... I'M SO SORRY!
I know I missed and chapter last week and OH GOD I'M SORRY! I wish I could be like 'Here, have an extra chapter to make up for it' but all I have are these half baked excuses! I suppose you can have them anyway...
So in all seriousness, I'm genuinely really sorry but school has been hectic. They're really piling the assignments on and all in the same two weeks. So I'm had absolutely no time to write. That and, embarrassingly enough, I broke my glasses and need to get some new ones. Without them, it's really hard to write for a long time and not get a headache. So there's that. Anyway, I'm super sorry and I'll try not to let it happen again! Love you all, hopefully you don't hate me!
Twilight was beautiful at Hogwarts. The night's first stars were bright and visible in the countryside air, not like in the smog covered suburbia, and they glimmered twice as bright, reflected in the dark, vast lake. A crisp breeze seemed to cleanse the air of it's daylight drama, leaving a sweet, fresh feeling for the day to come. The Hogwarts grounds were quiet.
Except for the laughter, of course.
Great, barking gasps that sounded almost painful and didn't sound like they would stop anytime soon.
"James!" Remus snapped over the noise, "Stop it! Stop laughing and explain!"
"I... Y-you looked... HA!... So...!"
Remus rapped his friend on the back a little harder than he should have.
"Yes, yes, I looked surprised, we've been over this-"
"I... can't believe...!"
"James! Shut up or I'll take up taxidermy!"
The Hogwarts grounds were quiet.
Remus took in a deep breath, "Okay... Now, explain to me- Without laughing!-"
James bit back his giggles.
"-what you just said."
James took a moment to steel himself.
"I told you that Sirius- I can't believe you didn't know!"
He'd lasted longer than Remus had expected, at least.
"James, for the love of Merlin. He never told me!"
"He never told me either!"
"Then how did you know?"
"I have eyes!" James howled.
Remus rolled his.
"Was it obvious?" he asked worriedly.
James nodded wordlessly, clutching his stomach as he laughed.
"But... how?" Remus struggled with his thoughts, trying to remember any clues that might have suggested Sirius being gay.
"He's Padfoot!" James exclaimed, "He doesn't operate like everyone else, you know that. He does what he wants and who he wants!"
Remus was silent and, eventually, James was too, eyeing Remus with speculation.
"You're not against it, are you?" James asked, defense already seeping into his tone, "Because he's still Sirius, no matter what, and he's still our friend-"
Remus cut his off with a shake of his head.
"No, of course not, I don't... mind, it's just..." Remus frowned, "But what about his family! They're the epitome of pureblood, they can't be okay with this."
James shrugged, "They probably don't know. They don't pay him enough attention to guess and he definitely wouldn't tell them."
Still chuckling to himself at Remus's ignorance, James climbed to his feet, slinging his broomstick over his shoulder. He threw some closing jibe at Remus that the werewolf barely heard, dismissing him with an indifferent noise.
Leaning back in his chair, Remus tried to process the new information.
Sirius Black was gay. Or half gay, at least. Remus still saw him with girls and Sirius definitely talked about them enough. So why, Remus wondered, didn't Sirius talk about the guys? If he was as openly bent as James had said, why wasn't he regalling the dormitory with tales of his male conquests, too?
That aside, Remus was surprised to note that he wasn't... surprised. About Sirius being gay, at least. Not anymore. Now that he thought about it, Remus could definitely make his peace with the idea. Sirius was always that guy. From the time he showed them dirty magazine he'd found in first year to when he gave them all their first beer, it was plain that Sirius would never be satisfied with normal.
It wasn't like Remus wasn't accustomed to the idea. He could name a large quantity of his friends who had confessed an attraction to the same sex at least just out of curiosity. And besides, he reasoned, who was he to judge? Snogging a boy was marginally less scandalous than turning into a rabid, murderous monster once a month.
Still, Remus was disturbed.
Why, he couldn't tell, considering his mind was running a constant speel on how okay he was with the whole thing. He supposed that perhaps, as childish and petty as it sounded when he thought it back, he was upset that Sirius hadn't told him. After all, they told each other everything. It was just the way their little group worked. No secrets.
But according to James, it wasn't a secret. Remus just couldn't believe that he was so unobservant.
James returned just as Remus was mulling this over.
"That was quick." Remus commented lightly.
"I'm just that good." James shrugged.
Remus shot him a look.
"Couldn't do many drills on my own."
Remus looked up, "I could give you a hand."
They both scoffed. Yeah, right.
"So," James said, retaking his seat next to Remus, "Have you recovered?"
"Yeah... no... I just... I dunno." Remus huffed at his ridiculous answer and tried again, "I'm still on it."
"What part of it?" James asked as he untied his shoelaces, slipping his trainers off and leaning back to stretch.
"I think just that I didn't know. I'm not oblivious, am I? I'd like to think I pay attention." Remus frowned.
"I thought you did too," James scoffed, "But he's not quiet about it."
"But he does talk about it! Like he does when he's into a girl!"
James frowned now, "He does to me and Pete."
Remus blinked, "What?"
"Yeah, all the time." James thought about it for a moment, "He doesn't do it in the dormitory though. At least not when you're around."
They shared a look as they both caught on.
"But why would he want to keep that from me?" Remus asked, frustrated, "What, did he think I wouldn't understand?"
James bit his lip, looking into the distance and he thought about it.
"I don't know," he murmured worriedly after a moment, and then looked at Remus, "Maybe you should talk to him."
"But maybe I'm not supposed to know. Maybe he was waiting for the right time to tell me." Remus suggested, "I'd rather hear it from him when he's ready, rather than force it out of him."
"He'd been a waiting a long time, then." James shook his head, "That's not it. He didn't tell Peter and I, we found it out ourselves."
They grew silent after that. Remus was stewing inside. Why the hell wouldn't Sirius tell him? After everything they'd been through, why didn't Sirius trust him? Was he not as good a friend as James and Peter?
The sky had darkened by the time James stood up.
"We should get going," he suggested, "Come on."
Remus followed suit, barely aware of his movements as they walked up to the castle. His mind was racing.
James was reciting a story Peter had told him about sneaking out of class as a rat when he was cut off with a gasp.
"-almost got stomped on- What? What's wrong?"
Just as soon as he exclaimed, Remus looked down, as faint blush appearing on his cheeks. James frowned.
"Everything okay?"
Remus nodded slowly.
"Erm... I just... Don't take this the wrong way, I'm just... asking," Remus stammered, looking anywhere but James's face, "Have you and Sirius ever...?"
THWACK!
"OW!"
"That is what you get. You get my broomstick in your face for idiocy."
"I was just asking!"
"I have standards, Remus!"
