Not much to say about this one, just that I hope you enjoy it!
After three days of non stop pestering, Sirius had drawn up a proposal, delivered directly onto Remus's face at 7 'o' clock in the morning.
Messr Padfoot, here being of sound mind, pure heart and generous cock size, offers to help Messr Moony procure one (1) girlfriend of his choosing. Messr Padfoot plans to teach Messr Moony the ways of woman and, to the best of his ability, transform the subject from a 'prudish book-shagger' into a gentleman between the scale of 'moderately loin stirring' to 'Sirius Black', results varying. In return for his generosity, Messr Padfoot only asks that Messr Moony remembers this favor should it need to be repaid and also agrees to a full upheaval of all bitchy, whining, belly aching and generally pussy boying.
Signed,
Messr Padfoot
(With approval from Messrs Prongs and Wormtail)
"Just humor him," James advised, "He's helping."
Remus raised an eyebrow and James scowled.
"Oh come on, you know the definition of terms differs when in reference to Sirius."
Remus allowed that.
"But I won't get a moment of peace!" he protested, "And you know he'll use it as an opportunity to remind us of just how suave he is whenever possible."
James sighed, "I'm willing to put up with that if it'll get him off my case."
"Your case?"
"I'm actually supposed to be convincing you right now, his orders." James rolled his eyes, "Come on Moony, be reasonable. Who knows, maybe it'll work after all?"
Remus shot him a glare.
"Not that you aren't capable, yourself!" James finished, raising his hands in innocence, "He's the one who suggested it, not me! But seriously, think about it. He really does want to help."
Remus was half in deep thought and half in disbelief that he was even thinking about it when they joined their friends in the common room. Dinner had just finished so the room was packed but senior benefits dictated that the Marauders' chairs by the fire were reserved. Sirius and Peter were already there when they arrived.
Remus tried to avoid Sirius's penetrating stare but managed to get caught in it anyway. Sirius's face was a mixture of hopefulness and self righteousness and all Remus could manage was a roll of his eyes before sitting in the chair furthest away from his problem. He tuned the glare out as he pulled out a textbook and began to read, listening vaguely to the conversation around him.
"Anyone started their Transfigurations essay?" Peter asked conversationally.
James and Sirius let out twin groans, the latter seemingly forgetting his plight for now.
"That's due tomorrow, isn't it?" Sirius confirmed.
Peter nodded, "Yep. But I've already got my excuse."
"What is it and how much do you want for it?" James asked desperately. There was no doubt that James was exceptionally gifted, especially when it came to Transfiguration, but with an increased Quidditch training schedule in preparation for the upcoming match and a week of detention for a prank he hadn't even organized, he feared he had begun to fall drastically behind.
"Probably won't work for you," Peter laughed and grinned apologetically, "Unless you can forge the note to say you were in the Hospital Wing all week."
"How are you feeling, by the way?" Sirius asked.
Peter had been out of action for the past three days thanks to a nasty incident in Potions that left him covered with bright orange fur and a terrible throat infection.
"I'm getting there," Peter rubbed his throat gingerly, "Pomfrey only let me out because she'd 'had enough of cleaning up all you Gryffindor boys' messes'."
"I'm just glad you're back, Astronomy was dead boring without you," Sirius commented, "Mind you, it's dead boring even with you there, but at least I had someone to sleep on."
James rolled his eyes before turning to Peter, "But that excuse won't work, you were there when we got the homework."
"We had that substitute woman, with some luck McGonagall will never know I was there."
"They take attendance, Pete," Sirius scoffed, "She'll know."
Peter frowned, "No they don't. I've never heard a teacher once call a roll!"
"Maybe because we're not seven! Jesus, Pete, they can't just not record attendance!" Sirius was laughing openly now.
"But what about practical lessons, or lectures? The teachers don't sit down for a second, they have no time to mark a roll!" Peter protested.
Sirius was curled up in his chair, clutching his stomach. James gripped Peter by the shoulders and stooped to look him in the eyes.
"Peter, we're wizards. In a magic school." he explained slowly, "I'm pretty sure they have spells for that. Y'know, spells, those handy little things that make it so we don't have to do things the Muggle way!"
Peter shook himself out of James's grasp and huffed, "Whatever. We'll see tomorrow."
Minutes later, James departed to serve his first detention and Peter climbed the stairs to take a shower. Remus's whole body clenched in preparation as he heard Sirius shift from his chair to the one next to him. There was a pregnant pause.
"Hey Remus."
Remus snapped his book shut, body jerking upright and he huffed loudly, "What?"
Sirius smirked at the reaction, "Calm down, buddy."
Remus scowled, "The answer's no so don't bother."
Now Sirius groaned, "Come on, Moony! I don't see what the problem is, you get full benefits!"
"The problem is you and your over inflated head! You've practically handed me a bike pump."
"A what?"
"Nevermind. Point is, no."
Sirius pouted. Actually pouted. Remus did a double take.
"I don't see what the problem is, Rem, I'm trying to help here."
Remus sighed, "I know you are. Look, it's not that I don't appreciate it, it's just... Just don't take this the wrong way but I don't want to do it the way you do."
Sirius frowned, face already prepared to be insulted once he figured out the insult, "Do what? Sex?"
Remus groaned at his crudeness, "No, Sirius. Dating. Your way is so... well, for lack of a better word, violent. I see it all the time. You spot a girl you like, declare her yours and practically bully her into going out with you. And if she won't, she's the biggest bitch in the world."
Sirius blinked, "What's your point?"
Remus sighed, "It's fine for you, I guess, you're okay with that. But I liked being with Christine for the companionship, not just a quick screw. And you build a real relationship in time, not your way."
"Oh god," Sirius moaned, "It's worse than I'd thought..."
Remus frowned, "Okay, that's the opposite of what I was expecting,"
Sirius sat forward and adopted a mocking tone, "Remus, don't take this the wrong way, but..."
His voice became a bark, "Get over yourself!"
It was Remus's turn to blink.
"You're a teenager, for god's sake. This is what these years are for. There's plenty of time for 'companionship' and 'romance' when we're older. And I'm not violent, thank you very much. We're doing it the way we should right now, having fun! We're too young for all your crap. We want to live and be free. One day we'll mature and we'll be ready for it all but not now!"
Remus felt like he'd been slapped. Curiously, it felt good. He was thoughtful for a moment. Perhaps his friend was right. After all, he'd tried the relationship thing and it had blown up in his face.
"Wow, Padfoot," Remus murmured, "I always kinda thought you were never going to settle."
Sirius grinned gently, "I can surprise people, you know. Nah, of course I want to settle down. But not yet."
Remus took a deep breath, "Okay, savor this moment because I can guarantee it'll never happen again; you might be right."
Sirius beamed, "About time! So you'll do it?"
"Fine. I'll give it a shot. But if it doesn't work out-"
"We'll stop immediately," Sirius finished, "Don't worry, it's your first time so I'll be gentle."
Remus ignored Sirius's seedy wink and stood up, "I'm going to bed to try and forget I just said that. Good night."
"Get some sleep, first lesson starts bright and early tomorrow morning!"
Remus scowled.
New chapter next Wednesday, as usual! Thank you for the reviews, they fill me with warm fuzzies and incentive to write more! xoxo
