The Raging Reid
People have the ability to hurt him. He knows it very well. At some point everyone simply just leaves. It´s disappointing and humiliating when you think someone actually cares about, but then you realize that you were wrong. It isn´t a good feeling either when someone says that you are making far too big deal out of what you are going through. Because if someone thinks so...well then they would be right. Right? So he tries not to complain too much or show any form of self-pity. And how can you know for sure if people can keep a secret? That´s why Reid refuses to share some stuff with others, even the team. He just can´t allow him to trust someone like that. Not even the team.
. It hadn´t been Charles angry face that effected him the worst, or Raphael´s cold expression. No, it had been Tobias Hankle´s eyes turning empty as he died. And Reid himself was the one who killed him.
He hated himself for caring when his father left. For not being able to stop loving someone who didn´t love him back.
His deepest fear is to become like his mother. Schizophrenia is a painful, life-absorbing curse that has been lingering over his head since he can remember, and he does not want end up like that. Then losing an arm or a leg would be better. Just not his mental health.
Crowd was a bad person, but he still hates himself for shooting him. It was easier though than to deal with Tobias´ death. He hadn´t been a bad person after all. Not at all.
For months after Emily´s death he saw her everywhere. Sometimes it seemed so real that for a moment he actually thought it was her. He talked to her too. They´d discuss the cases, the team and how they were doing. He´d also talk about how much he missed her and loved her. It made it a little bit easier.
He really hopes he won´t start doing drugs again. He doesn´t want to go down that road again. Ever.
He couldn´t have been more honored when JJ chose him as a godfather. Hopefully he won´t let her down.
One day he´ll have to deal with letting Nathan go. And when it happens, he is going to hate himself.
He wants to be strong. Ever since his dad left that has been his goal. To be strong. Therefore he won´t quit his job, that´s why he won´t do drugs again and that´s why he will never let anyone sacrifice anything for him.
Sometimes he forgets he is nobody who doesn't matter and then he really feels like he belongs on the team.
