Also, I'd like to note that I do not own ABC's One Life to Live or the characters and I will NOT be receiving any payment whatsoever for writing this story. It is intended for entertainment purposes only.
~*Irene's Compound*~
The twins were running around Irene's compound, screaming at the top of their lungs. Irene sat at her desk, her head throbbing with pain. "Kidnapping isn't all it's cracked up to be," she said to Agent Baker.
"We hate you, mean old lady!" Davey said to Irene. "Take us home!"
"Will you make these naughty little brats shut up?" Irene growled at her henchman.
"I've tried everything... I fed them ice cream, I showed them cartoons, I even let them fingerpaint all over the floor of your lab. Nothing works! They are heathens, I tell you!" Agent Baker exclaimed in distress.
"I HAD to kidnap these children. It's the only way I could get Todd to give me the disc, but he isn't cooperating. I'm afraid I will have to do something drastic!" grumbled Irene.
"And what will that be?" asked Agent Baker.
"We are going to have to go back to LaBoulie and capture one of Todd's kids," Irene stated.
"No way. I am not going back there. Not unless we take these two little terrors back," responded Agent Baker.
At that moment, Dorie dove off Irene's desk and landed on Agent Baker's back. Agent Baker fell to the floor as the little girl jumped up and down on him and giggled uncontrollably. "That's it!" Agent Baker screamed as he pushed the child off and got to his feet. "I quit! Screw you and your evil, sinister plans!"
With those words, Agent Baker fled the compound, leaving Irene alone to contend with Dorie and Davey. "We want candy! Give us candy NOW!" Dorie demanded of Irene.
"God, I HATE children- evil, nasty wretches," Irene mumbled as she went to retrieve her jellybean jar.
*These little brats should be the poster children for birth control!* Irene was thinking.
~*Llanview Hospital*~
Todd's pregnancy had progressed at an alarming rate. The weight of his artificial uterus was pressing down onto his organs. Kyle told Marty, Todd, and John that the baby had to be delivered immediately or Todd's health could be in danger. "No... I'm not ready to give birth..." Todd protested as he lay there in a hospital bed.
"Todd, you need to listen to your doctor," Marty told him gently. "The baby has to be born tonight."
Todd rubbed his protruding stomach, looking extremely uncomfortable. "Listen, Doc," Todd said to Kyle as he grabbed him by the sleeve. "I've got stretch marks, painful hemmoroids, and ugly varicose veins. Believe me, I want this kid out NOW... but if it's too soon, I don't want my baby to be in any danger."
"It's not too soon, Todd. Your baby can be delivered safely tonight. Your ultrasounds show that your baby is fully developed and ready to be born," stated Kyle.
"Let's get this show on the road then," Todd responded. "Take me into the operating room and dice me and slice me."
"I want to be there when the baby is born," John spoke up.
"I need you to stay with me, Marty. You're staying, right?" Todd said to Marty as he reached for her hand.
Marty looked at Kyle who was jotting something down in Todd's chart while he was preparing to set up the c-section. "Can John and I both be with Todd in the O.R.?" Marty asked Kyle.
"I don't see why not; you are a doctor, Marty," answered Kyle. "And you do have a calming effect on Todd. He hasn't exactly been the easiest patient."
"I heard that," Todd said in a grumble. "You try being pregnant and as big as a house and see how you feel."
"I don't think I'll be getting pregnant any time soon," Kyle said with a chuckle.
"Then you better stay away from John's sandwiches," Todd warned. "It was his special sauce that got me into this state."
John just smirked as the medical staff was getting ready to take Todd into the operating room. Todd was feeling nervous as Marty held his hand. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He knew that very soon he'd get to see the little person who had been kicking him so relentlessly.
~*Llanview Stables*~
At the Llanview Stables, Patrick and Blair were making love on horseback. "Ohhh Patrick, you feel soooo good inside me!" Blair cried out as she bucked up and down on his lap. She was facing him atop the horse, running her hands all up and down his sexy chest as the horse was trotting down the pathway.
At times like these, Patrick could almost forget that he was lacking his head. All of the blood had settled in between his legs, making his rod long and stiff. Blair rocked up and down on it sensuously. "I'm cumming!" she screamed, raking her nails down his muscular back. Patrick exploded deep inside of her.
"Ohhh Patrick, you're amazing," Blair breathed as she pressed herself against his sweat-soaked chest. She forgot everything but the man in her arms as she became lost in the afterglow of his passionate lovemaking. Little did she know that someone she loved was in trouble.
~*La Boulie*~
Morris, the murderous porcupine had been lose in Llanview for weeks. He was thirsting for blood. He sniffed around outside LaBoulie, remembering that gruesome moment he had been nearly cooked on a grill by David Vickers before he had come to life. He walked into the backyard, hiding out behind the hedges. Jack Manning was standing near the pool, talking to Neela Patel. "Ohhh Neela, you're so beautiful. I know I am a poor excuse for a boyfriend and a human-being, but can I kiss you again... and would you mind if I groped you and whispered filthy-nothings in your ear?" Jack asked as he slobbered disgustingly all over Neela.
"Yes, Jack. Whatever you want," Neela said as she raised her lips up toward Jack's in what appeared to be an agonizing and awkward kiss. She pushed the record button on her little tape recorder, because she wanted to capture the whole exchange between herself and Jack for Shane who seemed to get off on her and Jack's horrible attempts at foreplay.
"Ohhh Neela, you taste heavenly," Jack said was he kissed her wetly and reached for her breast. "Do you want to go all the way tonight?"
"Sure, why not, Jack," Neela agreed.
Jack reached for the zipper of his pants, freeing his throbbing plumper. "Touch me, Neela," he encouraged as he reached for her hand.
"Ohhh your mouth feels soooooooo good," Jack groaned, closing his eyes.
"What?" Neela gasped as she hadn't even touched him yet.
"Aaaaa!" Jack suddenly screamed, seeing some sort of creature between his legs, munching on his meat.
"Ohhhh Jack... what the hell is THAT?" Neela exclaimed.
"I dunno... get it off me!" Jack cried out as he tried to pry the porcupine from his plumper.
Morris mutilated Jack, causing him to fall backward into the pool in the process. Neela screamed, seeing Jack's blood spurting into the water. "Jack!" Neela sobbed as she stared at him in horror. She hadn't even got the chance to fuck him yet... and now he was dead.
Neela shrugged, rewinding the tape recorder so it would be ready for Shane's listening pleasure. Jack really was a sorry excuse for a boyfriend. Neela had decided she would rather date Shane instead. At least Shane knew how to kiss.
~*Lanview Hospital*~
Doctor Kyle Lewis performed the delicate procedure to remove Todd Manning's baby by c-section. Marty stood on one side of Todd, holding his hand in hers while John waited anxiously at his other side. "Is the baby alright, Kyle?" John asked of Kyle.
"Yes, John, you have a son," responded Kyle as he held up the baby for John to see.
"It's definitely a son," said John with a smile as he caught a glimpse of the crying baby.
"Sew me up and let me see my kid," Todd insisted as he lay there on the operating table.
A nurse gave the baby a bath, wrapped him in a warm blanket, and carried him over to Todd. "Here's your little boy," she said as she placed him in Todd's arms.
"Awwww, he's kind of cute," Todd said as he admired his newborn baby.
"He's adorable," Marty agreed as she gazed at the tiny bundle in Todd's arms. "I think he kind of looks like John."
"Yeah, he's definitely gonna have your eyes," Todd said of the baby as he glanced up at John. "And your wicked, little smirk."
"Well, it sounds like he has your appetite," commented John considering the baby would not stop crying. "Who's going to feed him?"
"Don't look at me," Todd responded. "I might have a uterus... but one thing I don't have is breasts."
Marty laughed as a nurse brought over a bottle. "I'll feed him," Marty offered. Todd carefully handed the baby boy to Marty so she could give him the bottle.
"What are you going to name the little guy?" John asked Todd.
"I've decided to name him after the one person who has been here for me through all of this..." Todd answered.
"Me?" John asked with a hopeful little grin.
"No, not you. You were working all the time... while I stayed home barefoot and pregnant. You didn't even make me any sandwiches..." Todd grumbled.
"Well, one of us had to work and make money to support Junior," John said defensively.
"His name is Thaddeus Martin Manning," Todd informed John. "Don't call him Junior."
"His name is WHAT? You gotta be kidding!" John exclaimed.
"You can call him Thad for short. And if you don't like the name, go make another baby with someone else," Todd said to John.
"Nurse, go get me a sandwich," Todd demanded of a passing nurse.
"Todd must be feeling like his old self again," Marty said with a little giggle.
~*Irene's Compound*~
Dorie and Davey had the evil Irene tied up in a chair. They were throwing darts at her. They laughed wickedly as the silver-tipped darts hit their target.
A figure crept up behind Irene's chair. Dorie and Davey stopped throwing their darts as they stared intently at the person directly behind Irene. "What's going on? Who's there?" Irene gasped fearfully as she sensed a presense behind her.
"Answer me!" Irene screamed. "I know someone's there!"
Suddenly Irene let out a painful gasp as a sharp pair of silver scissors were embedded deeply into her neck. Addie let out a evil cackle as she thrust the scissors deeper into Irene's yeilding flesh. "Die!" she yelled as she sunk the twin blades into Irene.
"Aunt Addie, you saved us!" the children exclaimed as they hugged Addie so tightly.
"Let's go home," Addie said to the children as she retrieved her scissors and wiped them clean on Irene's black suit. It was time to head back to LaBoulie and cut out a new set of paperdolls for her collection.
