SC312 The Book Zasalamel wished he didn't write

Disclaimer- I do not own Soul Calibur 3 or any of the characters that are in the game, this is my tribute to a great game. I paid good money for the game and I'm not making a cent from this. (Copy and pasted from first page because I don't give a shit - Zas).

"Pfff! Those girls do not know how to party, but we men know how to have fun. Yes I know several of us appointed ourselves party hosts, so I got the luxury yacht and everyone else got beer. No not imaginative like the girls party but I think ours will be alot better anyway, because we have beer. I know Soul Calibur 5 is almost out, ah well expect an update when Soul Calibur 6 comes out. So anyway the plan is to get totally shitfaced on a boat while playing I'm on a boat non stop, yes its repetive but remember we'll all be drunk. Now this will rock, it will be my greatest party I planned yet, so fellow readers welcome to the stag party of our dear friend Nightmare. (Nightmare was looking over Zasalamel's shoulder as he wrote this and scribbles Matt Damon!). Nightmare piss off!"

The male cast are right next to the pier waiting for Zasalamel to arrive with the luxury yacht.

Yunseong: "Can I hear screaming in the distance"?

Hwang: "And I can hear an evil laugh"?

Voldo: "So Tira and the girls are having fun then"?

Astaroth: "Yup".

Yoshimitsu: "I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but when are we going to have this party"?

Cervantes: "Soon my friend, Zasalamel and Siegfried are setting up the yacht".

Rapheal(Interrupting): "Oh look Kilik is not with his gay lover".

Kilik: "Fuck you frenchie, Maxi told me he was getting the entertainment".

Rock: "Is the entertainment a Sumo"?

Kilik:(irritated and creeped out) "No it is not. Rock, seriously do you even know what a vagina is"?

Rock: "Var...gin...naa.."?

Kilik: "Nevermind".

Mitsurugi: "No Kilik seriously there is a sumo wearing a bow tie and holding flowers".

The sumo Rock and Mitsurugi discovered was Ganryu. Ganryu walks over to the cast.

Ganryu: "Oooh hello fellow tourists what brings you here today"?

Cervantes: "We're here for the stag party of the century".

Everyone else cheers

Ganryu: "Ooh that is so good, I'm here to propose to my love Julia".

Yunseong: "What is this Julia like"?

Lizardman: "Is she hot".

Cervantes: "Would I fuck her"?

Ganryu: "Ha pirate costume wearer Julia has the finest features, a slender figure, big brown eyes, long brown hair, bronze skin".

Cervantes: "Costume wearer"?

Astaroth: "Does she habe big tits"?

Ganryu (drooling): "Not as big as mine, but.."

Kilik (interrupting): "Ok you shut up now".

Yunseong: "Why is Nightmare carrying Rothion over his shoulder"?

As the cast turn to look they do in fact see Nightmare carrying a protesting Rothion over his shoulder.

Rothion: "Nightmare let me go"!

Nightmare: "Shut up pussy nobody is going to miss this party".

Nightmare drops Rothion on the ground.

Raphael: "Besides Rothy your wife is obviously enjoying seeing men more manly than you".

Hwang: "Bullshit, the only thing Sophie wants to see, is more of Taki".

All the boys except Rothion laugh

Yoshimitsu: "True but Hwang aren't you worried about Mitsurugi getting jealous"?

Mitsurugi: "Oh believe me my friend me and Rothion have nothing to be jealous about".

Voldo: "You don't mean you and him...".

Rothion: "NOnonononono"!

Mitsurugi: "No my scary looking fetishist, think carefully me and Rothion have no reason to be jealous" (Misturugi winks).

Yoshimitsu: "I do recall my Manjitou telling me that Taki said all things Greek got her horny so that means".

Cervantes: "Tell us"!

Arthur: "We must know".

Lizardman: "I remember seeing Maxi retrieve your and Rothion's clothes from the Alexandra room".

Li Long: "I'm proud of you two".

Rothion: "Stop that, nothing happened I assure all of you, nothing like that happened"!

Mitsurugi: "Yeah but".

Rothion: "NOTHING"!

Mitsurugi: "No need to yell" (whispers to the rest of the boys) "I'll tell you all about it once he's passed out from one drink".

Hwang: "Awesome".

Just as they finish talking the Yacht arrives. Zasalamel and Siegfried are standing at the at the gang plank.

Zasalamel: "Boys we got a friggin boat"!

Everyone else cheers

Zasalamel: "Now everybody get on and lets get pissed"!

All the boys rush onto the boat.

Rothion: "Nooooo"! "I must be faithful, FAITHFUL"!

Siegfried: "Eh chin up buddy".

All the boys are in the bar. Miles is tending the bar. Zasalamel turns the music on.

Zasalamel: "This party has officially started"!

All the male cast except Rothion hit the bar and start helping themselves pouring the drinks while reaching behind the bar. The Bartender is swated aside by Astaroth after he tries to stop the golem. After 2 hours pass on the yacht, the staff decide its best to let the partygoers get their own alcohol and snacks, especially after Maxi shatters 20 glass pitchers showing the boys that he can juggle while dancing, and by juggling he really is throwing the pitchers against anything that resembles a wall.

All Boys except Maxi cheer.

Maxi standing on the bar: "Alright boys Rothion is clearly out of it, Mitsurugi get your ass up here and tell us about Sophitia and Taki's carpet muching cuisine"!

All Boys cheer as Mitsurugi stands next to Maxi on the bar.

Rothion: "I'm not out it I had barely anything to drink". Falls down with a massive thud.

Hwang: "Fuckin lightweight"!

All the Boys laugh.

Mitsurugi: "All right boys it was after Nightmare proposed to Tira"

Nightmare cheers but no one cheers with him.

Nightmare: "Assholes"!

Kilik: "Shut up I want to hear about the lesbians"!

More cheers are heard.

Mitsurugi: "At midnight I snuck out the room and met Taki in the hallway and snuck into Sophie and Rothy's room".

the cheers get even louder.

Mitsurugi: "Then they start stripping and rubbing each other up"

Rothion gets up off the floor and interrupts :"And theen Taki told him to kiss mhe anhd hte didff". Falls back down on the floor.

The boys look at Mitsurugi and stare with total silence.

Raphael: "I believe the appropriate phrase is... the fuck".

Mitsurugi: "What has he been drinking? Come on guys I'm going out with Taki".

Lizardman: "Oh yeah"!

All the boys cheer.

Yunseong: "What happened next"?

Mitsurugi: "Well we were going to wife swap, but the girls locked us outside and totally cockblocked us".

Rothion gets up again: "And we were nekkid then we jumped in bed with Maxi".

Maxi throws a pitcher at Rothion and it shatters over his head: "Mitsurugi is telling the story fucknut"!

Mitsurugi: "He must have totally gotten into Yoshimitsu's weed".

Voldo: "Now that you mention it that gold diamond encrusted bong does look familiar".

Maxi: "Don't worry boys I caught the girls together the next morning and let me tell you Taki definately doesn't need a bra".

All the boys cheer.

Rothion gets up again: "And Maxi is an asshole".

Maxi: "Shut up Rothy I know one of Sophitia's kids are mine".

Rothion flips him the bird: "Fuck you".

Maxi goes over to Rothion and punches him and again the room goes silent.

Kilik gets up and breaks a stool over Yunseong's back: "BRAWL"!

Cervantes Li Long and Siegfried grab Maxi and drag him across the bar.

Zasalamel calls Miles in and ducks behind the bar. Miles comes in is greeted by Astaroth who takes him outside and ties him to the mast.

Hwang has Lizardman in a headlock but Lizardman turns the tables when he bites Hwang's arm. Hwang retaliates by pulling Lizardman's prehensile tongue.

Arthur goes to punch Nightmare but Nightmare dropkicks him across the room.

Voldo jumps on Yoshimitsu and starts dry humping him: "This is for pinching of the money pit's stuff you asshole"!

Yoshimitsu: "I sold it to a good cause".

Voldo: "Shut up or I take the cod piece off".

Yoshimitsu: ""!

Raphael is hidden behind the bar with Zasalmel sipping a martini.

Astaroth re-enters the brawl and tosses Yunseong out a window onto the deck of the Yacht.

A crowd of yacht workers look at Yunseong who gets up and yells "This party fucking rocks"!

Yunseong looks over to the harbour and sees something that makes him very excited, he races back to the bar and yells: "Hey everybody Ganryu's about to get dumped"!

All of the boys quickly end the brawl and rush out to the deck. Sure enough just in his Tekken 5 ending Ganryu is about declare his love to Julia Chang, and Julia walks away without even listening to the marriage proposal, just then like in his ending the boat floats past and Cervantes hijacks the bridge and blows the horn then the boys unleash on Ganryu.

All the Boys pointing and yelling at Ganryu: ""!

""!(It's really loud).

Cervantes: "Take that Ganryu"!

Yunseong: "YOU GOT DUMPED"!

Hwang: "REJECTED"!

Kilik: "She's out of your league lard ass"!

Maxi: "Ganryu YOU FAT CUNT"!

Astaroth: "CALL WEIGHT WATCHERS"!

Lizardman: "TUCK INTO A SLIM JIM"!

Mitsurugi: "OOOOOOH YEAH"!

Zasalamel pulls out his Iphone and plays Randy Savange's theme through a loud speaker.

Raphael: "Don't worry I'll make sure she feels a real man"!

Siegfried: "AFTER I PORK HER FROM BEHIND WITH MY SPICY TEUTONIC SAUSAGE"!

All the boys laugh and start the brawl except for Maxi, Zasalamel and Raphael.

Maxi: "Zas can I borrow your phone"

Zasalamel: "Why"?

Maxi: "You know that girl Ganryu proposed to".

Zasalamel: "Yes".

Maxi: "She's the stripper".

Zasalamel: "Phones all yours".

Maxi(on phone to Julia): "Where are you, you were suppossed to be giving Nightmare a lap dance an hour ago".

Julia: "Look below you loser".

The three look over the ship and see Julia riding a jet ski waving at them.

Raphael: "Well you hired her so you bring her up".

Zasalamel: "Yeah pirate get cracking".

Maxi: "That's what your mum said".

Zasalamel: "My mother has been dead for millenia".

Julia: "Hey distressed bombshell down here".

Maxi: "Coming babe".

Zasalamel: "We'll announce the stripper".

Zasalamel and Raphael enter the bar avoid all projectiles.

Zasalamel:"Boys take your seats or whatever ones aren't broken, Raphael bring in the pole".

Rapheal presses a remote and a stage with a pole appears, all the boys cheer very excitedly.

Maxi opens the door and leads Julia in with her usual Tekken attire the cheers are now deafening.

Julia takes the mic: "Ok who's getting hitched".

All the boys point to Nightmare.

Julia: "Bring him forward"!

The boys carry Nightmare forward and place him down infront of Julia. Nightmare is very nervous Julia pulls his shirt off.

Julia: "Oooh lucky girl she is, well Happy birthday to you"...

Maxi interrupts: "Take it off"!

All the boys except Nightmare and Rothion: "TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF,TAKE IT OFF"!

Julia takes one of her feathers out and throws it toward Maxi.

Zasalamel: "cocktease".

Maxi: "Tits out, tits out, tits out for the boys"!

All of the boys except Nightmare and Rothion: "TITS OUT, TITS OUT, TITS OUT FOR THE BOYS"!

Julia Removes everything except her thong in one quick motion and start dancing on with the pole after two minutes she licks the pole.

Rothion is peeky through his hands pretending not to look.

Siegfried: "Give him a lap dance". Siegfried throws a bag of gold on the stage.

Cervantes: "Completely nude" Cervantes throws a diamond necklace.

Raphael: "Where did you get that"?

Cervantes: "I'm a pirate".

Julia removes her thong and is completely starkers she then turns around showing her ass to the boys.

Maxi: "Spank her ass Nightmare".

Nightmare gives Julia a little pat.

Astaroth: "Harder you pussy"!

Nightmare spanks Julia so hard she falls over and the music stops. There is awkward silence until Julia puts on some goth music.

Julia purrs: "So you like it rough"!

Julia puts her thong in Nightmares mouth, pulls the elastic and lets it hit Nightmare's face, then gives him a double nipple cripple.

Nightmare: "OWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"!

The Boys cheer.

Julia then starts grinding in Nightmare's chest and starts panting then goes over to Maxi and whispers something in his ear. Maxi nods in approval.

Julia is about climax all over Nightmare, then Kilik interferes.

Kilik: "WAIT"!

The Boys: "WHAT BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"!

Zasalamel: "Kilik get the fuck outta the way"!

Mitsurugi: "Now"!

Kilik: "Boys bare with me".

Boys: "BOOOOOOO"!

Kilik: "Julia would you like to earn a 1000 dollar bonus"?

Julia: "OK".

Kilik: "Could you please turn our boy Rock into a MAN"!

Rock looks nervous.

Julia: "On stage"?

Kilik: "NO! in the captain's cabin will do, Cervantes".

Cervantes throws the keys to the cabin to Kilik. Kilik hands them to Julia and Julia leads Rock to the cabin away from the party. All the boys salute Rock as he leaves.

Maxi: "Whatever you do, don't yell Bangoo it ruins everything".

Rock: "But I love.."

Maxi: "Rock"!

Julia: "Bye guys and Nightmare congratulations"!

Zasalamel :"Gentlemen to wrap up, bring out the ceremonial yard glass".

The Boys bring a yard glass to Nightmare.

Zasalamel: "Nightmare you smell like pussy from here".

The Boys yells in approval.

Zasalamel: "Nightmare in this yard glass is beer, mead, 20 shots of Jager, a vodka cruiser, spiced rum and sparkling mineral water, because Arthur totally misunderstood, Nightmare the world record is 2.5 seconds, can you beat the time".

Raphael: "That alcohol will kill him".

Zasalamel: "I know resurrection magic don't worry its all good".

Nightmare takes the yard glass and begins sculling the contents.

The Boys: "SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL,SCUL"!

Nightmare finishes and the boys cheer.

Zasalamel: "3.2 seconds close enough".

The boys: "Speech! SPEECH"!

The boys are silent as Nightmare begins his speech.

Nightmare: "LETS GET PISSED"!

The boys cheer and continue to drink.

Next chapter the wedding.