I've decided to post this chapter next. It's where I want this story and my other one, Searching to end. With that said I hope you like it.

2019

I feel lost, like I'm drifting during the middle of a storm. The push and pull of crashing waves keeping me still, paralyzed almost. I see it, I'm not blind... I can see the pain in their eyes. I can feel it when I touch her, even now as I stand next to her. I love her, I do. She's kind and warm and... I love her.

But then I feel you in the air; surrounding me, calling me. It crackles with this heated electricity that I only ever feel when you're around. That twinge in my stomach like you're literally pulling me to you. She pulls me closer, in this almost pleading way. Her eyes spark, unrelenting in her question of love and want.

So I fight you; I haven't even seen you yet and I fight with every ounce of strength I have. Because this isn't fair... we were so young Brittany. Your eyes find me, they hold me captive and paralyzed. You stand in a small group of friends, a champagne flute held gracefully in your hands. It's an old game of truth and dare that neither of us has ever won.

"Come on I'll introduce you to our new guitarist." she leans in casually, her voice cool and collected. It tears me away; it makes me look into her eyes that seep in this sadness and anger. "I think you might like him."

She squeezes my hand possessively, and I look back to you. I never meant to hurt either of you... you stare unblinkingly at our clasped hands. Your eyes like dark pools of water, and there is no air to breathe. There is only this dull ache that refuses to go away.

The night passes like usual; the soft roar of conversation backed by the quiet music playing. Endless faces and drinks passed around and all I can think of is you. All I feel is this pull, all I hear are these voices screaming in my head. They scream for you and they scream for her. I can feel you pulling me closer, and I can feel her holding me even tighter.

"Are you ok?" she whispers it in my ear, her breathe hot and familiar.

"Yeah... I think I might go say hi to Steph. See how she liked London." you're closer. A faint smirk plays across her lips as she kisses my hand. Green eyes that are constantly searching fall as she gives a sad nod.

She lets my fingers slide from her grasp as I walk away. Moving through the crowd and I feel 16 again. Like I'm still fighting a crowd of drunken footballers to get to you. Why do I feel like this? Why do I want you? We had our chance... and still your eyes are the ones I seek. Your touch the one I crave. I love her I do, I just can't explain this.

"Santana." oh fuck me; Rachel berry of course. "There you are, god this place is packed."

She walks elegantly towards me, reaching for two glasses as a waiter passes by. Thank you Rachel berry and your endless support of my drinking habit.

"yes." she stops with that puzzled face; there is no other way to describe it, when I down both. "I needed that."

"That bad?"

"No it's going incredibly well actually." she smirks as she nods to someone behind me. I really hate these things. "Distract me, now Thumbelina."

"Folklore, that's new."

"Shut up and tell me the gossip, please."

"There is none to report. The only buzz going around you already know. I mean it does involve you and I honestly am not that fond for our constant-"

"What are you talking about? What buzz about me?"

"Well just that you were thinking about auditioning for a new play. That your significant other may or may not be taking to the stage again; like maybe next week. The usual stuff, nothing you don't know." "Where is she by the way? I never thought she would leave your side with Brittany here."

It's a whispered voice in my ear; this pull in the pit of my stomach when I see you. Standing alone by the small bar, watching with those daring eyes. The room fades, the world stops and I know. I know Brittany... that this will never go away.

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Her voice low and angry; It breaks you, us... Me. You turn first as the crowd pauses with abated breathe. She stands at the mike, and her gaze burns with an angry pleading. The new guitar player climbs up without question, he just slings his guitar over his shoulder softly playing the beginning of the song. She hesitates for a second before she reaches for the microphone once again. You glance back once more before turning to look at her. She stands centre stage, tall and strong, with this sad pleading look in her eyes.

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene.

I'm begging of you please don't take my man

It's sung quietly, simply put forward like something she has said every day.

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Please don't take him just because you can

The words bitterly spat out like venom, and you glance at me like this is all your fault.

Your beauty is beyond compare

She follows your gaze, that sad smirk on her lips as she plays to the crowd.

With flaming locks of auburn hair

With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

She stares at me, demanding my attention... Demanding me.

Your smile is like a breath of spring

Your voice is soft like summer rain

Her eyes dart to you; and I feel you watching. I feel you want, your guilt... I feel you.

And I cannot compete with you, Jolene

She walks to the edge of the stage; forever the performer. She almost screams out in this quiet way as she sings her side of this story.

He talks about you in his sleep

There's nothing I can do to keep

From crying when he calls your name, Jolene

The sting of tears burning my eyes as the anger and frustration breaks in her voice.

And I can easily understand

How you could easily take my man

But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene

I want this to stop; my stomach turns and my heart breaks for something I can't control.

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

I'm begging of you please don't take my man

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Please don't take him just because you can

What am I supposed to do? I feel you in me, like you're a part of me. Then she looks at me with those eyes, like she knows all my secrets and scars. She looks at me like she knows me and her voice almost waivers.

You could have your choice of men

But I could never love again

He's the only one for me, Jolene

Those eyes that beg for me, that pleads and screams that I am hers. That asks for me to love her back.

I had to have this talk with you

My happiness depends on you

And whatever you decide to do, Jolene

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

But I can't ignore this pull, this tie that we have Brittany. I can't ignore the questions in your eyes when I feel like... Like I know the mystery that is us is what we are meant to find.

I'm begging of you please don't take my man

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Please don't take him even though you can

Jolene, Jolene

The roar of the crowd surrounds us, and I can't look away. I feel as if I'm being torn apart by the blue of your eyes. I know you didn't want this, that this wasn't how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be yours like you were supposed to be mine. If I could stop this; all of this I would.

"That was amazing; I never knew she could sing like that." Rachel, her voice pulls me back to this world. To the sight if her surrounded by people, a drink in her hand... her eyes blank as she watches us. "Santana? Are you ok?"

"I- yeah; of course." I love her Brittany...

"Are you sure? I mean I understand the over powering emotional tug of war of watching such a breathtaking performance. I mean I'm usually the cause of them, so I might not know exactly what you're going-" thank god for Rachel berry and her ability to piss me off.

"Rachel, shut up."

"Ok then. I wasn't quite done comforting you but I'll stay quiet." the crowd shifts and I lose sight of you for seconds and it hurts to breathe. "Ok that was a lie and I am fully aware that what I'm about to say isn't wanted or necessarily my place but I have to say it."

You're the first to break; to turn away.

"What?"

"As great of a performance that was, and as amazing as I think Greer is... there was only ever one story being told here." She pauses for dramatic effect; Broadway has made her worse, if that's possible.

You walk away and I stumble forward like I have no choice.

"What story is that?" her voice raw and broken; it stops this racing heart.

"Greer. You were amazing up there; I never would have thought that I'd ever get to-"

"What story?" my heart jumps and stops, her voice demanding for time to stop. For an answer. For everything to just stop

"The story of them." Is that what we are? A story? "I know this isn't my place and I really do like you Greer. In fact I think you're very talented and a wonderful friend; but it's always been them. Everyone that has been a part of it has known it since the beginning."

Her eyes glow this brilliant green in the night; they remind me of dark water. Calm, deep and it's the way she looks away that scares me. Her fingers curl tighter around the glass in hand and my heart flutters in my throat.

"Is that true?" there is coldness to her voice that has this sobering effect on me.

"It's Rachel; she's always been so over dramatic." the air shifts as silence moves over the crowd and I feel you coming closer. I don't know what to do. "Greer-"

"No. No. Rachel wouldn't just say something like that. People don't just say shit like that to be over dramatic Santana." she takes a step closer, and I can see the anger, the pain pouring from her skin. Her brow furrowed like she's thinking, and my hand twitches with the urge to smooth it away. "It's simple Santana... is that true? Yes or no. Because I know you and... Just- is it true?"

This voice in my head is screaming no... But there's this suffocating ache in my chest that whispers yes.

"Santana?" you say it so easily, like it's always been on the tip of your tongue.

Whispered and worn as if you've said it a thousand times before. But there is this quiet sadness in the way you say it... that look in your eyes like dancing moonlight on clear blue water. I never meant to hurt you. Either of you.