Author's Notes: I said that "Human" was just a oneshot but I had several ideas for more Jonathan fanfics and they all had that 'Jonathan seeking for connection and actually wanting to be more humane and to be loved by others' theme. So I decided to extend this fic to a series of oneshots which I must say are not entirely related to each other ^_^ I hope you guys will enjoy it. This second one involves Jocelyn and Jonathan. The timeline is set in either CoLS or CoHF.

Disclaimer: Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series and their characters solely belong to Cassandra Clare.

Summary: She was first revolted at the sight of him. He hated her for that. She now wanted to care for him. He acted like it was too late. But all he really yearned for all those years was his mother.


Mother

A tall broad-shouldered young man moved fluidly among the throngs of people flooding the busy streets. He decided to stop in front of an unsuspecting lamp post and proceeded to rest his back on it. He dug his hands– or hand since his supposed to be right hand was just a stump at the moment– into the pockets of his jacket. He observed the traffic, the busy and noisy people, and the bright lights of New York City with his fathomless black eyes. He found it very convenient to be a member of the Shadow World. He didn't really feel even a slightest bit of desire to interact with mundanes who he thought were so naïve and useless anyway.

An image of a red haired woman in her mid-thirties invaded his mind. He couldn't help it but to smile wickedly to himself as his shoulders shook a little when a short chuckle escaped his lips. He found it funny. That woman. That woman with flaming red hair. That red-haired woman with very green eyes which reflected so much horror when they gaze upon him. Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern believed that the horrified look he just saw on his mother's face was the most fulfilling thing ever. Her fear and horror just crossed the short distance between them without any resistance and seeped into his very bones. He never thought someone could actually feel and express that much horror just upon seeing another person.

The way she had paled; the whiteness of her skin could rival of that of a ghost. The way her eyes looked glassy with tears. The way she trembled on her unsteady legs. Jonathan shook his head in a way that seemed like he was showing his disapproval of something. "What was she thinking? I bet she believed that I would just jump on her and rip her heart out with my non-existent demonic claws…" Jonathan couldn't help it but to replay in his head his encounter with Jocelyn Fairchild, his biological mother, hours ago. His mind couldn't get over her frightened face.

He was quite convinced that whatever morbid picture his head was conjuring up at the moment regarding what he really wanted to do to his mother was not very far from the truth. Oh yes, he hated her. He hated her for hating him. All she felt from that first moment she held him in her arms when he was just an infant was horror and revulsion. He figured he should simply show her his gratitude. Why should he waste any effort on loving a mother who never wanted to care for him or love him? He told himself he could care less about love. But he just couldn't stand the thought of that woman hating him. After she put a hand on creating him… It wasn't his fault that his father had the most revolting ideas… That his father wanted to experiment on his own child. That his father carelessly and thoughtlessly made his son a monster.

Honestly, Jonathan blamed a lot of things to Jocelyn. The mother who never wanted him. She let him live… She let him become what he was. She didn't do anything and didn't really care to do anything to stop him from what he was becoming. She probably believed that it was not her responsibility… That he was not a burden for her to bear. Jocelyn was the monster to him. Surely what kind of mother could hate her own child that much when he had not done anything to harm her back then? He kind of believed that no matter what one's true nature was, if others did love you then it wouldn't matter to them what you were. He killed demons even hated them despite his knowledge that the Greater Demon, Lilith, was the one who gave her blood in order to create him. But he had to admit that the Greater Demon was more of a mother to him than Jocelyn was.

Jonathan couldn't help it but to be amused of his own insights. A Shadownhunter who wanted the death of her own child and a supposed to be a heartless and ruthless demon that cared for him like he was a fragile vase that could break easily. He had long accepted it. This was his true nature… There was no use trying to fight it. He was a demon. A monster. Jocelyn was not his mother. Lilith was. He told himself that it was the valid reason for Jocelyn's hatred for him. He was not hers at all.

After he was revived, he thought that these people currently surrounding him wanted him dead. All of them… with the exception of Jace. Clarissa, his own sister, was just tolerating his presence for the sake of the angel boy. He knew all of that. He had always been gifted on reading the people around him. He started to believe that he didn't really belong to the Shadowhunter world. They all saw him as a demon. They all wanted him to be one. So why try to pretend that you were like them? They wanted a monster. He would give them what they want. He would feed from their fears just like how a demon would.

The horrified face of his real mother flashed in his mind again. This time Jonathan felt something else inside of him besides anger. That feeling he rarely encountered. That feeling that squeezed his black heart ever so slightly. He couldn't help it but to make an annoyed face. He hated it when he feels that. It made him feel so… so weak…

"Y-You… Y-You… J-Jonathan… M-My… My s-so…N-No…"

Her soft melodic voice sounded so good in his ears. His mother sounded perfect except that her voice was tainted with fear towards him. That rare feeling inside Jonathan grew a little bit more as Jocelyn's words played over and over in his head. That feeling… That pathetic and sad feeling that poisoned his heart. He hated that even if he felt ecstatic watching his mother's horrified and pained face there was this small… This tiny part in him that should have long disintegrated in the black depths of his soul that felt sad about it. About how Jocelyn could not… and would never see and treat him as her son. That longing he knew he had always felt for her but always pushed to a dark corner of his mind. How Clarissa would never wanted him as her older brother. He wanted connection to them… His only family… But they all longed to bury him even before he could even utter his first word. They didn't want him to exist. Surely Jocelyn wanted her son… Clarissa wanted her older brother… But the man they held in their hearts was not him and would never be him. They tried to pretend that he didn't exist and that he was just some nightmare they were both trying to get rid of.

Jonathan smiled to himself. They could try everything just to have him dead in their minds. But he swore to do everything as well to haunt them in every single waking moment of their lives. He would be the nightmare to them. The nightmare they wanted him to be. The nightmare they created. They were the ones who pushed him to become what he was… And to even become worse of what he was before. They completely pushed him off of the edge and let him fall into a never-ending dark pit. He didn't need to redeem himself in their eyes. They already robbed him off of that chance the very moment he was born and that his mother wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

He pushed himself off of the lamppost and continued his walk. The wind blew harshly at him, making his fair almost white hair fall over his black orbs. He soon blended into the darkness of the night just like how a demon could.


"What is it, Mother? Surely you didn't just sneak out of here just to stare at me." Jonathan rested his back against the trunk of a huge tree standing just across from Lucian Graymark's house. He returned for his 'younger siblings' who stayed for a little bit in the house. He had no plans to pick them up for he didn't want to risk seeing Jocelyn again but Jace probably forgot about the time. So he decided to go back for them and here he was.

Jocelyn stood a good six feet away from him and was marveling at the fact how Jonathan looked so much like Valentine Morgenstern, his father and the man she once loved. It was just the sharp planes of Jonathan's features were softer than Valentine's. Jocelyn hated to admit it but for some reason she was actually looking for whatever her son got from her. Maybe the shape of his eyes or even the curve of his lips. For almost eighteen years… She never imagined or even dreamed of seeing him again. She didn't even know if she really wanted to. But he just appeared before her earlier… And he was with Clary, her precious daughter. Clary was his younger sister and seeing them standing a little bit too closely a while ago broke something inside her.

She remembered what Luke told her earlier when she was trying her best to calm down after her short encounter with her son. He said that it might be a chance for her to be a mother to Jonathan whether it was good or bad he couldn't really tell. But he stated that if someone could probably sway the mindset of Jonathan at the moment… It should be Jocelyn, his mother. "He has some part of you in him… He is also human, Jocelyn… I can't be sure but Jonathan… your Jonathan might just be seeking for a connection."

"J-Jonathan… I… I-I… I-I'm sorry…"

The fair-haired lad just stared at the woman before him. He wondered what was really going on in Jocelyn's head right now. He was confused… actually very confused but his features would never show that. He just stood there trying to focus his eyes on something else rather than on the conflicted look on his mother's face. But his black eyes kept on trailing back on her image. How could he avert his eyes from her when she was standing out too much in their dull surroundings with that bright red hair of hers, that pure green eyes, even her clothes looked a little too bright for him to appreciate.

The woman took a step closer to him and Jonathan felt his legs twitched… He wanted to take a step back so badly but of course he couldn't do that. He was leaning back against a tree at the first place. He schooled his features to an impassive look. He told himself that he shouldn't show even a slightest hint to this woman that she actually had the ability to unnerve him.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he intentionally let her see him looking at something else rather than her to show that he was not interested to whatever she had to say. There was a deafening silence that fell upon them. Only the rustles of leaves and the harsh blowing of the wind stained that silence.

"I'm sorry I… I couldn't save you from Va– your father… I had no idea what h-he was doing. I had no c-clue… U-Until you were b-born… P-Perhaps I… I-I… I could have tried to save you… c-cure you…" Jonathan flinched a little at her words. Why was she saying these things now? "B-But I… A-All I felt that time w-was… I was tricked… I c-couldn't l-love you b-because I-I…" The faired haired boy finally looked up after Jocelyn's voice finally cracked like a piece of ceramic and he saw tears streaming down her face.

There was that feeling again… and he hated it.

Jocelyn felt like she was choking. She felt so… guilty. She felt partly responsible for what her son had become… And the worst part was she knew she never cared what he would become. She actually took comfort at the thought that he died in that demonic fire and she knew it was wrong of her to feel that way. She wondered why it had to come down to all of this just for her to see that she had done her fair share of mistakes.

She took a huge mouthful of air and the next thing Jonathan knew, Jocelyn was right in front of him and she was cupping his face in her cold trembling hands. It was suddenly too hard for him to breathe. She was looking deeply… too deeply into his eyes that he actually felt afraid that she might be able to see that weak part inside of him. "J-Jonathan… I… I-I'm y-your mother…" Jocelyn said it like the boy in front of her had no idea that she was indeed his mother.

Jonathan felt his own lips tremble for a moment… Words were dying to spill out from his mouth but he was too afraid to let them out because he was not even sure if he would like them. He could feel his body shaking ever so slightly he was torn between shoving this woman away from him and embracing her. He felt her fingers moved to outline his thick eyebrows. Her hand felt very warm when she pushed some of his hair out of his handsome face. His heart… His dark black heart was pounding so hard in his ribcage. Something was clawing at him from the inside and it made him ache all over. He gritted his teeth.

"Don't touch me, woman." He hissed out as he glared at Jocelyn. He could feel that red anger clouding his mind. But she didn't look threatened. It was almost as if she expected him to say that but even so her eyes looked sadder than before. He felt a tight knot inside him coil to the point of breaking and he was already unsure of what he was about to do next.

"Don't… Don't touch me," he said a little more firmly and this time Jocelyn dropped her hands to her sides. She took a step back and he watched her swallow nervously.

"Listen, Mother…" He sounded like he was mocking her. His voice was so smooth and so soft like it was velvet. "I understand not a single word you were saying to me… I refuse to understand." He pushed himself off of the tree and started to walk away. His steps were obviously hurried and unsteady. He suddenly stopped abruptly. He knew she was still standing on that same spot where he left her. He craned his neck to the side and Jocelyn could see half of his face. There was a curling rune running up the side of his left jaw.

"I'm not your son, Jocelyn Fairchild."

She had never heard words more bitter than those.

And she had never heard words that held so much coldness and pain in them.

Jocelyn couldn't do anything but watch her son walk away from her and into the darkness.


He didn't expect for them to be here. He had no desire to ever fight alongside with these people… and a bunch of Downworlders. The stench of the three werewolves filled the battlefield and Jonathan didn't try to hide his disgust. He saw that tall… too sparkly warlock fighting back to back with that… that homosexual Lightwood boy. And the way Isabelle Lightwood's crystal blue eyes checked up on that quite invincible Daylighter was just too hard for him stomach. Jonathan plunged his seraph blade into a random demon wishing he could just sink the very blade he was holding on one of his so called "allies". He was confident enough that he could handle this horde of demons with just Jace… and his sister, Clarissa. But his ever stupid sister just had to call them for help.

The battle was soon over and everyone was trying to recover from the adrenaline rush and exhaustion. Jonathan chose to stay in a dark corner while the others heal themselves and check up on each other. He could feel his little brother think about his welfare at some point but he quickly willed the angel boy not to search for him.

"Mother!" His deep black eyes snapped up to see Clary run up to her mother. He quickly saw Jocelyn standing quite far from her. The woman was inspecting a convulsing demon when she heard her daughter's cry. She quickly abandoned the creature to see her daughter. But that was a very awful mistake on her part.

It was like in slow motion. Like some sick old movie with sepia tone and the events were unfolding painfully slow for him. His eyes quickly registered a huge hulking demon lurking in the shadows at the dark hollow ceilings of the unconsecrated building they were in. And it just got worse when the demon which was supposed to be lying lifeless behind Jocelyn sprung up to life with a loud growl. The red haired woman snapped back at the demon. But it moved too fast for her to react. It swiped at her with its clawed and thick hand and managed to knock out the seraph blade in her hand.

He heard distant voices cried out for her.

He even heard a little part of him cried for her as well.

But then he felt his legs moved so fast he couldn't really entirely feel them. He was like an arrow darting through the space with unforgiving grace. The demon in front of Jocelyn raised both its menacing slimy limbs to strike at her the second time. But Jonathan was already there cutting through the demon. He watched it dissolved into nothingness with uncaring eyes. He felt the demon from the ceiling finally jump down and landed a few feet behind him but Jace was already on it a heartbeat later.

There was a very painful burning Jonathan was feeling on his left upper arm and his hold on his seraph blade slackened a little. The demon had injured him and he could see a bloody stinger protruding from his torn gear. His whole body was weakening more in each passing second. Damn it. He thought. He didn't want these people to see him fall on his knees. He didn't want to look vulnerable to them. But his knees were already threatening to give away. "Jonathan! Jonathan!" It was Jocelyn.

He didn't feel it when he fell on his knees but he felt it when she pulled him to rest on her comforting warm lap. He didn't want to see her face so he simply closed them tightly. "S-Sebastian?" Clary slumped down right next to his left side and he felt her check on his injury. "Sebastian!" She shook him none too gently but he almost laughed when he heard the unmistakable tinge of worry in her voice. He dared to open his eyes… Just to glare at the looming figure of the warlock on his incapacitated body.

"He'll be fine…" Magnus Bane assured them. He felt so suspicious of the warlock that when Magnus reached out to pluck the stinger out of his wound, Jonathan almost found the strength to jump up and flung himself at the Downworlder… But his body betrayed him.

Darkness crept into his vision. "Too much for having demon blood running in my veins… I couldn't even stand little of their poison," Jonathan thought gravely. His eyes started to become blurry but before he completely slipped into a peaceful darkness. His gaze focused once on the worried look on his mother's face.

Even if his body was rejecting it mostly, he felt a warm feeling crept inside him. With that, he closed his eyes.


When he opened those fathomless orbs of his again, he was in an unfamiliar plain-looking room and a warm hand was clasping his. He looked down to see red tresses adorning the white blanket draped on his once resting form. He just stared at her. He watched her back rise and fall steadily as she breathed. Her lips were slightly parted as she slept. He was fascinated by the little signs of age on her beautiful kind face. He could have stared at her for hours no one could really tell. But when she finally stirred and woke up. He wanted to snatch his hand out of hers and even questioned himself why he didn't earlier when she was still asleep. Her very green eyes landed on him.

She smiled. Her smile was filled with so much relief and… happiness.

Jonathan figured then that he didn't want to let go of his mother's hand again.


Give poor J.C. Morgenstern some love please and review ^_^ I believe that no fan of TMI series should really and completely hate him. I just hope many share my view on this complex character. I don't know… I just feel like it's kind of wrong when I see someone hate him so much. It's just sad…

Anyway thank you very much for reading. Please do review~!