I still don´t own CM and I still love reviews

The Gutsy Greenaway

She doesn´t regret leaving. Not for a minute. Not anymore. She missed the team to begin with, and still does from time to time, and she does feel weak because she couldn´t handle being shot, even if she knows that it´s wrong to think like that. Her pride is just too wounded, like her soul. But at the end of the day, it was for her own good. She realizes that now, but it took her a long time to get it. When her anger had calmed down (which took some while) see started regretting ever leaving the BAU, but she couldn´t bring herself to go back there. Her pride wouldn´t let her, and deep down she had to admit that she was scared. Big brave Elle was just too frightened to go back to hunting serial killer. And frankly, she just didn´t want to. Once she had been desperate to get the job. And now she wanted nothing more than to stay a hell away from that god-forsaken building . Yes, leaving the BAU had in the end been the best for her, even if she quit for the wrong reasons. Morgan probably would get a kick out of it if he´d ever hear her say that. Elle Greenaway, admitting that she was wrong-and weak. Of course she´d eat her own arm before telling him. But that´s not the only thing she´d never tell him. Or the rest of the BAU.

She was terrified when she got accused of killing that guy in Jamaica. The thought of being labeled a murderer and sent to prison…

To begin with, she couldn´t help blaming Hotch, Reid and Garcia for her getting shot. If only Hotch hadn´t broken the rules and gotten someone else involved in the case…he should have known better…if Reid hadn´t written all those personal information in his letter to his mother…if Garcia hadn´t been so careless to be playing some lame-ass online computer game…then she would never have been shot.

Sometimes she wants to say goodbye to the team, give them a proper farewell. She really regrets just walking away like that. But now it´s too late and she can´t just knock on their door anymore.

She did get help. But only after she nearly attacked her mother when she caught her of guard. Then she realized she should see someone about the shooting.

She started drinking a lot after the shooting, in order to forget. Then she started drinking to get drunk. Today she is a recovering alcoholic and has been clean for three years.

She misses seeing Morgan teasing Reid. Even more, she misses teasing Reid together with Morgan. But the reason she always liked seeing them making fun of each other (okay, so Reid never made fun of Morgan. It would be priceless to see if he ever did it, though) was not just because it was funny, or because Reid was just too irresistible to mock, but also because she thought it was cute. It was Morgan way (or so she guessed) of showing affection and making Reid feel like a part of the team. Plus Morgan was simply just damn annoying, so it was to be expected from him.

She didn't buy Reid´s lie about not having any connection with a schizophrenic person for a second. But if he didn´t want to tell her, then she wasn´t going to invade his privacy.

She saw Garcia once on the street, but ran off without before she saw her. She didn´t know why, but she just didn´t want to face her.

Seeing them together, Morgan and Reid, always made her miss her older brother.

She still has nightmares about the son of a bitch who shot her. His burned face, the gun pointed at her, his voice…but worst of all, those dead, empty eyes. They were always the last thing she saw before walking up screaming.