Part 3/4: Just Friends
At Bemelmans Bar, Blair sat on the bar stool with a worried look on her face, her finger skimming around the glass of her martini while she frequently looked over to the entrance door. Serena came in, blonde hair effortlessly flowing with every click of her heels and when her eye found Blair, she gave that warm and comforting smile Blair knew so well.
When they hugged, Blair's heart warmed with relief. She was eased as her best friend stroked her hair lovingly and Blair could smell Serena's familiar Guerlain L'Heure Bleue perfume that she always wore since middle school. Serena changed a lot of things about herself but always had the same perfume. Blair breathed a sigh of relief.
"I was so worried, B," Serena put her hand on Blair's.
Blair looks down embarrassed and realized there was so much she left behind that night. "I know…I'm sorry," she says meekly and looks up at S.
Serena continues softly, "When you left, we went around everywhere we could think of to find you. Chuck was…"
As Blair's expression changed at the sound of his name Serena shifted the subject.
"All that matters is that you're back now," she smiles like she understands Blair's confusion. "I ran away too once. I know," she rubbed Blair's arm affectionately.
It only took a few minutes for them to revert back to their normal dynamic like best friends always do. Blair showed Serena the new bracelet she bought in London, Serena filled Blair in on all the details of her city hopping with Eric, and Blair would take a sip to try whatever new menu drink Serena ordered. Occasionally some guy in a suit would interrupt to hit on Serena, and like old habit, she would politely decline and when that didn't work Blair would say something insulting and demeaning which always made them leave.
Serena smiled as he walked away, "Blair, that was so mean" she half giggled.
Blair rolled her eyes, "Please tell me you met someone when you went out with Eric that has more intelligence and less…hair product than that guy" she laughed.
Serena smiled, "No… not really."
Blair smiled like she didn't believe her, "Serena van der Woodsen not interested in anyone?" she asked playfully.
"Well…" Serena paused. "There is someone…" she scrunched her eyebrow looking down, "but he's in love with someone else."
Blair scoffed, "Who in the history of the Upper East Side would be worth choosing over you? This guy sounds horrible already," she said frustrated.
Serena lifts her head up to Blair and gives an insecure look that says it all. That afternoon they had danced around the topic of Dan Humphrey.
"Oh," Blair said softly. Blair looked at Serena's disappointed face and realized the strangeness in seeing Serena so insecure about herself. Blair had always remembered being in her shadow. Unrequited love was something Serena had never truly dealt with before, but something Blair knew much about.
Serena says softly, "I told you he loved you and you ran out of your wedding for him…I didn't think you felt the same way…but I guess I was wrong." Her eyes start to water.
Blair's heart breaks, and she touches Serena's hand encouragingly and gives an immediate and firm, "I don't. He's just a friend."
Serena forms a small smile like she's relieved, "Do you think I'm crazy?" she lets out a breath.
Blair smiled with her lips, "Of course not. Dan was your first great love, S." Blair genuinely means it. She knew that Dan was the only one who really brought out the best in her.
Serena wipes a tear from her eye and breathes a sigh of relief, "I think Chuck is still yours."
Blair drops her head, "Maybe. I don't know how I can face him."
"Two cappuccinos, right? One extra hot with soy milk and less foam?" the cashier said smiling as she tucked her hair behind her ear.
Dan looked confused then suddenly remembered he always came to Manhattan Espresso on 49th because it was a few blocks down from the W offices. He always bought two cappuccinos, one regular, and one…well the other was for Blair in the mornings or when she was imploding from overworking in the afternoons.
"Right!" he says laughing awkwardly and nervously with that quirky Humphrey charm.
When he's outside the coffee shop holding two cappuccinos, he taps his finger on the one with soy while he thinks. He comes to the conclusion that he is in fact an idiot and tosses it in the garbage. He walks away and shakes his head like he's mentally telling himself to get it together. She's just a girl. It had been nine and a half days (not that he was counting), since they got back to New York, and Blair was completely ignoring him again. In spite of her, Dan was not in the least bit mad at her for it. In fact, he went as far as to YouTube Twilight scenes to help him recapture the memory of their kiss.
He looks at his phone. No new messages. He sighs at the fact that Blair Waldorf had completely turned him into a gameless pathetic lovesick idiot.
"Spotted. Queen B possibly returning to her empire pacing back and forth in front of a certain hotel with something heavy on her mind. Afraid of what your king might say about your self-banishment, B? Or are you more afraid of the possibility of being exiled?"
Blair sighed and closed her phone and left the front of the Empire. Maybe another day.
Lily puts her hand on Dan's shoulder with poise; her glasses slouched on her nose, "Thank you Daniel." He puts the cake box on the counter. Lily was yes, throwing another party. Her old scandal of fraudulent signatures and ankle bracelets was finally dying down so the parties became more frequent.
Lily continues reading over the itinerary in her hands and leaves the room. Rufus playfully pinches Dan in the rib to surprise him, "Hey son!"
Startled, Dan turns around, "Hey Dad. You really got to stop doing that," he says with a laugh.
"Remember how you said you were going to fill me in on the details of a certain trip you took with oh, my long lost daughter…and…Blair?" He crossed his arms with a coy smile.
"There's not much to tell," Dan laughed.
"Hmm, well she didn't get married." Rufus said.
"I know." Dan gives him one of his sarcastically playful faces.
"And, she went to London with you."
Dan laughs, "You don't say."
"That's gotta mean something." Rufus says sweetly. Dan thought it was half sweet and half totally creepy that his dad rooted for him so much when it came to girls.
Dan scoffs, "No. No, I don't think she…well…" He shakes his head like he's reminding himself to stop fumbling his words when he talks about Blair, "She actually hasn't spoken to me since we got back. I think she might want to get back with Chuck."
"Well did you ever tell her how you feel?"
Dan pauses like he's lost for words again, "Well…no. She knows though. Someone told her."
Rufus paused, "You should tell her. She might react different if she heard it from you."
Dan drops his head. "Maybe. I don't know if I could do it."
Serena and Blair make a pact in Blair's room. Later that night at Lily's party, Serena would talk to Dan about how she felt and Blair would finally confront Chuck.
There's music, silk dresses, chatter, champagne, and appetizers. All the things that remind Dan that he's officially back home in New York. Dan is sitting on the staircase, feeling a little warm after his third glass of champagne.
Serena slowly walks up the stairs to him. Her hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail, and she's wearing a deep red gown looking undeniably stunning.
"Hey" she says quiet and sweetly, "You ok?"
Dan gives a "Yeah…" and as he looks past Serena he sees Blair entering the room wearing a peach gown, her hair made up in perfectly placed soft curls. "Sorry, I gotta go," he gets up and softly puts his hand on Serena's shoulder to pass her, "Excuse me" he says as Serena looks down at his hand then watches him leave towards Blair.
Dan maneuvers his way around the party goers and finally reaches Blair.
"Hey Blair!" he waves his hand to her slowly and awkwardly much like he did at the end of his first date with Serena. Blair raises her eyebrows and makes a face like he's a moron, and starts walking away.
"Blair," he says as he takes her hand.
Blair quickly removes it and sternly says, "Not now, Humphrey!"
Dan asks, "Hey, are you mad at me or something…because you haven't talked to me in like two weeks."
Blair frustrated, turns to Dan, "Is this your new thing Humphrey? Drunkenly stalking me at parties you shouldn't be at?"
Dan pauses, "My dad and step mom live here…" he says sarcastically, "and I'm not drunk. Look, is this about what happened in London?"
Blair looks at him confused, "What are you talking about?" she looks around the room, "Have you seen Chuck? I need to talk to him."
Dan let's out a heavy sigh. Blair looks back at Dan, "You should find Serena."
Dan looks, really looks at Blair as she surveys the room for Chuck and his heart aches because she's so beautiful. Headstrong, witty, funny, intellectual and deep down he knows she's sensitive, kind and loving. He knows just how much she is worthy of happiness, and despite it all, he still believes in his heart that he can be the one to give that to her.
She tells him, "I guess he's not here. I'm going to try The Empire. Don't follow me."
Dan watches Blair leave and eventually, Serena watches Dan leave.
Monkey's paws tap against the cold floors of Chuck's suite, he's panting as the elevator door chimes. He barks and wags his tail.
"What is it Monkey?" Chuck follows him.
As their eyes meet, tension swells the room. Chuck stopped in his tracks as Blair slowly walks towards him and stops.
"What are you doing here?" He can't even say her name.
"I think I owe you an explanation," she says gently.
Chuck lets a breath out through his nose as he clenches his jaw. He sees her eyes are wet and glossy and his heart immediately softens, "Fine. Let me make you a drink."
As they sat on the bar stools of his kitchen, Blair poured her heart out to him. She told him about her father and Roman, how she felt like everything was moving so fast after Louis, the baby, and the car accident. She told him she was scared that he would break her heart again, that she was scared of what their relationship would look like ever since Chuck had changed. Chuck listened intently to her, his hand around his glass cup filled with scotch. When she finished, she stared at Chuck, eyes wet. She had pictured his reaction so many ways and this, this was the moment she feared.
Chuck took a breath, "I'm not mad."
Blair gave a sigh of relief, "Really?"
Chuck continued, "I wish you would have come to me. I would have understood."
"I know," Blair says quietly with her head down.
Chuck looks away and says, "I looked for you all over the city when you left. When Nate and I reached the Empire State Building…I saw pictures of you on Gossip Girl at the airport…"
"No. Humphrey isn't why I left," her voice trembled as she was on the verge of tears.
"I understand Blair, I really do. Your father. Louis. The baby. Rushing the wedding. But what I don't understand is that when I was standing there ready to give my heart to you for the rest of our lives you leave to go to another man" He says with a quieted anger.
"It's not like that. We're just friends" Blair said softly and vulnerable, still on the verge of tears.
"Did anything happen in London?" he asks upset.
"Chuck…"
"Did anything happen in London?" he asks more firmly.
Blair waits; she wipes her eyes dry and takes a breath.
"We kissed," she said softly.
Chuck's eyes close in his hurt and he turns his head away from her.
Blair tries to explain tears running down her face, "But we were drunk and - "
Chuck interrupts her, "Stop. Just stop Blair."
Her heart becomes defensive, "Are you forgetting? You're the one who slept with Jenny Humphrey two hours before you were 'ready to give your heart to me.' She made sure to remind me of it." She says harshly.
"It's ancient history!" he raises his voice. "Why are you even here Blair? Do you want me to help convince you that you don't have feelings for humdrum Humphrey?"
Blair looks up at the ceiling to catch her tears.
"I changed for you" Chuck said exasperated and out of breath with his eyes wet. He continued with intensity in his voice, "I almost died twice, but I held on…for you…and it's not good enough. I know I made mistakes, but maybe that's not what the problem is anymore."
Blair looks at him with a heavy sadness. Tears rolling down her face.
Chuck takes a breath. He really can't stand to see Blair cry. He walks up to her and gently wraps his arm around her. "I will always love you. No matter what…" he touches her face, "What do you want Blair? What do you want to do?"
Two in the afternoon on a Sunday, Dan staggers into his living room wearing sweatpants and his wrinkled and faded Beck t-shirt, his hair unkempt and face unshaven. He lies down on his couch.
It's been two weeks since the party and Dan had spent most of it alone in his loft, sulking. He didn't read Gossip Girl, declined Jenny's Skype invitations, and watched lots and lots of old movies and wrote in his journal.
As he's lying down, he reaches over to the coffee table and grabs a pen and starts tossing and catching it over and over. There's a knock at the door.
Dan walks over and opens it.
Blair laughed. "You look disgusting, Humphrey."
"Blair." He says surprised, "I uh, I wasn't expecting you, I would've…"
"Combed your hair?" she teased.
Dan laughed, "Maybe you can let me borrow one of your ridiculous hats to cover it" he wiggled her cloche hat playfully. Blair pouted at his gesture, and took it off. She runs her fingers through her hair, and sits down on the couch. She plops her purse and hat on the floor and takes off her heels.
Like old habit, Dan goes to the kitchen and starts making two mugs of Earl Gray tea.
Blair lets out a sigh. "I'm sorry if I've been…distant." she looks down.
Dan half smiled to himself as he was grabbing tea in the cupboard, "It's ok."
"I've had a lot going on lately."
Dan fills up the teapot with water his back towards Blair, "Want to talk about it?"
Blair walked over to the kitchen and sat on the island barstool. "I broke up with Chuck." Hearing these words, Dan shuts the sink off. He gathers himself and turns around to her.
Blair looks down, "It was the right decision…too much has happened between us…I've been hiding out these last few weeks. I was hoping denial would make it all go away…" she lightly laughs at herself, "bad habit I guess."
Dan looks at her with compassion.
"But today I was thinking it might be nice to…spend time with a friend." She smiled at him then looked down.
Sometimes Dan really wished he were more than just her safety net, but he loved her anyway, "Well you're always welcome here Waldorf."
She smiled and shyly looked away.
"Is that Scrabble?" Blair asks smiling as her eye catches the board game on the shelf by the kitchen.
"Yeah. You want to play?"
"My father and I used to play all the time after my piano lessons in the fourth grade" she looks at the game fondly.
Dan smiles.
When they're well into the game, Blair finishes her word putting down an "E" tile.
"Double letter and triple word score" Blair says pleased with herself.
"Quagmire?" Dan asks as he writes down her score, "I don't know how you and your dad used to play but I'm pretty sure Family Guy characters don't count as words."
Blair gives him a look, "Aren't you a literature major?" she says sarcastically, "Quagmire means shaky ground" she gestures her hand out, "a predicament."
Dan smiles reluctantly. As he turns the board towards him, the loft door opens.
Serena faces away from them as she puts some bags on his kitchen counter, "Hey Dan!" she calls out bubbly. She starts pulling the sandwiches out of her bag, her back towards them, "I know you've been hiding out in here lately, so I thought I'd come by and cheer you up with some of those pastrami sandwiches you like from - " She turns around and sees the two of them sitting on the floor playing Scrabble on the coffee table, "the Mile End deli." Serena finishes quietly.
"S" Blair starts with an apologetic tone.
At that moment, the three of their phones ring with a message.
"This just in. A trusted source has spilled about a little lip locking that went down in London, and if my numbers are correct, a third kiss means B & D have some explaining to do."
Serena, Blair and Dan look at their phones horrified.
Blair, "I'm going to kill Chuck."
Dan, "Wait. You remembered the kiss?"
Serena, "Just a friend, huh B?"
As Serena stormed out of the loft, Blair followed her out to the sidewalk without her shoes, "Wait! Serena, I can explain."
Serena started to wave down a taxi.
"Serena, I'm sorry."
Serena glared at Blair as she got into the taxi and slammed the door.
Blair watched the taxi drive away. She sighed. Frustrated and upset, she walked back up to the loft to get her things.
When she was in the living room Dan was re-reading the blast. Dan asked her frustrated, "Blair. I thought you didn't remember that night." Blair glared at him as she put on her shoes and grabbed her things. Dan asked her, "Why would you lie to me about that?"
Blair, frustrated, angrily drops her stuff on the floor, "What was I supposed to say Dan? 'Oh hey, I just called off my wedding and my best friend is still in love with you, but our drunk kiss watching a movie I hate in the apartment of your sister who I hate actually meant something to me?'" She lets out a breath then starts picking her stuff up again.
Dan is speechless, "It meant something to you?" he asked stupidly.
Blair lets out a frustrated breath, "Yes. Ok?"
Dan's raises an eyebrow in surprise, "Then, then…why say you don't remember?"
Blair closes her eyes and speaks softer, "I was embarrassed and I thought you would've regretted it. I thought I'd give you an easy way out by saying I didn't remember."
Dan takes a breath, "Blair, I…"
Blair interrupted, "But it was still a mistake. Serena has been my best friend my whole life." Before she shuts the door closed as she's leaving she tells him, "I'm sorry Dan. I can't let anything come between that."
