. I am such a wimp, she thought to herself. I can't even deal with Billy, how am I supposed to manage Sam? Damn it, damn it, damn it.
But Billy had been acting strange out there, hadn't he? It had seemed like he was analyzing her, trying to figure her out. Well, Mister Black, she thought to herself, screw the idea, because you can't figure me out. Nobody's ever done it before, so forget it.
She have herself a little push and moved down the aisle. Leah caught sight of Jacob at the register and a new thought entered her mind. What if Billy told his son of his suspicions? Didn't Jake have patrol tonight? What if Sam was there, too? And if Jake told Sam? To others that might not seem like too big of a deal, but she knew Sam, and she knew that if he didn't learn about this directly from her, it was going to make him accepting it a hell of a lot harder.
So she did the only thing that could be done. She left the store without buying any of the things she had wanted to, brushed past Billy and Jacob who were standing around in the small parking lot, opened the door of her old car, got inside, and quickly drove to Sam's house, her mind reeling. All of her previous thoughts about when and how it would be best to tell Sam went out the window as she drove.
When she arrived shortly afterwards at Emily's small house, she didn't really think as she jumped out and walked up to the porch. After a short deliberation, she banged her palm against the door three times and then opened it. Brady and Seth were staring at her. It looked as if they had been watching television.
"Little brother, Brady," she acknowledged and then walked past the two and into the kitchen, where Emily was cooking something and Quil and Sam were talking. However, all three stopped what they were doing to look at her as she entered. She registered that somewhere in the back of her mind but didn't really take notice.
"Sam," she said, her voice surprising even her with its lack of emotion. "I'm flying to New York with my mom to visit my aunt for two weeks. Mom's only staying for five days, though. Tickets are already booked. And don't bother telling me I'm needed around here because there is absolutely nothing going on. It's in a couple of months." She finished her little speech and then observed the three listeners. Scratch that, five, she thought as she felt Brady's and Seth's presence behind her. It made her feel trapped in between them and the party of three in the kitchen.
Sam just looked at her, a little dumbfounded. Emily seemed just as shocked, but had the brains to turn back to her cooking so that nobody could see her face. Quil just shrugged, and in that moment, Leah appreciated the way Quil took everything lightly.
The silence was uncomfortable and awkward, which Seth must have been feeling too, because he spoke up. "Oh, that thing Mom was talking about," was all he said, though, and then nobody said anything for awhile again.
It was growing to be past unpleasant when Leah decided she wasn't subjecting herself to the torture anymore. "Well, then. Now you know," she said, and with those words she pushed past the boys and exited the house, leaving them all behind as she got into her crappy car, turned on the ignition and drove off.
It didn't take long to get to her house. Once she turned the engine off, however, Leah remembered the grocery shopping she had originally wanted to do. With a sigh, she hopped back in and drove over to the store.
She was brought back to reality when stewardesses brought them drinks. She took a Sprite, hoping it would keep her from feeling too hungry. Damn, hopefully Natalia wouldn't notice her strange eating habits.
After finishing her Sprite, she fell asleep, waking up only when the plane was already beginning to descend. She had never realized how little sleep she got in La Push before. Sure, she had always been a little tired, but still.
With a yawn, she stretched her limbs and watched out the window as the plane slowly climbed down.
