Hey guys! Alright, last chapter not such a big hit...but, I hope this one will make you want to review! Alrightie, thanks so much for all of the alerts/reviews and such! Please Enjoy The Fifth Chapter of "Arms Of An Angel"...

A SPECIAL THANKS TO MY BETA READER-SomeoneNamedLiz


ARMS OF AN ANGEL-CHAPTER 5

You've got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never regret.

CLARE'S PERSPECTIVE

"I think I'm going to go back to therapy," Eli stated calmly, making my eyebrows tighten together in confusion as I asked, "Why? If you have any problems, you know you can just talk to me."

"That's why we're here for each other," I said while placing a hand on his thigh.

He smirked and slowly pulled my hand from his thigh, only to interlock it with his, "Clare...I don't know if you quite understand why I need to go back. Sure, I have you but, sometimes that's not enough."

"What do you mean?" I asked, getting a bit defensive but then reminding myself that it's Eli we're talking about, the boy that guards his privacy like a stone, bricked wall.

Eli sighed, but then glanced up at me, "You know I talk to you about everything...the hoarding, the Julia and everything about anything. But, there's just something's I'm not really comfortable with sharing with you."

"Can you please get to your point so you stop making me feel like shit?" I hissed, as he smiled, "Clare, I'm not trying to make you feel like...that, it's just that there's something's that I'm not comfortable in telling you that I can tell my therapist."

"Like what?" I asked, taking a bite out of my apple as the wind picked up, making me shiver slightly.

Eli stretched his arm out across our bench, pulling me into his grip as I sighed, listening to him say shakily, "I don't know Clare...things about Julia, things that you won't want to hear."

"Humor me Eli," I whispered as I held onto my apple daintily, barely paying any attention to it as he said, "Things that...things that still bother me."

I growled, "Okay Eli, I've had enough with your mind tricks and games with me. If you want to go to a therapist instead of talking to your girlfriend, then fine!"

"The reason why I'm telling you is because I want you to come with me," He said, smirking nervously as I asked, "Really? You'd want me to like...come in with you and listen?"

Eli nodded, "I'd really like some support."

Every time Eli would go to his therapist, he never allowed any of his friends to go with him, not even Adam. When Adam wasn't invited, that would mean that no one was invited.

My cheeks blushed, "I'd love to go with you Eli."


ELI'S PERSPECTIVE

"Ms. Edwards, I don't know about this, I really don't like lying to Clare," I whispered, confessing my guilt to Helen.

Ms. Edwards continued to grab her bag, quickly touching my arm and thanking me for going through with this. I smiled at her, but inside, my stomach was churning to a point where I could hear it in my head.

"Thank you so much Eli," she whispered and then said, "I'll meet you there."

After about five minutes of waiting, Clare finally came down the steps with a white dress on, her hair curled and her face looking as breath taking as ever. I smiled, but then had this uncomfortable feeling, knowing I was lying to her.

"All ready to go?" I asked, as she reached for my hand but I sighed, "We should get going...you know, can't be late for the therapist."

Her eyes looked saddened, so I reassured her doubt by interlocking our hands together. My heart fluttered, her cold hand touching my sweaty palms as she glanced up at me, "You nervous?"

Nervous would be an understatement...


CLARE'S PERSPECTIVE

As we approached Eli's therapist, I smiled, looking at him as he pulled Morty into a parking spot right out front.

My eyebrows tightened in confusion, seeing my mother's car parked across the street. I looked at Eli, then back at the house and I asked, "Did you bring me here to see a therapist?"

"Clare, listen...it wasn't my idea-," I quickly opened the door, and quickly slammed it as Eli shouted, "Hey! Where are you going? You can't-, Clare! Just listen to me, for one second!"

Tears started to form in my eyes as I turned around, "What Eli? You lied to me, made me believe that this was going to be for you, to help you for a change! All that we've been doing is for me..."

Eli sighed, "Clare, I didn't want to force you here and hell, I didn't want to lie to you like I did...but please, just give this therapist a chance. You can't talk to me about certain things, and I know it too! I know that you don't tell me every single thought on your mind."

"It's my mind, I can keep whatever I want in it and it's not like the things I keep from you don't have a good reason," I added as he smirked, "So you do keep things away from me?"

"Eli, just please...I just want to go home," I whispered, as Eli shook his head, "We can't go home until you talk to this therapist."

"I don't want to," I clarified, "I have nothing to say to a stupid stranger."

Eli looked at me, his eyes close to tears as I scoffed, "Do you expect me to buy the whole 'I care about you, you should do this for the better of the both of us, it'll only make us stronger' bull shit?"

He glanced at me, shoving his hands in his pockets and then said, "You know Clare, I don't know what to tell you right now. All I want to do is help you!"

"Everyone just wants to help me!" I shouted at him, but then scooted back a little, noticing I was screaming right in his face. He smirked, shaking his head and then eyeing me with a curious eye.

He moved closer to me, cupping my cheek and I pushed him away with my two hands. Each time I inched away, he inched closer and I sighed, "We're going to be doing this until we're back to my house! Just stop!"

"Why?" He mocked, inching closer as I growled, "Because this is stupid! Stop acting so stupid!"

Eli laughed, as I moved back, only to be followed by Eli taking a huge step forward and I gasped, my back coming in contact with a stop sign pole. He smirked, his chest pressing up against my chest as my heart raced.

"Why can't you just do what you should?" Eli asked softly, cupping my cheek as he pecked my earlobe and I whispered, "I guess I'm just a rebel."

He scoffed in my ear, sending chills down up my spine as I felt Eli's tongue swirl on my neck, making me giggle. I gripped onto his bicep lightly, biting on my bottom lip, trying to fight the urge to laugh.

"Please go to the therapist," he mumbled against my ear, biting gently on my earlobe.

I giggled, sighing in defeat, "I'll go...but, I can't promise that I'll say anything."

Eli pulled back so I could see his eyes and I smiled, as he sighed, "Alright, that's good enough for me...as long as you go, kind of listen to the therapist and maybe if you have to ask something, you can ask."


"So how do you feel about your new relationship with Clare, now that she has Cancer? Is it any different than before?" The therapist asked Eli the billionth question that he will probably respectfully answer just like the rest.

"More emotional yes," Eli interlocked our hands, "B-but uh...she's worth it."

I blushed as Ms Foreman, my therapist whom I haven't said a word to this hour, smiled at me and said, "Clare, you seem like a very shy girl, but from what I've been hearing from Eli is that you like to talk. Is it this room that makes you uncomfortable or...?"

"No disrespect, to you or your business, but I never wanted to be here right now and I'm being forced to be in this position," I said quietly, as Ms Foreman jotted down notes onto her clipboard.

"See, that's annoying...right there," I pointed to her notes as she asked, "Does this bother you?"

I nodded as Eli gasped, "Clare, she's just doing her job, don't-," Eli stopped talking and my jaw dropped when I saw Ms Foreman throw the clipboard into the corner of her room.

"Now, what was annoying you?" She asked, smiling, as if she didn't just throw her whole clipboard into the corner of the room.

"Eli, can you give Ms Foreman and I five minutes alone? I'll meet you outside in the car," I whispered as he asked, "You sure?" I nodded as he kissed my temple, before shaking the therapists hand and making his way out the door.

Ms Foreman glanced at me and the second Eli left, I twiddled my thumbs, trying to word out want I wanted to say correctly in my mind. She smiled patiently and I started off calmly, "A-as you know, I have uh, Breast Cancer. I really, honestly don't see a light at the end of this tunnel I'm stuck in right now. The only thing I have, that believes in me and doesn't treat me like I'm going to die soon, is Eli."

"He's your best friend, isn't he?" She asked and I nodded, "Since Freshman year of high school."

"That's a really long time...you must really be close with him," Ms Foreman noted, unconsciously observing what I was saying to her just because she was probably so used to over analyzing things.

"We're dating now," I started and then continued, "Which is why I really need to talk to someone who won't, who won't judge me for my thoughts or what I want to do until I'm gone."

My throat tightened uncomfortably as she smiled, "Clare, I want you to know that nothing we say here, ever leaves this room. It's only between me and you, all you have to do is promise me that nothing I say to you is ever repeated."

"I think we have a deal," my eyes glanced up at hers as I whispered, "Well, you know how-how breast cancer works. The worse it gets, the higher risk of the surgery to get the breast...removed."

My eyes immediately shot down to my lap as I continued to mumble, "Is it, is it wrong to think about having sex with my boyfriend because I don't want to do it when I'm...well, when I don't have...or."

I couldn't find the words to say, my heart was racing and tears started to stream down my face.

"I'm sorry," I apologized for my tears as she got up, taking a seat next to me and wrapping her arm around me, pulling me into a hug.

It might have been the most awkward hug, but it was slightly comforting.

I was confused at first, but nonetheless, I returned the hug with the amount of care that she gave me back. She rubbed my back and then pulled away as Ms Foreman said, "Clare, you're a strong girl...I can tell. Now, I know that this must be a really big obstacle in your life and it's probably been bothering you, yes?"

"My heart tells me yes and my body says go for it, so why shouldn't I just go for it? I don't want to be...ugly, for him," I whispered as she shook her head, "Oh Clare, if he loves you then he wouldn't think you were ugly with two breasts or with one."

"It's not right," I stated, "It's just not right that his so called girlfriend can't provide him with the necessities, but any cheap whore off the street can give him all he wants in ten minutes."

"If Eli doesn't accept you for who you are, then he isn't worth it," she said as I smiled, "I know that he won't say he cares, he'll probably hug me and tell me I'm the most beautiful human being he's ever laid eyes on but..."

"Then why do you doubt him?" She asked and I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't doubt him...I doubt myself."

With that, I stood up and walked towards the door, turning the knob slowly before turning around as she said, "If you do choose...to be intimate with Eli, please use protection and tell him to...to go easy on the chest area."

"Okay," I blushed and then asked, "So, same time next week?"


"Can I talk to you, back at your house?" I asked Eli nervously, as he nodded, "Sure, we can invade the fridge, eat some ice cream if you want...then we can make our way to your chemo treatment."

"I-I uh, can we skip it today Eli?" I whispered, and then said, "I'm tired."

He knew that his 'job' for the day was to take me to the therapist and then take me to my chemo treatment, but honestly, what I had to do was more important than my health.

"Clare, you really should go...even if you sleep through it," Eli said while shifting in the driver's seat, pulling into his driveway.

I gulped, noticing that Eli's driveway was clear, which meant that no one was home.

Without a word, I opened Morty's door and quickly walked into Eli's house. As I walked further into the house, I heard Eli call out my name as I walked into his bedroom, taking a seat on his bed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He whispered and I patted the spot next to me, gesturing for him to sit down.

My lungs felt as if they were closing in on me, slowly deteriorating as Eli grabbed my hand lightly, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb. I sighed, glancing up at him, "I talked to the therapist when you left."

"Okay..." Eli didn't quite get what I was saying as I continued, "I-I talked to her about how high the stakes are of me getting my...removed."

He nodded, now understanding what this topic was going to be about as I continued, "I just feel that...I can't help but feel like my time is running out Eli and I'm not getting any younger."

"We have so much time Clare," he whispered and I stood up, "No we don't Eli! Okay? No I don't! I can drop dead any minute, I'm like a bomb! Just, please, I really need you to understand what I'm trying to tell you here."

"No Clare, I don't," he crossed his arms and I said, "I want to sleep with you!"

His eyebrows scrunched together, and for a couple of seconds, I had no idea what he was thinking. He eyed me up and down for a moment, but then shook his head while asking, "Where is this all coming from Clare?"

"Eli, I'm dying...okay," tears were streaming down my face as I kneeled down in front of him, interlocking our hands, but he refused to look me in the eyes. A tear fell down his face as I removed it with the pad of my thumb, "I love you Eli...so much, a-and I need this...I need you."

"You're beautiful Clare, why are you pressuring yourself to do something you don't have to right now?" Eli asked, leaning down so our foreheads were now touching as I whispered, "I'm running out of time to love you Eli, I need you...I need this."

"For me," I said while leaning in so our lips could touch, as I tugged on his belt buckle.

He pulled away, shaking his head, "N-not here Clare...n-not now."

"Please," I pleadily whispered as my shaky fingertips traced the outline of his belt buckle and he gently gripped my hand, "I'm not making love to the girl I've been in love with for nearly four years in my messy room, on this creaky bed."

I smiled, "Then when?"

"When the time is right," he said while pecking my lips, setting me by wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. My hands snaked around his waist and he pulled me up onto the bed as he lay down.

I snuggled into his chest, smiling, "How long do I have to wait? I'm not gunna' be around forever ya' know..."

"Neither will I," Eli said as I looked up at the ceiling while saying, "Yes you will Eli, you'll go on and get married to a beautiful woman, you'll have children that'll look exactly like you and live in a house that looks like a palace."

"My future is quite similar to your prediction," he whispered as I asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," he pecked me on the nose, "I'll be married to a beautiful woman...we'll have as many kids as she wants of course, and she'll be living in a huge castle, built for a queen."

"Wow," my heart sunk into my stomach, "She's going to be some lucky woman."

He sighed, pulling me closer, as if we weren't close enough at the moment, and he then he scoffed, "Clare...that woman's you."

END OF CHAPTER 5


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