A/N: As you guys may have noticed, I'm trying to make posting a once-a-week thing, between Tuesday and Thursday. Right now, at the length that the chapters are, it takes about that long to write them, and I plan to keep it that way.
On the other hand, I have one small request. With each chapter, the number of you guys subscribing to the story has grown substantially. And I don't mean to sound picky, but reviews are the juice to push me to update sooner. I try never to for reviews, but I'm loving this story just as much as you guys are, and I really appreciate hearing what you think, what you like/dislike, and so on.
DISCLAIMER: I really need to learn to remember to put these things in here. I don't own TSLOTAT, I don't own the characters, I don't own anything, blah blah blah.
Chapter 3
Where's Your Heart
In This Matter
Adrian stared at the wall, trying just to keep her eyes open at this point. It was packed with family members of many students. Some wanted to know how their children were doing. Most wanted to know if Ricky was still alive. And if he was, they wanted to know if he would continue to stay that way.
Grace walked into the room, or rather, hobbled, limping from the glass that had been stuck in her knee for most of the day. She'd gone on a coffee run with Jack with some of the other students who were still waiting to hear about their friends. Somehow some of the restaurants in town had caught wind of this fact, and were sending food, water, and coffee down to the hospital, free of charge. While the parents of the actual injured students appreciated it, everyone seemed to agree on the fact that they just wanted to be left alone to find out what was going on with their children.
Conversation floated slowly through the room, mostly about who was there for what, and if they'd heard anything. Ricky and Amy were popular subjects due to their gunshot wounds, but Adrian, Ben, Jack, and Grace knew that was only because their exit of the school had been shown on national television.
The dozens of people who made it out after were left unnamed to everyone else but the police. The obsession of people wanting to know Ricky and Amy's names and health status appalled their families and friends, but as the police continued to remind them that at this point, people around the world had made connections to these kids because they saw their faces and their bodies. They saw Amy's emotion. As far as the Juergens' were concerned, their daughter had been robbed by the media of her ability to grieve.
Anne Juergens walked into the waiting room, and most of the students and parents stood. She sighed heavily, shaking her head. "We don't know much. They're both still in surgery."
She paused for a moment, looking over at Grace and Adrian. They both stood and walked over to her, quickly followed by Ben as she walked towards the elevators. She stepped into one of them, and the three kids followed. Once the doors were shut, Anne slumped against the side of the elevator. Grace handed her one of the cups of coffee, and then sipped her own.
Anne took a drink of the coffee before thanking her and standing up straighter. "This conversation doesn't leave this elevator. The police are already concerned about the media turning this into something its not."
Adrian, Grace, and Ben all nodded synonymously. Anne sipped the coffee she was given again and then spoke.
"Amy is coming out of surgery now. The doctors actually dared to say she was lucky because no major arteries were hit. She'll be in recovery for an hour or two. Listen you guys should really go home and get some rest. Its only 2:30...Its going to be a long day and night."
"No," Ben defied before the girls could. "Ricky, Amy…they're our friends."
"What about Ricky," Adrian interjected.
Anne shrugged. "They won't tell us much. His parents are still trying to get down here, but the media circus-"
Grace looked up at that moment and chose to speak. "My step dad is a doctor. He can find out."
Anne shook her head. "No. Its not right for us to find out before his parents know."
Adrian fought back, standing up straight. "We're just as much Ricky and Amy's family as anyone actually related to them is. We have the right to know!"
Grace grabbed Adrian's arm, shaking her head. "Calm down, Adrian. We're all upset."
"This isn't fair!!! We're their family too," she growled.
The elevator doors opened at the moment, and Anne stepped away from the wall. "I'm sorry. I have to take care of my family. As soon as we know something, I'll make sure you know."
She stepped out of the elevator and walked away, surprised that they didn't follow her. People looked up at her as she walked past, well aware of who she was, as the cameras had followed Amy to the ambulance and saw her family bombard her.
Anne walked into the cafeteria and stopped short of the doorway, searching for her other daughter. The original plan had been to send Ashley home to take care of Robbie, but every time she had headed for the doors, it was like the media automatically knew, and they started turning on their cameras and microphones again.
Ashley looked up at her from across the room and turned her iPod off, waving her mother over. Anne walked over to her and sat down, handing her coffee over. "Did you call someone to take care of your brother?"
Ashley shrugged, sitting back in her seat. "Ben called his dad right after we got here. They went and picked up John from the day care and then grabbed Robbie too."
Anne nodded. Too much was going on today for them to be worried about the boys, but they were anyway. "Okay. At some point, can you run home and get some clothes for everyone? We're going to be here at least over night."
Ashley nodded, moving her hand to her hair. She pulled it away when she felt the gauze on her wrist. "I keep…forgetting that it was a school shooting. That its more than just Amy and Ricky who got hurt."
Anne nodded again, reaching across the table. She grabbed Ashley's hand and squeezed it lightly. "Do you want to go home? Where's Griffin?"
Ashley shook her head right away. "No, I want to stay here. I'll call him when I have to go home, but…." She trailed off, pulling her hand away from her mothers as she wiped tears from her eyes. "It's scary, mom. Griffin pulled me into the elevator when someone came up the stairs. I knew they had guns. They were bragging."
"I think you and Amy should get into counseling after today. I think the whole school should be in counseling after today."
Ashley and Anne both looked up to see George about five feet away, sipping a cup of water. He walked over and sat down next to Ashley, hugging her. "I'm not saying you or your sister are nuts. But I think we all saw the effects of having a gun pointed at you did to her, and its clear you're not okay either."
Ashley hugged her father back. "I'm exhausted. I just want to fall asleep."
Anne squeezed her hand again. "We're not allowed back in Amy's room until she's in it. Why don't you go home and change? We'll call you if something changes."
Ashley shook her head again. "I don't want to go alone. And what about Ricky?"
Anne and George both dropped their gaze, but Ashley pressed it. "Come on. We're his family too. We love him."
George nodded, looking up at her. "You're right. We are his family too, and we do love him. But the doctors aren't giving us much."
"I'm not going to tell anyone. I just…I need a rest on my conscience. Right know you're only telling me as much as you're telling the media. Nothing."
Anne looked up then. "We only know that he's stable. And honestly, I'd rather not share much more information in the cafeteria, where we're surrounded by cops and reporters," she whispered. "When Amy's awake, we should know something more. In the meantime, do you know how to get a hold of Ricky's parents?"
Ashley shrugged. "The number is in Amy's phone. Do you have it?"
Anne reached under the table, and then brought her hand back up a moment later with Amy's phone. "Call them. Find them. The back roads behind the hospital are where they're letting victims leave. Tell them to come in through the back doors. They'll have to show ID. Call Jack too, and ask if he can come and get you."
Ashley concurred, taking Amy's phone. "Alright. Write me a list of things you guys and Amy need. I'll meet you upstairs to get them." She stood, already scrolling through Amy's contacts. "Ten minutes?"
Anne and George both nodded and stood as well. They walked out of the room in the opposite direction that Ashley was…
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I lost my way home
Looking at myself
Searching for nothing
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Ashley ran into the house, shaking from the rain on her clothes. Jack followed slowly behind her, standing in the kitchen while she rustled through drawers.
"I'll be ten minutes. I have to change and then grab clothes. Are you going back to the hospital?"
Jack shrugged. "I don't know yet. I feel like I'd just be taking up more space. There's already so many people there."
Ashley nodded, looking up at him as she headed for the stairs. "Yeah, but you're Ricky's friend too."
Jack shrugged, following her as they continued their conversation. When they reached the top of the stairs, he sat down on the top step, while Ashley ran into her room and shut the door, leaving it only slightly ajar as she changed into fresh clothes. About a minute later, she ran out of the room in a pair of blue jeans and an unzipped hoodie with a t-shirt promoting some band on it.
She ran into her parents room and grabbed two duffel bags before she ran back to her room and stuffed clothes into the bag. Jack watched, her surprised at the how quickly she moved. She ran out of her room and into Amy's room, stuffing fresh clothes in the bag for her as well, and then back into her parents room. When she exited the room, she ran into the bathroom and stuffed toothpaste and capped toothbrushes into a zip-lock bag, and then threw them into the bag as well. She zipped it tightly and tossed the bag at Jack.
"Everything's in here? You're absolutely positive?"
Ashley nodded. "I made sure I grabbed it all. Wait here while I pack a bag for John and Robbie."
Jack forced a laugh, shaking his head at her. "I'm not sure I understand your energy after a day like today."
Ashley popped her head out of the nursery. "Its not energy. I've got so much anxiety running through me right now, if I don't do something, I'll cry. I don't feel like shedding tears."
Jack nodded, sitting back down on the stairs. "Do you have an umbrella?"
Ashley walked back out of the room and set the smaller duffel bag on the floor before she walked back into her bedroom. She walked out a minute later with a black umbrella. "Here. I think I've got everything, so lets go."
Jack stood, carrying the bigger bag down the stairs, and Ashley followed slowly behind him. When they were outside, Ashley stopped him. "Remember, I have to get food from the dairy shack for my family," she spoke as she popped her umbrella up.
Jack nodded again, and followed her back down to his car…
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Courage is,
When you make a change
But you find the strength
Anyway
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Tick. Tock. Click. Clack.
The clock made her want to throw a shoe to knock it off the wall. It was the most annoying sound, but her sister had her iPod, so she was screwed to listening to nothing but silence. Beyond that, she didn't know where her parents were, or what was going on with anyone. Every time she got up, the heart monitor went off, and the nurses wouldn't let her go anywhere.
The door opened and Amy groaned, kicking her blankets off. She ripped the stickies off her chest from the heart monitor and stood, hopping off the opposite side of the bed that the nurse was on. "I'm getting out of here. I'm tired of just stting here and not knowing where my family is," she insisted.
The nurse shook her head. "Your family just stepped out for a few minutes. They'll be back soon."
Amy shook her head. "I don't care anymore! I'm done sitting here with no one to talk to-"
The door opened again and Ashley stepped in, quickly followed by her parents. "Amy, calm down."
Amy shook her head continuously. "No. No, I want to see him. I want to see him now!!!"
Anne walked over to Amy stabling her on her feet. "Amy, he's not even awake yet. And you just woke up. You nee-"
"I need to see him! I was the last person with him before we came out of school. I need to be with him, to know he's okay! He asked me to marry him!" Amy insisted.
Everyone fell silent as her words hung in the air, like they were burning something.
Amy shook her head, feeling tears in her eyes. "He was almost dead. He asked me to marry him, and all I did was push him to the floor," she whimpered.
"Amy, that doesn't make you a bad person," her mother droned.
Amy shook her head. "I want to go. Now."
Anne sighed heavily, looking to the nurse.
"I need to take her vitals and make sure she's okay. And you said she'd like to change. I can find out if he's back in his room," she tried to compromise.
Amy sat down on the bed, shaking her head. "This isn't fair."
Anne walked over and hugged her. "I know. And I know this whole day hasn't been fair to either of you. But you need to calm down. You'll rip your stitches."
Amy shook her head, biting her bottom lip. Tears ran down her cheeks faster than she could breathe well enough to calm down. "He could've died, and it would've been my fault," she whimpered.
Ashley walked over and hugged her sister. "It would have been Bob, and Joe, and everyone else in that school who had a gun. It would have been their faults! This was NOT your fault."
Amy shook her head. "But I should have taken him out when you guys went out. We shouldn't have waited almost another hour."
George kicked off the wall, walking over to his eldest daughter. "You can't blame yourself for how long you were inside that school. No one can be. Its clear that it wasn't safe."
Anne stood, walking over to the closet near the door. She opened it and dug through one of the duffel bags before pulling out a pair of pyjama pants and a t-shirt for Amy. "Why don't you get changed, and then we'll see about Ricky."
Amy wiped her tears, nodding. She turned to Ashley as she stood up. "Will you help me?"
Ashley nodded. "Sure."
Anne headed for the door, pulling George out behind her. "We'll be back in a few minutes," she spoke softly as she exited the room with her ex-husband. She checked her watch and shook her head. "I have to go pick up John and Robbie from the 'Sausage Prince's' house. Talk to the doctors about how Ricky's doing."
George grabbed Anne's arm as she turned around, turning her back to face him. "You can't blame yourself for this. Neither of us could have known that this would happen today."
Anne shook her head at him. "No, but the last thing we should have been doing this morning is yelling at the two of them. The last thing we should have done to Ricky after all he's been through lately is yell at him for willing to take John to daycare and Amy to school."
George nodded, loosening his grip. "Don't beat yourself up. What's done is done."
"Yeah. What's done is done and Ricky could die because of it." She pulled her arm completely free of his grip and walked away.
George sighed, turning around. Amy's nurse was headed for the door, but he stepped in front of her. "I'd wait. My other daughter is helping her change."
The nurse nodded, flipping the chart she was holding, open. "I checked in with Mr. Underwood's guardians, and they seem to be okay with your daughter sitting with him. They asked that you stay as well though, because they have to make a run home."
George nodded again, and the nurse stepped around him, walking into the room as Ashley opened the door. She stepped aside, sitting down in a chair against the wall as the nurse checked Amy's vitals. Still, Amy was restless to sit there while the nurse examined her. "Are you almost done," she whined.
The nurse stepped back, raising an eyebrow at Amy. "Okay, I understand the stress you're under, however; listen. You were lucky to not have had a lot more damage done to your body. Just because you had a small wound, doesn't change the gravity of what that bullet did. That bullet hit your elbow and shattered most of your ulna, radius, and humerus. In human terms…we had a lot of reconstructing to do."
Amy rolled her eyes. "I get that I was hurt. I honestly don't care, though. The person I love most in this world could have died today, and that would have been my fault! And beyond that, my son was in just as much danger by being there with us."
The nurse nodded. "Okay." There wasn't really anything anyone could stay to understand or relate to how Amy was feeling. Today wasn't exactly normal.
Amy hopped off the bed, holding her left arm close to her body as she walked over to the door. Ashley followed slowly behind, holding onto the IV pole that Amy didn't seem to care much about.
The nurse caught up to them, and led them to the elevators. Amy huffed at the groups of people, waiting to use them, that were staring at her. She turned the other way, facing her family, but she was just as dissatisfied when the nurse began to speak.
"You need to be in the wheelchair," she insisted.
Amy groaned and plopped into it dramatically, crossing on leg over the other. While they were waiting, she moved the IV pole from it's stand, to the wheelchair, and clamped it onto the wheelchair.
The elevator finally chimed, and the nurse pushed Amy inside. George and Ashley followed in behind them, and before anyone else could try to step in, George pushed the door-closing button.
The trip up three floors was silent. Ashley picked at her nail polish while George and the nurse darted their gazes around the small space. Amy swung her foot lightly back and forth, sighing heavily as the doors slid open.
The nurse pushed her wheelchair down the hall, past the nurses station, and into the CCU (Critical Care Unit). She led the Juergens down another hall, before she stopped in front of a door and knocked lightly. Amy looked up, reading the number on the wall; 642. She would remember that.
A moment later, the nurse opened the door, and pushed Amy inside. Before she got past the doorway however, her beeper went off. She reached down and grabbed it off her scrubs, reading the message on it. She stepped back, and walked back over to the door. "I have to take this. If you need something, call the nurses station and ask for Billie."
With that, she left the room. Ashley pushed Amy's wheelchair over the bed, though Amy was quick to move out of it, and into the chair next to the bed instead.
Margaret walked into the room a moment later, smiling as she saw Amy. "Amy. How're you feeling?"
Amy simply shrugged. "Nothing important. How's Ricky?"
Margaret nodded, smiling. "I figured that'd be your first question." She walked over to the table by Ricky's bed, picking up her jacket. "He's stable. The doctors said they wanted to wait for his blood volume to be safe before they did any major surgeries."
Amy gulped, letting go of her arm to reach up and hold Ricky's hand. The warmth of his hand surprised her; it was a far cry from the iciness that she'd felt just a few hours earlier. "M-major surgery?"
Margaret smiled once again. "Its nothing we need to worry about tonight. The doctors said he's been doing well, and there's been some residual bleeding, but that's to be expected, considering. He may not wake up until tomorrow. Now I have to run home and get him some things, and Shakur was planning on coming back up. Is there anything we can get any of you?"
Amy's focus dropped back to Ricky as soon as she changed the subject, not really caring about anything else.
George shook his head. "We've got everything we need here, and Anne went to pick up John and Robbie from the Boykewich's."
Margaret nodded, pulling her jacket on. "Ashley? Amy?"
Ashley shook her head, but Amy simply stared at Ricky. Ashley rolled her eyes, looking up at Margaret. "That's her way of saying no."
With that, Margaret walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Amy stared at Ricky silently, running her fingers against the back of his left hand. His other arm laid across his ribs, bound by two straps; one wrapped around his upper arm just above his bicep, and the second wrapped around his forearm, about an inch above the final bullet wound he'd received. It bound him in a way that the wound to his shoulder and wrist would heal faster.
His leg, however, rested on top of the blankets. Due to the fact that the bullet wound was to his knee, the doctors had simply placed a knee splint on his leg until the could properly do surgery. The cut on his forehead had been stitched and bandaged upon his arrival to the hospital, before the doctors had begun their multitude of tests, x-rays, and bullet removals.
After about half an hour, Anne arrived with John and Robbie, but not much conversation followed, still. Amy sat with John in her lap, and they both watched Ricky, as if something might change at any moment. Amy knew better than that, but she couldn't help praying that he'd wake up anyway.
Margaret and Shakur eventually showed up as well, though Amy wasn't sure when. Not long after her mother arrived with the boys, Billie had come in to give her another dose of pain medication, and she'd sinced grown more weary and weak by the minute.
When she finally dozed off, George lifted her from the chair she'd been sitting in and carried her back to her room, with Anne following close behind him with the wheelchair…
Once Amy was settled into her bed, Anne left the room, and George followed her as she walked back to the elevators, down to the main floor, and then out of the hospital.
The rain had stopped at some point, but the sun was only beginning to fall. It was probably only around 6 PM but somehow the day felt so much longer than that. She was exhausted.
"Things will be fine," George tried to calm her.
Anne shook her head. "Our daughter could have died today. Her boyfriend almost did. And Ashley-"
George shook his head. "Don't go there, Anne. Don't think about what might have been. Everyone is still alive. That's what matters."
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I am human
And I need to be loved
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Amy jumped at the sound of an alarm going off down the hall. Her vision was clouded and blurry, which terrified her. She rubbed her eyes , blinking a few times, and her vision cleared. Once again, she was alone.
She looked around, realizing she was back in her room. She had only been in the hospital a few hours, but she was already growing annoyed. The PA system was constantly going off for one person or another, alarms went off like one, after another, after another.
Amy looked up at the clock and groaned. It was almost 11 PM. She didn't understand why her family wasn't in the room with her, but a part of her didn't care.
She pushed herself off the bed and grabbed the IV pole, dragging it with her as she walked to the door and peered out. Doctors were walking up and down the halls, but her family and nurse were nowhere in sight. She smiled and stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Amy wasted no time making her way to the elevators. Unlike several hours ago when people had been crowded around the elevator doors, now there was nobody there.
The doors opened swiftly and she stepped inside, pushing the button for the sixth floor. She leaned against the wall as it rose three floors. Her arm throbbed, but she was too restless to be alone, and she wasn't going to act like a sitting duck.
The elevator chimed and Amy stood up straight again, grabbing her IV pole. She walked out of the elevator and ducked by the corner, looking around it once again, to make sure her parents weren't in sight. She then walked down the hall, and did the same thing, before she made the final turn to the hall Ricky's room was in.
The door was slightly ajar, and there was music coming from inside the room. She pushed the door open slightly, and smiled as she saw that no one else was in the room. Well, not technically. John lay in his pack 'n' play on the floor, and Robbie was laying on the other side of it. Both were asleep.
She walked into the room and around Ricky's bed, to the side where the chair was. She pondered sitting in it for a moment, but instead settled on the bed, and rested her head against Ricky's shoulder. She pulled his arm up and held his hand, resting comfortably for the first time that night…
