A/N: Miss me? Miss Ice? Me too! I finally got a spark of inspiration after watching the last few episodes of TSLOTAT, and have written (so far) three new chapters which you'll see in the coming weeks :). That said, I can't apologize enough for holding out so long on you guys. I hope you enjoy this!

Chapter 9

Put Your Hand Into The Fire

Amy stared down at the water, watching the water as it slammed into the shore. Ricky was lying down next to her, playing with some sort of stacking toy with John. There two funerals tomorrow; both were girls that Amy had met since being a teen mother, but she was putting off calling anyone. Hell, she was putting off calling Lauren's parents. The mere idea of attending the funeral of one of her best friends was tearing her apart.

Ricky reached up and brushed his hand across her back. "Hey."

She looked back at him, brushing her face across the back of her hand to wipe away the tears that had been falling. "Hey." She looked down at John and smiled sadly.

Ricky frowned. "You okay?" He reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "I know all of this is getting to you. That's why I thought coming to the beach might help."

Amy shrugged. She leaned back somewhat, holding her arm tightly against her body. "I'm just… All I can think about is how people came into our school with guns and tried to kill us. A-and how your dad-"

Ricky's face turned grim.

"Sorry. I mean Bob. I just… I don't understand how all of this happened. I don't understand how a middle-aged man got into the school with a gun. I don't understand how it was on the same day that five guys decided to bring guns to school and shoot at us and our friends. I don't understand."

Ricky shook his head at her. "You're trying to make sense out of something that no one can understand. We've already said, people are going to try and put what's happened into a box, but you can't. Not really."

Amy chewed on her bottom lip, and brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "I don't understand how you're so…okay."

Ricky shrugged. "Because what happened didn't surprise me, I guess. We both knew Bob was out there, and trying to get at me. I wish it hadn't happened, but what can you do?"

Amy nodded, letting her gaze drift back to the sand. "I hate him. I wish someone would kill him. I'll never-…I…" She shook her head, and more tears began to roll down her cheeks.

Ricky sat up and wrapped his arm around her. John crawled into his lap, trying to get the attention of both his parents. "You what?"

She shook her head at him. "I'm never going to forget seeing Adrian's dad carry you out of school. I can't forget seeing what he did to you in the band room. And I hate all of it!"

She moved to brush her bangs out of her eyes again, but Ricky did it for her.

"I'm sorry you had to see those things," he said honestly. "Have you thought about talking to anyone?"

Amy shook her head. She straightened her legs out and pulled John gently into her lap. He curled up against her chest. "I'm not as bad off as other people."

Ricky furrowed his brow. He kissed her forehead gently. "You were a victim and a witness to major crimes. We were both shot at, and you were forced to see things you never should have! You're as entitled to help as anyone else is, Amy."

She shook her head, frowning slightly. "I just don't know."

Ricky set his jaw at her, moving his arm from around her and brushing his thumb across her cheek. "You're not alone, Amy. I'll go with you, if you'd like."

She looked up into his eyes, searching for any sense that he might not be telling her the truth.

"Are you sure," she murmured quietly.

Ricky nodded again. He kissed her lightly on the lips, and then the three of them laid back down on their blanket. John giggled, crawling on top of the both of them, and then snatching his toys from beside Ricky to resume playing with them.

Amy turned into him and buried her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment. Several more tears ran down her face before she reached up and wiped them away. She pushed herself up onto her knees and then stood. Ricky sat up.

"Ready to go home," he asked.

Amy nodded, reaching a hand down to him, which he took. He stood shakily on his good leg, and helped Amy as best he could to get John's things packed into the small beach bag she'd brought with him. He hopped every few seconds to steady himself before he picked up John. Amy took John from him and then they began the trek back up the beach. It was far from easy, as Ricky was hopping on one foot, and stopping every few feet to steady himself.

Eventually though, they reached the car. Ricky settled into the passenger seat while Amy buckled John into his seat. Once he was settled, she walked around the car and got into the drivers seat and started the car. She looked over at Ricky for a moment. He was dozing in the passenger seat. She chuckled softly to herself and reached across him, pulling his seatbelt on and pushing it into the clip. Ricky opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Sorry. Did I fall asleep?"

Amy smiled, and reached up, brushing her hand across his cheek She kissed his cheek lightly and then settled back in her seat and started the car. The engine revved a little before she backed the car up and headed towards the main roads. Ricky reached up and turned some of the dials on the radio, trying to find a channel to settle on.

Amy drove rather slowly, taking her time in heading towards Ricky's apartment. On the way, they passed the park, where some kids were still gathered, talking in different circles. Some were holding hands praying. Others were talking about random subjects that didn't really matter. A few groups were actually settled on some of the dozens of benches that had since been placed in the park, working on homework. And then of course, there were the few stragglers here and there that were sitting somewhere alone, reading a book or listening to their iPods.

A few blocks down, she passed by the high school, even more slowly. Each doorway was blocked off by yellow police tape, but she could see lights on in some of the different rooms. She knew that technically, she didn't have to go back to Grant High School if she didn't want to, but she was very undecided. There was a large part of her that didn't know if she could ever go into that band room ever again, whether it was rebuilt or not. She couldn't imagine it at that point.

Ricky reached his hand over and grasped hers. She looked up at him, realizing she'd come to a completely stall in front of the school.

"We don't have to go back there," he told her. "I've only got one year left; you, two. We could transfer to Van Nuys permanently."

Amy looked back up at the school again. "I don't know yet. I don't know anything right now."

She stared a moment longer and then gently pressed down on the gas, and made a few turns, heading towards her house instead, while Ricky dozed once again in the passenger seat.

When they arrived, Amy got out of the car and walked around it to retrieve John from his car seat. She walked up to the house and let herself in, where she met up with his father. He took John from her so that she could go back out and help Ricky out of the car, into the house. Once they were inside, they began the trek up to her room. Ricky struggled out of his t-shirt while Amy exited to the next room to check in on John, where George was settling him in his crib. She walked over to them and kissed John on his forehead before she turned around and walked back into her own bedroom.

Ricky was laying lazily on her bed, stretched out across it, looming on the edge of consciousness. Amy laughed softly to herself and then grabbed a fresh pair of pajamas and changed quickly into them before she walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. Ricky opened his eyes wearily and looked up at her. She smiled down at him and settled herself under the blankets before she laid down. Ricky moved around a bit on the bed so that he could get under the blankets. He turned onto his side, and Amy turned her back to him, spooning against him. Ricky rested his arm gently over her and kissed her temple. He was asleep again a few minutes later.

Amy stared at the wall, watching shadows play on the wall while she listened to the sound of Ricky's breathing. Every now and then, a tear fell down her face. For all the things that had happened in the last two weeks, what was breaking her heart most was that he was so okay, and she felt anything but. She couldn't imagine him not being there with her. She couldn't imagine living a life where her son didn't know his father. She didn't want that life.

As if sensing her thoughts, Ricky's arms tightened around her. Amy turned over in his arms and wrapped her good arm around him. She buried her face in his neck and breathed in his natural scent as they laid there. Even if she couldn't guarantee that he would be with her forever, she wanted to hold onto him as tightly as she could for as long as possible.

-
If gravity happens, then I'll fasten wings to my shoes
-

Adrian knocked lightly on the Bauman's door, looking around. It was almost 9 PM, but she was getting bored of spending every minute alone. Her mother was working, and her father's work had just doubled, so he was almost never home. She would've gone over to Amy's but she'd seen Amy and Ricky going up to her room when they'd gotten to the house, and she didn't want to go in and bug anyone. Instead, she'd packed up the things from Grace's locker and decided to head over to her house instead.

The front door opened quickly, and Kathleen smiled down at Adrian. "Adrian! It's nice to see you."

"Is Grace home," she asked.

Katleen nodded, opening the door more to allow Adrian entrance. "She's up in her room. You can go straight up if you'd like."

Adrian nodded. She stepped around Kathleen and headed up the staircase to Grace's room. She knocked lightly on the open door, and Grace dropped the book she was reading, onto her chest, and looked up Adrian.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," Adrian answered back. She walked in the room with the bag and over to Grace's bed.

"I thought you might want your stuff in your locker back," Adrian continued. She began pulling out some of the books, which Grace stacked on top one another as she checked them over, and then set them aside. Lastly, Adrian handed her the photos she'd taken down, wrapped up in a brown paper bag.

Grace took them from her and placed them each on the bed. She looked down at the photos that Adrian had brought her. Her fingers shook as she brushed her hand over one of the many of she and her father. It was one taken in a professional studio, with the two of them hugging and smiling. It had only been a few years before they had taken Tom in.

Adrian picked up some of the other photos and flipped through them. "How old were you in these?"

Grace looked up at the ones she was looking at. "Seven and ten."

Adrian nodded and set them aside. She leaned over and hugged Grace gently. "Have you talked to anyone?"

Grace nodded slowly, setting the photos down on her bed. One by one, she picked up each of them and created a small, neat stack. Once she'd picked them all up, she placed them in a small paper bag, and placed the bag into her nightstand.

"My mom sent me to a therapist a few days ago. He gave me antidepressants and something to help me sleep," she explained.

"Is it helping," Adrian asked.

Grace gave a small shrug. "I guess. I actually got sleep last night. I just… running from gunfire, Adrian? School is supposed to be safe."

Adrian nodded. She leaned back against the headboard and rested her arms across her stomach. "I know. I can't believe how many people….How many of our friends…"

Grace leaned back as well. "The girls who were on the cheerleading squad are being buried tomorrow. And everyone is going to the teachers funerals on Friday."

Adrian grabbed Grace's arm and leaned down against her shoulder. "I'm just glad we don't have to go to a funeral of anyone who's in our circle."

"Me too," Grace whispered softly. For a fleeting moment, she'd forgotten about Lauren. "But Amy…"

Adrian sat back up slowly, remembering Lauren without any need to mention her name. "I forgot about her friend. I can't believe the luck she and Ricky have had lately. I can't imagine that either."

Grace looked around her room. "I can't… We could've died that day. Some of us almost did. We almost never got to see our parents again. Sleep in our own beds again…"

Adrian looked around as well. Grace was right. "All the things that we almost lost."

Grace looked back at her with tears in her eyes. "I want to live long enough to get married and have kids, Adrian. I want to go to medical school and get my drivers license, and graduate college. I almost lost that. And you. A-and Ricky, and Amy, and Ben, and Jack, and Madison… And Lauren, she did lose that."

Adrian nodded. "I know Grace."

Grace looked around her room again and then jumped up off her bed. She walked over to her desk and grabbed her laptop before she walked back over to the bed and sat down next to Adrian. She opened it up and typed in her password and waited for her computer to load. Once it had, she opened a fresh document and started to type.

"What are you doing," Adrian asked, bewildered.

Grace looked at her for a split second. "I want to make a bucket list, and I want to do everything on it before I ever shop for a casket. I've seen too many people die lately. No more."

Adrian stared at her for a long moment, surprised at her initiative. She hadn't seen Grace this determined in a while, and it actually seemed unlike her in some ways. After all Grace had gone through with the death of her father, and her mother remarrying, and then having people shooting in the school and Ricky and Amy almost dying…there were almost too many things to speak of. Everyone was so shaken lately, and it was surprising to see anyone acting anywhere near normal.

Adrian reached down next to the bed and grabbed the tote bag she'd brought with her. She opened it up and grabbed a pen and a notebook from inside it. While Grace typed vigorously on her laptop, Adrian scribbled little notations into her notebook. Nothing special; just something to pass the time.

After a while, Grace closed her computer though, and set it aside. She moved down the end of the bed and looked over Adrian's shoulder at what she was writing.

"You're writing a letter to Ricky," she asked incredulously.

Adrian shrugged, flipping her notebook shut quickly. "I haven't really talked to him since I saw him that day in the hospital. I'm just wondering how he's doing."

"So why not go see him and Amy? They're pretty much inseparable these days," Grace muttered.

Adrian nodded. "Exactly. Ricky and I were friends before the shooting, and before he and Amy decided that they could try dating each other. I just want to see how he is and talk to him without Amy around for once."

Grace raised an eyebrow at Adrian. "You're not going to try and convince Ricky to leave Amy and be with you now, are you?"

"No!" Adrian said defiantly. "We're justfriends, Grace. I just want to know how he's doing and if he's okay."

"Okay," Grace drawled lowly.

Adrian turned her head to retort, but she was stopped by Kathleen standing in the doorway.

"It's getting late so you shouldn't take too long, but Jack and Ben stopped by. They're down in the kitchen right now."

Adrian and Grace shared a long look before they both got up and walked lazily down the stairs to the kitchen. Ben and Jack were both helping themselves to a tray of cookies that had probably been offered to them by Grace's mom. Grace and Adrian walked over to them and each grabbed a cookie for themselves. They munched quietly for a few minutes before anyone spoke up.

"You guys ready to back to school next week," Ben asked off-handle.

Adrian shrugged. "It's only half days for the next five months. Not that big of a deal."

Ben and Jack nodded. "Are either of you girls thinking about transferring to Van Nuys full time?"

Adrian shook her head. "I'm not. I don't care what happened. Grant is my school."

Ben and Jack both turned their attention to Grace, who was in the process of swallowing a bite from her cookie. She wasn't as quick to answer.

"I don't know yet," she answered honestly. "I don't know if I want to go back to Grant next year. I don't know if I can."

Ben, Jack, and Adrian just nodded. Half the student body was talking about transferring. No one could really be mad if they didn't come back. They were all just trying to heal.

-
Everything that's worth having comes with trails worth withstanding
-

The next few days passed lazily. They often began with dressing in back and white and attending someone's funeral. Not much was said among their group of friends. They ate together at the various luncheons that followed funerals, and talked lightly about going back to school, but the air was tense. No one knew how to find their footing to talk about they'd all been through together. Worst of all, they were all anxiously avoiding the last few days of the week. Friday would bring the funerals of two freshman teachers, and Lauren's funeral was on Saturday. No one was really talking about either events, but the elephant in the room was enough to make each and everyone want to scream.

Amy yawned as she settled in the grass next to Ricky. Everyone had agreed to meet at the park for lunch, and each in their own way were trying to pull each other out of the shells they had been living in.

She reached into the basket she'd brought with them and pulled out a bottle of water for herself, and took a drink out of it. Ricky was lying down next to her, in a pair of shorts and a sweater. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was only resting, and not actually sleeping. Adrian and Ben had taken John over to the swing set and were pushing him on it.

Grace walked over to them and sat down, carrying her own basket and a bag. She reached into it and pulled out a bowl full of fruit and opened it up, settling it on the blanket between them. Ricky leaned up on his good arm and exhaled tiredly.

"It's really nice out for the first week of February," he yawned.

Amy nodded, crossing on of her legs over the other. She was wearing Bermuda shorts and a black tank top, and a light grey and white striped cardigan over it. She grabbed a strawberry out of the bowl Grace had placed in front of them.

"John seems really excited to be out of the house and somewhere besides another indoors," Amy mentioned.

Ricky looked over at Adrian, who was still pushing John on the swings. He was squealing happily on the swing. He turned his attention back to Amy and Grace and sat up fully. He grabbed an apple out of the basket Amy had brought with them and took a bite out of it.

"So how are you liking being in a wheelchair," Grace asked him.

Ricky only shrugged. "I barely use it. I spend most of my time hopping around from one spot to another."

"He's just saying that because he doesn't like being dependant on other people," Amy teased.

Ricky took another bite out of his apple and shook his head at her. He leaned over and kissed her chastely.

Grace dug through the bag she had brought with her, and pulled out a notebook. She flipped it open to a fresh page and started scribbling things down.

Adrian and Ben walked over to them with John. John crawled over to Ricky and pulled at his hand, trying to get a bite of the apple he was eating. Ricky picked off a small piece and handed it over to John. Amy reached into her basket and pulled out a bowl with fruit already cut up for him, and placed it on the blanket.

"So where's Jack," Adrian asked as she grabbed an apple from Grace's basket.

Grace shrugged. "He's supposed to be coming over here soon. One of his friends had a funeral this morning."

"Whoa, seriously," Adrian asked.

Grace nodded, and then shook her head at everyone's expressions. "He didn't get killed at school."

"Then what," Amy asked.

"He actually got into a car accident on his way home from the hospital. Died on impact."

"Wow," Adrian murmured. Her faze dropped to the ground.

Amy shook her head and covered her face with her hands. Ricky turned his attention to her and shook her shoulder lightly.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

He pulled at her hands, though she tried to wrench away from him. "Hey," he said more firmly. He pulled her hands down to reveal tears running down her face. Ricky shook his head and wiped away the tears on her face. "What's wrong?"

Amy looked down at the grass sniffling. "I don't understand why this is happening to everyone! I don't understand why all these people- these kids! Our friends are dead, and everyone just wants to shrug it off and get over it, like it never happened!"

Ricky shook his head and hugged her. Grace stood and moved around the food and then kneeled beside Amy and hugged her as well.

"Maybe it seems like everyone else does, but we don't. We're all in this together," she said.

Ricky nodded, rubbing his hand up and down Amy's back as she pulled away from him. We were there with you, and we get it."

John crawled across Ricky's lap and into Amy's whimpering like that of a child who didn't want to see their parent upset. Amy hugged him tightly, shaking her head.

"I hate that someone almost killed any of us. I hate that I almost missed out on every first my son will have. I hate that you almost never got the chance to see him grow up. It's not right," she cried.

"You're right," Adrian admitted. "It's not right that any of us almost died, or that either of you could've missed your son's life. But we're all still here."

"And I think we should do something about that," Grace interjected. She moved back over by her things and picked up the notebook she had been scribbling in. "I have an idea."

The other three of them looked up at her. "What?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped at the sight of Jack walking up behind Amy and Ricky. She waved him over. He nodded at her and walked around Amy and Ricky, and sat down near Grace.

"Sorry," he murmured. "I stopped home to change into something more comfortable."

Grace nodded and reached into her basket. She pulled out a sandwich in a baggie and motioned to the bowl of fruit.

"So what's this big great idea you have for all of us to be together," Adrian asked.

"What about if we did a memorial," she offered. "I mean I know that they're already talking about doing one but… I mean should we really let the teachers decide what to do about it? These are our friends."

"Two teachers died too though," Ben mentioned.

Grace nodded. "So we give them a place in it as well. But there's this spot in the quad that I know they're talking about building something after they do whatever they're going to do with the school."

"So what do you want us to do," Ricky asked.

Grace shrugged. "I think we should all do something on our own and then somehow bring it all together. Or we could all come up with something together."

"You don't really know, do you," Adrian chuckled.

Grace blushed. "No, not really. But it's an option!"

Amy nodded. "I like that. I think it'd be good. For all of us."

Grace smiled cheerfully. "Me too."