A/N: I'm not very happy with this, but I've stalled enough, and it was the best I could do. It will get better, I promise. I've already written the next two chapters. I was just really nervous about this because I rarely find season 4 fics from Emily's point of view. Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: I don't own skins.
So...this jumps right into the speech...
"I will."
My ears instantly perked up, and I just had enough time to remind myself I hated this girl before I turned around. I found myself getting angry when I saw her face, though. She looked broken. How dare she! She was the one that had cut me up into little pieces. She gave up on me! This is what you wanted Emily. A voice whispered in my head. I mentally recoiled from the idea. Was I even capable of being so horrible? I didn't feel satisfied, I felt sick.
"I loved you from the first time I saw you,"
My anger shifted to confusion. What?
"I think I was 12."
I widened my eyes, catching on. She was going to do this here? In front of our friends? That's when I realized. She was being brave.
"It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you.
Holy shit. I remembered that day. We actually met on the first day of school. Katie was off, sucking up to the older girls. We would have been friends. Then came the second day of school. Naomi walked into class half an hour late, hair dyed totally blonde (she had natural highlights) for the first time, and paused at the doorstep. I saw her take a deep breath, and she walked over and sat down next to me. She turned to me and smiled softly.
"Hi!" she blushed adorably. "Could I, erm, uuh, borrow a pen by any chance?" I smiled. Mum had given me four, just so I could be prepared. I took out my favorite one, and reached out my arm before Katie snatched it out of my grip. "Don't give her anything." She sneered. "Look at her hair! Trying to look like a supermodel!" she smirked.
Naomi's smile disappeared. "No talking!" the teacher snapped. "You!" she pointed at Katie. "Away from the other one!" Katie sauntered off, trying to swing her hips. I rolled my eyes at Katie's behavior then saw Naomi's expression. Her eyes had shifted downward at that point and she looked pale. I quickly reached for another one.
"Thanks." She muttered. "But I found mine anyway." She pulled one out of her bag, and ignored me for the rest of the day. I remembered how much it had confused me. Katie was like that to everyone.
…and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know? Loving a girl."
Was that what she meant?
"That I learned to become a sarcastic bitch to make it feel normal."
No, Naomi. I wanted to whisper. You're the most amazing girl I've ever met.
"I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work."
I was shocked. I remembered my first time with a guy. It was terrible. My heart contracted painfully.
"When we got together it scared the shit out of me, because you were the one person that could ruin my life."
The walls I had built up to block her out broke down and suddenly my head was flooded with her. The ache in my heart I got when I was away from her resumed, and suddenly I wanted to burrow my head in her neck and smell her scent, and feel her warmth.
"I pushed you away and made you think that things were your fault but really I was just terrified of pain."
It's okay Naomi. We both were. You went through hell because of me. Twice.
"I screwed that girl Sophia, to kind of spite you for having that hold on me, and I'm a total fucking coward because...I got these…" She reached into her bag…
No. Not again. You didn't...Don't you dare make me fall more fucking in love with you. I can't forget everything that happened this easily. But I can't resist you.
"...these tickets to Goa for us three months ago, but I, I couldn't stand…"
Tears started to leak from the corners of her eyes, and I could barely suppress my own. I had pushed her to this. I had made her cry. But she was finally fighting. I still felt like I wanted to puke, because, judging by her face, she came here thinking she wasn't going to win. I couldn't blame her.
"I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand?"
Of course, I mentally screamed. That's how I've felt this entire time!
"You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible."
I could see into her through her eyes. I know you Naomi. I know you're sad. I know you still want me even though I've been a total fucking cow.
"It's so horrible, because, really I'd die for you."
She didn't need to say it. I could see it in her eyes.
I knew, right there, I could walk away and break her into little pieces, pieces so little she would never recover.
"I love you."
I know. I know.
"I love you so much it's killing me!"
I looked at Katie, once. This is why I love her. Can't you see! She looked back at Naomi, and nodded once.
And then…I ran into the comfort of my girlfriend's arms.
