Hey guys! Long time no update huh? What...about almost a month? Yeah, I apologize for neglecting this story. It really takes a lot of depression to get this story out of me, lucky for you guys, I'm in a depressed mood. So, Please Enjoy the Sixth Chapter of "ARMS OF AN ANGEL"...
A Special Thanks To My Beta Reader-SomeoneNamedLiz
ARMS OF AN ANGEL-CHAPTER 6
The way you smile it makes me shiver, the way your hand feels against mine, and when you say the word forever, I know you will be mine. And I hate how much I love you; you love that every waking moment we whisper to each other...forever.
ELI'S PERSPECTIVE
"How are ya' feeling?" I asked Clare softly, wrapping my arm around her waist as we walked down the halls of Degrassi. She bobbed her head, gripping her books tightly and said, "I'm good...now that you're by my side."
"Touché Edwards," my voice sent chills up her spine as I used my hand to gently stroke her spine.
"Eli, I told you not to do that when we're in school," she said, and as usual, I ignored her pleas and gently pressed her up against a row of lockers. Clare gasped at the cold touch of the lockers, and I stole a kiss from her, taking her breath away.
"You know we can get in trouble," Clare's eyebrows quirked up, and I leaned down, taking advantage of the empty hallways. My tongue slid through her parted lips, and when I pulled away to breathe, she whimpered, her forehead touching mine.
"Alright Edwards, it's time to get you to chemo," I whispered as Clare's expression dropped, and she stuttered, "A-actually, uh, my mom...yeah, my mom offered to take me so I'm going to just...yeah, she'll drive me."
"Then I'll just go in the back seat, it's no big deal," my shoulders shrugged as Clare grabbed my bicep, "Eli, I want to go alone."
"But we always go together," I argued, as Clare sighed, "Eli...why can't you just accept that I want to go with my mom this one time? If you keep insisting I-." I cut Clare off, "We've been going together for the past who knows how fucking long and I'm just wondering if I can get at least a good excuse as to why you don't want me to go!"
"Because I'm not going for the chemo today," she screamed, and her scream echoed the empty hallways, since school had been let out a little over a half hour ago but Clare had to stay for tutoring.
"You have to go-," she shook her head, tears forming in her eyes as she glared at the floor, "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"
I gripped her hands, interlocking them with mine, pulling her closer to my body as I cupped her cheek, smiling down at her, "I love you Clare...please, just please go to the chemo."
"I am going to the hospital, but with my mom, b-because they want to...they want to," she drifted off, leaning her head onto my chest as I raked my fingers through her curly hair, a couple of strands coming out with my hand.
I gulped, as Clare whimpered, "T-They want to look at...it and I don't want you to be there when it happens."
"What are you afraid of, Clare? That your boyfriend, the guy that you wanted to give yourself up to not two days ago was going to see your chest?" I asked, scoffing in between as her tears grew heavier, her chin trembling in my presence, "Y-Yes...I'm ugly Eli, don't you get it? I'm ugly, inside and out and-."
My voice couldn't even hold back as I whispered, picking her chin up with my thumb, "You're beautiful Clare...hey, look at me, look at me." She avoided eye contact at all times as Mr. Simpson appeared before us, anger written on his face as I glanced at him, flashing him a pleading look, then back at Clare and he gave me a reassuring smile.
"Clare," I whispered, as she glanced up at me, tears touching my hands, "I think that you have the most beautiful chest, the most beautiful legs, the most beautiful stomach, the most beautiful everything."
"Easy for you to say, you haven't seen anything yet," she said doubtfully as I smirked, "I don't have to see anything to know how beautiful you are beneath these clothes, Clare."
"Can I please drive to you this doctor's appointment? I don't have to go inside or anything, but I'd really like to go with you and I'd even stand outside the door," I whispered as she smiled, "You'd really do that?"
"Of course," I whispered, kissing her forehead as she glanced up at me, managing to stutter out, "I-I uh, I-I think...I think that you should um, you can if you want...I mean like, Eli, I want you to come inside the room with me."
My eyebrows quirked as she sighed, "The only reason is because whenever I go there, to this doctor, she always talks and talks to get me comfortable but it never works. Then, I end up blocking out everything she says and I don't remember what she tells me. So, I need someone to be in there with me unless I won't remember anything. Like, about advice and prescriptions."
"Sure," I nodded, a bit nervous myself, "I'd love to go inside with you."
I watched as Clare's foot tapped nervously in the waiting room, while she bit her nails. I smirked, interlocking our hands together, and she glanced at me, "Promise me that you won't look."
"And if I do?" I asked sarcastically as she playfully slapped my arm, as I faked hurt, but Clare didn't even pay attention to me as she watched a nurse come out and all ten heads in the room snapped up.
"Clare Edwards," I stood up, and when Clare didn't budge I whispered, "Clare, she said your name...come on, let's go. It's your turn."
"What? Oh yeah, right," she nodded, grabbing her bag and I took it from her hands, not wanting her to carry any extra weight that she couldn't handle. She smiled towards my kind gesture as we walked hand and hand into the room.
"This seems like a place we should visit more often," I said, taking a seat in the bean bag chair on the floor as Clare gasped, "Eli, those are for kids to sit on, don't sit on those!"
"What do you think will happen, Clare? I'll break it," she exploded out in laughter, her smile shining up the dull lighted room as a doctor soon walked in, greeting Clare. The doctor looked up from the file and smiled, "And who is this you have with you?"
"Eli Goldsworthy, my boyfriend, we already put him in the hospital's file so he's legally allowed to be here with me," Clare noted as the woman glanced down at the file, nodding up and down then said, "Alright...looks good to me, now, how have you been feeling?"
"Tired a lot, drowsy sometimes, a little light headed," Clare admitted to the doctor as I stood up from the bean bag chair, standing by her side although she was propped up on the table, "And the pain is sometimes...close to unbearable."
The doctor nodded, as she sighed, "Well, let me take a look at it and then I'll give you some more prescriptions to relieve the pain. A lot of this medication that I must've given you last time only helps for a short amount of time, so just remind me for that prescription."
I took in everything the woman said, ever since she walked into the door because I knew that Clare was already long gone. She nervously lifted her shirt over her head and placed it beside her.
My eyes couldn't help themselves as I glared at her stomach, up to her breasts.
How could I not notice this before?
"Before we do this, can you please do me a favor and step on the scale please?" The doctor asked her as she whispered, "Don't look" to me. I watched anyway, peeking over Clare's shoulder to see how much she weighed and the doctor sighed, "Clare, you have to eat what's on the list that I gave you when you came in for your first visit. It's either you haven't been eating at all, or you've been eating small portions."
"You must be around her often, what has she been eating?" The doctor asked me and my throat tightened, not knowing what to say as I thought back, "Uh, last time was...um, she ate a...um, a burger with me. But, she didn't finish it. That's the last thing I remember..."
I'm such a horrible fucking boyfriend.
I didn't even make sure she was eating, dealing with the Cancer on my mind, I didn't remember about what her body needed. She must've not been eating a lot lately because of the swarms of tests and the stress adding up.
"Alright, back on the table Clare," I smirked as she walked back to the table, sitting on it as the doctor then ordered, "Being one hundred and ten pounds is dangerous Clare; you have to eat, okay?"
I nodded for her and said sternly, "Don't worry; I'll make sure of it."
Clare hesitantly removed her bra at the doctor's order, and I looked away, just like I had promised to. When I looked to the wall, I felt Clare's shaky hand grab onto mine and I glanced down at her, avoiding her chest to stare into her tear filled blue eyes.
"Breathe in for me," Clare obeyed every order that was said by the doctor.
I smiled, rubbing my thumb over her shaky, sweaty palm as the doctor sighed, not saying a word. She soon moved from the table and said, "You can put all your clothes back on, I'll be back in one minute."
"Turn around," Clare whispered, and I averted my eyes to the plain wall once again.
Once I heard her let out a frustrated sigh, I glanced over and watched her struggle and hiss in pain while trying to clasp the back of her bra. I smirked, and whispered, "I can do it."
Clare held her hands over her chest, supporting the bra as she nodded, "Please."
My hands shakily grabbed both ends of the bra strap, connecting them in one swift motion and she nodded, quickly grabbing her shirt to throw it over her head. She hissed, her hand moving to the side of her right breast as I asked, "What hurts, Clare?"
"E-everything," she mumbled as I said, "When the doctor comes back in, tell her what hurts. Don't just tell her about the dizziness and all of that. Tell her what you're really feeling so that she can help."
When the woman came back in, clipboard in hand, she sighed, "Alright Clare, here's what we're going to be dealing with. The breast is getting heavier, which means the lump that I felt is growing. The blemishes are becoming more noticeable, you know the thing that looks like freckles? Now, we've been avoiding this for a while now and I feel that we should really consider...removing it."
Clare froze like a statue, her body motionless.
She didn't say anything, she didn't move anything, and she wasn't even shaking from nervousness anymore. She was still, and if you didn't look twice, you would believe that she isn't even breathing.
Dead.
"Clare," I whispered in her ear, rubbing her back with my left hand as I asked politely, "Can you give us a minute?"
As the doctor left, I bent down in front of Clare and she didn't even move her eyes to look down at me. I smiled, rubbing my hand over her knee, as I whispered, "Tell me what you're thinking Clare, please."
"I don't want to remove it," she whimpered, burying her face in her hands, "I-I just want to be a normal teenage girl...I-I don't want to live without this and I don't want to live with it either."
"Look at me," I ordered, removing her hands from her face, "This is a matter of life or death Clare, and right now, if we do this soon, you have a greater chance of spending forever with me. Do you want that? Do you think it's fair to me that I'll have to suffer without you? If you don't do this, then you're killing the both of us."
She gulped, avoiding eye contact, "I-I'm scared Eli."
I stood up, wrapping my arms around her as she buried her head in my shoulder. Her loud, frantic sobs filled my ears as I felt her tears touch my neck. Her tears, they felt like acid hitting my skin, burning each part to the core.
"Don't be scared," I whispered, stroking my fingers through her hair as gently as I could without taking out any strands of her beautiful, luscious, curly, auburn colored hair.
Her arms wrapped around my waist, gripping me tightly as tears ran down my cheeks, and right then and there, I figured something out. I wasn't able to be strong for her. I was breaking, just like she was breaking.
"D-don't cry, Clare," I whimpered, sniffling in the process as she scoffed in my ear, "I-I'm sorry for putting you through this."
I pulled away from our embrace, keeping my hands on both sides of her face as I cupped her right cheek, pressing my lips to hers. Her lips moved in sync with mine as she whimpered in her throat, probably begging me to pull away, but I wasn't going to let her.
A grin formed on my lips as she thrusted her tongue into my mouth, gliding it on my teeth and a moan escaped my lips. The feeling of her tongue made chills go up and down my spine, making me shudder in pleasure.
She tugged at the back of my hair, signaling me to pull back and this time, I did. I glanced into her eyes, our foreheads touching, our chests heaving from the tears as she whispered, "I'll get the surgery...but, but you have to remember your promise."
"I promise that if you get the surgery, and let me be by your side at every second, I'll make love to you Clare. I'll use every ounce of passion, love, and lust I have in me to use on you. Y-you're my Clare, and you're worth it," I whispered, my heart coming back to its normal beating.
"But you have to do it before the surgery," Clare verified, and I nodded, "I promise."
"Pinky swear?" Clare asked, smiling, and I held out my pinky, interlocking it with hers. As we smiled at each other, the doctor knocked, before she made her way back inside the room and she asked, "So...would you like to come back in a week and get back to me with your decision, Clare?"
"Uh-um, I think I'm pretty sure I'm going to go through with it," Clare said, tightening the grip on my hand as the doctor smiled, "I don't know what you told her, but you just might have saved her life."
Clare sniffled, "Make an appointment as soon as you can for the surgery."
"There's an opening soon and I'll be able to do it then. Um, I have room for next Thursday at six a.m. I know, it's early and I'm going to need your mother here with you or a parent. Also, there won't be anyone allowed to see you during the surgery, just before and a couple of hours after. You'll be tired, you'll definitely need rest but I assure you that you'll be a lot more happier without it," The doctor told Clare as I smiled, knowing that Clare has finally agreed to walk down the pathway that she is supposed to be on.
"Okay," Clare continued, "I'll make sure my mother calls you before next Thursday to confirm the surgery, b-but um, when the breast is gone...w-what will I wear to make it look like-."
I rolled my eyes; of course, Clare would care about what other people will think of her.
"Let's get through the surgery first Clare," the woman whispered, and I smiled, "Thank you so much for all that you're doing."
"Are you still going to love me without one...?" Clare trailed off her sentence, too embarrassed to say the word as our legs were intertwined on her bed, her cheeks blushing brightly.
I kissed her forehead, bringing her closer to me, "Would you love me without a finger? Without a hand? Without a foot? Without an ear?"
"Of course I would Eli, what kind of question is that?" She asked, and I smiled, "You've been asking me the same question and I'll do the same thing every time Clare, I'll shrug my shoulders because it's so meaningless to me. You're still the same Clare Edwards I've been in love with since freshman year; nothing's going to change that. Not even a surgery."
Clare leaned up, placing a chaste kiss on my jaw line, "Why are you so amazing?"
"I could ask you the same question," I whispered, pecking her lips as she asked, "Do you think you'll forget me when I'm gone, Eli?"
I scoffed, "When the world stops turning, and the sun fails to set, when my side of the world is burning, only then, might I forget..." She smiled, shaking her head, "You know, remembering quotes that'll make me blush like a tomato doesn't give you any credit."
"I get to see you smile, that's all that I want," I whispered, as she smirked, placing her hand over my chest, "I may die one day, but it's because of you that I will live forever..."
END OF CHAPTER 6
Next chapter will be...yeah. ;)
REVIEWS? Let me know you guys are still interested unless this will be the end of the line...
Love you guys,
Cliffhanger Girl
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