DAY SEVEN
Parishioners filed out of the church after mass. Felipe and Alejandro nodded to Diego, who nodded back. Felipe tugged at his new caballero's outfit. He was still getting used to the tightness of it. They mounted the buggy and left Esperanza outside for Diego to ride home later. Diego lagged behind in order to talk with Padre Benites. The stocky padre looked up at Diego and smiled.
"Diego, my good friend, how are you? You're looking well."
"Well, it has been a very difficult week, in more ways than one, Father."
"As I can well imagine. What can I do for you, my son?"
Diego looked down a moment. "Padre, I need help in facing my fears…and I need to confess a long-held secret, because the burden is too great to carry alone. I have already shared this secret with my father and with someone I love…"
Benites reached out and put his hand on Diego's left shoulder. "…that you wear a mask, or should I say, two masks?"
Diego's eyes opened wide with shock. He looked around to see if there is anyone who might have overheard. "I beg your pardon?"
Benites stifled a chuckle. He knew how important this was. "Come and sit with me in my chambers, Diego. It will be quieter there, and no one will disturb us."
Father Benites and Diego entered the cozy study. The room was sparsely furnished, with a cot, a small writing desk, a stool, and two chairs. On one wall was a bookcase filled with all kinds of books. Diego, still in shock when he realized his secret was known, followed Father Benites almost like a lost puppy dog. He swallowed visibly and fidgeted nervously.
"Now, my son, sit down," he motioned Diego to a chair. 'Let's talk. Would you like some refreshment?"
"No, no thank you. Father Benites, what was that you just said?"
This time Benites couldn't contain a snicker. "I know that the man who sits before me wears two masks, one visible, one invisible, but both real, nonetheless."
Diego hung his head. "Father, I don't know what to say."
Benites patted his left arm. "Diego, my good friend, I know much more than I let on. God has given me the ability to see into peoples' hearts, and God also gives me the wisdom to see them as He sees them. That is the calling of a priest, and you also have a higher calling, like a priest. It just displays itself differently.
With his head low, Diego spoke, then looked up earnestly. "Yes, so Victoria has told me. Father Benites, it has been so difficult. I've had to delay what a man my age should be doing, getting married, starting a family. It's been a terrible burden, but God has given me the strength to carry it all these years…until now. But now, I don't know if I can go on, should it be necessary."
In a comforting, yet firm voice, Benites asked, "You said you needed to face your fears. What fear, son?"
Diego looked away. "My greatest fear was rejection from the woman I love, but she has accepted me – and for that I am eternally grateful. And my father and I have come to a mutual respect and understanding. My other fears have to do with people finding out my true identity…especially those in government. The visible mask has protected me up to now, and those I love. Only one has helped to shoulder the burden all this time…"
With a smile, Benites said, "Felipe."
Diego couldn't contain his shock. "Yes, how did you…?"
"He is the only logical choice. From the way your father treated you, I knew he didn't know. And from the things the people in the pueblo have said about Senorita Escalante, I knew she couldn't have known either. But let's talk about this fear from those in government."
"Padre, I have fought for justice for years, and only a few times have I ever been very close to death. But the last couple of weeks have been so difficult…being shot, gaining and losing a twin brother, facing death twice in one day…being ill with a fever, it's all been very overwhelming." Diego stopped a moment to catch his breath. Padre Benites leaned into him.
"Slow down, Diego. It's all right. Breathe slowly. You're hyperventilating." Diego complied with Benites' calm voice. After a minute, Diego found his voice again, slower this time, but with great passion and agony of soul.
"Even though Father and I are closer than ever, and Victoria and I have an understanding, well…I must admit, I think I am afraid for the future. What will happen now? How will the Alcade govern? I know he's been to see you, and I've had my own conversation with him. Will Zorro have to continue, or can he remain buried under a pile of rocks in Diablo Canyon?"
"What is your real fear, Diego? Surely, not death…"
Diego stuttered. "I think…I think I'm afraid that if I do have to put the mask on again, that I won't be able to do it. I almost feel like the ability to do it is lost. And I find that the 'thrill' of being Zorro is also gone. I wanted to give up once before, several years ago around Christmastime. This might sound crazy, but I believe God sent an angel to help give me strength, the strength to continue."
Now it was Father Benites' turn to be shocked. "You never told me that before."
"I've never told anyone that before."
Benites leaned back in his chair, and paused before continuing. "What makes you think you'll have to put on either mask again?"
"That's all part of it. I've been two men, one passive, one active. I guess I'm afraid I can't integrate my two selves. I feel rather stuck, and I'm not sure who the 'real' man is anymore. I have puzzled over this for years as well."
"But Diego, don't you see you've already taken steps to 'integrate' so to speak, these two facets of who you are?"
"In what way, Padre?"
Benites leaned forward again, facing Diego square on. "By opening up to those closest to you and sharing your secret. I heard that the day you learned of your brother, you fought him as yourself, and not as the masked man. I believe you can be free to be yourself, your whole self, Diego. You can be the man of action and the man of passive pursuits.
"And what I said earlier about a higher calling. There are different times and seasons in a man's life. Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to plant, a time for war, and a time for peace. You've been in a long season of war – fighting for justice. You have sacrificed a great deal, and delayed marriage and family as a result.
"I believe you are about to enter into a new season. I believe I can safely say that it is very possible Zorro's public fight for justice will be changing…that he can 'retire' and take off his visible mask. So he can be a husband, father, and caballero. I believe this is your time for 'peace' and your time to 'plant."
Diego looked up with surprise and hope. "Do you really think so? I don't know how I could go on now. I'm different. I just told the Alcade yesterday that I knew I was changing. He feels he is."
Benites smiled. "I can pretty much guarantee he is changing. He is examining himself in much the same way you are. His issues are different, but the soul search for God is the same."
The angst began to show on Diego's face again. "But how will he govern? This is my fear now. If he continues the way he has been…"
The padre saw the fear resurfacing and took command of it. "Release your fear, Diego. Give it to God. I believe you'll have your answer very soon. And remember – 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind…And – perfect love casts out fear.' God loves you perfectly, and the more perfectly you love Him, the more you learn there is no need to fear. Don't be afraid of the future, Diego. Your future is bright. May I pray with you before you go?"
"Gracias, Padre. Of course you may pray."
They both slip out of their chairs as they kneel on the floor. Diego hunched down further until he sat on the floor, because he was so much taller. Benites reached out and placed his hand on the top of Diego's bowed head and began to pray.
"Father in Heaven, I ask You to bring peace of mind and heart to my dear friend Diego de la Vega. I ask You to bless him and help him to find his way during this time of transition in his life. He has served You well, and he has served You faithfully." He crossed Diego as he prayed the names of the Holy Trinity. "En nomini patri, et filli, et spiritu sanctu. Amen."
Diego also crossed himself. "Amen. Thank you so much Padre. I can feel the fear leaving me, and I feel God's peace coming upon me."
As they rose from their knees, Diego had a look of peace on his face. Somehow, deep inside, he knew everything would be all right. He 'felt' it.
Benites took Diego's hand in his. "Vaya con Dios, Diego."
"Gracias, Padre. Thank you again." Diego left. As he rose to leave, Diego let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. More burdens felt lifted, and peace flooded him. He smiled. A tear came to his eye as he walked away. He could hardly believe it! This could all work out so well!
Z
