Chapter 13

Dangers Form Without You There

Ricky settled his chair at the table where Amy had settled his tray of food. Grace, Adrian, Jack, and Ben were all also seated at it. Amy had gone back to get her own food. Grace and Adrian seemed to be having some silent argument, though they hadn't let anyone else in on what exactly it was that was causing it. Ben and Jack were talking about the baseball game that had gone on the night before, and other students were filing in and out of the school around them. They technically didn't start for another fourty minutes or so, but lunch was the one time that the entire student body shared the school. The faculty pretty much packed into the commons for supervision, and a number of them also stood near the benches outside.

Amy pushed her tray along the counter as she piled a salad together. It wasn't easy maneuvering in between other students, especially since most were not amicable to her injury. The bar that ran under her brace to keep her arm straight was thick and not comfortable to bump into. Several people had already given her frustrated looks when they had bumped into her.

She picked up her tray and moved around the side of the salad bar. She moved to settle the tray back down on the ledge, and misjudged where to place it. It began to topple, but a girl caught the edge of it and placed it back on the counter. She was a brunette with shoulder-length hair. She was dressed in a gray top and black skinny jeans.

"Thanks," Amy murmured.

The girl nodded with a smile towards Amy. "I'm sure it's not easy carrying stuff with only one arm to use."

Amy chuckled softly. "That's an understatement, and it doesn't help when people aren't willing to work with you."

The girl nodded again. "I broke my leg last year. People used to glare at me because of my crutches." She extended her hand, and then switched arms with a blush as she realized she was offering to Amy's broken arm.

"I'm Ryenne."

Amy smiled even more. "I'm Amy. Amy Juergens. I think we-"

"Share a locker, yeah," Ryenne replied cheerfully. "Your little brother is super cute."

Amy's smile faltered slightly. She looked down at the floor and bit her bottom lip for a moment, and then looked back up at Ryenne.

"Thanks. But he's not my brother. He's my son," she spoke rushed, nervous.

Ryenne shrugged, continuing to smile. "Hey, no worries. You got a cute kid. Are you eating here?"

Amy nodded. "With my boyfriend and some friends. Do you want to join us?"

Ryenne nodded. "Do you mind if some of my friends join us?"

Amy shook her head. "We're sitting outside, just by the doors."

"Cool," Ryenne replied. "I'll be there in a minute or two."

She picked up Amy's tray and handed it to her, and made sure it was steady in Amy's grip before they both set off in their separate directions. She walked towards the double glass doors that led outside and managed to get lucky when a guy held open the door for some other girls, and waited a moment longer for her to pass through as well. She muttered a thank you with a smile, and passed by him before he could ask the question she had seen forming on his lips a few moments before. No, she wasn't single. No, she didn't want to go on a date, or get to know him.

She settled on the bench next to Ricky, who was left sitting with only Ben.

"Where did Adrian, Grace, and Jack go," She asked as she settled her bag on the handle of Ricky's wheelchair.

"Adrian and Grace were arguing, and Jack got in the middle of it somehow. They went elsewhere," Ben explained as he chewed on a carrot stick.

"Oh," Amy murmured. She picked up a piece of lettuce and munched on it. She watched Ricky awkwardly for a few moments before he realized she was staring at him. He huffed.

"I'm fine, alright! I already told you and Dr. Fields this morning: I'm not suicidal. I promise if I was thinking about those kinds of things, I would tell someone, okay?"

Amy stared at him for almost a minute before she nodded in reluctant agreement. She picked up her spork and stabbed it through several pieces of lettuce and began to chew on it.

Several girls walked over to their table, including Ryenne. She slid into the space next to Amy and waved at Ricky and Ben.

"This is my locker mate," Amy said as she waved her good arm towards Ryenne. Ryenne nodded at Ricky and Ben and waved at both of them. Two girls settled on the bench next to her.

"These are my best friends, Annie and Taylor," Ryenne explained, gesturing to a blond girl seated next to her wearing a pale pink dress, and another girl next to her, who was dressed much like Ryenne, though her hair was as black as Alice's.

"Lunch is so crazy around here," Annie commented, looking around at the bustling of people around them. Someone stumbled into the table and knocked Ben forward. His tray bumped his drink but Ricky's hand flew out to stop it before it toppled over.

"You can say that again," Ben murmured. He grabbed his soda from in front of his food tray and took a sip from it before placing it on his tray.

"I hate to say it, but the kids here are pretty bitchy to begin with," Ryenne said with a laugh. She forked a mouthful of some type of casserole into her mouth as they all continued to look around the people shuffling back and forth around them.

"Can't say that it's not the same way at Grant," Amy replied. She picked at a piece of a cheeseburger on her tray, while Ricky grabbed a stick of celery from one of her sides and dipped it into a small cup of dressing, and munched on it. He nodded in agreement with her.

"Some of them aren't very accepting to the fact that we have to share our space," Taylor said. "Half the cheerleaders tried to go to the board and complain about sharing lockers. I don't see what the big deal is, though. It's only for a few months, and it's not like they have to deal with the people they share with anyway. Plus, the faculty already promised that if things weren't kept up on both parts, there would be locker evictions. Seems fair enough to me."

Amy, Ben and Ricky each nodded while they picked at their lunches. It had seemed slightly annoying when the arrangement had been first set - mostly for them because they didn't want the whole world knowing who their son was and what he looked like, because of Ricky's parents. Even so, it was a simple arrangement. The likelihood of meeting your locker mate was slim to none, unless Grant students came early for the lunch hour or the Van Nuys students stuck around for it. Lunch let out ten minutes before class started, and most students finished eating before it was over, so by the time most of the Grant student body showed up, the grounds was pretty much clear. Plus, it wasn't that hard to keep a locker clean when you only used it for four hours a day. Most of the students took their things with them at the end of the day anyway, as they drove cars. The ones who didn't were left to their own devices.

"I think we've been pretty good with our own upkeep so far," Amy chuckled to Ryenne. Ryenne nodded in agreement.

"You'll have to let me know if it gets a little unruly towards the end of the year. I can get a little messy around finals. These girls are usually picking on me by then to stay after a little while to clean up a little bit," said Ryenne.

Amy laughed as she glanced up at Ben. "You should see how bad Ben's can get."

"I swear a tumbleweed was going to come flying out of his locker at the end of last year," Ricky laughed. "It was like a black hole in there."

Amy nodded at him and they both laughed. Ben laughed as well, though he blushed slightly.

"So what grades are you guys in," Taylor asked them.

"Amy and I are in our sophomore year," Ben answered. "And Ricky is a junior."

Ryenne nodded, looking back and forth between Amy and Ricky. "So then you must've gotten pregnant-"

"The summer before my freshman year," Amy replied. She took a generous bite from her cheeseburger, as if she could avoid the conversation that seemed to be starting up.

"How old is your boy," Ryenne asked

"He'll be one in a little over a month," Ricky answered quietly.

"Cool," Ryenne said with a smile.

-
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name
-

Amy kicked her legs up onto the coffee table in front of her as Ricky settled next to her. He reached forward and grabbed one of the open containers of Chinese food and passed one back to her before he picked up one for himself and settled it in his lap.

"I'm already bored with school, and we've only been back two days," Amy said.

Ricky laughed, but he nodded. "It doeskinda suck without orchestra. Having two study halls when your teachers aren't giving you homework is kind of boring."

"Exactly," Amy agreed. "I mean if I have to have two study halls, then why can't I have them on the same day, take that time and put it towards a work credit, and go help out at the nursery?"

"Because you're supposed to be taking time off," Ricky offered.

Amy threw her head back on the couch and looked over at him. "I've been working for a year. I'm not used to having all this extra time. I don't know how to be injured, or how to not be able to take care of John full time."

Ricky nodded, shoving his fork through a piece of sesame chicken. "I feel the same way. I'll be happy at least when I can get out of this cast and walk some. It's frustrating being so useless."

Amy picked up a piece of orange chicken out of her carton and nodded. She chewed on it and then settled the carton aside. "So can I ask you something?"

Ricky nodded, though he continued to eat his own food. "What?"

"Were you planning a proposal, or did you just ask me that day in the school because you didn't want to die without having said it," she asked.

Ricky swallowed the mouthful of rice and sesame chicken in his mouth before he looked up at her and spoke.

"I had an idea of what I wanted to do to ask, but when we were stuck there that day, I was sure that there was no chance I was going to get out of there alive, and I wanted to be able to have asked you. After we fell in the hall though, before I woke up, I couldn't remember if I'd asked you or if I had just imagined it. I didn't want to say it in front of all of our friends because that's never how I wanted to do it. I mean I wanted to be able to do it in front of people, but not like that."

Amy nodded, picking up a piece of the sesame chicken with her fingers. She chewed on it while she spoke, with a slight smile on her face and a blush in her cheeks.

"So do you have a ring?"

Ricky smiled back at her and shook his head. "I'm not telling you that. We'll see about doing something about that afterI'm walking again. I do want to marry you, Amy. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, and I want you and John and I to be together, but I want to do it right. I want to ask your father for his blessing, and really propose to you, with a ring in front of all of our friends and your family and my parents. I want to plan a wedding with you and decide who to invite and argue over what kind of food to have, but I want to do it the right way. I don't want to do it because I did it right, not because I was scared. I want it to feel like a real proposal for you, so that when John and our other kids ask you one day about how it happened, you can tell them a good story about how we had a nice dinner or a party or something like that. I don't want it to be a story about how I asked you because I wasn't sure I'd survive. Okay?"

Amy nodded, though she was frowning slightly. She really wanted a ring.

Ricky smirked and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a chain with a basic band hanging on it. "I want you to have this until I dopropose. I know it's nothing special, but it means something to me."

He unclasped the chain and took the ring off, and then reached for her hand and slipped it on her ring finger. It was a little big, so she slipped it off, and then placed it onto her middle finger, where it fit slightly better.

"Did someone give it to you," Amy asked.

Ricky shrugged. "It's the only thing my mother ever gave me. It was her mothers before her. My parents never married, but she sent it to me before I started high school; said she wanted me to have it. I thought she'd killed herself until she showed up to the hospital. I really don't have any affinity to it or anything, it's just…"

"Your mothers," Amy finished. She smiled and cupped his cheek, and kissed him lightly. "I get it."

"Now can I ask you something," he asked her.

Amy nodded, running her fingers through her bangs as she often did. She rested her elbow against the couch and her palm against her forehead, staring at him from the spot next to his. "What?"

"Would you be willing to bring John and move in with me after I'm out of my cast," he asked. "I would want to talk to your parents about it, but…would you?"

Amy chewed on her lip for a moment, and then nodded. "I would really like that. It would seem logical, I think."

Ricky nodded as well, and leaned over to kiss her. "I know it's going to sound stupid, but it would be a trial run. We should be able to live together with our son if we're going to get married, and we already spend most of our time together as it is."

And it was true. Ever since John's birth, they had each spent most of their time at one another's homes. It was only when Bob had been released from jail and had started coming after Ricky that Amy's parents wouldn't allow her to go over to his place, as they had feared for her and John's safety. She knew in her heart that they worried for Ricky's as well, but he had been too stubborn to move back home with his parents, and though Anne and George were aware that it was likely that Amy and Ricky were engaging in sexual relations, they weren't comfortable with him staying there and allowing it to happen under their own roof.

"Its weird," Amy commented. "I can't believe that John's almost one. I can't believe we've been together almost a year."

"It didn't really hit me until Ryenne asked about his birthday," Ricky said with agreement. "Seems like just yesterday we were fighting in school about giving him up for adoption, and you were telling me that you wanted to marry Ben. I can't believe we ever managed to make it here, from where we started."

Amy chuckled. "Where we started was at band camp with you looking for a good time."

Ricky laughed lightly, but he shook his head. "Maybe, but it was more than that in the end of it, Amy."

She furrowed her brow, taking more food from his carton. For some reason it always tasted better when it was his and not hers. "Really?"

He nodded, taking a piece of sesame chicken from her fingers and eating it. "I really wanted things to work between us, but back then… I don't know. When I got what I wanted those days, then I felt bad because I would build up this big story, and then disappear. I wasn't making choices that were good or even fair. I just wanted things to work out in my favour and get away with it, you know?"

She nodded, taking another piece of chicken from his carton. "But you've changed since then."

"That I have," he agreed. "There's not a day that goes back that I'm not grateful that I have you and John. I hate to think of where I'd be if you hadn't gotten pregnant that night. What we'dbe like."

Amy laughed. "I'd be still trying to make a relationship work with Ben…until he broke up with me to get with Grace. You'd still be having sex with Adrian. I hate to say it, but if you dad hadn't gotten out of jail last year, we might have never figured out how to make this work."

Ricky nodded, handing over the carton of food. Amy smiled and tossed her legs over his lap and took the fork from the carton and began picking through it for the pieces of sesame chicken.

He knew she was right. Even though he hated his father for what he had done to him that night, and he knew that when the shooting went to trial that Bob Underwood would likely never see the light of day outside a prison yard again, he was the reason Ricky could call Amy his girlfriend. Amy had been there at the clinic when he'd come in with Marshal. She'd seen his split lip and the cut below his eye. He'd been so determined to come into the clinic on his own, but his father had kicked him so many times in the ribs and back that he almost fell over at the check-in desk.

She remembered how she had been standing there with her mother, scheduling another appointment for a few weeks later, and how she'd had her back to them, because she hadn't felt right all day, but in the end she was fine. Her mind had been caught up in all the 'is this feeling right' thoughts running through her head, that when Ricky had stepped up near her, and then almost collapsed, it took her a moment to realize who he was. Marshal had taped a piece of gauze over the cut under his eye, but his knuckles were raw and scabbed, and the pain in his face was evident that it hurt to breathe.

She'd been sick to her stomach when the doctor told him he was lucky to only have two broken ribs. Lucky was not a word that seemed to describe the situation her son's father was in. But she'd told him that night about finding out that John was a boy, because she wanted to make him feel better. She wanted to do something to make him feel better, and at the time, that seemed like the right thing.

Somehow after that night, they found a way to become friends. And the closer they got, the more frustrated Ben became. Eventually it drove a deep enough wedge between Ben and Amy, and they split amicably. Sure, Ben still had his jealous fits when he exclaimed that John should've been his son, but Amy knew in her heart that she wouldn't want it any other way, and Ricky felt the same way. John was their son, and the idea of anyone else being his mother or father didn't even feel right to think about.

"Do you really think asking my parents permission to let me move in with you is actually going to work," Amy asked him.

Ricky shrugged. "I really don't know. Then again, when Ben wanted to marry you as a freshman, they said no, but I asked you as an almost-junior, and they haven't raised any flags yet. And remember, your father used to hate me so much that he told me not to have anything to do with you or John."

Amy nodded. "It feels… different, though. I wanted to marry Ben because I wanted him to rescue me. I wanted anyone to rescue me. I guess I didn't want to beme."

"And instead you rescued me," Ricky added with a smile. Amy smiled back at him. She leaned over and kissed him, setting the food container on the table in front of them. Ricky brushed his hand into her hair and cradled her head as he kissed her back, while she fingered the collar of his t-shirt.

They broke away after growing breathless, and rested their heads against each other.

"I'm sorry I haven't been more open lately," Amy murmured. "I guess after everything happened, it didn't feel right to want to kiss you or insinuate more."

Ricky nodded, brushing his fingers through her bangs. "I get it. But you don't have to feel like you have to hold back with me. What Bob did was sick; I'll give you that. Even so, it's not the same, and I know that, because I know you would never hurt me. I love you, Amy."

She smiled at him and kissed him quickly, and then hugged him. "I love you too, Ricky."

-
I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try… I know I'm gonna fall down
-

Adrian huffed as she dropped her books onto the kitchen table. She had made a snack for herself and Ben, though he had yet to show up. They had a geometry class together that she was struggling with, and he had offered to help her out with some of the problems that were due the on Wednesday. Jack had also said he was planning on stopping by, though Adrian wasn't sure if that was because he was having trouble with his school work as well, or if it was because of Grace. She hadn't talked to him yet about what she'd seen Grace doing, and she wasn't sure he knew.

She flipped open her geometry book and pulled her notebook out of her book, flipping to the page where she'd started the homework the night before. She then settled into the chair in front of her books and grabbed one of the half-cut sandwiches she'd made off a plate in the middle of the table and took a bite out of it while she read over one of the problems.

The door opened around the corner, and she stood in time to hear the voices of Ben and her father walking down the short hallway from the back door. She chewed the food in her mouth and dropped the sandwich next to her textbook and smiled at them, greeting her father with a hug.

"Good afternoon, sweetie. Homework," Ruben guessed.

Adrian nodded. "I invited Ben over to help with some geometry stuff I'm not getting. I thought you were up at the school all day today?"

Ruben nodded back at her. "I am, but they're needing help cleaning out of the classrooms, so I thought I'd come home and change into something less formal," he explained, and Adrian understood. He was dressed in a three piece suit. "Shouldn't be too late a night, if you want to order in around eight. I shouldn't be gone much later than that."

Adrian nodded again. "Sounds good. Mom is supposed to be home for the night, but I don't think her flight gets in until really late."

Ruben smiled at the comment and then nodded to Ben in one of those 'don't-mess-with-my-daughter' moments before he took off up the stairs.

Ben settled his book bag on an empty chair and opened it up before pulling his things out. "Have you already got some of the work done," he asked.

Adrian nodded, picking up her sandwich off the table and taking another bite out of it.

"I tried to do the whole assignment, but the further I got, the more confusing it got, and I can't really afford to spend much more time on it. We got assigned a huge physics project today that I have to work with Jack on," she explained.

Ben nodded, opening his own notebook. "Well I already finished, so I'll show you how I figured it out and see if that helps," he offered.

Adrian nodded as well, and sat down in the chair next to his as he pulled his leftover scrap paper from when he'd done the assignment. They worked relentlessly for a little over a half hour, and by the time they were finished, Adrian had better understanding for what she was doing, and had managed to finish the assignment and help Ben with some problems that he had struggled with as well.

Adrian shook off the empty plate that had held sandwiches as Jack knocked at the door. She dropped the plate gently into the basin and shut the faucet off before grabbing a piece of paper toweling to dry her hands, and headed over to the door. She opened it up and stepped aside to allow him entry before walking back to the table with him.

"Have you talked to Grace at all this afternoon," she asked.

Jack nodded. "Something about her isn't right. I mean even more so than since the shooting."

Adrian took a deep breath and crossed her arms, looking out the window. "She's not making the best choices for herself right now, and I know she's not talking to anyone. She went to see a psychologist and psychiatrist once, but as soon as they gave her antidepressants, she stopped. She needs help, Jack."

Jack nodded again. "I know. But I don't know how to help her. I mean, would it even matter to tell her mother?"

"I don't know," Adrian murmured. She didn't necessarily feel right telling Kathleen about Grace's drinking without substantial proof. At the same time, she wanted Grace to tell her mother herself that she was struggling, but she knew Grace wouldn't. They hadn't connected on a normal level ever since her father's death.

"I could ask my dad to talk to her, but I don't know that doing that would help either," Jack offered.

Adrian nodded, and Jack sunk down into a chair at the table.

"She's making comments about ditching school, and she's not going to any of the clubs she used to," Jack said. "I don't know what to do to scare her straight."

"She's drinking," Adrian blurted. She threw her hand up to her mouth and exhaled heavily, immediately mentally kicking herself.

"What? How?" Jack was back up out of the chair he'd been in, though he didn't move towards Adrian.

"I don't know when it started exactly," Adrian replied. "But I was over there last night doing homework, and she was drinking. I tried to talk to her about it, but she just dismissed everything I said and told me to leave. Like I didn't care about her."

Jack heaved a sigh and shook his head. "She's been giving me the same runaround. She seems to think that she's not worth people's time or whatever. I don't even get it. She didn't hurt anyone or cause anything to happen to anyone."

"Sometimes PTSD hits people in unexpected ways," Adrian answered back. "But I don't know how to be there for her when she won't let anyone in, you know?"

Jack nodded. "I do."

Adrian shook her head and ran a hand through it . "The only thing I can think to do is talk to someone, but I don't know who. I don't want to hurt her more than she already is."

Jack shook his head. "This is all too much for teenagers to be handling."

"I agree," Adrian replied. "But who's going to help? Her mom is pretty absent lately. I think she hoped that the shooting would change what it's been like, but it didn't."

Jack shook his head and looked around the room. "I'm going to go back over to Grace's and see if I can't get her to talk to me, or at least not do anything stupid for a while."

Adrian nodded, crossing an arm across her chest and resting the other against it, holding her head with her fingers in her hair. "Alright. I'll see what I can find on the internet to help her, and talk to Ricky or something about Lauren's dad. There's got to be someone who can help."