SKIN

Chapter 2: Blush

Breakfast today was tense.

My newly made decision to move things along with Ron made me quiver inside, and it felt strange just sitting there, knowing what was going to happen later that day..

It's like I was particularly sensitive to him, noticing every last thing about him; his looks, movements, actions…

I almost felt nervous. My skin tingled uncomfortably.

He acted normal though. I suppose he didn't notice.

I'd never really done anything like this before, so I wasn't sure how to go about it – a new feeling for me! But I'd overheard other girls talking about their dates and boyfriends before, and they always talk about kissing them in broom closets and deserted hallways and suchlike.

So I guessed that's how you're supposed to do it. I can manage that.

I mean, I was sure he'd do right about anything for me. I hoped he would.

So I spent the double DADA class after lunch thinking it through (in between paying attention to Snape of course). The DADA classroom has a conveniently placed broom closet near it, or so I've overheard from Lavender and Parvati.

I planned to dawdle a bit after class, like the others always seem to do. Then I'd get Ron to help me with something, hand me a book or something, and make sure we left the room together and alone. After that, my plans got a little blurry. The idea seemed to be that I should just pull him into a closet and start snogging like crazy. I couldn't quite picture it.

Still, I thought, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do, right?

No, what I want to do. Of course, silly me. I mean, he's interested, so this is the next step, right? This is what girls do?

He's really very funny and sweet. A nice boy, a great guy. Like those Ravenclaws said.

Anyway, finding no better way of executing the plan, I decided to go for the pull-and-snog. After all, I'm an attractive girl, aren't I? At least he thinks so. He sometimes tells me I look nice. People just have the wrong impression of me - I can be just as wild as anyone, I can!

Certainly as wild as Lavender and Parvati, anyway. They're nothing special. And I can be pretty too.

And so I did it. The plan.

Perfectly, actually.

Ron and I walked out of the classroom together, being the two last to leave. I'd already checked out the placement of the broom closet earlier that day, so I knew very well where it was. He was droning on about something nasty Snape had said during class, and didn't seem to notice how elegantly I'd steered him into position with me. I had to smile to myself then.

The rest of it seemed to happen in a flurry, almost like some silly movie.

When we reached the closet, I suddenly stopped. I turned to him, drew a breath, and said his name. Then I just wrenched open the closet door and jumped in pulling him after me. When I closed the door it was pretty dark, but I could still see him clearly. He looked insecure, pale. I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to have to say anything at this point. So I just…..attacked him.

It was nice, I guess.

Different.

I think he was a little shocked at first, but he got over it pretty quickly. Then he started kissing me back, kissing like there was nothing in the world he'd rather do. After all, he is a guy.

His lips were weird against mine. They were…wetter than I'd expected. And harder. I always thought lips would be soft, but they weren't.

I've never kissed anyone before. I tried to remember what I'd overheard from other girls about kissing… Should I close my eyes? Where were my hands supposed to go?

He prodded my lips with his tongue, so I assumed he wanted me to open my mouth – and did so.

His tongue was big, it darted and coiled inside my mouth. I wondered if that's how it would feel to have a snake inside your mouth. Would it twirl like that? His tongue swiped over my teeth, the insides of my cheeks, and my tongue.

I think he really liked it, anyway,

He started making these little moany sounds. That's good, right?

Then he started putting his hands on me. At first they felt cold and stiff, like his skin had hardened to stone. Like an armor, maybe. His fingers dug into my jumper a little, but I was happy – this was supposed to happen when you snogged someone, so I must had been doing it right.

He placed his hands at my waist first, and then started moving them up and down, reaching down to my hips and almost up to my breasts. His hands warmed, I could feel it through my clothes. I felt him, his skin, fingers, nails, everything him, just very…close.

I remembered that I shouldn't just stand there, and so I put my own hands around his neck. It was warm, and when I opened my eyes I could see that his face was red too. He looked intense, but his eyes were closed while he kissed me. His eyelids fluttered a little, I think. They looked moist, sweaty. Can your eyelids sweat? If so, his did.

When we were done, he suddenely looked at me and said I was the best girl in the world.

Just like that he said it – "Hermione, you're the best girl in the world, you're just…the best."

He said that.

To me.

He touched my cheek with his fingertips too, carefully. His skin felt soft now, not at all hard and cold like before. And I looked up at him through my eyelids, like I've seen Lavender do with Seamus, and I smiled at him, in that sweet way I've seen her do.

He smiled back down at me. Like I was the only one who mattered to him – the only one in the world. Silly, when you think about it.

It feels good though. I've done it – I'm not a total prude anymore!

I still have that good feeling my tummy now, lying in bed. It feels like I'm real, I'm alive and kicking. Because tomorrow, someone will be looking particularly for me at breakfast, and maybe kiss me good morning like Seamus does Lavender?

A part of me wants to do something; disappear, hurt myself, cry. Then he'll come comfort me, run to me, worry about me, and everyone will see him do it. He'll talk about me all the time…and everyone will know what's going on with me. They'll die to know what Hermione Granger is up to today.

I feel like the center of a storm!

The world is crazy and noisy around me, and I'm in the middle. Calm as the sea - deep, unknowable and interesting.

I feel of warmth inside. It grows from my very core, seeping out into my arms and legs, filling my entire body with light. I'm sure my skin is glowing, exuding light from every pore.

Parvati and Lavender are asleep, I think.

They can't see me, but I'm glowing like the sun.

And they'll wake up to see me shine!