For those that stuck with it – thankyou! This story is going somewhere pretty cool. Its writing itself in my head, but it is also going to tie into something else. I don't want to divulge just yet, as it will ruin the something else's surprise. But read this as an independent story for now and I hope you enjoy it! Next chapter coming soon! I hope! Not mine. Please read and review! I'm feeling very unloved in the review department
Parker Booth squeezed his sister's tiny hand in his larger one. He felt stiff and uncomfortable in his suit and tie. He longed to be wearing his jeans and shirt. He wanted to be playing football or skateboarding or doing anything other than this. He squinted his eyes, shading them from the glaring sun, and watched his father's friends place flowers on the elaborate casket. They were all there. Cam. Angela and Hodgins and their son. Sweets. Director Hacker. Sully. The interns. His uncle Jarred and Padma. His dad.
Parker Booth felt his sixteen year old resolve crumble as he fought back the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. He was desperate to be a man and to be strong – for his sister as well as his dad. He could see that his dad was doing the same. Could see the twitch in his jaw that he got when he was trying not to cry. Parker wanted to hug him. He wanted to be a little kid again. It would be easier then. He could cry. He could yell. He could be comforted. But a quick glance down at his sister showed him that being a kid wasn't any easier.
Lola seemed to be handling it better than any of them. She wasn't crying. She was calm. In her black dress with her auburn hair brushed and curling softly around her ears even Parker had to admit she looked like her mother. It was unsettling. Especially as the casket was only just being closed and up until 5 minutes ago he'd still been able to see Bones. He felt his breath hitch in his throat as he tried not to sob. His dad was walking toward them, his head down. Parker couldn't remember ever seeing his dad so exhausted, so sad. He met his father's eyes and tried to muster a smile. It didn't come.
Booth put his arm around his boy, giving him a gentle squeeze. His eyes felt red raw, and heavy. He was so tired. He was grateful for his son's courage. And grateful that he was there. He felt like he'd failed his son. Bones had been a mother to him. They had been so close. Their relationship so special. Booth wished, he wished that there had been something he could do to stop this happening. Dropping a kiss to Parker's curly hair, Booth breathed his son in. 16 years old. It was unnerving. He had a 16 year old son. Parker would be going to college soon. He could feel pride, mixed in with all the sorrow. He gave him a final squeeze before moving to pick up Lola.
The little girl allowed her father to swing her onto his hip, her legs wrapping around him, her arms hooking around his neck. Booth held her tightly, his hand resting on the back of her neck. Lola rested her head on his shoulder.
"You ok, baby?" Booth whispered. Lola didn't respond and Booth frowned. She wasn't looking towards the burial. Booth didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. He didn't want to watch the body of his beautiful wife be lowered into the ground. He didn't want the happy memories – memories of dancing and laughter and making love – to be tarnished with this.
Jarred walked over to them, giving his brother a pat on the shoulder before wrapping his arm around Parker's shoulders. The two brothers shared a long look before Booth finally managed to look back to the internment. He couldn't breathe. He felt physical pain. As the coffin slowly entered the earth Booth felt his heart break. Tears streamed down his face and he held Lola tightly.
It took a long time. Too long really. By the time Temperance Brennan was fully lowered Booth felt like his legs would give out. He felt dazed. People were milling around now, some coming over to offer their condolences. Lola was still in his arms, her chin propped on his shoulder, gazing away from the crowd. Angela came over to him, her hand tightly holding her son's. Only two years older than Lola, the boy was a confident young fellow. He had his mother's dark looks but his father's personality.
"Hey Michael," Booth greeted the boy. He tried to swallow his tears.
"Hi Uncle Booth." Michael looked up into his godfather's eyes, feeling his own sadness. "I'm sorry about…" he tried to say her name but couldn't. Angela pulled him to her and gave Booth a gentle smile.
"Me too, buddy." Booth agreed.
"How are you holding up?" Angela asked, letting Michael run back to his dad.
"Ok," Booth managed. Angela gave him a sharp look.
"You are a terrible liar." She scolded. "Have you gotten any sleep?"
"Some. Not a lot. There's been a lot to organise."
Angela nodded, understanding. She hadn't had a whole lot of sleep lately, either. Thoughts of how easily it could have been Jack that had been shot, or even Lola, kept rolling around her mind. It scared her that they could be taken away so easily, so quickly. She was sitting up at night watching Hodgins, or Michael. Burning them into her memory in case one day something did happen. Now that Brennan was gone, Angela couldn't help thinking about all the missed opportunities she'd had with her. All the times they'd meant to hang out but then gotten busy and couldn't. All the times Ange had been too wrapped up in her own life. She knew these were useless thoughts, but she couldn't stop them.
All of a sudden Lola went stiff in Booth's arms, startling them both.
"Mum!" She cried out, wriggling to get out of Booth's grasp. He pulled back to try and look at her. Lola struggled against him, pushing against his chest and squirming. "Mummy!" She was really fighting him. Confused, and fairly shocked, Booth let his daughter stand on the ground. He crouched down to talk to her but Lola took off at a run towards the car park.
"Lola!" he yelled, acting on instinct and taking off after her. He heard Angela following at a run. His only thought as he watched his tiny daughter approaching the busy car park was I cant lose her too. He could almost see it in his mind – the car that would run her down.
"Mummy!" The little girl was heading across the car park to a black car. The car was taking off. Booth didn't notice it really as he swooped down and scooped up his daughter. Holding her tightly he tried to calm his racing heart.
"Mum!" Lola was thrashing against him, trying to get away. Angela caught up to them and crouched alongside Booth, her hand stroking Lola's hair, trying to calm the now hysterical girl.
"What happened?" She asked, her breathing ragged. The girl had given them a scare. Booth felt his panic morph into rage. What had she been thinking?
"What were you doing Lola?" He yelled, pulling her back so he could see her face. He held her tightly by the arms and gave her a tiny shake. "What? What were you thinking? You know its dangerous to go near cars. You know it! You could have been hit Lola! Why would you do that?" He could feel himself shaking with anger.
"Hey, Booth, hey! Stop." Angela put a gentle hand on his arm. "You're scaring her."
Booth's vision cleared and he could see his daughter, sobbing. He pulled her to him quickly, hugging her almost violently. His emotions were all over the place. He couldn't believe he'd reacted like that. But all he could think of was his daughter being in a coffin, getting lowered into the ground. It was too much for him to handle.
"Oh god baby I'm so sorry," he apologised, kissing her hair. Lola was still sobbing, shaking against him, but she wasn't fighting now. She had gone limp, exhausted.
"Lola, why did you run off like that?" That was Angela, in a calm, soothing, mum voice. Booth looked over her shoulder, seeing Hodgins and Sweets running over. There were people gathering at the side of the car park – keeping their distance but watching the drama.
"I saw mummy." She said in a teary voice. Booth swallowed deeply.
"I shouldn't have let her be near the open casket." He began to mentally beat himself up. Angela put a reassuring hand on his arm.
"I know it was scary, Lola. But that was so you could say goodbye to mummy. She's gone now."
"No!" Lola pulled back from Booth but he held her hands tightly, not wanting to risk her running again. Sweets joined them, crouching down too.
"Were you frightened by seeing your mother, Lola?" Sweets asked calmly. Booth closed his eyes. He wanted everyone and everything to go away. This was just too much.
"Yes."
"Because you know she is dead." Booth's eyes popped open and he gave Sweets a glare. Didn't he know how to sugar coat things?
"She's not dead! I saw her." Lola began to struggle against Booth again.
"Did you think she was sleeping?" Angela asked, her hand resting on Lola's back. Lola shook her head vehemently. Her eyes locked onto her dad's.
"No. She was awake. She was in the car. She was calling me to come over." Lola tried to make her dad understand. Booth shook his head, not wanting to hear this.
"That wasn't your mum, Lola. That was just someone who reminded you of her."
"That's enough!" Booth snapped. He picked Lola up. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"Booth,"
"No, Angela. I cant. Right now I need to go home."
"Agent Booth it is very common for children to think they have seen a dead parent. Lola will quite likely think that every dark haired woman is her mother. It is natural."
"Any other time, Sweets, I would thank you. But right now I cant listen to this."
Sweets, Hodgins and Angela watched Booth walk away with his sobbing daughter. They could hear her still crying.
"It was mummy. I saw her!"
Booth just held her, his teeth gritted together, his shoulders stiff.
B&BThe house felt empty. Booth lay in bed in the dark staring at the ceiling. Since Jarred had gone the house had felt cavernous again. It was too big for two people. Booth acknowledged that. But he couldn't think about selling it. It was their home. He'd bought this with Bones. They'd decorated it together, laughing and playing while he fixed plumbing and she painted. They'd built a life here.
Booth could hear Lola's sobbing down the hall. She had been inconsolable since the funeral. Booth was at his wits end. Nothing he did would calm her. She kept on insisting and insisting that she'd seen Brennan. Finally Booth could stand it no longer and had put her in her room. She'd stayed there, but her sorrow was still emanating throughout the house. Booth felt like the worst father alive. His baby was crying and he wasn't going to her. But try as he might, he simply could not get out of bed. His muscles would not cooperate.
There was something niggling at the back of his mind. He knew it was delusional. Knew that Lola's hysteria was getting to him. But it was there, just the same. A soft jerk on the bed brought him out of his dark thoughts.
"Daddy?"
"Go to bed, Lola." Booth sighed. He felt so terrible. But the terrible just kept coming. Now he was pushing his daughter away? What was wrong with him?
"Please can I stay here?" She looked at him with her mother's huge blue eyes. Booth's heart crumbled a little bit more. He found himself nodding. Lola climbed up the big bed until she was nestled against his side. Her tiny hand rested on his heart, the same way her mother's had done. Booth sighed, melting against her. God he loved her so much. But his head and his heart were at war. Looking at her, listening to her, being near her, damn even her whole existence made him hurt. She reminded him so much of his Bones. While his brain was fighting against what it was seeing, what it was being reminded of, his heart was desperately trying to pull her closer, to keep her with him. It was confusing.
"You don't believe me," came his daughter's soft voice from against his chest. She said it on a sigh, in a reserved way. This, too, reminded him of her mother. She wasn't accusing, or arguing. She was no longer trying to convince him. She was simply accepting his disbelief.
"Lola," he started, trying not to get angry again.
"Yes?" She lifted her head to meet his gaze. Booth felt the anger slip away. This was his little girl. His baby. She was not deliberately trying to hurt him. She was just as confused as he was.
"I believe that you think you saw your mum. Because you are upset. But she's…she's gone, baby. She's in heaven." He stroked her hair, gazing at her with sad eyes.
"I didn't imagine it." She said calmly, laying her head back down. Her thumb snuck into her mouth – a habit that Booth had not seen her resort to in several years. It concerned him.
"How could mummy be in two places at once?" Booth reasoned.
"I don't know. But it was her." Lola mumbled around her thumb. Booth reached down and gently eased it out from between her lips.
"It wasn't her, baby." Booth shushed, stroking her hair. "I know that you miss her and wish she was here."
"Why was she tied up?" Lola's voice sounded drowsy now. She was drifting off to sleep.
"That was the ropes to lower the coffin. They need those to put it down in the ground." Booth found it hard saying those words.
"No. In the car. Why did the man have her tied up?"
Booth's eyes shot open as he took that in. Should he react? Was Lola merely recalling something she'd seen on TV? Or had she seen… No. Booth couldn't let those thoughts into his mind.
"What man?" He asked, softly. He didn't want to make a big deal out of this, and he realised that Lola was drifting off to sleep. It was probable that this was all just some mix of memories and childish imagination.
"The man in the car. He wound down the window and pointed at us. And then he hurt mummy. That was when I tried to get her." Lola's fingers were tightening in Booth's t shirt, wrapping themselves in the fabric.
"Do you remember what he looked like?" Booth asked, his voice still level and calm.
"Yes. Can I go to sleep now?"
"Yeah, baby. Go to sleep." Booth shushed her and stroked her back. Her body became limp against his as she quickly fell off to sleep. Booth lay there for a long time with his eyes open. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Why would Lola make those things up? Was it, like Sweets said, just her young brain trying to replace her mother? But then why would she see her mother tied up and being hurt? Was there another woman being hurt? Or could it be… No. Booth stopped himself again. He needed sleep. This was getting ridiculous.
He closed his eyes, sighing. His body was tense but he found comfort in the warmth of his little girl against him. Her deep breathing and the feel of her heart beneath his hand on her back were relaxing. It gave him a sense of certainty that she was there and she was ok and alive. That was the one thing he had to hold on to. That was the only thing he felt certain of anymore.
Well that seemed like a pivotal enough of a place to leave it. I'm mean, aren't I? But don't worry. There will be more soon. What do you think Lola saw? I know what Sweets would say. And I know how Booth's brain would go. But I also know that I am a tease and could quite possibly be giving you a red herring…you will only know if you review! And keep reading! Mwah hahahaha!
