Soul Calibur 3 and a half The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write Chapter 4
Again thank you for the reviews.
Disclaimer
If you haven't read the first chapter then do so and you'll see a disclaimer, honestly I'm not repeating it.
Chapter 4
"Welcome back sports fans, hall of famer Zasalamel is back, And to all you horny bastards out there who wanted some girl on girl action. HA HA! No sex for you, really people that's all you think about now isn't it? Sex, sex, sex, sex, Uggh well anyway I have to say I can throw a ripper of a party. But the sleeping arrangements really didn't go to well, I wanted three girls in my room not two, whoops wasn't supposed to mention that. Anyway morning has arrived and it's only going to get worse for Mitsurugi and Rothion".
It's morning in Zasalamel's mansion and Maxi has woken up after a peaceful slumber. Not having a hangover because he can hold his beer. However he wakes up to an unimaginable horror.
Maxi: "WHAT THE FUCK, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM"!
Mitsurugi and Rothion still naked crash out of Maxi's room. After being thrown out by the dandy pirate himself.
Mitsurugi: "Come on man, what's the deal".
Rothion: "We had no where else to go".
Maxi: "I don't know what in fuck's name crawled up your asses but Maxi sees only one penis, Maxi's".
Rothion: "We thought you'd be the most open minded".
Maxi: "Dude knock before you decide to sleep in the same bed as me"!
Mitsurugi: "Maxi lighten up, Taki and Sophitia kicked us out and took our clothes".
Maxi(sudden happy mood swing): "Wait Taki and Sophitia are naked in bed"?
Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Yes".
Maxi: "Together"?
Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Yes".
Maxi: "And they were doing, only what two raving lesbian's would do"?
Mitsurugi and Rothion: "Yes".
Maxi: "Well as the generous and gracious hero I' am I better retrieve your clothes".
Mitsurugi: "What"?
Maxi proceeds to push Mitsurugi and Rothion back into his room.
Maxi: "Ok emergency plan time. Retrieve clothes from aggressive lesbians, you guys take care of the hiding naked in my room thing. I'll take care of this".
Maxi walks on over to Sophitia and Rothion(Taki)'s room.
Sophitia: "Who is it"?
Maxi(big grin): "House keeping".
Taki: "Fuck off Maxi".
Maxi: "Nah really the housekeeper is a mute".
Taki opens the door and Maxi runs straight in.
Maxi: "suckers".
Sophitia: "Trust Mitsurugi, to bribe you to get his gear back by saying we're naked".
Taki: "Hey your honourable husband was in on it too".
Sophitia: "Rothion would never behave like that, he's an honourable man".
Taki: "So honourable he'd watch his wife do it with someone else"?
Maxi(clapping): "Catfight, Catfight, Catfight"!
Taki: "Take the clothes and get out".
Maxi takes the clothes: "I'll be back with the baby oil".
Sophitia: "No just get out of here and make sure no one hears about this".
Maxi begins to leave and peeps behind the door: "Hey girls"?
Sophitia and Taki: "What"!
Maxi: "Great tits by the way".
Maxi runs for dear life and give the boys back their clothes, meanwhile Astaroth is storming to Zasalamel's room extremely pissed off. Lizardman is in hysterics on the floor. Li Long isn't too far behind also laughing.
Li Long: "Lizardman what happened to him".
Lizardman: "Miles smuggled bleach in his bath tub".
Li Long: "And he turned hot pink"?
Lizardman: "Yeah Bwahaha"!
Meanwhile Zasalamel is in bed with Valeria and Lynette sleeping very comfortably. Astaroth pushes the doors open in a fit of rage and scares the two girls awake. Zasalamel is still sleeping like a baby letting his head fall on Valeria's pillows.
Astaroth: "Zasalamel where is your dog raping, soap dropping, tree molesting, little shit stain of your butler".
Zasalamel(slowly waking up): "Uhh what, oh good morning girls, good morning(sees Astaroth all pink) oh I so don't want to be Miles right now".
Valeria: "Wow I didn't think he had the balls to do it".
Zasalamel: "What surprises me is that Miles has balls".
Lynette: "Wow even after you dar..hmmph(Zasalamel quickly covers Lynette's mouth).
Zasalamel: "Quiet, err ah MILES"!
Miles comes rushing to his master's side.
Miles: "Would like breakfast Master"?
Zasalamel: "Miles you have been a good butler, but I cannot exercise the serious injury clause in your contract".
Miles: "Mmwhat"?
Astaroth: "Grrr"!
Astaroth grabs Miles by the head and carries him to Kulutles his axe and twists his body around it like one of his throws, the whole cast is looking on in awe. Astaroth now starts spinning with Kulutles as if he was competing in hammer throw and launches Miles down the stairs crashing into Zasalamel's chandelier a large shattering of glass is heard and Sophitia's kids are frozen in fear hugging Cassandra's legs. Astaroth has a large grin on his face. Nightmare finally breaks the silence.
Nightmare: "I didn't know Golems got PMS".
Zasalamel: "Damnit you all I knew something would get broken, right everyone have breakfast and then I have a proposition for you all".
Everyone is having breakfast very quietly and also wondering what Zasalamel is proposing. Zasalamel is quite pissed and he Cervantes and Raphael are now standing over the injured Miles.
Rapheal: "Now let that be lesson to you".
Cervantes kicks him and they leave Zasalamel to talk with Miles.
Zasalamel: "This is coming out of your salary".
Miles: "Mmmyes Masster".
After breakfast is finished Nightmare is excited because he has an announcement to make.
Taki: "Ok what are you excited about this time"?
Xianghua: "Tira's pregnant"?
Sophitia: "I'm scared".
Cervantes: "Aren't they virgins"?
Yoshimitsu: "You popped her cherry"?
Ivy: "Just spit it out already".
Nightmare: "Everyone last night I announced that me and Tira are getting married"!
Setsuka: "No shit, really must have missed that".
Nightmare: "Shut up call girl, no today I will announce who my best man is".
Everyone goes quiet
Nightmare: "My best man is Siegfried".
Raphael: "Ok how much are you paying him"?
Everyone laughs
Siegfried: "No really I'am the best man".
Nightmare: "And it gets better"!
Siegfried(anguish): "No".
Nightmare: "Me and Siegfried are brothers".
Hwang: "Siegfried what did you drink".
Rock: "Did you get into my bag of leaves".
Seong Mina: "So that's why smoke was coming from your room".
Maxi: "That probably why you can't get it up".
Talim: "I can fix that problem".
Kilik: "I wouldn't I think he's y'know".
Yunseong: "A freak".
Kilik: "Yeah that'll do".
Rock: "You all really hate me"?
Kilik: "Nah it's just you are really scary, more scary than Voldo".
Voldo: "HSSSSSSS"!
Yoshimitsu: "It's a hard truth, I mean do you know your underwear is showing".
Voldo covers up in embarrassment.
Raphael: "So that must mean Siegfried is organizing the Stag party".
Siegfried: "That's right".
Maxi: "I think me and Cervantes should do that, after all pirates throw the best parties".
Cervantes: "Word".
Zasalamel: "I think I should explain my proposition".
Arthur: "You want the stag party here, after all the breakages, sorry Zas".
Zasalamel: "No you see I have perfected time travel and I thought we could have the both bachelor parties in the 21st century, I assure you, you will enjoy yourselves".
Cervantes: "Or we could do that".
Siegfried: "Done great idea".
The decision is unanimous.
Zasalamel: "Very well meet me back here in one year hence and two weeks before the big day. I assure you Nightmare and Tira you'll have a great wedding".
Nightmare: "Kick ass".
Patryklos: "Does this mean Siegfried is going to be our unki too"?
Siegfried: "Ah crap".
Cassandra winks at Siegfried. Siegfried smirks.
Olcadan: "Go for it man she digs you".
Phyrra: "Yeah we played truth or dare and she digs you".
Cassandra(blushes): "Phyrra"!
Nightmare hugs Siegfried: "I'm so damn proud"!
Siegfried: "Ah yeah you can get off now".
Zasalamel: "Now thank you all for being my guests, now get out you've overstayed your welcome".
Lizardman: "Asshole".
The guests have left and Voldo returns to the now empty money pit.
Voldo(thinking): "Hey I thought I had more stuff than this".
He picks up what appear to be a receipt.
Voldo removes his gag: "YOSHIMITSU"!
Yoshimitsu is kissing Kunimitsu in Japan now having a party of his own.
Yoshimitsu: "Amazing Kuni dearest the lost city of Atlantis in my own living room"!
Kunimitsu: "Only the best for my Yoshimitzi".
Mitsurugi: "Man Voldo's gonna be mega pissed".
Taki: "Mitsurugi lets use Atlantis' royal quarters".
Mitsurugi: "Do all things greek get you horny"?
Taki(seductively): "Oh yeah".
Three months later Siegfried is in Ober-Getzenburg escorting Nightmare and Tira to his and his mother's house.
Siegfried: "I can't believe I'm doing this".
Tira: "Nightmare stop jumping around".
Nightmare: "But I'm excited".
Siegfried: "Ok It's bad enough my mother knows I'm a mass murderer, but worse still now my personified alter-ego is now my adoptive brother".
Nightmare: "Biological, Sieggy biological".
Siegfried: "Right just don't scare my mother to death".
Nightmare: "I wonder if she's making scrumy shepards pies".
Siegfried(Irritated): "Mommy never made shepards pies".
Tira: "Does she do a mean barbecue".
Siegfried: "No she doesn't do barbecue".
Tira: "Well what does she do"?
Siegfried: "English scones and tea,mmmm".
Tira: "Fuck off, scones and tea, talk about pansy wusses"!
Siegfried: "Oh well it was better than your attempt at a roast".
Nightmare: "He's got you there precious".
Tira: "What do you mean"?
Siegfried: "Well setting fire to a butcher doesn't exactly qualify and then serving me then butcher instead of the beef".
Nightmare and Tira snicker.
Nightmare: "Bit tough but it was ok, so how's your man Siegfried"?
Siegfried: "You know every marriage has to have a downer and yours is, your future wife can't cook to save her life".
Nightmare: "Ahh Siegfried you might want to..."
Siegfried: "I mean if she can't cook, what can she, what"?
Nightmare: "Tira takes a lot of pride in the kitchen".
Siegfried: "So she takes a lot of pride in being useless".
Fed up with Siegfried's outbursts an enraged Tira kicks Siegfried in the balls as hard as she can and storms off.
Nightmare: "See that's why you wear crotch armour".
Siegfried (in pain): "Shut up"!
Eventually the three make it to Siegfried's house. Siegfried knocks and his mother answers.
Margaret: "Siegfried your home and without a guilty conscience, why are you nervous? Did you knock someone up? Are you gay"?
Siegfried(embarrassed): "Ah mother there is a reason for my visit you see I have someone to introduce to you".
Margaret: "Your girlfriend, gay lover".
Siegfried: "I'M NOT GAY, I'm here to introduce you to your son, Nightmare".
Margaret: "I would have called him Roy".
Tira: "You do I'll gut you".
Siegfried and Nightmare: "That's my mother you're talking to"!
Margaret (teary): "Son".
Nightmare (teary): "MmmMommy"!
Margaret and Nightmare hug for a while Siegfried stands there with his jaw dropped and Tira just looks bored.
Margaret: "Here son I even bought you a teddy bear".
Nightmare receives a 3 foot brown teddy bear and instantly hugs it.
Nightmare (crying): "I have a teddy bear"!
Tira(crying): "I don't have a teddy bear, I don't even have a mommy".
Nightmare hands Tira his teddy: "Here Muffins wants to give you a cuddle, I'll buy you a teddy tomorrow".
Tira: "Can it be pink"?
Nightmare: "It sure can".
Siegfried (Laughing like a hyena): "Muffins he called the bear Muffins"!
Tira is now hugging Muffins, Siegfried is still laughing and Margaret returns with the largest wooden spoon you can imagine and begins whacking Nightmare repeatedly.
Nightmare: "Ow! What the Fuck"!
Margaret: "Don't you swear young man, this is for all the times you haven't been in our family's life and for leading your brother astray, you should be ashamed of yourself"!
Nightmare: "But it was Siegfried"!
Siegfried: "I kinda sent a letter in advance blaming everything on you".
Nightmare: "Ow! You Bum, Ow, cut it out already Ow! I've learned my lesson OW"!
Margaret: "Oh I can't stay mad at you" (hugs Nightmare).
After staying at the Schtauffens for the time Zasalamel told them the entire gang is back at Zas' pad.
Zasalamel: "Now everyone step into the portal and we shall be going to the year 2006 in a place where none of you can cause any trouble".
As the gang step through they emerge in Sydney Australia in the year 2006. Next chapter the repercussions of time travel become only too obvious.
Competition: There will be a competition to decide who will Tira's bridesmaid be for the girls and for the guys the bloke would marry the pair. 4 Tekken characters will be appearing in the bachelor party chapters the first correct guess will be included as a guest appearance.
To enter leave one name in your review or email it to me.
