Note: I was debating whether to post this or not, but it seems I already got to 5000 words so I might as well.


Chapter 16: My Name is Cereus

Pulsing. Beating. I can hear the Earth spinning on its axis, hurtling through silent space at tremendous speeds. I hear the flowers blooming. And no, not just now. Every flower, of every age. All at once. Their petals are a thousand wings beating.

And I do so, dear reader, as I bombard this child in front of me with the force of my will. No. Excuse me. This isn't a child. I can see him in front of me now. As he is now. Mask. The one who set this domino effect into motion. And I also see him as he was back then. A boy, sad and alone.

It has been forever since I felt like this. As if my presence could pervade the whole of eternity. To me, time is the illusion. Merely a veil that can be pierced through. For these eyes see through the walls of time. Dear Reader. I also see you. Sitting. Laying on your bed. Your eyes glued to my words.

Rejoice! For these are holy words! From the thoughts of a god!

Yes. I am a living god. Existing for a thousand years. Born of tragedy. Born of pain.

So I ask again.

Child. Why do you wish for me to kill you? Why do you feel sorrow?

For though I may be a god, I cannot pierce the veil of the human heart.

Why do you cry, Mask?

Mask. Gentian. One and the same. Yet not. One the caterpillar. The other, butterfly.

(Oh, my dear Gentian. Why did you do such a thing? Why did you grow to be so sad?)

All these thoughts running in my mind. Human thoughts. They no longer encompass me. The thing I feared, the reason I have not taken this form in so long. I am something alien. Becoming less and less human. The ties of friendship are unraveling.

(I must control this! Or people will be hurt!)

Again human thoughts intrude. A few more moments, and I will completely dissociate. And I will kill my son, this child in front of me, without a second thought. I see it come to pass. It is inevitable.

Human thoughts wander in. From the beginning to the present. And I know, dear Reader, that you will need the accounting. Let me illuminat on the thousand years that have kept from you.

So, let me take you away from this broken future: where all you will hear is the sound of my power ripping this castle to shreds. And the sound of my name being called by my brother…have I TRULY lied about myself for so long…no. Not my brother. My son. And my vision takes me to Sahar. And to my father. Yes. My son is more like them.


I see Sahar, looking into the sky. And at the same time. I see my father all those years ago. In my godly mind, they still exist. Death has no meaning for me.

I see my father run towards me. His face horrified. I have been infected with an unknown disease. My mortal body was failing. I remember the effort of breathing. I was attending the university back then. Kathy. Ah, Kathy. She was expecting me for our date. I did have such bad luck.

My family worried at my deteriorating condition. Then the news of pandemic. Many people started dying.

Many days went where I passed between consciousness and sleep. Now though, far into the future, I see my father exhausting himself to find a solution. Nothing worked. Not until he used his own blood. The blood of a preordained being. One loved by time itself. The cure worked, and we all thought that was that.

So when my hair began to glow one day, and the pressure on my chest would not abate, I knew that was it. It's all so clear. It was November, 06:07:36 pm. We were all seated at the table having dinner. Laughing, feeling happiness that the deadly pandemic was no more. Then it happened. Their, once again, worried faces looked at me. That was the last time I ever saw them.

Everyone disappeared into a flash of bright light. To my eyes, all so slowly. Vaporization and dissociation of the elemental particles can be interesting, if seen objectively.

(Oh God! I killed our entire family. Oh God! I don't want to remember this! Please stop this!)

How many years of war followed? Many. I walked a devastated Earth and grew cynical of mankind. A few power users surfaced at first, and we were all used. Nation fought against nation with devastating effects that mankind had never seen before. I had hoped we few would just die out. But no. Our numbers kept growing. And every day, I wished for death. A death that never came. First, one hundred years. Then another one hundred. Then the first power-users died of old age. I remained. The methuselah of the homo sapien.


Living as I have, I find only a few constants: hopelessness, war, and pain. And human cruelty.

So when the time came, when my powers had grown significant, when noone could defeat me, I lead the rebellion against humanity. Even their atomics could not harm me.


And my mind wanders back to the present. Where this willful child has broken off my hold. And with only one arm left, leaps again to attack me.

Then, for a split second, I see the future. Where the Scar is all.

(No!)

I won't think of that. The wars…yes. Back to that.


I defeated mankind. I can still hear my compatriots chanting. "Kill the humans! Kill all of them!"

How absolutely dreadful. I did no such thing. So what else was new? The power-users then tried to kill me. Out of fear. Maybe out of a sense of betrayal. That was not my intent.

I still remember the young men and women who flung themselves at me. Like Gentian here. No, not Gentian. Mask. I must keep that straight. All of them gone too in a flash of light. The power of my thoughts vaporizing them like I did to my own family.

Then years went by. Many. So many that the wars became history. The world descended into a dark age. The Wars and the Fall, they called it. And I wandered the Earth, distrustful of both men and power-users.

Did I talk about Frederick yet? Ah no. Just another man, of no importance in the grand scheme. But he was important to me. He was the first one. Kneeling to the floor until his forehead touched the ground. A mere human begging for me to save him and all his weak ilk.

And what was I but bored out of my mind from years of nothingness. So I agreed. They gathered. First humans. Then over the years, power users. I sat down on the ground and a city was built around me. They gave me a chair. It seemed ornate. Made of gold. Studded with jewels. I moved to sit on that. They built a palace over me. Frederick left…died is the more correct term. His sons and grandsons replaced him. I could never remember their names.

In the present, my eyes wander to the figure of my father, sitting over my younger self. Cornelius looks back at me. My heart floods with guilt…no. Nothing more than neurotransmitters and electric impulses.


Where was I? The past or the even more hopeless future?

Ah yes. They called me the Noble One. I forgot when they started calling me that. But I looked at them, and they looked back at me, always with fear. Of course, some were incredulous of my power and disagreed with my rule. I don't understand why because I did not rule. I sat on a chair and did not speak for decades. But I killed them. All in self- defense. But they died, all the same.

It was then I saw him. A little boy. It was on one of those stupid processions they had of me. I was carried on a dais and paraded over the city. He fell into the street, right in front of me. Was almost trampled. Makes my orbicularis oculi twitch just thinking of it. That boy, a man now, told me later on, that he had done so to get a better look at me.

The boy. I looked at him and saw the path of the future. It was so strong. This boy was preordained just like my father. How sad.

I came down from my seat, extended my hand, and through the silence that had fallen, said, "Come with me."

That boy's smiling face. Throughout the centuries. Gone now because of what I did. What I had done to save myself and everything in this world. Such a small price.

(Soren! Oh Soren! I'm so sorry! What have I done?)

No more of that shall we.

I raised Soren. First just keeping him close by which led to rumors of pederasty on my part. Again laughable. I did not move or speak. Usually for hours at a time. Speaking took far longer. But Soren was incessant. Always speaking. Something on his mind or something which caught his attention, then a barrage of words would fly out his tiny mouth.

I was intrigued. Then I began to talk back.

Then I began to love him. I made him my son, my heir.

A memory. He was a boy no longer. Still a child, but no longer that starry eyed boy. Humans grow old so quickly.

"Noble One. I'm joining the military," he said softly, afraid of my reaction.

Why?

"I wish to see the worlds. Do some good. All while serving you, Noble One."

I forbid you from doing this.

If there is one thing I learned, teenagers do not like to be told what to do. It escalated. Him screaming. I, sitting passively without words.

"I hate you!" And he ran off.

My time vision wanders back to when I said those same words myself. And then to the face my father made when he heard me say it to him. I think I was making that same face then.

My throne mysteriously disintegrated under me. Stained glass windows mysteriously blew apart. For some time, everyone was fearful. I don't know why anymore.


Time runs slowly for me. For humans such as yourself, reader, it is a mighty river, quickly taking you to your death. For me, it has become a still pool. And the question is: will I ever die? The thought of both death and immortality fills me with…fear, I think.

A short time later, I saw that boy again. His face had changed. It must have been more time than I felt. More masculine. More rugged. More scarred. His eyes no longer shone. He was wearing his uniform, which fit well onto his bigger frame.

Have you seen the world as I have? Have you had enough of it as I've had?

I felt vindictive. A human failing falling through the cracks.

He did not speak. Looked sadder with his jaw set. I relented.

Have you seen enough of the cruelties of men? Have you learned of your own?

Soren nodded, came forward and embraced me. He had grown taller than me.


And then my vision travels to the Soren of the present laying on the ground, bleeding. Dead. The crown still on his head. That crown.

I knew I was starting to grow less human over the years. No longer did love or hate touch me. So I made a mistake. It was during the Great Civil War. Many worlds rebelled against my "rule". They knew I would not lift a hand to do a thing about it. This time, they were wrong.

I remember the starships in the sky, bombarding the tower's defenses. And with the movement of one hand, I unleashed my power. A line of pure light crossed the heavens. Silence, and then an inconceivable roar as all the starships fell from the sky as a fireball.

Just as the starship Eos had. Ah, sorry. My memories are somewhat scrambled. That will come later.

My decision was not without consequence. The Scar was born. And everyday, I am reminded of my fingers cutting through space and time. And that I am the cause of the end…and also of this tragedy's beginning.

After some thought, I knew what I had to do.

Soren. He knelt to the ground. My son was no longer a child by the time I stopped deliberating. I give you my crown.

Everyone whispered in the hall. He is not a power user they said. All too loudly. Soren looked up with the same confused look of my courtiers, governors, and officials. The whole bureaucratic hierarchy seemed to be there that day.

"My Lord. Not to question your actions disrespectfully, but why are you doing this?"

For a man that is to rule, he must feel. Something. Anything. Especially love. To love one's subjects. Even his son. Something of which I am no longer able to do. But he also must have power. Something of which I will no longer have after this.

The light again. Shining. I wanted to be disintegrated in that light, but my recklessness caused The Scar and had sealed my fate. And Soren's too. With some of my powers I kept the Scar from growing any further. I transferred the rest to my heir, who from that day on, ceased to age. Yet, he still looked older than me by twenty years or so.

And I felt for the first time in a long time. First love. Then relief that I no longer saw the paths of time. Then hate. Then guilt. I walked away from all that. Just stood up and left. Something I had not done since Frederick. They all bowed to me as they made way. Did they know I was powerless? They had no more reason to adore me. To fear me.

In any case, what an ungodly thing to do, isn't that right, dear reader? But I was no longer that. It must have seemed comical back then. I fled from everything. Traveled for hundreds of years, but what I wanted most was still far from my grasp. I was still not aging. Not dying. The Scar had a hold on me. Many years I looked back on that time and debated whether my leaving had been a mistake. It doesn't matter now. Such a problem is trivial in the over-reaching arch of time.

Humans must have it so lucky. Such a small finite point of existence. Like the mayfly that only lives for a day. How must they see the world? A being that only experiences the sunset once, but how beautiful that sunset must be in their eyes. Each face, each name, whether friend or foe, is held closely to their hearts. While I, on the other hand, what did I have to show? Names and faces that blur together into nothing. Forgotten. How many sunsets have I seen? Eternity had eroded what beauty I saw in the universe.


So how did I end up at her house? I must have grown hungry. I hadn't felt hunger in years. Did not know what it meant for some time.

She reminded me of Kathy with those green eyes. So many centuries and it's always the first love you will always remember. What did happen to Kathy? My vision time shows me she was afflicted with the same sickness as me. She wasn't as lucky. Or maybe she was the fortunate one.

I fell in love. After so many years. I was basically acting like a little boy. So inept. Maybe my awkwardness is what attracted her to me. My God, was it still even in fashion to buy flowers for a date? The answer, regrettably, was no. She only looked confused.

I took a job in a nearby city. My first job in almost a thousand years. Again I was inept. I have a way of doing the wrong things at the wrong time.

But though I tried to find a normal life, that glaring fact was always present. She aged and I did not. I was forthcoming about being a power user (thankfully, this world was tolerant of that) but not about my identity. By then, memory of the Golden Emperor had disappeared. Stuff of legends. No need to reclaim that history of mistakes.

A son was born. Andrew Cornelius. Again, I wish to say, ineptly conceived. He even had the golden spike of hair. He aged too and I did not. I truly would not know if he would turn into a power user like me. Something to do with puberty and adulthood. Maybe hormonal changes and stress. I don't know.

I felt nothing like a father because of that one fact. So in my moment of weakness, I left. It was too painful, watching their mortal lives. I was full of jealousy and sadness of their fate.

When war broke again between the worlds, I could do nothing this time. What little power I had was surprisingly growing back, albeit slowly. I stayed hidden on one of the more peaceful worlds away from the Empire. And that is how I met the beautiful Cassandra.

"I've been looking for you. For many years now," she said as she approached me.

I was sitting alone by a lake then. Had it truly been that long ago?

What do you want?

"I was sent here by the command of the Serene Emperor."

No thanks. I told him I was done with that life.

"I am here to gather certain power users."

What for?

"To form a team. To keep the peace throughout the empire."

Why me?

"I have seen the future. It has already been preordained that you will join us."

Not interested. I laughed as I walked away.

"You will be... And you should definitely go back."

Back? To the tower?

"No. To your wife and son. Before it's too late."

So I returned to the ruins of a planet, destroyed by war. I learned later on, I had missed the attack by an hour. Another mistake to add to my list.

Our house was a burnt shell and inside was a little boy. Hair the color of silver.

Andrew?

He looked at me, frightened. His eyes flashed gold, and I was thrown back. I guess my reflexes had... softened, to say the least.

Andrew. It's me. I'm your…

"Brother? Is that you?" I had never heard his voice before. He was too young when I left.

Brother? Is that what Sahar had told him?

Yes, I'm here to take you away from this place.

"No, I don't want to leave."

I said as I sat down beside him. I couldn't really force him. When did your powers surface?

"When mom died."

I'm sorry. For everything.

"Where were you? We needed you."


My vision blurs. My heart aches. Mask gets through my defense once again and draws a line of blood across my face. Human weakness is such a bother. Dear Reader, you can see this everyday, within yourself and within others. How many times has jealousy or anger clouded your judgment? And how has profound sadness skewed the world around you?

I trained him for a while in the things I did know about using the power. His was definitely similar to mine, and I marveled at how young he had transformed.

"I told them to stop," he revealed to me one day. "But they didn't, and they killed her. In front o' me."

"I blew them into little pieces. I'm a bad person."

No, you are not. You were only defending yourself.

"But I liked it. I wanted to kill them."

He still looked like a small boy but should have been at least fifteen or sixteen by then. The things I have seen throughout my life, yet this was the thing to surprise me the most.

"I don't want to be here anymore," he said. "Too many memories."

Let's go. Off-world.

"Any place in particular?"

The Earth Imperium. I was invited to attend court years ago. But if you don't want, I'm sure we can find another place.

"No that's fine. Anywhere else but here."

I knew deep down, that the memories he had of this once beautiful place were not the reasons for the change in scenery. I knew he held a deep anger for his father. Me. For having been absent all that time. It's probably why Sahar hadn't told him. Only mentioned that I was the brother "father" had taken. I knew he didn't want his father to be able to find him.

Again, human weakness finds its way into the heart.

When I arrived, I looked up at Soren, sitting on the throne. The palace had been renovated a few more times over the centuries. The look on his face almost made me laugh. It was caught by the courtiers around him. I pushed on Andrew's head, signaling him to kneel. I did so, as well. It had been of my own will that I had relinquished the throne.

Your Imperial Highness. I come before you as asked and pray that you forgive my tardiness.

"It is good to see you well once again, Nob-"

I have learned that you wanted me to be part of a team, Your Majesty. The courtiers around us began to murmur. I knew I had done a great offense by having interrupted him. These weren't the same power hungry courtiers from ages past. Though they were power-users, they were not immortal as I was. They had all died off centuries ago and so I was happy for my anonymity. Only Soren hadn't aged.

Your messenger, Cassandra, was well to inform me.

"Yes." Soren was finally able to play along once he regained his composure. "A peace keeping force of the strongest power users."

I am not as strong as I was, Your Highness.

I could sense Andrew looking at me, confused.

But if I…and my brother… could be of service, we will gratefully take our place as needed.

Movement from behind Soren caught my attention. A group of young looking men and women stood around the Emperor, one of which was Cassandra.

"I am glad you came," she said.

"Are these the ones Cassandra? The other looks very young?"

"Yes, Valerian. They are our most treasured guests." But of course, dear reader, having not known about the ensuing disaster, you may imagine this to be the caustic Valerian you have known all this time. But no, this was his predecessor. I got along well with him. I miss him sometimes.

"And what are their names, Cassandra."

"My name is-" Andrew began to say.

Cassandra put up her hands to stop him. "Once you become one of us, your names will be forgotten. Replaced. Your old life will become just a memory. In this way, we have protected those closest to us."

"I have noone else but my brother."

"Still," Cassandra continued. "It shall be as preordained. Do you still want to continue?"

Andrew looked at me and nodded.

You already know the answer.

"Well, it would have been rude not to ask," she said. "Cereus, the desert flower."

She came over and kissed me on the cheek, then proceeded to lay her hands on Andrew's shoulders.

"Gentian, the wild. We welcome you both to the Night Blooming Flowers."

So our time with the Bloomers, as we were so maliciously called, began. As I was not as powerful as the others, I was partnered with Valerian. The first one. Gentian took his place with Cassandra, learning strategy and logistics from her.

Those were the good days, I would think. Beginnings usually are. Endings not so much. Valerian and I were assigned to take charge of an obnoxiously large starship. I can still see her now, a deep crimson and gold hull, with six wings rotating around a central axis. It was the peak in engineering and art. She was called the Eosphoros. Dawn bringer. Eos for short. It took hundreds of men and women to run her.

With the Eos, Valerian and I brought peace to the warring planets of the alpha Prime system. I guess our victories made us too arrogant. It was hubris, which must have brought our downfall.


My vision travels back to the present. The palace has already been reduced to dust. The throne is the only thing remaining.

The young lady over there, huddled under the shields of the Night Blooming Flowers. Snake wasn't it? The beautiful planet of Alyah-Nelaihah. I can see her frolicking in the forests of her home world almost two decades ago. She was still a child then.

Peace was fragile between the power users and the humans. Our job was to prevent the conflict from escalating, to negotiate treaties. Something we had done multiple times had become second nature. Cassandra and Gentian saw nothing overtly special about this planet: whether by temporal or physical means.

The Eos appeared in the upper atmosphere of this world, jumping out of hyperspace, and began its slow descent onto the surface.

"Are you sure you can handle this by yourself?"

Yes. Stop worrying. My powers have grown sufficiently. I won't be in any danger.

"Remember to keep violence to a minumum. I know you tend to use more force than necessary."

Roger that. I'll try to keep the children from throwing a tantrum.

"Well, at least stop being so condescending…to everyone. Just a suggestion."

Haha. Well, once you get to be my age you'll be the same way.

"How old are you anyway?"

Kids these days. So rude. I'll tell you once I get back. Just open the air lock so I can dive out.

Again, just protocol. Nothing special. I jumped out of the Eos, fell through the clouds, and enjoyed the view of the planet rushing towards me. I felt no fear. Fear had escaped me that day a thousand years ago when I became a power-user.

The ear piece rang after some time, Valerian's voice called through the bit of machinery.

"Ten seconds until you have to start deceleration."

I felt the familiar glow of light surround me. And then something different. Like a spark had flown from me. Actually, it felt like it had been taken from me.

The light came, not from me but from the middle of the city I was to make my landing.

Valerian there's something wrong.

"Cereus! I'm reading a massive energy spike! Get out of there!"

I was enveloped in white, and it was followed by pain, as if every particle of my being was being ripped apart. Survival instinct must have kicked in then. Some power from the explosion allowed me to time travel a little bit into future.

Alyah-Nelaihah lay in ruins, and I saw the Eos fall from the sky. I cried tears, the first time in centuries. Like a fireball, it crashed to the ground and the ensuing shockwave threw me off my feet. All my men. All my friends. They were gone.

For a while, I blamed myself. Maybe it had something to do with my growing powers. Maybe they had started to go out of control again. But the answer was no, which left me with a feeling worse than the destruction of the Eos.

It had been a trap. A concerted attack on the Night Blooming Flowers. We were basically annihilated in that one day. The only ones left afterwards were Cassandra, Gentian, the logistics team stationed in the tower, and me. Scratch that. Cassandra may as well have died that day too. She couldn't be consoled and left the team, wandering the world as I had.

And the one responsible for this attack was the person in front of me. Mask. A person from the distant future. The sad and lonely future I had created with my own hands.

To reiterate dear reader, though I can see the paths of time, the future sometimes, and the past, I cannot delve into the hearts of men. Women even less.


So now, in the present. Mask is underneath me, defeated in a puddle of his blood. He can barely keep the shield holding his body together. The pain from his missing arm registers on his face. His face has changed though some pedomorphic traits still remain. The person before me is an evolutionary success.

"Gentian." The words are hard to say. Was I speaking in the past, the present or the future? I don't even know anymore. "Why did you do such a thing?"

I saw his eyes. Ancient eyes. Unafraid. How far into the future had he come from?

"Brother. Father. I wanted to end it all."

"You killed our friends." My voice is monotonous. I felt nothing now. No emotion. There is just pure curiousity at the reason for all this.

"Father. I have seen this world. So far into the future, where the Scar is all."

"Yes, the Scar is all."

"Hopeless. Everything is hopeless because of that Scar."

"Yes. The death of Time itself," I said. "The negation of all existence."

"Everything was hopeless. Until the two of them came." Gentian smiled.

I looked over at Cornelius and my younger self. So weak and mortal.

"I find them lacking," I said. Then I took my arm over my head, the energy gathering at my finger tips into a blade. "And for you. Farewell, Gentian."

The downward swing of my arm ripped through the air.

(No! Don't kill him!)

"No!" Someone came between us and my arm is repelled to the side. The young one was now in front of me.

"Andrew. Gentian."

"Brother! Father! Whoever you are! Stop this now!"

"No."

"You've destroyed everything we love! I don't know what you've become!"

"Love? I love nothing. I let go of all attachments. They are superfluous."

"I can't let you do this any longer!"

I looked down at him. "If that's what you want."

(...)

Nothing. No more protestations. The Wilbur Robinson inside my head was truly gone.

There is only some resistance as my hand enters his tiny chest. Blood splatters onto my face. Gentian's eyes are wide open. I know that look. Disbelief. Betrayal. The pain hasn't set in yet.

"Cereus...why?"

"You're in my way."

I pull my hand out, and he falls. Without a second glance, I raise my arm again to strike the future Gentian. Mask only smiles.

"Yes. Free me!" he says.

But my hand doesn't move. Poised, but impotent. There is wetness on my face.

"Strange. Why am I crying?"

(Gentian...)

Then I feel pain as searing heat collides with my back. I turn. Cornelius, my father, holds the weapon in his hand. I felt my powers escaping my body.

"I'm free," I whisper, and for the first time, I felt the hand of death upon me. My limbs become weak. I no longer had the endless energy of a god.

But I didn't feel relief as I thought I would. No. Only hopelessness.

The Scar is now all.


Author's endnote: So yeah. That was a long, grueling chapter to get through. Hopefully it's not too confusing. I was basically inspired to write this chapter after I saw The Watchmen on tv. Dr. Manhattan has to be my favorite character. I actually didn't want this chapter to make too much sense. He is a god of course. His thoughts can't be too human.

And Happy New Year!